Hi everyone, this is my first post here and it may be a bit rambly but I am hoping for some advice and perspective on things really.
I am 19, mtf and I am planning on starting HRT (Diy) in January if things go to plan. The current idea is to take it for four months or so months (roundabouts when I get back home from uni for summer) and then come out to my parents and sister.
For some context, I tried to come out to my parents previously when I was 16 but it didnt go too well, I couldnt really explain myself and whilst they werent openly hostile towards it, they did not truly understand at all and were very scared and worried for me. My mum told me "dont you think you are just gay" and me being trans would be like the "past you is dead" which really stuck with me and caused me to repress myself till early this year. Till I reached the point of realising this cant continue and I need to actually take steps to be myself.
The main thing I am worried about right now is the social side of things. As I am okay with being seen and presenting myself as male whilst I transition (at the moment) and I do not plan to socially transition until I feel confident enough in myself to do so (I guess after a year or so of hrt, idk). What I am struggling with is how and when I should tell people, like my friends and my housemates some of whom have made some transphobic jokes and things before but I know they do care about me and I hope that will carry over when I transition.
On a positive note lol, I am actually seeking support- I have been offered 6 free counselling sessions with my uni which should start mid jan and I have been attending a local (to my uni) LGBTQ+ group weekly which has been lovely for the couple of sessions that I attended so far. I am also planning to attend my uni's LGTBQ+ society after christmas.
I know that I am trans and I know that I need to medically transition: that part is crystal clear. It is just navigating the societal implications of this which I am finding very difficult to wrap my head around. I am also feeling overwhelmed about makeup, voice training and just how I should present myself in general. I am growing my hair out too, hasnt been cut since november and is getting to the mushroom phase XD, any tips on that would be greatly appreciated.
I guess I am just looking for reassurance or advice from people who have been in a similiar situation, especially those who started hrt before socially transitioning as I am really not comfortable doing it the other way round.
Thanks for reading my vent/ ramble and I am happy to explain more in comments and my DM's are open too.
Start by telling one person you absolutely trust
That one will be the hardest but it gets easier from there.
It's ok to start hormones before telling people. I told a few people prehormones My partner and like 2 people They were flipping awesome and gave me a safe place to wear gender affirming clothes around other people. I didn't matter how I looked or anything I could just be me around them and that was huge. Diy is fine just make sure to budget for regular bloods.
Thank you, I will likely tell my housemates first after all I have been living with them all of this year and will be next year. I’m really glad telling them pre hormones worked out for you! For me it’s the scariest part cus of what happened before, but the counselling should help a ton with that.
I do have a plan for bloods and will get them at 3 months in once my levels have theoretically stabilised to see if I need to adjust and if anything weird is happening. Forgot to mention that in my post
I’m too tired to give you much right now, but may post more later. For makeup, watch tutorials on TikTok YouTube or Instagram. But from women, not drag queens ; though drag queens give the best advice on beard cover. Then but makeup products and practise practise practise. I’d you have a female friend who knows her way around makeup, ask her to help you. She would probably be thrilled.
BIG tip here that you can do straight away. Get yourself a skin care routine. Moisturise twice a day. Even whilst you are still young. Avoid too much direct sunshine. Wear at least SPF30 on at least your face and neck when you go out. This will help keep your skin soft supple and healthy. Get in the habit of keeping yourself well hydrated. It’s great for the skin. Look after your skin and you can look more feminine even without makeup.
You can ask your GP to refer you for trans voice training free in the NHS. You don’t need to be on a gender clinic wait list. Voice training is not essential, but if you want it, NHS can provide. You don’t need to tell your parents (it’s all about long boring practise but it works.
LASER. If you have dark hair get laser beard removal as soon as you can afford it. Prioritise this. Imagine never having to shave again. No beard, no shadow, no foundation needed. If you can, start ASAP. It will make your initial transition SO much easier. SKN clinic franchise is good but a tad pricey. There are many others though. I’ve never known one refuse trans customers. Men do get laser too, but honestly if you tell them you are working towards transition you may find one as lovely as my laser tech who kinda took me under her wing. It is doing these things before transition, but if you are open and friendly in my experience, people are encouraging. But really. Those are my three biggies. Good luck little sis
Thank you so much, I will speak to my GP when I can about that (going to move my GP to the one at my uni, feels more comfortable), I honestly had no clue about voice therapy on the NHS!
Laser is something I will defo do once I have the money for it, not having to shave sounds wonderful- I hate the stubble so much.
Defo gonna get some skincare down, you reminded me to order that stuff- luckily my skin has been pretty good since I went off of Isotrentinoin (Used to have acne). Once again thank you for the advice!