I disagree. If he is a good father, that relationship is there no matter the DNA. Its the mother's and father's relationship that falls apart. Not the father and son. What the dad did was selfish as fuck and on him fully. Depriving his son of a father because he found out he didnt share DNA with his son.
She is the only one in the wrong here. Not the son or father. They deserve to know the truth. She deserves to lay in the bed of shit she made. Him killing himself was selfish AF.
I don't understand why it's so difficult to hold these women accountable?? Why?? She cheated and lied to the guy. His whole life was based on a lie. I don't get it.
Who went out and pulled the trigger? Not her!
She may not have even known about the kid being his or not. We dont know the circumstances of the ... conceiving
It sounds like out of the 3 of them, she had the best knowledge.
So kids who are bullied and killed themselves are responsible? Do.we "not know the circumstances " behind it?
There is a drastic difference between an child killing them selves and an adult. Thats outrageous to even compare.
The fact is, the father was destroyed because if it. He thought only about himself and deprived his child and potential grandchildren of a father/grandfather. Her knew exactly what he was doing. In a terrible mind set of course, a dark place of deep depression, but having the ability to know things can get better.
A child does not have the capacity to truly grasp the 1-repercussions of their actions, and 2-the understanding that very very little of what is said about you at 13 really matters at 30.
You're out of your mind if you think the 2 are the same thing.
Nice attempt at backtracking, but the cause remains the same. This bitch lied, this bitch deprived the paternal relationship, this bitch ruined her kid , this bitch didn't pull the trigger , she just did everything else but.
She took all that, she showed the value of what his life was to her and her kid. She took grandparenting away. If I put a landmine underground and someone steps on it years later, I'm responsible for their death. Come on, you can formulate a sentence , comprehension couldn't be that hard?
Raped and DIDN'T tell her husband? Didn't go get checked out? If she got raped and knew she was pregnant, she made a willing choice to not tell her husband. If she didn't get checked out, then she's at minimum an idiot. Or, let's be fair and say they only had 1 child because he's sterile and she went out and hooked up with some rando.
The relationship he had with his son was not lie. Sure, he didnt know. But that wasnt the sons choice. Killing himself may have made the mother feel guilty. But it also forced the son to not have a father, and question his choice in telling his dad the rest of his life.
It punished the mother. But the son got the worst of it.
I am not dismissing the mother's role at all, she fucked up and deserves to have her life destroyed and turned upside down.
But his actions are his alone. He was a grown man who was wronged by his wife but could not see past that to the relationship and life he had built with his son. He was selfish and made it about him and him alone. I cant imagine the pain that his son felt finding out his biological father was someone he (might) not know at all. His father could have helped him navigate that. Instead, his father took any parental support the kid had left and blew it up. Now the kid has no parents.
He committed the action that she inspired. I can't make it any simpler. Yeah the sons life is fucked, but don't heap all the blame on the dude whose life was a scam.for a cheater
Let the son punish the mother then. She knew when she cheated what could have happened and lied about it. She fucked up 2 lives to protect her own moral high ground.
She killed him; she’s the exclusive source of his suicide.
If there’s someone who was bullied by one person to the brink of suicide, we would blame the bully. But because a man killed himself, he’s “selfish” because how dare he leave that poor mother by herself to take care of a… oh wait OP is a grown adult at 19 years of age when this happened.
You can’t call someone killing themself “selfish” you don’t know anything about the situation going on in their head, it could be the most anguish and pain they’ve ever experienced, which leads them to killing themself. Saying someone is selfish for killing themself show how ignorant you are.
You know, I used to think the same way. But when I got started suffering from MDD, I promise you suicide is not selfish. In the last 6 years, 4 have been the worst time of my life due to my depression. I used to literally cry and drink at night because I didn’t have the balls to pull the trigger and I just knew that if I did then the whole world would be better off for it.
