I've read all the research, so I know that fewer toys leads to more sustained attention, more creativity, deeper play, etc. Plus, it has the upside of keeping your house somewhat manageable.
Yet I can't seem to help myself from buying my daughter everything. I think I'm just hoping that if I buy the perfect toy, she will be great at independent play. I kind of get a bit of positive reinforcement from my buy-everything method because sometimes something I buy does end up being worth it, since she plays with it a lot. Primary examples of this are (at different points) a Little Tikes slide, a baby doll + stroller, and spinners that stick to a window. Balance beam and tiny animals have also been pretty good. But in pursuit of getting these things, we've also accumulated a ton of other things that she does not play with.
Another thing that has me accumulating clutter is that there are times I know I will need her to be entertained (a flight, a really long car ride, a rare restaurant dinner), so I'll buy something cheap and new because I know it will hold her attention for the time I need it to. But now I have a bunch of these cheap, cluttery toys.
Not sure what I'm looking for... advice on toy minimalism? Affirmation that other people are doing the same and drowning in "stuff". I'm thinking about it more these days since I'm pregnant and thinking about whether I want to try to take a different approach to toys with the second.
Author: u/13humanoid13
Post: I've read all the research, so I know that fewer toys leads to more sustained attention, more creativity, deeper play, etc. Plus, it has the upside of keeping your house somewhat manageable.
Yet I can't seem to help myself from buying my daughter everything. I think I'm just hoping that if I buy the perfect toy, she will be great at independent play. I kind of get a bit of positive reinforcement from my buy-everything method because sometimes something I buy does end up being worth it, since she plays with it a lot. Primary examples of this are (at different points) a Little Tikes slide, a baby doll + stroller, and spinners that stick to a window. Balance beam and tiny animals have also been pretty good. But in pursuit of getting these things, we've also accumulated a ton of other things that she does not play with.
Another thing that has me accumulating clutter is that there are times I know I will need her to be entertained (a flight, a really long car ride, a rare restaurant dinner), so I'll buy something cheap and new because I know it will hold her attention for the time I need it to. But now I have a bunch of these cheap, cluttery toys.
Not sure what I'm looking for... advice on toy minimalism? Affirmation that other people are doing the same and drowning in "stuff". I'm thinking about it more these days since I'm pregnant and thinking about whether I want to try to take a different approach to toys with the second.
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Not going to help here but I’m team get the toy. I can’t help myself either but I longed for my one and only for so long that if I want to buy the toy I will. I think about in 10 years she won’t want any toys and I’ll miss the clutter.. minimalism will happen when she’s older regardless.
I totally agree. Frankly it’s half for me. I spent a decade longing for these kids and I wanna play magna-tiles with em, damnit!
Have you seen the mini mags? They’re so cool! We take them to restaurants with us so we have something to play with while we wait for our food
We have magnetites but I like them way more than my daughter
That's a little harsh, no? I'm sure your daughter is cooler than magnatiles
(/s)
lol!
Same.. my weakness is stuffies!
Same! Spent 17 years trying to have or adopt a baby and was finally blessed with our baby via adoption 2 weeks after I turned 50. I buy way to much but I know she's my one and only
This is me. I’m constantly purging my house but my girl is 7 now and I know toys will be a distant memory soon. We have all the things and it makes us happy.
Thanks for making me feel better! ♥️
I want all of the toddler toys, so what I do to manage myself is add everything I want to buy to a Babylist birthday list. I look for multiple people (that I know or from reddit) to recommend something (and pretty much ignore anything recommended by influencers), and then further limit myself by trying to only buy those items from thrift stores or facebook marketplace, or while on sale. I also periodically go through and clean up and think to myself, would I actually be happy to have that item in my home. I’ve learned that I do not like toys with lots of pieces while my toddler is too young to manage the cleanup herself. I also suggest choosing some categories and limiting yourself to one item per category. E.g. (pretend play, fine motor skills, building & construction, cause and effect, movement and sensory) or (something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read).
I limit what I get new and wait for a sale as well. New toys are so expensive and I don't want to set the precedent of buying whatever we want. My only exception is garage sales or thrift stores. You want it (within reason)? Sure. Most of our toys are from there and I don't feel bad passing it on to someone else for free or redonating it. So we have a larger volume.
