Told a girlfriend I am close to about a more distant guy friend having a girlfriend while he was sleeping with her. Felt I did the right thing until she crashed out, ruined a big moment for the guy and embarrassed his girlfriend around my other mutuals.
Now those mutuals feel a way towards me because his day was ruined and it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t say anything to my outside friend. If it was any of them I would’ve done the same with telling them. Maybe the timing could have been different but I felt I upheld girl code and protecting my friend at the end of the day.
It’s also just weird to see how the main point-this man cheating- is the bigger issue but it feels like I’m being held more accountable for telling my friend versus him doing it to begin with.
Makes me not want to ever be a friend and turn my nose to cheating or wrong doing. I’m in my late 20s and this my first time ever dealing with something like this.
OP you did do the right thing. Don’t be sorry. People are just misogynistic and patriarchal and will never blame a man.
This x 💯
It’s funny you say that because my therapist asked if I felt their response was misogynistic
You did the right thing, ethically speaking. Unfortunately, doing the right thing can sometimes result in a bad outcome for you. Sorry that your friends are being jerks to you for doing the right thing; you deserve better.
Yeah it’s def making me re-analyze. I get that is their friend, he was also a friend of mine but I am extremely more close to her and he cheated on my friend when they dated. Years later he is cheating with her, I don’t think that’s okay and I owed it to her because I would want someone to look out for me that way too.
That sounds really tough. You did the right thing by looking out for your friend, even if the timing caused drama. Cheating is on him, not you.
Yes I know. Just feel like shit because it’s very clear they feel a way towards me. Some say they know my heart and that it wasn’t my intention, a few never acknowledged my apology. Just hoping it blows over as time passes.
Your friends are shit. It sucks, but the sooner you have this realisation, the better. How a group deals with a morally wrong situation (the guy cheating) is like a health check of the group, and they've failed. They'd turn their back on you too if they thought the timing was unseemly or if they were more interested in keeping everyone "happy" (i.e., unaffected by the issue) than they were in their friends' wellbeing or integrity. They've shown you who they are. Take heed.
You did the right thing cheating is on him, not you. Timing sucks, but protecting your friend is never wrong.
Sorry could you edit, do not understand your first paragraph, actually further reading I'm not sure I understand the post
It sounds like her friend was seeing a guy who already had a girlfriend. OP told her friend that she's the Other Woman in this relationship and her friend embarrassed the cheater and his girlfriend in a public kind of way. OP feels guilty because her other friends are blaming her for instigating/meddling. She thinks if her timing were better her friend would have cooled off and not done whatever she did to embarrass the couple.
I say cheaters deserve to have their day ruined. I say those people covering for/defending a cheater aren't people I'd want to call friends.
That is literally the reaction. I never tell anyone because the man cheating will ALWAYS be overlooked. I never blame mistresses either, if the man was any serious a person he wouldn’t be cheating , I don’t care if the girl knew about the wife or not.