When someone gets to the point of suicidal thoughts, that’s not them thinking anymore. I mean, it obviously is, but the me sitting in the woods by a fire with a handle of whiskey and a .38 is not the same me sitting on my couch typing this comment. Yes, anon’s father shouldn’t have killed himself, but as someone that’s been betrayed in a very similar way, the entire last 20 years of his life just fell apart. He thought he had a loving wife that was always true, and even if she did just cheat once, she still broke that trust and didn’t even admit so anon’s dad could have a chance to try to cope and maybe even work things out. She just lied, for 20 years, and he couldn’t believe anything she said ever again, and to him, that was his whole world (other than the son that’s not his).
Finally, someone gets it. Also, those retail DNA tests aren’t very accurate; what if the test was simply wrong? A few digits on a piece of paper don’t make someone a true father or a true family - it’s the people in the family who do.
You must live in a perfect world, unlike the rest of us! 😜 The mom lied to him, and most likely trapped him with someone else's child. That's a hard pill to swallow! 😫
I agree on the first half. Not the second half. We all have an influence on each other. Nobody is fully an agent of responsibility. The father had his life, his way of thinking, his pain. Suicide is never fully selfish. Always tragic.
The relationship between the father and the son is indeed more important than DNA, however. I just wish he realized that...it's not his fault though. Not even fully on the mother. Or the son. The fault we give is rules that we pass on to our kids to prevent the same thing happening again, by way of shame and guilt, to prevent perceived tragedy and shared pain. Sometimes we don't get it though... and the pain, fear, anger, and sadness held by others go beyond our awareness... so we don't get why people do things, whether it's hurt, commit suicide, or both.
The problem here isn’t that their relationship wasn’t real. The problem is OPs father staring down his own mortality in the next decade or two(which is what I assume when someone is described as old) and realizing so much of his life got decided for him. That his son never was his biologically and he could’ve had all those years to remarry, stay single, chase a hobby or a dream, bucket list items, etc. That none of that is possible now, he was never put in a position to be allowed those choices and this child insinuated to be his and he trusted the wrong person who he should’ve been able to trust the most. If I find out at some point in the future that none of my children are mine, it’d be hard to not opt for the same decision. Because I get one life and if so much of it was built on someone’s else’s lie(s) then I never really got to make my own choices.
This ^ my great grandfather raised me because my dad was never around, a few years ago I come to find out that we were never “blood” relatives. It was surprising but never diminished the depth or quality of our relationship whatsoever.
I have 2 friends who have found out their dad isn’t their dad, and believe me when I say they’re NEVER going to bring it up to their parents. Doesn’t help anything, doesn’t achieve anything, only pain if it were ever to come out. And at the end of the day, a person’s dad is who raised them, not who donated sperm.
I would take this to the grave. Take my mom far out into the woods and give her the biggest chew out session I have ever given... She would hear me, I would demand she stayed silent about this conversation. Oh so help me...
We will figure it out. He would be my dad. After all, he raised me for years. Once he passed, because he is already old, I would begin my investigation. As for my mom.. That's tough.. I would keep things casual, and have to find ways to vent.. Lots and Lots of hiking. <<
However... This is what I think I would like to do.
My bf & I did 23&me a few years ago. He found out that his Dad had made a whole ass other person when he cheated on his Mom. 😬 His Dad still denies it to this day. 🤦🏼♀️
What's weird is that his new sister has the same name as me, & we both use the French spelling of a very common name. LoL
Like, RIP to his father, I'm not trying to disrespect him, but how does anyone look at a DNA result and go “hm, let me explain this IN DETAIL to my old man who has been convinced for years on end that I am his child, this will definitely not go wrong!”?
I mean, at this point it’s everyone’s fault. The father for deciding to kill himself because of this, the teenager for lacking tact and not keeping a secret, and the mother for being a lying cheating bitch.
If my son found this out and didn’t tell me I would disown him. I HATE this shit where people are like “not my business”. Fuck that, if someone is cheating and I have a method of contacting their spouse, I’m doing it. I know how awful that shit feels. Even if it is 20 years after the fact, who says she stopped after that? Even if she did stop, he still had a right to know that his wife cheated and then he can maybe choose to work through it. But everyday after the day that occurred she lied to her husband through her teeth, and she deserves nothing but misery for it.
