Hi! Welcome to r/Writers - please remember to follow the rules and treat each other respectfully, especially if
there are disagreements. Please help keep this community safe and friendly by reporting rule violating posts and comments.
If you're interested in a friendly Discord community for writers, please join our Discord server
Needs to be more gripping. It's being told from the perspective of a tree, which reminds me of this story where a person is reincarnated as a demon tree who while immobile, is very powerful and can grant powers to others.
That was a popular story. So a tree protagonist is possible to do.
Starting out, I'd introduce the reader to the tree experience through an event right off the bat. "Life as a tree consists of being a patient specter, an unmoving being which learns to live vicariously through others. Such as the occasional squirrel which maneuvers down one of my many branches, often stuffing an acorn into the base of my trunk for safe keeping. Or the recent mocking bird who had found a neglected bird's nest, then excitedly pushing one egg from it, leaving one of its own in its place."
It's not perfect, but it's an example of something with a bit more substance.
As it is, you can just condense it down to a paragraph that says; "This old woman who grew up beneath the shade of my branches views me as a timeless comfort since she has dementia."
It needs substance. You're overly descriptive, opening books and stuff, this needs to be contained. I don't see readers having enough patience to push through it, there's no reward. You need to reward the reader paragraph-to-paragraph. Like how the mocking bird happily does something depraved, but natural. It'll give the reader something to mull over as future paragraphs play out, over and over you do this. Setup / reward.
Over all, I just think you need practice. I'm a fantasy reader, so maybe there are readers who love this slow paced melancholic stuff, and maybe outside this scene there's a lot of content that builds to this moment. But standalone, it's kind of weak. Need to inject spice. The premise feels like plot D stuff. Background stuff. Like this is happening in the background as a hero passes by, he sees this scene.
Often times stuff like this is a outline, not the story itself. You know the character, what she's feeling, and what the tree is. Now you take that, then make it interesting from a reader perspective. OFten times when I write, my rough draft becomes an outline.
Keep it up, first books always suck, but you're forming your unique style and foundational skills. No matter your age, this is the process. Stick to it. If you have a craving for it.
Hi! Welcome to r/Writers - please remember to follow the rules and treat each other respectfully, especially if there are disagreements. Please help keep this community safe and friendly by reporting rule violating posts and comments.
If you're interested in a friendly Discord community for writers, please join our Discord server
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Needs to be more gripping. It's being told from the perspective of a tree, which reminds me of this story where a person is reincarnated as a demon tree who while immobile, is very powerful and can grant powers to others.
That was a popular story. So a tree protagonist is possible to do.
Starting out, I'd introduce the reader to the tree experience through an event right off the bat. "Life as a tree consists of being a patient specter, an unmoving being which learns to live vicariously through others. Such as the occasional squirrel which maneuvers down one of my many branches, often stuffing an acorn into the base of my trunk for safe keeping. Or the recent mocking bird who had found a neglected bird's nest, then excitedly pushing one egg from it, leaving one of its own in its place."
It's not perfect, but it's an example of something with a bit more substance.
As it is, you can just condense it down to a paragraph that says; "This old woman who grew up beneath the shade of my branches views me as a timeless comfort since she has dementia."
It needs substance. You're overly descriptive, opening books and stuff, this needs to be contained. I don't see readers having enough patience to push through it, there's no reward. You need to reward the reader paragraph-to-paragraph. Like how the mocking bird happily does something depraved, but natural. It'll give the reader something to mull over as future paragraphs play out, over and over you do this. Setup / reward.
Over all, I just think you need practice. I'm a fantasy reader, so maybe there are readers who love this slow paced melancholic stuff, and maybe outside this scene there's a lot of content that builds to this moment. But standalone, it's kind of weak. Need to inject spice. The premise feels like plot D stuff. Background stuff. Like this is happening in the background as a hero passes by, he sees this scene.
Often times stuff like this is a outline, not the story itself. You know the character, what she's feeling, and what the tree is. Now you take that, then make it interesting from a reader perspective. OFten times when I write, my rough draft becomes an outline.
Keep it up, first books always suck, but you're forming your unique style and foundational skills. No matter your age, this is the process. Stick to it. If you have a craving for it.