Unfortunately I think my 3 year old is reincarnated from a depression era hoarder so the getting rid of stuff has slowed down significantly lol
Yep. I do something similar and since we have more than one kid we often do the hand them down list but I do find myself cleaning up broken parts of toys atleast once a month. I feel like kids have something like an 'interest' window and it seems to fluctuate based on what they see in friends homes or the latest video they watched on youtube.
Are you buying new or second hand?
We have toys, but we do not hoard toys. If something isn’t played with, it’s annoying or broken, it goes.
I either donate, sell, or trash.
I try to do a toy purge about every 3 months (so it’s not a huge project) and my preschooler (age 4) loves helping me. Once your child is old enough (we started around 3) it’s important to include them in the decluttering so they learn how to declutter and practice letting things go. Last month my daughter got rid of 1/3 of her stuffies without prompting. She hugged each one before putting it in the bag and said “I’ll miss you.”
But I don’t want to clean up and sort millions of toys. Once the mess starts to get untenable we do a purge.
I try to buy second hand so that things are easier to part with (you don’t feel like you’re throwing away lots of money).
My mind is calmer if I’m not drowning in stuff. And my kids prefer it that way too. My daughter will ask to do a purge if she gets overwhelmed by toys.
A mix of both new/second-hand. A lot of the new stuff was gifted, though... a decent number are now in storage, but I'm thinking to save them for baby #2 so they can get "new" stuff (from storage), rather than just having access to what my daughter is currently playing with
In my experience, the first wants all the old baby toys from storage, the second and third only want the big kid toys because the siblings have outgrown the infant things.
This is what I do. Buying second hand really does help make it easier to let go of toys. We still have so much 😅 but we do a big toy clean out before Christmas and birthdays and I’ll randomly toss cheap junk toys when I’m cleaning.
I do! I think my issue is more about soothing my inner child who had nothing rather than hoping it’ll buy me a moment of peace, but what I do to counterbalance it is to avoid buying new whenever possible. Most of his toys are thrifted, so I don’t feel as bad sending it back to the thrift shop or reselling it if it’s not a hit or no longer being played with. If I have no choice but to buy new, I insist on waiting for a significant sale or coupons before buying. By the time a sale comes along, I’ll have had enough time to think it through and probably decide against getting it after all. So much of the shopping experience nowadays rely on manipulating our emotions in the moment, so enforcing a mandatory think-it-through delay before purchase really helps cut down on impulse purchases.
My friends 8 year old said "IcarusBurns's Kiddo lives in a toy store!" when I babysat him one day and it made me so happy. I grew up poor, where getting a single doll for holidays or birthday was a HUGE deal(& I still have ALL of my dolls/toys at my grandmothers).I got teased so much for having the same Barbie to bring to play with the friend group,or for making my own paper dolls. When I had my daughter, I vowed to make sure she never felt that way. She is almost 3 and has pretty much every type of toy- lots of blocks(wood,duplo,large cardboard). A few ride on toys. Car tracks. Miniature animals. More stuffies than she will ever need. So many doll babies. Cars/Monster trucks. A huge book collection. Musical instruments. An art station. Play kitchen and store. I have a knack for finding stuff free/cheap online, plus she is the only grandkid in her generation on 3 branches of family and we have gotten a LOT of awesome hand me downs. I was so worried about the "Minimalism is better for kids" idea until I remembered- I had that. I had minimum toys and yes. I was creative but I was often miserable. I love having options of hobbies and interests, why treat my kid differently?
We play all day on and off, but she is also very great at independent play. When I am working, she will jump on her mini trampoline and listen to music, or draw on her chalkboard. Or imagine play with her minis. She helps pick up and organize her toys,and as long as I can organize them to make the playroom tidy-ish so it can be swept and mopped, I am good.
We go through toys every 3 months and put away anything that isnt played with much. And I run a gift program for families who need help during the holidays and birthdays. Mostly funded by our outgrown stash. Shes going to be little for so short of time. Kids are growing up so much faster and getting away from traditional toys so much earlier than when I was a kid, so I personally will give her as many as she will play with for as long as she want them.