And no, I’m not incel-ing, I would feel the same way about a man in the same shoes, other than obviously there wouldn’t be a situation where the mom finds out it’s not her baby bc the dad cheated.
How is that the kid’s fault? The kid only knows them as their parent and that shouldn’t change just because he’s not by blood. Yeah, it sucks because it sounds like the mom cheated but the relationship should be over with her not the kid. Family is not just by blood..
Do you know what happens when you date a single parent and then break up?? The kids get over it, and you have no rights to their kids. Except in that case, you firstly know they aren't yours biologically, and second, you make a conscious decision to parent their kids. And not only that, parents get divorced all the time and kids get abandoned by their biological parents as well. Shitty parents, and it's a mess, but stop acting like this guys an ah and he shouldn't have a feeling about the situation after all that time he was deceived. Do I feel bad for the kid?? Absolutely, but i don't judge the poor guy either. Women will never understand this, never. And you trying this guilt trip nonsense. Nah. I feel bad for both, him and the kid.
If you've had a son for 19 years, raised them, loved them. And then you leave the second you find out you're not related by blood, then there is something wrong with you.
Blood doesn't matter as much as people seem to think it does. In cases like this especially, where the kid was raised as his son and the kid grew up knowing him as his dad, that's his dad, regardless of who's sperm the kid came from. Finding out that your wife cheated on you doesn't erase the 19 years you spent raising your child.
The impressive/sad thing is how the Redditors down there in the comments believe any story they read. A story mostly invented by another teen just like them.
I know this story is likely fake, but I still engage with it as a hypothetical. It’s like, “what would my reaction be if I encountered this in real life? Let’s find out” kinda deal.
Honestly whether this story is real or not, some people here really need to understand how there is usually not only one person at fault in any given situation -_-
I dont get this. I be BEYOND pissed with the wife but the "my life is a lie" idea is something we need to get rid of. This emphasis on BIOLOGICAL children.
Like okay you're not his BLOOD, you're still HIS DAD.
My dad is my step-dad technically but to me HE IS MY DAD. same for this kid who now doesnt have a dad AND is going to think HE killed his dad
This exactly. Sure the sperm that made the kid didn't come from you, but that doesn't erase the 19 years you spent raising this kid from birth. Blood means nothing in the grand scheme of things beyond a pre-made tie to connect you. Blood relationships aren't any stronger than non-blood relationships
Like, seriously, what a bunch of drongos. The Mum cheats on the Dad. The son can't just let sleeping dogs lie (like, dude, you have a good relationship with your parents whom you have known all your life - does this really matter? They are still the same people). The Dad completely freakin' overreacts and robs his son of his father.
Pretty sure "didn't understand* was code for let me stay ignorant and pretend this isn't happening.
Yeah so what was the fucking point?
I was thinking the same thing.. <_< I would have kept that to my f*cking self... Especially if he was old.. Somethings should go to the grave..
I disagree. If he is a good father, that relationship is there no matter the DNA. Its the mother's and father's relationship that falls apart. Not the father and son. What the dad did was selfish as fuck and on him fully. Depriving his son of a father because he found out he didnt share DNA with his son.
Yeah not the mother who lied and cheated?
She is the only one in the wrong here. Not the son or father. They deserve to know the truth. She deserves to lay in the bed of shit she made. Him killing himself was selfish AF.
She killed him. Everything he'd lived from there was based on her lie.
I don't understand why it's so difficult to hold these women accountable?? Why?? She cheated and lied to the guy. His whole life was based on a lie. I don't get it.
Who went out and pulled the trigger? Not her! She may not have even known about the kid being his or not. We dont know the circumstances of the ... conceiving
So she spread her legs and 9 months later a baby pops out and she has no idea it could be someone else's... yeah, gottcha.
It sounds like out of the 3 of them, she had the best knowledge. So kids who are bullied and killed themselves are responsible? Do.we "not know the circumstances " behind it?
There is a drastic difference between an child killing them selves and an adult. Thats outrageous to even compare.
