Reminder for OP: /u/BigRich898

1. How were you traumatized?
2. Who did you traumatize back?

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I'm infertile.

When people ask me why I don't have children, I always tell them that after half a million dollars in failed IVF and 3 miscarriages, I gave up.

That shuts them up really well.

My response was, “yeah, I went into an autistic burnout and couldn’t eat or sleep for months. I don’t recommend trying it.”

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This is why at my previous workplace, we're not allowed to comment on someone's weight loss/gain, ever. Period. Even if we think they might like it, absolutely not. (It was an anti-harassment policy or something)

I love when people mention, especially in an insulting way, me being bald so I can just go "yeah it never really grew back that well after chemo so I kept the bald"

Oh! This reminds me of a similar story! I wasn’t really trying to lose weight but just limiting my portions bc I have a tendency to binge. But I ended up losing about 10lbs overall. A guy at work walks up to me with 3 other guys around him and says “Wow you’ve lost a lot of weight. Everything’s okay, right!? Like you’re not sick are you!?” I wish I had a good comeback but I didn’t. I was going to say “idk might be cancer” but I didn’t want that kind of karma. I don’t think he meant to embarrass me, but he did. No one should comment on anyone’s weight ever. Especially in front of an audience. I understand people with good intentions being concerned but it’s just not their business. If the person wanted to talk about it, you wouldn’t have to ask. I am guilty of telling people they look good and asking if they have any secrets but trying to be more mindful of putting people “on the spot” like that.

There was woman I worked with who had very aggressive cancer and she didn’t want anyone to know. She didn’t want sympathy and she didn’t want treatment. She just wanted to continue working and live her life. Everyone would ask her about her weight constantly. People that didn’t pay attention to her any other time. It had to be a nightmare for her. She just told everyone she started juicing and running to lose weight but you could tell when she got so frail and grey that there was more happening. Such a great lady, she trained me when I first started and she had a daughter that was my age 💗

u/BigRich898 - I always shock people now when they run into me. I tell them that aside from the gastric bypass that I had back in 2001, this past March I almost died and that in itself traumatizes the person enough. (I see their reactions on their faces as they're expecting the more rational explanation of how I lost lbs)

..Coma = loosing weight fast...

I dislike people commenting on my weight loss. They think it’s a compliment, but it feels as invasive as commenting on weight gain.

I have been going to the same grocery store for a long time, and an employee there makes a beeline for me to go on and on about my weight loss. At first it was ok, but now it feels like harassment. Why am I having to discuss my body and health with a stranger as I check out at the store?

I’ve started ignoring the comments and questions from this person, and she keeps trying. It’s weird.

I have lost 100lbs because my health issues were so bad I had to be put on a semiglutide injection. This has been over the past 2 years. It has been hell adjusting to my new medication. Everyone tells me they are so jealous I am on a semiglutide and they wish they were on one too. I tell them that if they get on one, please make sure to stay by your bathroom because you will be puking and pooping. Good luck!

I lost about 25 lbs after my 19 year old son died. I just wasn't hungry or taking care of myself. I would get the same comments. I had several ask what I was doing to lose the weight because they wanted to try it. I'd just say I don't think you want to try it. And when they'd press, I'd just say "I watched them bury my son." Things would get really awkward.

This happened to me. Someone said "you look great!" I said "thanks, I've been really depressed"

I thought it was known not to Comment on people’s weight changes. You never know what was the cause yeah if someone has been actively working out and dieting you want recognition but if that’s not the case and it’s rapid I just hush

Yeah back when I was in the thick of it I got asked about what I did to get so skinny, I told them I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and nearly killed me, lost 2L of blood, and was basically unable to do anything for a few months, this would shut people up real quick.

Something similar has happened to me too. A person at work who is normally friendly made the comment, "Have you lost weight?" Supposedly she meant it as a compliment. She knows I am a cancer survivor, so I replied with, "OMG, thankfully I haven't lost any more weight. I am perfectly healthy and my oncologist and I are relieved."