As long as your house isnt unsafe, I wouldnt worry about having too much. My 3 year old tested at kindergarten levels in every category for a head start program so clearly us giving her "too much" hasn't been stunting her development.
That’s fair, and I’m glad you were able to give your daughter more than you had. I grew up at once house with a lot of toys (my house with less money ironically), and a house with only a couple toys (very well off). I felt like I played well at both, but honestly I didn’t play with most of my toys at the house where I had a lot, so I feel like I’m just repeating that
I have stopped myself from buying so much things! I want to get my son everything x 5, but I keep reminding myself he has these toys at daycare already. I live in an apartment and I’m already overwhelmed by the amount of toys we have. We live across the street from a park-he doesn’t need a sandbox/swingset in the backyard. He has a play kitchen at daycare and a balance beam. It’s really hard because I agree, I think he’d love to have it here, but I have to consider my mental sanity as well!
I personally had to just completely stop looking at toys. We had bought so many toys and still have so many that they never played with. It was never a money issue, but a real space issue. Now we have a stack of toys they haven’t even seen yet (from previous purchases) that we are using as gifts this year.
Something to consider is when your kid has too many toys they can be easily overwhelmed and not focus on one thing. They also don’t take care of toys they have because there always more. We live in a small condo and severely limit the toys we have. My kiddo does get bored but we will just go outside then or try to find something new. We rotate toys by storing at the grandparents house which has room that we don’t have.
I just think of all these toys taking thousands of years to biodegrade in a landfill and it puts a damper on buying stuff. We try to find secondhand whenever possible. We just inherited a dollhouse from a relative! We will also inherit my husbands old train set soon.
It can be very hard to limit the things that show up at your house. We are a very minimalistic family, we are a Waldorf homeschool family. Lots of wooden toys and toys that are simple and ones that aren't made in China. If you can try and start buying quality instead of quantity, it really helps. It allows us to also teach proper maintenance of said, even though things still get broken 😭 it's all a learning experience. The hardest thing for us is no matter how many boundaries we put up with our family members who are in a different mindset then we are, they continue to buy dollar store junk that ends up in the trash. IMO there is too much shit out there to buy, it's overwhelming and overstimulating for parents and kids. It creates a 'there's always the next best thing' scenario leaving the consumer and the child always wanting more. Rant over
Honestly the minimalist toys didn’t really do it for my kid. We got the lovevery sets for the first year (it was a gift), and there were only a couple things she played with a lot
I am finding I have going out toys and staying home toys. So I was travelling across the city daily and would have a stock of toys I'd rotate through that were great for being out of the house. They don't get played with at home and it definitely helps.
I have a little polly pocket in each of my handbags that she knows is there and she can't play with it normally but she gets access to them when we go out. It makes life so much easier.
That’s a really good idea! I might have to do that
It does help. When she was younger it was a couple of tiny cars, or unicorns, fidget toy and a small book. Now it's Polly pockets and colouring books and pencils.
Omg please tell me more of these traveling across the city toys. I have lots of long transit adventures with my toddler too and while the train/bus itself is often the attraction I do find myself wishing I had more small portable things that would be entertaining for her.
The most random thing is this little.. stick? Magic wand? That has lights and the top part spins when you press a button. I got it for like $1 from a pharmacy/convenience type store in the post holiday discount bin and it has saved her from so many meltdowns. I wish I had more items like that.
So I used to carry a few toys. The ones that stuck and worked well were. - A set of 4 unicorns that had their own little box. (To start with she used to just hold them and carry them around and now she has full stories for these. ) The big one was counting them everytime you put them away so you don't lose them. - A couple of board books that I'd swap out every week or two. - some crayons/pencils and colouring books/pages. I had a little A5 clipboard and I'd print out pages at half size and she'd have all sorts of fun. - fidget toys set. She particularly loved the ones to stick onto other stuff and the pop ones. I didn't take any that were very noisy. - I did try little cars but she never took to them too much but little dolls always worked for us. It's whatever toy works, but in small form. She loves Barbies little sister Chelsea. But also now at 4 she really loves Polly pockets they are a whole world in one toy. - a light blanket. Honestly this was the most amazing 'toy' she would wear it as a cape. Or a skirt or it would be the sail or the horses tail.... Basically it was whatever she wanted it to be.
