I just got called an immature liberal because a guy I had only exchanged a hand-full of messages with asked for my number and I said “once we get to know one another a little better I’d feel safe doing that :)”. He started laughing at me, then berating me and called me an immature liberal.
Do any other women have these ridiculous and/or unsafe experiences while dating (which only comes to prove I was correct not to give him my number)?
I (32F) , Him (47M)
I consider myself a person with 0 game, socially awkward and clueless, but I swear if I were a man, I would be dating 24/7 just because I am polite with basic social skills.
For example, here is something it appears 90% of men don't know, don't insult the person you are trying to f@ck.
I feel like that should be rule #1 common knowledge lol.
They feel very entitled which is why they don’t understand this concept. You’re just supposed to want to fuck them because they are male and exist.
And if they are even halfway good looking, they figure that's all that's needed for foreplay.
they are sooo dumb, they will come into my dms, chat me up every morning for several weeks, and then tell me they need someone who is actively pursuing them and get mad at me when i explain that i don't do that
i had a guy accuse me of trying to take advantage of him after the above sequence of events... like wtf
"Taking advantage"... He failed basic math. Can't take something from nothing 😂
That's called negativity and we don't need it in our lives 💅
I very recently had that happen with the brother of an acquaintance. I first met him at her house, he was nice looking and kind of sexy and we had a nice conversation. He was definitely putting out the he's interested vibe and said we should get together. I just said his sis had my number. And he replied you can get mine from her. I thought that was a little odd but didn't think about it further.
I never heard from him but saw him again a few months later. He immediately said in an accusing voice, "you never called me". I was taken aback but just said "I figured if you were interested in going out you would have called me".
This AH actually said "I don't chase women, if they want me, they call me and ask to hang out". I just laughed.
For context, I'm 70 and I think he was mid 60's. Guys did not used to be like this, I swear. This bad, entitled attitude towards women has even infected the old guys who used to know better.
literally the top post on the Facebook of the most recent guy who did this to me, was a manosphere video about how women will demand your attention if they're at all interested
lol since when? these alpha chads are just making shit up and so many guys just eat it up and lose bad because of it. then they blame women for their loneliness...
anyway, i'm fine without them, lol
Oh me too! Years ago I never understood my mother not wanting to date after my dad died. She was only in her mid fifties but she meant it. She didn't date for nearly twenty years, until she met a nice guy who wanted to marry, move in etc. She was hell no, we can see each other a couple of times a week but that's it. She was just over men and preferred time with her girlfriends or herself. I get it now. I so get it, lol. I'm really proud looking at all the younger women who are figuring this out so much sooner than we did.
That is a bridge too far, m'lady! Impossible! 😹
And, speaking of fucking (meaning, just sex, not a relationship), here are some fun facts for any guy: If she's into sex without strings attached, if you're halfway decent at sex (like, make her come, ffs), don't act like a feral hog (unless it's requested), and don't assume one and done, she might just fuck you again. So many guys hit it and quit it, not realizing that some very low basics will get a round 2 and 3 from some women.
Makes so much more sense than one and done, then trying to find another woman.
But you can't tell them that.
You are better off free from him! Recently ghosted by my boyfriend of 2 years. Ohhh the fun!
Omg what the fuck? Like fully just out of nowhere stopped responding/blocked you or like a slow ghosting
No fr like I'm so sorry to u/ghost_hugz , but I need the breakdown because after 2 years is crazy 😭 it was for the better overall though who wants an evil shitty person like that.
Yeah at least I have had the decency to break up directly, to their face if safe and possible.
Girl what
Sending you hugs for the sadness! That’s a crappy thing for him to do.
Wait.. this sort of happened to me as well (after 1 yr of long distance) this makes me feel a bit better that it's didn't just happen to me but sorry that happened to u!! 🫶🫶
I've been 4b for 14 years and have never been happier. Decenter men, rekindle your tribe of women and do your own thing. r/4bmovement
I decentered men a loooooong time ago. This is my first time putting myself out there again (I’ve been single for a few years) and was just hoping that even platonically I’d come across a decent man.
Truly wishing you the best. ☃️
I appreciate you ❤️
👏👏👏💯
I thought 4b was relatively new. Just curious if you called it something else before the movement
I just learned about 4b about a year ago. I wasn't calling it anything other than being single and child-free back then.
dated a guy for four months and then he called me the n word out of nowhere for no reason— trust i feel you
He just couldn't hold the bigotry in any longer, it just exploded out of him like an IBS 💩
I beg your FINEST pardon?!
this shit is why i press them on their politics day one. the bad ones try to dodge, and when i don't let up, they always explode on some racist, homophobic, or transphobic rant, usually all riddled with violent misogyny
and i smile and move on, glad that i learned this filter
Wow.
I'm really sorry you had to deal with that.
