So I was at my best friends christmas party and i had a bit of a meltdown. I dont remember it because I was drunk but i sat in a spare room crying telling my friend that im an inconvenience and that I need to kill myself over and over. I was hitting myself in the head constantly saying I deserve to kill myself. Wierdly enough I set an alarm on my phone for the next morning as a reminder to kill myself. I would never commit suicide but Its like all the internal thoughts and the awful self esteem I have about myself came pouring out when I blacked out in front of everyone. Im pretty mortified and feel so guilty for ruining my friends night and I wish it just didn't happen. Apparently one of the people was trying to tell my friend to tell my family because I needed 'professional help', and if this is going to start happening maybe hes right i dont know. Im pretty embarassed and i dont know how to navigate being around these people now. Sorry if this is wordvomit i half just wanted to say it while possibly getting somebodys opinion. Thank You x