I also attached a mini speaker to her pram and she'd have music. I turned it down so low that unless you were within about 30 cms you wouldn't hear it but she loved bopping along to music. I did also do a tablet but I didn't have access to the internet on it so I downloaded a few of the games from Lucas and friends so there was colouring and shapes and numbers and all sorts of stuff. I just downloaded the right age appropriate games as she aged. She liked the matching games and stuff and at least she was doing while on the tablet rather than just zoning out. She often would ask for it and then play for a while and then want to play with something else.
My attitude was very much a happy kid is better than a sad kid so I didn't mind the tablet for a bit. We'd also read signs and see if she could spot letters or colours etc.
I think if it makes you and your kid happy to have all the toys, and you can afford it, go ham!
We took a different approach and have been trying to ride the “entertained by anything” train as far as it will take us. Daughter is 14m and I can count on one hand the toys that husband and I have bought her. She gets things from relatives but is truly thrilled by kitchen utensils, produce, yard trimmings, random containers, old magazines, etc. She is a book fiend so we have a lot of books.
I know there will come a day when she’s old enough to request specific toys but for now, this has been good on the wallet and the clutter factor.
I was pretty good about not buying stuff in year 1 (we had a lot of things gifted), but I feel like it really took off when she was like 18-24 months old
Not really. My kid would rather play with the recycling bin and sticks. I let the grandparents by all of his new toys and will occasionally pick stuff up on buy nothing.
I spend most of my money on chicken nuggets 🤪
Definitely. I told myself I was going to limit myself this Christmas but there’s just so much fun stuff out there. I got things that would expand sets they already have - a roll-up keyboard piano for their music set, a couple magnetic tile sets (they play with them practically every day) - and we started our Schleich animal collection this year, and I got them baby dolls because we’ve got a new baby coming next year…
Idk most of the stuff we have is super fun and special and they play with it a lot … and my oldest is very grateful, takes good care of her toys and is not spoiled at all (youngest is 18 months so she can’t say thank you, but she plays with everything her big sister plays with). Like I said, I’m having a third kid so it’ll all be used for years and if they all want to play with the magnetic tiles at the same time, well, you need more of them otherwise they’ll fight over just a few pieces.
I looked back at previous Christmases and they still play with almost everything they got before, so I guess I must be picking good stuff 😅
I buy too much of everything when it comes to him.. toys, clothes, etc. To be fair though I shop mostly second hand and I saved most of the toys I bought to be given on Christmas/his birthday. I just cant help it. I never thought I'd have a kid and I'll never have another. So I want to spoil him in a way. My childhood was very different in that we could barely afford food, let alone a toy. So I guess I never want him to feel the way I did either.
The thing is regardless of all the review, it is still hard to know which toy will be a hit so I need to do this trial and error, which ends up with lots of toys. However, I try to thrift secondhand toys as much as I could and avoid buying toys that serve the same purpose, like we don’t need 10 stuffed animals.
I’m totally going to be the buzz kill in this conversation because overconsumption is something I’m really passionate about.
I’m ruthless with toys. I’ve been on a minimalism/zero waste journey well before having kids and while there are definitely things I have let go of (re: squeeze pouches), when I see all the plastic toys, I can’t stop picturing it all in a landfill. I’m the same way with cheap polyester clothing. As a society, we can’t afford to sustain our current level of consumption. Between the environmental impact, human rights violations, and dopamine depletion, I really don’t want to instill consumeristic habits in my kids for them to carry into adulthood. Obviously my kids still have toys and living in the US, we are still consuming way more than what is sustainable, so this is an ongoing conversation in my house. But I would way rather my kids have some hope for a future with clean air and water than a week with a cheap toy that scratches my itch to buy something. And I get that itch all the time, of course, and I make mistakes all the time. But we have to build self discipline as a society otherwise we are sacrificing our kid’s future at the altar of our worship of material objects. Kids want connection, they want to be outside, they want to hear stories. Shop secondhand, trade with friends, go without. We owe it to our kids to be doing the least. Sorry to be the bad guy here 😅
No I agree, and a lot of what we have (most, if you don’t include gifts from relatives) is second hand. I was very much a minimalist/ environmentalist (didn’t eat meat), before having my daughter, but I’ve fallen WAY off the bandwagon
I totally get it. I buy my 3 year old toys to make her happy and allow her to play independently. I also try to donate all old/unused toys because I can’t stand clutter.