There's a great Tig Notaro comedy bit about the horrendous year in her life when she an extended hospitalization with a severe C diff intestinal infection, and was then diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer.

Someone said she looks great and asked how she lost all that weight, and she told them "I'm dying."

Sorry, people ask extremely personal questions then are upset when you answer. LOL 😂 Weight and body image is such a personal thing. I may notice but won’t say anything unless I’m very close to the person and know they’re working on losing/gaining weight. I had some serious body image issues and don’t want to trigger anyone like I’ve been.

My SIl looked like a skeleton for years because of her chronic illness, but now its causing her to gain weight. People make incentive comments all the time, about how she looked so much better before. Its gross how people treat others based on weight. 

I hate it when people comment on my weight. I hate it even more when I’m treated differently over it. In 2012 I was fifty lbs lighter. Praised by friends, clients, and my medical team. I was smoking cigarettes, drinking little water, mostly drank red wine, and wouldn’t eat for days at a time regularly. So much praise. I’ve worked hard to be healthy, gained some weight back and was shunned.

People can go fork themselves.

General rule, never comment on something that another person can’t change within 15min if they feel the need. 

Sensitive subjects are for close friends and family who you’d expect and understand concern from, or you’ve got the rapport to joke about serious things knowing you’ll have their support afterwards. There’s so many ways to ask how someone is and let them tell you what they’re comfortable sharing. 

I tell people ' oh thanks!!! I had such an inflamed ulcer, the food couldn't get through my stomach!!"

At one school I worked at, one girl decided to go on a diet. Over the next 6 months she loses weight, her friends are complimenting her, she's getting attention she's never got before she's just really happy. Another six months later and she fainted in a lesson. As they were taking her coat and jacket off, raising her legs to put them on a chair and manouvering her, staff noticed how thin she was under all of her baggy clothes. She'd been starving herself and exercising too much and the whole time everyone had been unknowingly encouraging her and telling her how good she looked. I decided then to never comment on anyones body, not even something positive. There are a million other things you can compliment someone on before their weight.

I pretty much said the same exact thing (T2 diabetes will do that to a person) to my MIL's sister at MIL's funeral. The look on her sister's face was priceless. 

Thing is, this woman wasn't exactly tactful when people gained weight, lost weight, lost hair etc. I was just the first one who didn't politely skirt the issue and stood up to her and said what everyone else in the family wishes they could say. 

Yeah something similar happened to me. I used to be pretty heavy, then I started having trouble eating and keeping food down. Over the course of a year I found out I have a variety of food restrictions, like really severe ones, so until I figured out what I could and could not eat I was sick all the time and not eating much. I lost a lot of weight and lots of people commented on how great I looked and it really messed me up because I felt so awful during that time.

More recently, someone in my board gaming group lost a lot of weight. One of our other regulars commented to me about how good they looked and I was like "buddy don't you dare say anything to that person's face about their weight."

Same thing happened to me when I lost 40 lbs very quickly (like within a couple months) when I found out about my husband's affair and my whole world came crashing down. I was so traumatized and deeply depressed that I could not bring myself to eat. I knew it was bad so I bought protein bars and forced myself to eat at least two a day and to keep hydrated with watter at least so I wouldn't die. It took a couple months to stabilize but by then I had lost what was for me (being short) a ton of weight. EVERYONE remarked on how great I looked and "what's your secret?" No one liked my answer...

“ I didn’t realize you were looking at my body so much..” and look at them quizzically

ooh yike, you could also ask them if they didn't like you when you were fat or they thought you were ugly, they rarely have a solid answer.
I have had for a long time that i never comment on peoples bodies or choices(within reason)

My grandma is dying, and leaving me and my family with most of the care issues. At the same time (like literally within 2 weeks) the love of my life broke up with me because I wasn’t affectionate enough. I have dropped about 30lbs and people keep complimenting me and asking how I do it.