What a pos! I'm truly sorry you had to experience that. Hugs
This
My evil ex (extremely white, privileged, narcissistic, rich kid) would say it CONSTANTLY. Even after I told him to stop. I am so lucky I got out of that relationship. It was very mentally abusive
I feel bad for his new gf. She and I were BEST friends all through high school. She knew how terrible he was to me. She doesn’t care. It pisses me off bad, but nothin I can do
Probably strategically - guys often like to 'test the waters' before they get worse after they established enough of a relationship. If the first 'testing the water' he tried is the fucking n-word, there's no sayinig how far he would have taken that shit. Glad you got out.
that was my thought exactly; bcs the moment he did i went “nope we’re done” and he immediately backtracked. bcs what else are you saying especially in private??
Well, I guy seeking out 15 years younger women is already a red flag.
He was hoping you were immature and was just disappointed that you aren't.
Safety always comes first before feelings
Exactly!
And any normal man would understand that. The bad ones get outraged because they're not getting compliance right away.
Wow, he showed his true colors fast.
You dodged a bullet.
Right! Thankfully so now than later on 😅.
I’m just blown away by an almost 50 year old man getting mad at me because I said “once I feel safe”. So wanting to be safe is an immature liberal thing to do now?? 🤣
😂😂😂 I don't think it helps that guys shame other guys for being considered "safe".
For some reason it is seen as less masculine.
Even though they are supposed to keep us safe from harm. It's so silly 😂😂
They shame them for that? 🤦♀️ Between their audacity & egos I am about to permanently opt out of dating.
I mean... A lot of us are turning to 4b for this very reason.
I will say, I got lucky. Have a very nice husband who is great with our kids. It took a lot of deconstructing patriarchy for him to be this way though...
I have found, neurodivergent and Queer leaning men tend to be more understanding and respectful of women overall.
Whichever way you decide to go, good luck and you've got this. QUEEN!
I’m glad you have a very nice husband who js also great to yalls kids!
Thank you 😅 I need it!
We have 3 daughters 😅😭 they need a good male role model, ya know? He understood the assignment 😉
men don't protect women, that's just another patriarchal lie
overwhelmingly when women are protected, it's by other women
Indeed it is. They protect each other and themselves.
And really, what we need protection from is men. My recent ex would have fits that I kept my curtains open in the daytime, I live on three acres, there are no nearby homes. Or get wild I didn't keep a lock on my front gate or that I kept my doors unlocked when at home during the day.
Flash forward to our much needed break up and who did I have to protect myself from by padlocking my gate and keeping my doors locked and bolted for the first time in my long life? Him. A man in his mid sixties.
It is apparently a librul trait to want to protect yourself from gun toting stalkers, where have I been 😹
Janky old man hoped younger woman would be pliable and easy to manipulate for his fun sexy times because he believes he has aged like a fine wine. My mum would say they're looking for a nurse with a purse. I always felt like they wanted a daughter-wife because why else are they chasing women they could have fathered?
He's just mad that he still has to make an effort to get a date, because women his own age refuse to go near him. That was all he had to throw at you, being called of all things... A LIBERAL. For wanting to prioritise your personal safety over his urgency for getting his end wet.
And you now know he's the type to fanboy over that incontinent rapist wannabe dictator. Nothing of value was lost today. Can you just imagine what other kind of tantrums you would have to "tolerate" from this fully grown toddler, especially since he's already showing early signs of mental decline?
When a 47-year-old calls you ‘immature’ for being cautious, he's just telling on himself. Bullet dodged
Of course. Someone literally devised a way for our apex predator to use a tool to prey on us. It's called "dating apps."
Women simply need to stop using them all together.
I'm sorry you had that experience. I don't know how these guys expect to be successful when the first moment they don't get what they want, they start getting personal?
Agreed! What makes it even more silly is that it states that I’m a liberal… so why did he even bother to message me if it’s apparently issue for him? 🤣
The audacity.
Many men want to tame and conquer a woman. There’s a Trevor Noah quote about this. They don’t want to go after a woman that is already what they want, the power is in changing her. It’s pretty eye opening to see this play out.
Years of entitlement.
I mean he's right. Wanting to feel safe is such a lib thing... Unlike him sitting in his bunker with three dozen rifles, shotguns, and handguns hiding from the woke mob of blue-haired trans people trying to make coffee shops into safe places and sharing crafts and gardening with each other like the savage, terrifying beings they are. He's so brave.
He’s too old for you girl. And all these men lie about their age so he’s likely older than that.
47 is a bit out of my range. I don’t like to higher than 45. Just my preference.
He better be a sugar daddy with that age gap. Otherwise you’ll end up being a nurse with a purse
I find that while you are both adults at this point, a whole decade of age difference is a lot. We go through different stages each decade and I want someone who can relate to me. Otherwise, I’ve seen that the younger one has to adapt to the older one and skip their whole experience for their time.
The saddest part is that 40 somethings don’t seem to be more mature than 30 somethings. It’s about how much work on themselves they have done by the time you meet them and girl, older guys seem to be more set in their ways.
Sounds like, "Dating apps are doordash for vageroni, why no give??" 😭
This!!!! It's a boundary I've set when online dating. I dont exchange numbers until we've planned a date. The moment they start to argue or complain I just unmatch bc why are you upset that Im taking precautions for myself. It has nothing to do with anything but our safety.