I stopped buying excessive toys after his first birthday. He seemed more interested in kitchen utensils than toys. We still buy him toys, but after giving it a lot of thought. He is 2.5 now and does independent play. He uses whatever toys he has, plus other items at home. I have also observed that he plays lesser with his toys and more with other items at home. On the plus side he never gets bored when we travel since he just needs a few toys to entertain him. Give him a mop and broom and he will happily spend an hour with them 😅
I buy a ton of toys (a lot off marketplace). I donate when she hasn’t touched them in a few months.
I like this in theory, but then I worry about having to rebuy stuff for baby #2
Well, for now I am one and done, and because I can afford it, I feel no reason not to gift my friends and strangers my goodies for her :)!! It feels good to give nice things away for me :), but power to you for saving them for another baby
I keep wondering “but what if she becomes interested in this toy in the future?”
The one that always gets me is the baby doll. we got her a doll, even specifically one that looks like her (she is mixed race/not white so it wasn’t straight forward) and she just has zero interest in the doll. It wasn’t super pricey or anything but still.
People keep telling me wait until age 2, age 3, etc one day surely she will want to play with a doll. So far it’s a firm no haha
Awe I never thought about the finding a doll that looks like her. I’ve bought my Caucasian kiddo probably 8 baby doll toys of different sizes (we have two homes we move back and forth between), and I have only bought her non-Caucasian dolls 🥹… usually because it pisses me off that black dolls are usually discounted (seriously, wtf?), but also because we have friends from all ethnic backgrounds, in hopes she will see them as her princesses and babies she loves so much 🥹
We didn’t but our toddler any Duplo but somehow by 2 he has 9 sets. Friends and family gift us many many many toys. 🤷🏻♀️
A lot of these studies are “can” “if” “maybe”. You know your kid best and if they love toys keep buying them.
My daughter has way too many toys but still has favorites, focuses on certain ones on varying weeks, and has no issues with imaginative play for hours on end every day.
If we notice she hasn’t played with toys for awhile we’ll go donate them since they’re usually still in like new condition. Of course then she’ll ask where they are weeks later lol.
Simplicity Parenting covers this subject pretty well.
Toy rotation has been key!
I’m totally obsessed with buying her everything, used and new. Sigh. But I keep 6-7 things out at a time. Everything else stays in two huge armoires from ikea or the playroom closet. Literally everything. No toys anywhere else except her bookshelf.
I usually do a building toy (legos, blocks etc), 2 imagination toys (dolls, tea party, puppets), 1-2 musical instruments, puzzle type toy, and whatever else I’m feeling that week. I do the same with her books. Keeps it fresh for all of us. I pull out her art or sensory supplies when we can do them together. I also have a couple shelves of special toys that are only for shared play with us.
One thing I think about is when I go shopping for myself. At a high end store where the shelves are minimally stocked, lighting is beautiful, outfits are styled. I want everything versus Ross where I have to really be in the mood to do the work. I want her toy shelves to pull her in. So maybe it’s putting my old jewelry out in a bin with the dolls, or her old baby socks to add a bit of interest to the old toy. But it will buy me half and to hour where if I had left the same dolls in a bin she would have completely ignored them.
Also I keep everything arranged by age in bins downstairs if it is too old for her now and package things up and sell/donate when she is over them
A lot of minimalists I follow who have kids have a container or other area for the toys, and when that container can't fit anymore the child chooses which toys get donated.
(p.s. Extremely odd answers here. "Go ahead and get all the things!!" is clearly not why this OP came here. You can love your 'one and only' child without burying them stuff that will never decompose and will in fact end up in a landfill in some other less privileged's child backyard.)