Idek. Severe depression and stress I guess. Wanna take on my duties? It might help.

This!! People at work told me you look great so thin!!!! My honest answer: I have cancer and can’t eat. I could barely get out of bed to go to work.

You could say “I’ve been incredibly ill and if negatively impacted me in visible ways. thank you for noticing” then maybe add “in the future, please do not comment on my body”.

I grew up with constant comments on my weight. I spent a summer houseless and ate everything I could once I had food security again. My mom put me on diet pills as a pre-teen because I was eating everything the moment the groceries came in the door. Weight has always been a struggle. But then I fell into a chronic illness flare and the doctor medicated me based on my weight instead of empirical evidence. That medication slowly shut my kidneys down, I was constantly starving but threw everything up. I spent a year starving to death, literally. Almost had a heart attack, spent 32 hours on a potassium drip, spent two weeks in the hospital. It traumatized my kids. Every time someone expressed surprise at “how pretty” I looked (I’d lost half my body weight - I had it to lose, but tf?), I lost my shit. Now I don’t leave the house unless it’s a very specific reason like doctors/kids school events (and I have panic attacks going to those) or post pictures of myself anywhere. People get real uncomfortable real quick when I tell them my “weight loss story”.

I always end with “Can we stop commenting on bodies yet?”

"You look so skinny!"

"Thank you, it's the trauma. :)"

I remember when I had gallbladder issues, I dropped a bunch of weight because I was so anxious and in pain I could barely eat. I was sick.

Nurse at the doctor’s office was doing my check-in stuff and said “Oh! Look at you- you’ve lost 25 pounds! Good job, I bet you’re getting ready for summer aren’t you?”

I asked her she’d read my chart. She was pretty embarrassed when I told her that I haven’t eaten right in weeks, and furthermore. That I couldn’t wait to get back to being a fat bastard again because that meant I could EAT without landing in the ER.

And yes- gained it back. Although also gained a bunch of muscle, and I can eat again without wailing in pain so. I’m happy.

It is always tough to tell if a person’s weight loss is through efforts to lose weight or unfortunate circumstances. Something I (f) try to do is instead just hype new clothes or hair styles or choices not related to the body. It opens the door to people who are actively trying to lose weight to potentially share their accomplishments if they want, or, if the person is struggling with health issues, remind them they still lookin cool today!

I've heard American women being jealous of someone getting cancer bc they lost an insane and potentially deadly amount of weight. Anyways, my dad died and I ate half a frozen pizza/week. I was so skinny I couldn't fit any of my pants. I just said 'yea, well hope for your dad to get cancer and die, and you might also unintentionally starve yourself to this point'

Seeing someone die of cancer makes me flinch and cringe when seeing people so skinny that they'd die from the treatment. At least fat people have something to lose. Sorry for my shitty take.

Sorry OP but stone is worse than pounds! Translation:

30st ~ 190kg

To 26st ~ 165kg in 18 months 

Then down 9st ~ 55kg in 6 months

Final weight 18st ~ 115kg

(Math isn't mathing but whatever)

Anyway hope you're getting treatment now

Happened to me. I had a breakdown after a marriage breakup and stopped eating.. eventually lost 9 stone and everyone was asking me how I did it and how I looked great.. I was so fcuking depressed and my body confidence was zilch! I also noticed how different people treat you when you're skinny than when you're fat..

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People said that to me too and I was like oh yea having a birth control implant that they refused to remove that fucked my body and then finding out I have a bunch of rare conditions including one where my body like doesn't digest a lot of food I eat and makes you violently ill will do that to a person lmao

I was chronically ill from 2019-2023 and lost a significant amount of weight. It really messed with me how many compliments I got during a time where I didn't even know if my body could get me through this. I understand what you mean!

I had a stroke (I’m in my 30s) and it gave me food advertions and people kept telling me I looked great but I was starving myself to death bc I couldn’t eat!