The fact is, the father was destroyed because if it. He thought only about himself and deprived his child and potential grandchildren of a father/grandfather. Her knew exactly what he was doing. In a terrible mind set of course, a dark place of deep depression, but having the ability to know things can get better.
A child does not have the capacity to truly grasp the 1-repercussions of their actions, and 2-the understanding that very very little of what is said about you at 13 really matters at 30.
You're out of your mind if you think the 2 are the same thing.
A child
Nice attempt at backtracking, but the cause remains the same. This bitch lied, this bitch deprived the paternal relationship, this bitch ruined her kid , this bitch didn't pull the trigger , she just did everything else but. She took all that, she showed the value of what his life was to her and her kid. She took grandparenting away. If I put a landmine underground and someone steps on it years later, I'm responsible for their death. Come on, you can formulate a sentence , comprehension couldn't be that hard?
Man kills himself.
Redditors: How dare he deprive society of his productivity and value!
What kind of 40K logic is this?
The fuck? You think she slipped and fell on someone's cock blindfolded?
Yes, that's exactly one of their theories.
Hope youre never raped
Raped and DIDN'T tell her husband? Didn't go get checked out? If she got raped and knew she was pregnant, she made a willing choice to not tell her husband. If she didn't get checked out, then she's at minimum an idiot. Or, let's be fair and say they only had 1 child because he's sterile and she went out and hooked up with some rando.
incitement to suicide
Accessory, even.
Incitement only counts when it’s intentional. Not the case here as far as we know.
Yes, like her screwing and getting pregnant by another man.
Please tell me you're joking.
The relationship he had with his son was not lie. Sure, he didnt know. But that wasnt the sons choice. Killing himself may have made the mother feel guilty. But it also forced the son to not have a father, and question his choice in telling his dad the rest of his life.
It punished the mother. But the son got the worst of it.
I understand your point, but dismissing the mothers role is just brainless
I am not dismissing the mother's role at all, she fucked up and deserves to have her life destroyed and turned upside down.
But his actions are his alone. He was a grown man who was wronged by his wife but could not see past that to the relationship and life he had built with his son. He was selfish and made it about him and him alone. I cant imagine the pain that his son felt finding out his biological father was someone he (might) not know at all. His father could have helped him navigate that. Instead, his father took any parental support the kid had left and blew it up. Now the kid has no parents.
But he didnt have son. It was someone else's son.
He committed the action that she inspired. I can't make it any simpler. Yeah the sons life is fucked, but don't heap all the blame on the dude whose life was a scam.for a cheater
And you 100% are dismissing it
Let the son punish the mother then. She knew when she cheated what could have happened and lied about it. She fucked up 2 lives to protect her own moral high ground.
She killed him; she’s the exclusive source of his suicide.
If there’s someone who was bullied by one person to the brink of suicide, we would blame the bully. But because a man killed himself, he’s “selfish” because how dare he leave that poor mother by herself to take care of a… oh wait OP is a grown adult at 19 years of age when this happened.
You can’t call someone killing themself “selfish” you don’t know anything about the situation going on in their head, it could be the most anguish and pain they’ve ever experienced, which leads them to killing themself. Saying someone is selfish for killing themself show how ignorant you are.
You know, I used to think the same way. But when I got started suffering from MDD, I promise you suicide is not selfish. In the last 6 years, 4 have been the worst time of my life due to my depression. I used to literally cry and drink at night because I didn’t have the balls to pull the trigger and I just knew that if I did then the whole world would be better off for it.
When someone gets to the point of suicidal thoughts, that’s not them thinking anymore. I mean, it obviously is, but the me sitting in the woods by a fire with a handle of whiskey and a .38 is not the same me sitting on my couch typing this comment. Yes, anon’s father shouldn’t have killed himself, but as someone that’s been betrayed in a very similar way, the entire last 20 years of his life just fell apart. He thought he had a loving wife that was always true, and even if she did just cheat once, she still broke that trust and didn’t even admit so anon’s dad could have a chance to try to cope and maybe even work things out. She just lied, for 20 years, and he couldn’t believe anything she said ever again, and to him, that was his whole world (other than the son that’s not his).
