This hits home after being broken up with by my partner of five years, who depended on me way too much and was struggling to define themselves independently. I needed this, thank you! :)
50-50 can have an element of score keeping, the idea is in a good relationship you don't keep score and you try to go beyond because you want to. But both people need to be trying to do that, so it may even out to doing the same amount of work as each other but you are each giving the other person more than you would if you were trying to be 50-50.
It also means that the balance fluctuates with time. There will be times when you aren't able to give as much. Maybe due to physical or mental health, maybe due to circumstance. There will also be times when your partner won't be able to give as much.
No. The idea is that you give more than you expect to get back. Good relationships build both people up. Sure, at the end if the day works out equal, but you both end up stronger from the union instead of keeping score and trying to make it equal.
We notice the things we do more (eg when we wash the dishes vs when the other person washes the dishes), so if you feel like you’re doing 50-50 you’re probably not actually pulling your weight. If you feel like you’re doing about 60% then it’s probably actually even.
One of the hardest things but the most critical things for my wife to work out in her head was that I as her partner am not responsible for her happiness. I can contribute to it, but she needs to communicate how she feels. And at the end of the day, it’s up to her to create the environment she can be happy in, even I’m not even there.
For years I thought I needed another half to be whole. It's not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone. Both people in a relationship need to be able to stand on their own and live their own life regardless of the other. Share the lives you have both built. Not rely on the other person to be the missing parts of your own self. I know I can live alone as I've done it for years. So has my partner. If something happened to either of us or we separated then of course we would be devastated. But we both know we can pick up and keep going on our own.
That’s just assuming. People enter relationships for these reasons all the time, and often enough it works out perfectly fine. To a degree they’re the core reasons relationships are attractive to us. Evolution has to make us mate and raise kids one way or another.
Yeah, that's why I've been kind of treating my first long-term relationship like a (good) group project in a way, with healthy communication being the main thing I prioritize since my boyfriend and I are both kinda autistic so communication can be a bit harder sometimes for us.
Whoever goes into a relationship expecting not to be asked to change doesn't understand how character growth works. As you and your partner learn to live together, you also learn to modify your habits and routines to work with each other's. Both of you should grow and change as people as extended contact with a single person reveals your flaws, your talents, and helps you shape yourself(and your partner) into the person you each want to become. And good partner helps you become more you. The best version of you.
And showing grace to your partner when they screw up big time. Don't judge them on their worst day. Of course, I had a customer who's wife found him jacking off in a mutual session with another man online, but "it was not a gay thing!" That was sort of a deal breaker and I get it.
The community has not determined if your post is a Wholesome Meme.
Geordi La Forge for relationship advice is an interesting choice
I’m sure he has some good advice on AI relationships
"Every time you look at this engine, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me"
Better the guy that learns from his mistakes than the pedophile.
This is why you should take most of what you see on the relationship advice subs with a grain of salt.
1) you’re getting one side of the story
2) you’re not getting the full story
3) most of the comments are made by people you wouldn’t trust for relationship advice IRL
This comment is giving red flags. I believe YTA and now we need to get divorced. /s
This hits home after being broken up with by my partner of five years, who depended on me way too much and was struggling to define themselves independently. I needed this, thank you! :)
Relationships are not 50-50
they're 60-40 with both sides trying to be the 60
For clarity, it's giving 60.
6-7
6-7
I've never been in a relationship so please excuse my ignorance, but wouldn't that just average out to 50-50?
50-50 can have an element of score keeping, the idea is in a good relationship you don't keep score and you try to go beyond because you want to. But both people need to be trying to do that, so it may even out to doing the same amount of work as each other but you are each giving the other person more than you would if you were trying to be 50-50.
It also means that the balance fluctuates with time. There will be times when you aren't able to give as much. Maybe due to physical or mental health, maybe due to circumstance. There will also be times when your partner won't be able to give as much.
No. The idea is that you give more than you expect to get back. Good relationships build both people up. Sure, at the end if the day works out equal, but you both end up stronger from the union instead of keeping score and trying to make it equal.
It’s “team us together” not team “I got mine”
We notice the things we do more (eg when we wash the dishes vs when the other person washes the dishes), so if you feel like you’re doing 50-50 you’re probably not actually pulling your weight. If you feel like you’re doing about 60% then it’s probably actually even.
The most overwhelmingly important factor for building a successful/happy/enduring relationship…
…Is not needing to be in a relationship at all.
Anyone who relies on a romantic relationship to meet their ‘self needs’ (e.g. worth, esteem, confidence, love, kindness)…
…Will invariably accept less than they deserve (e.g. abuse, neglect, exploitation) in order to continue getting those needs met.
One of the hardest things but the most critical things for my wife to work out in her head was that I as her partner am not responsible for her happiness. I can contribute to it, but she needs to communicate how she feels. And at the end of the day, it’s up to her to create the environment she can be happy in, even I’m not even there.
For years I thought I needed another half to be whole. It's not fair to put that kind of pressure on someone. Both people in a relationship need to be able to stand on their own and live their own life regardless of the other. Share the lives you have both built. Not rely on the other person to be the missing parts of your own self. I know I can live alone as I've done it for years. So has my partner. If something happened to either of us or we separated then of course we would be devastated. But we both know we can pick up and keep going on our own.
That’s just assuming. People enter relationships for these reasons all the time, and often enough it works out perfectly fine. To a degree they’re the core reasons relationships are attractive to us. Evolution has to make us mate and raise kids one way or another.
Wise words.
Or as geordi would do it, join the military and use their sex motel technology to make a replica of the women you like.
Like there wouldn't be a sudden and permanent reduction in birth rate if Holodeck technology was invented IRL.
Hey, he also hangs out with his AI robot boyfriend!
Lol it’s hard not to send this to my ex.
Finally a real wholesome meme! I think this is the first one ever posted here, congrats!
Yeah, that's why I've been kind of treating my first long-term relationship like a (good) group project in a way, with healthy communication being the main thing I prioritize since my boyfriend and I are both kinda autistic so communication can be a bit harder sometimes for us.
Geordi is unfamiliar with both.
Whoever goes into a relationship expecting not to be asked to change doesn't understand how character growth works. As you and your partner learn to live together, you also learn to modify your habits and routines to work with each other's. Both of you should grow and change as people as extended contact with a single person reveals your flaws, your talents, and helps you shape yourself(and your partner) into the person you each want to become. And good partner helps you become more you. The best version of you.
I like what my parents do.
They will ask each other. " Do you want me to listen or give advice"? "
The key is not to over do it. But only when it's applies.
it gets the other person to stop and think what do they really want from their spouse.
And showing grace to your partner when they screw up big time. Don't judge them on their worst day. Of course, I had a customer who's wife found him jacking off in a mutual session with another man online, but "it was not a gay thing!" That was sort of a deal breaker and I get it.
This hits hard when I grew up in abusive family, with my mom being abusive to my dad for years...
Love grows best when both people feel safe to evolve, not pressured to be perfect.
and how lucky I am to have this kind of relationship
Both? Both.
Eh, doesn't matter. Not like I'll be in one.
Best I can do is becoming de facto caretaker to a disabled and increasingly limited partner
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