People are so weird. They equate thinness with beauty and health (unless you're Ariana grande). People do the same to me and someday I'll just say "my husband died and I stopped eating". See what they say. I'm glad you bluntly laid it out there.

THIS. I started a med back in 2023 that caused severe appetite suppression. I would have to set reminders to eat just because I never got hunger pangs. I dropped weight QUICK with no diet or exercise changes. Went from 180 to 150 in roughly 3 months. We had to make an adjustment to the med because I was losing my hair due to “malnutrition”. My baseline weight that we tried to keep me at was 135ish. I’m 29F, 5’3. In April of this year, I had to make another medication change that has the same problem. So I’m down to 120 and fluctuate between 120-125lb.

I hate saying this because I tried to lose weight for YEARS before 2023 and struggled with hypothyroidism,but this is not how I wanted to do it. I wanted to be toned and fit, but now I’m fighting to just keep weight on. I apologize constantly to my bf for losing my “assets” and it really pisses him off when I do.

Anyways, we used to be in office before 2020 and I was still bigger back then. Well now we’re going back 1 day a week and everytime someone sees me it’s “you look great, you’re so skinny, you’ve lost weight, etc etc”. I’ve actually had people (women) touch my waist and pull my shirt taut to see how skinny I really am. It makes me really uncomfortable. My old manager walked into my cube and didn’t recognize me for a second. When he did, he said verbatim “Oh sorry I didn’t recognize you. You’re so much smaller now. You look better.” Tf.

Now every time someone says something, I always say, thanks it’s a medical problem. I think I’ve opened several people’s eyes to their ingrained body shaming tendencies.

Aw, jeez. I’m that guy. I’m sorry. I lost over 100 lbs and no one commented, and it really bummed me out, like why am I always invisible. I’ll shut up in the future instead of complimenting from a place of insecurity. Ffs, what is the right way to connect with people, I am so lonely.

I can currently fit into my “skinny clothes” right now.. people say I look “so good.” I’m so unhealthy. Today I was diagnosed with OCD, after being so sick I couldn’t eat much and was always puking and nauseous, and apparently they’re connected. I used to say “oh thanks I can’t eat because of the anxiety,” but now I think I’ll just change it to OCD.

I lost at 20-30 lbs within a very short time and a coworker asked me what my secret was. I told her the truth:

I had had a tumor on my liver that burst, filling the space between that and my diaphragm with blood, putting so much restriction on my stomach that I physically could not eat much. 🙃

wait i have a similar situation when i was hit by a car last year. i think i was the heaviest ive ever been then once i went home from college for the summer i just fell completely into the impending depression that was waiting to happen and basically slimmed down significantly. so when i got back to school and work everyone was telling me how much skinnier ive gotten and asking me how. i just said yeah i just kept thinking what would have happened if i died, what would change, who would know all that jazz and stopped eating. and the looks on their faces are just complete shock and horror

When people told me I looked super skinny when I baffling an ED, I told them I was very very sick. Which I was. That shut them up.

I hate it when people comment on other people's weight. I remember being out decades ago in a pub. I had worked a lot that week, on top of college, full time. I was dressed extremely casually, baggy jumper and jeans. I was in the bathroom washing my hands and this lady, who I have never met before, a lady who wasn't drunk decided to rub my tummy and ask me how far along I was. Like how many weeks pregnant. I was pissed and she knew it by my face. I told her off, walked back to my friends and filled them in on what happened.

They were all livid. I didn't see where the women went so we just continued our chat after everyone had said their few choice words about what this stranger did. 20 mins or so later, this guy comes up to us, probably in his late 30's early 40's and asked the group, which one of us upset his GF and told her off. He was met with a lot of WTAF faces and then I said I was the one who told off his GF.

He demanded I apologize to both him and his GF as well as buying them and the rest of his group a drink for upsetting them. We all laughed and told him where he could go. That didn't go down well at all. He got more aggressive and louder. Security came over asking what the problem was and I filled him in, including how this random woman, his GF put her hands on me and insulted me. What I didn't know at that time was , there was a bartender in 1 of the stalls who had overheard the entire conversation in the bathroom.