Finally, someone gets it. Also, those retail DNA tests aren’t very accurate; what if the test was simply wrong? A few digits on a piece of paper don’t make someone a true father or a true family - it’s the people in the family who do.
I agree, the father overreacted to say the least.
You must live in a perfect world, unlike the rest of us! 😜 The mom lied to him, and most likely trapped him with someone else's child. That's a hard pill to swallow! 😫
I agree on the first half. Not the second half. We all have an influence on each other. Nobody is fully an agent of responsibility. The father had his life, his way of thinking, his pain. Suicide is never fully selfish. Always tragic.
The relationship between the father and the son is indeed more important than DNA, however. I just wish he realized that...it's not his fault though. Not even fully on the mother. Or the son. The fault we give is rules that we pass on to our kids to prevent the same thing happening again, by way of shame and guilt, to prevent perceived tragedy and shared pain. Sometimes we don't get it though... and the pain, fear, anger, and sadness held by others go beyond our awareness... so we don't get why people do things, whether it's hurt, commit suicide, or both.
The problem here isn’t that their relationship wasn’t real. The problem is OPs father staring down his own mortality in the next decade or two(which is what I assume when someone is described as old) and realizing so much of his life got decided for him. That his son never was his biologically and he could’ve had all those years to remarry, stay single, chase a hobby or a dream, bucket list items, etc. That none of that is possible now, he was never put in a position to be allowed those choices and this child insinuated to be his and he trusted the wrong person who he should’ve been able to trust the most. If I find out at some point in the future that none of my children are mine, it’d be hard to not opt for the same decision. Because I get one life and if so much of it was built on someone’s else’s lie(s) then I never really got to make my own choices.
This ^ my great grandfather raised me because my dad was never around, a few years ago I come to find out that we were never “blood” relatives. It was surprising but never diminished the depth or quality of our relationship whatsoever.
Who fucking cares. He rose a son he loved. And took care of. Breeding is
idiocy.
He killed himself and you make it about the son, what a champ
I have 2 friends who have found out their dad isn’t their dad, and believe me when I say they’re NEVER going to bring it up to their parents. Doesn’t help anything, doesn’t achieve anything, only pain if it were ever to come out. And at the end of the day, a person’s dad is who raised them, not who donated sperm.
Agreed, I might confront my mother for being a dick but dad dosent need to know
I would take this to the grave. Take my mom far out into the woods and give her the biggest chew out session I have ever given... She would hear me, I would demand she stayed silent about this conversation. Oh so help me...
We will figure it out. He would be my dad. After all, he raised me for years. Once he passed, because he is already old, I would begin my investigation. As for my mom.. That's tough.. I would keep things casual, and have to find ways to vent.. Lots and Lots of hiking. <<
However... This is what I think I would like to do.
hindsight is always 20/20..
:( he raised a kid whose dad didnt want him :((((
Or didnt know.
My bf & I did 23&me a few years ago. He found out that his Dad had made a whole ass other person when he cheated on his Mom. 😬 His Dad still denies it to this day. 🤦🏼♀️
What's weird is that his new sister has the same name as me, & we both use the French spelling of a very common name. LoL
if it makes you feel any better, my fiancee and my half sister have the same name.
and my other half sister has a daughter who has the name same, but spelt weird
tbf the name is "mia" tho.
and my half sisters partner has the same name as our dad
LoL.. that's a... LOT 😅
Is the truth more dangerous out loud or in your memory?
Woah, where’d you learn that? Seriously
Made it up just now. The powers of imagination. Lol
Uff da. That’s a hard statement
Like, RIP to his father, I'm not trying to disrespect him, but how does anyone look at a DNA result and go “hm, let me explain this IN DETAIL to my old man who has been convinced for years on end that I am his child, this will definitely not go wrong!”?
Maybe instead of blaming a teenager, you blame the mother.