I also still don't understand how men think its appropriate to invite us over to their houses for a first time meeting. And they swear they are good guys and they wont do anything. Red fucking flag.
They are so unaware of the danger we wouod be putting ourselves in. If they can't see were obly trying to protect ourselves they dont deserve our company.
Yes! I love that you have that boundary! ❤️
I don’t like the excuse by them “well I’m a man so I don’t think about that stuff” Immediate red flag for me.
Thank you for letting me know you NEVER HAVE OR WILL think about or consider a woman’s safety.
Gotta love it when men don’t understand why we need to take precautions in the first place and then prove exactly why we need to do this.
You are not alone. You ask to go at your comfort speed and the get offended. You ask for respect and they get offended, So many babies out there. I hope all women see it and have enough self respect to walk away. But our culture does not teach women to respect themselves, only feed the male need to whatever,,,,,,
Good Lord he could not be 47 years old and behave like that! Well he did you a favor and showed just how screwed up he is before you went any further.
I haven’t dated for a long time now. But before, if after a few days of texting we decided to meet (I don’t like chatting for weeks or months), I always asked to have a phone call before meeting. If a man refused, that was a red flag. Another thing is that you can tell a lot about a man as a person from his voice and the way he speaks. There was a case when a man seemed genuinely worth meeting, but when he called, he spent an entire hour talking about his ex-wife and about how he didn’t even have money for a cup of coffee. So it’s better not to waste time and to figure things out right away.
After a few days is completely understandable and would be a red flag for me as well. I don’t have an issue with phone calls, but we were only a handful of messages in… so that’s a bit soon to be giving out my number, and I was right on the money not to do so.
Omg. Why is anyone dating if he doesn’t have money for coffee?? 😂😂😂
A man over 40 making fun of a woman wanting to feel safe? lol what a loser
I was called difficult, cause I said I won`t be dating single fathers, conservatives and men wanting to have kids. And basic nightclubbers.
It appears that we share similar criteria! You aren’t difficult. Keep those standards! ❤️
I keep them. That`s how I found my childfree metalhead-nerd bf.
This describes a difference in millennial and Gen Z. This guy is too old for you and your dating styles are different. Also - he is a trumper and should end up alone so don’t worry about it.
I’m not gen z. I’m a millennial 😊 I’m 32. lol
These people are Gen x and millennial
Correct lol
A guy I’d only been talking to on the dating app for a few days started asking me about my panties and if they had little bows on the front. I was like umm I don’t know you well enough for this kinda questioning. He told me I was “no fun”. Good bye! Blocked! Another guy told me he was a nudist at home and I was wildly uncomfortable with that but he was hilarious so I kept chatting with him after telling him politely I wasn’t into nudity. Then he send me a picture of his naked butt. Bye!
Once they disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable always block and move on. Don’t give grace!
Just yesterday a guy said he wants to take me out to dinner and touch my butt. I told him im not into non consensual touching and he said im an insufferable bitch who no one wants to date!
What the actual?! 😵💫 I’m so sorry you were talked to that way. I’m glad you stood up for yourself!
He did you a favor! I’m glad you dodge that bullet!
Right!!!
Yikes, that’s awful. You set a perfectly reasonable boundary, and his reaction says way more about him than you. Definitely trust your instincts safe and polite every time.
That's why I don't date anymore. Most of the guys I meet in my Canadian city are mean, cruel, selfish and just plain terrible. If a 47 year old man has to date women who are 15 years younger than him, then HE's the immature one. I have always found older men creepy.
At this point, I hope we all, collectively, stand the line and cut these guys off until they learn. None of us deserve our boundaries insulted and broken.
ugh I hate people like that. I’m sorry girl :(
The good news is this jerk weeded himself out of the mix fast and wasted little of your time. Also sounds about right for a guy going on 50 (and I say this as an old person, as a Gen X-er). Sorry you’re going through that. I know when I was 32 I met a lot of Mr. Wrongs. You did the right thing. He’s the old guy who has no idea how to date a younger woman because he hasn’t evolved.
Id tell him I can see why he's single at 47 if that's his response to a reasonable boundary. But he likely also thinks boundaries are dumb too lol. You should thank him for being the reddest of flags and saving you time.
I didn’t thank him but blocked.
I think that sends the message well too!
It's even worse if you're a lesbian. It's not a dating pool so much as it is a dating....puddle 😢
The dating pool is a**
If you had given him what he wanted, he would have called you "mature", that's how age gap relationships work.
(If it's not an age gap relationship, they will call you "intelligent" when you agree with them. Bonus points when they want you to dress or wear your hair a certain way - by only selectively complimenting you on your looks.)
Predictable and tedious...
I deleted all my dating apps. Also why are you dating someone so much older than you…?
I wasn’t dating someone that much older than me. We only exchanged a handful of messages.
Yeah but… you messaged him? I feel like that old of a guy is a turnoff. They’re usually single for a reason
Your feelings and opinions are noted. 🙂