The BF claims I am lying, how his sweet GF wouldn't be so rude and how I need to apologize and buy them all drinks. Again we laughed and I said absolutely not. The bartender comes over and this is when I found out she heard the entire conversation. The bartender actually knew the BF so he tried to get the bartender to make me apologize, buy them drinks and then throw us all out. She informs him that everything I said was correct and his GF was a giant AH. To be honest, his face dropped, he was pissed at his GF and he walked off.

A few minutes later he comes back and apologizes for his behaviour, said she hadn't told him what actually happened, he bought us a drink and he walked out, leaving the gf behind. She got thrown out around 30 mins later because she wouldn't stop shouting down the phone at him. This wasn't a pub with loud music, it was a great place for a few drinks and a chat and she ruined it for everyone. I saw him a few times after that but never saw them together in their again. Don't know if they stayed together or not.

Story of my life.

A bit lesser scale — went from a weirdly natural few pounds’ gain “oh you finally ate a sandwich!” to another not odd few pounds’ gain and “wow, are you pregnant?” (I’m petite and have learned that apparently any amount of weight means I’m procreating despite natural biological issues.)

Any losses I have are always attributed to crazy/fad diets — whether I subscribe to them or not — and literally two or three pounds is enough for an actual employer to ask if my partner and I are “finally expecting” 🙃

Bottom line: no one’s body is your business. However well-meaning you think you are, however far south you think you are, if someone wants to share personal news, they will. 🫶

My aunt who knew my situation said to me “you don’t look like you’ve had any kids let alone two and 6m pregnant, I look like I’ve had 5 but don’t have any. It’s not fair!” My situation was dealing with and leaving a domestic violence situation where I wasn’t eating because of stress, financial strain and homelessness 🫠

This happens to my cancer patients all the time 😢

When I notice a friend’s weight loss I do comment. You look like you’ve lost some weight, is everything okay? They can then brag about hard work, choose to talk about being sick, grief, or whatever if they choose. I never say you look better. I will say, if they’re happy “well you look great and so happy!” Why do I do it this way? Lost 100 lbs myself! (Gastric Sleeve and left abusive relationship). It only allows GIFs or I’d share before/after s as it’s quite dramatic!

I shut someone down saying i only lost 25 pounds because I basically wasnt hungry and didn't eat for two weeks because my appendix ruptured and i was so sick. All because I'm a big girl and they said it in that tone that says I needed to lose weight to look good.

I love telling people that I used to be skinny back when I was on that “depression diet” when I got down to a size 4 and looked skeletal. Now I’m a 16 and def look a little fluffy but I’m tall so I carry it well. I counter with the depression diet story when someone tries to call me skinny. Like my BMI says obese, not overweight obese! I’m not succeeding at losing weight this time but dang stop being delulu!

I bet loosing weight is a messy process.

I once had a THERAPIST who was obese ask me for diet tips, and one of my main issues I was there for was anorexia. I wish I was kidding. People can be straight up blind to their own stupidity.

When people asked how I lost 20-30lbs I told them to just.....

"Hate your life, hate your job, hate where you live.... and the pounds just MELT AWAY" with a flourish of my hand.

Talk about a conversation-stopper. :)

I lost two stone when I had pneumonia. I know it's nothing like what you've been through, but it made a big difference to how I looked. I was so annoyed with my step mother. She kept showing off how much weight her daughter had lost, to everyone. She didn't give a sht when I was struggling, ill, on my own, and couldn't feed myself. *"Shhhh, don't tell people that's how you lost it!" Stupid cow.

So yeah, I get you!

I might comment to a really close friend or sister if I thought they looked good for any reason. I would know beforehand their medical status. I never comment on people’s bodies though I might say their clothing looks lovely today or similar.

not digging this "you look great after weight loss" hype.

Am I the only one who has no idea of what unity of measurement the weight was reported on?