Hi, seeking advice. I bought a ticket to a queer NYE event that I will be attending alone. The very few times I've done this in the past, I've ended up sitting by myself like a loser before leaving the event full of self-loathing. How can I avoid this? How do you hang out with strangers at bars and clubs? How do you "join in" or show that you would like to be invited in?
Any advice would be great, I'm sick of feeling like a sulky teenager (I'm 30) but I genuinely don't know what I'm doing and want to be social!
You need to initiate, people aren't gonna invite you to engage if you're doing nothing.
Find someone who looks interesting and isn't actively engaged in conversation, compliment them on something they're wearing (that you actually think is cool), and introduce yourself, chat from there. The classic "is this seat taken?" works as well.
People love to talk about themselves, ask them questions!
I used to be where you were, you just gotta practice and not get caught up in your own head waiting for someone else to make the first step.
Best advice. Uncomfortable, yes, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just be smart and safe
Best way I’ve found is to go with people, I wish I knew any other way lol. I’ve never met anybody at an event by myself in Minnesota but if I bring one friend people always come up and talk to me and I meet lots of people. Something about our insular culture maybe or not trusting people who are alone?? Idk
Have no one to go with unfortunately. That's the problem
Invite someone from this forum to join you. Remember; our community is one that has always had to be skeptical of people. When you show up with someone that is social validation.
Okay, sorry to comment again, but I disagree with needing a second person to vouch for you! If you are trans, you are already in the in-group. In fact, I would be worried about going to an event with a stranger, even if they were from this forum. Chasers lurk here, at the very least.
Even though I am Minnesotan, I don't know how to make friends with Minnesotans. And I know a lot of people who move here struggle with it.
We tend to value kindness and earnestness. Show up with your genuine self and you will be good!
Thanks. Yeah I'm from here but all my friends are married (aka not interested in going to these kinds of events with me and busy with their partners) and I haven't made a NEW friend in a while and I worry I've forgotten how. Though I was never that good at it in the first place.
Bring some dabs and share them on the patio. That's my strategy, at least
Honestly its really hard here in the Twin Cities to meet people especially as we get older and as a transplant. As someone who is kind of starting over for the third time I could not even make any friendships at a nerd convention in a gay bar. Minnesota is straight up ice most of the time. As someone mentioned when I do meet people its usually a conversation over their or my outfit. I dress my way and tend to stand out in a room. Alcohol is a really good social lubricant but I have to be careful with it when I roll solo because it also makes you more vulnerable. I'm looking for something fancy to do NYE in the cities myself. I may or not get the spoons to follow through. There are so many barriers to going out it can be exhausting.
Oh god, I can't do crowds.
As someone who will never not be a wallflower, embrace it! And stop beating yourself up for it.
Figure out ways to meet people YOUR way and you will find your people.
How have you met people?
GREAT question. Honestly, I am still figuring things out.
Through the community garden, online forums (usually pertaining to a hobby), groups where we have a mutual interest (mycological society), craft nights, support groups, and taking classes for personal enrichment.
When in doubt, talk about the weather.