(p.p.s. Oh god, I'm in a toddler sub not the minimalism sub. Why you do this to me, Reddit? Why would I get served a sub I don't belong to? No wonder so many bizarro answers.)
This was me (still kind of is but I’m working on it). One thing that’s helped me is to intentionally buy more open ended toys and avoiding the flashy/loud/obnoxious toys. So things like wooden blocks, magnatiles, LEGO duplo sets, diecast cars (a favorite for my son. He loves opening/closing all the doors lol), counting bears, wooden puzzles, balance beam, playground balls, different sized/colored baskets and buckets, and LOTS of art supplies (playdoh, markers, finger paint, popsicle sticks, crayons, etc). I’ve found they’re way easier to store and way easier to rotate/pair with each other to create even more play possibilities. So technically I’m still spending roughly the same amount of money and we have the same amount of stuff but there’s much more usability from each item.
I’ve already given my toddler two of her Christmas presents. I had to wrap them up before that happened again. I have a tall cabinet and a play room, storage ottoman, tons of toys and just try to rotate or keep organized. Want to get rid of a lot of we now have a 6 month old who is using the “baby toys “ so double use.
I also buy mine whatever I think she might like. To justify it, I'll try to fill a bag worth of toys to donate that she's outgrown or is too old for or doesn't seem to care for, to make space for the new ones.
I also have trouble not buying the toys. So instead, I have a big storage bin that holds about half of his toys and the rest are in his play area. About every 6 weeks I go through and switch out all of the play area toys for the ones in the bin. He gets to rediscover toys (which at 2 equals brand new toys apparently) and I get to keep some semblance of tidiness.
Try the library or other toy swap opportunities in your area. If the toy is a hit or desperately wanted could still purchase it later. Also builds resilience and discretion in my kid. Shes learned she doesnt want everything and tries new things, but if doesnt want it long term she has figured out that we dont have to buy everything and can share for just a little while instead.
My library has home toys, but I definitely wish there was a more robust toy swap in my area… I just can’t think of the logistics to confidently start one
If you have a good library system, it could be suggested as a program they offer or even just allow a meeting time/day for the group that you start, would likely still assist you with getting the word out by talking about it in their storytime or lego club and handout flyers/calendars. For now, we just check out toys and puzzles from the library because they have a great collection, but have been thinking of this as well, especially if we move at some point where we lose access. Im sure you could kickstart something if want to go that route. I have also seen a mom group that meets at our regular park swap toys together and it is just a few of them, so doesnt have to be a huge project if find a couple of like-minded parents. I like the boundaries of the library trip though. It really makes it clear for my kid to understand and participate in the whole process and she knows she can probably check an item out again at a later time if likes it and enjoys the idea that other kids will get to borrow it too....sometimes haha.
I used to with my first 2 who are in their 20’s now. My 3rd (last) is 3. I haven’t done that for baby & he’s done a great job at independent play. An example…There’s a feral momma & her kittens wandering around our house. I haven’t caught them yet, but put food out for them & bought kitty litter, so we’re ready when I do catch them. My son found the unused kitty litter & has been playing with it for 3 days. Using it for his vehicles as sand. Gross, but it makes him happy. Also gives him an excuse to use the vacuum which he loves. We have carpet & I figure what the hell, it helps clean carpet stink when vacuuming 500 times a day.
I just spent $1200 on Christmas for my 20 mo old so I'm no help. I am saving some for her 2nd birthday and sold some of it to my dad and sisters, but it's still $1200 worth of stuff coming into our home. I also bought everything on sale for at least 40-80% off, so it's more like $3000 worth of stuff (it does include some clothes, training underwear, and books though). She's also getting a step2 fun house for Christmas and a step2 kitchen for her birthday, 4 little people sets (to go with the 3 she already has), a wooden fast food set, wooden ice cream set, Melissa and Doug toys (cleaning set, puzzles, etc), about every Ms. Rachel toy ever made, numerous tonies, and idk what else because there's so much of it. She also still plays with all of her other toys (which includes a pikler and a few ride on toys and push toys). We live in a small apt and I have no idea where all this is going to go. I know it's bad to have so much (not to mention all the clutter), but I want her to have everything I didn't have and I want her to have everything that might help her developmentally.