He's an adult, let's not infantilize people
I mean, at this point it’s everyone’s fault. The father for deciding to kill himself because of this, the teenager for lacking tact and not keeping a secret, and the mother for being a lying cheating bitch.
If my son found this out and didn’t tell me I would disown him. I HATE this shit where people are like “not my business”. Fuck that, if someone is cheating and I have a method of contacting their spouse, I’m doing it. I know how awful that shit feels. Even if it is 20 years after the fact, who says she stopped after that? Even if she did stop, he still had a right to know that his wife cheated and then he can maybe choose to work through it. But everyday after the day that occurred she lied to her husband through her teeth, and she deserves nothing but misery for it.
And no, I’m not incel-ing, I would feel the same way about a man in the same shoes, other than obviously there wouldn’t be a situation where the mom finds out it’s not her baby bc the dad cheated.
If you raise a kid, you’re their parent no matter what. Poor kid :(
Nope. Not when they've been lied to their whole life.
How is that the kid’s fault? The kid only knows them as their parent and that shouldn’t change just because he’s not by blood. Yeah, it sucks because it sounds like the mom cheated but the relationship should be over with her not the kid. Family is not just by blood..
Not when they've been lied to. It was all a lie.
If it was a lie, the kid has no fault in it. For him his dad will always be the person who raised him… and he would feel abandoned if he just left..
Do you know what happens when you date a single parent and then break up?? The kids get over it, and you have no rights to their kids. Except in that case, you firstly know they aren't yours biologically, and second, you make a conscious decision to parent their kids. And not only that, parents get divorced all the time and kids get abandoned by their biological parents as well. Shitty parents, and it's a mess, but stop acting like this guys an ah and he shouldn't have a feeling about the situation after all that time he was deceived. Do I feel bad for the kid?? Absolutely, but i don't judge the poor guy either. Women will never understand this, never. And you trying this guilt trip nonsense. Nah. I feel bad for both, him and the kid.
If you've had a son for 19 years, raised them, loved them. And then you leave the second you find out you're not related by blood, then there is something wrong with you.
Blood doesn't matter as much as people seem to think it does. In cases like this especially, where the kid was raised as his son and the kid grew up knowing him as his dad, that's his dad, regardless of who's sperm the kid came from. Finding out that your wife cheated on you doesn't erase the 19 years you spent raising your child.
Maybe shoulda told mom first
The impressive/sad thing is how the Redditors down there in the comments believe any story they read. A story mostly invented by another teen just like them.
From 4chan of all places lmao
I mean, I don’t see any evidence pointing towards it being fake.
Just like I don’t see any evidence pointing towards it being real. Wow! Almost like that’s how ambiguity works!
I know this story is likely fake, but I still engage with it as a hypothetical. It’s like, “what would my reaction be if I encountered this in real life? Let’s find out” kinda deal.
Honestly whether this story is real or not, some people here really need to understand how there is usually not only one person at fault in any given situation -_-
I dont get this. I be BEYOND pissed with the wife but the "my life is a lie" idea is something we need to get rid of. This emphasis on BIOLOGICAL children. Like okay you're not his BLOOD, you're still HIS DAD.
My dad is my step-dad technically but to me HE IS MY DAD. same for this kid who now doesnt have a dad AND is going to think HE killed his dad
This exactly. Sure the sperm that made the kid didn't come from you, but that doesn't erase the 19 years you spent raising this kid from birth. Blood means nothing in the grand scheme of things beyond a pre-made tie to connect you. Blood relationships aren't any stronger than non-blood relationships
Why tf would you tell him this
What if the kid was switched at birth and it was no one in the family's fault?
Then the kid would go to both parents and ask why they never told him he was adopted.
Parental fraud should be a crime!!
They removed ancestry labs in undergraduate genetics course throughout the US a few decades back because this was not an uncommon result.
"This may strike some viewers as harsh but I believe that everyone involved in this story should die"
Like, seriously, what a bunch of drongos. The Mum cheats on the Dad. The son can't just let sleeping dogs lie (like, dude, you have a good relationship with your parents whom you have known all your life - does this really matter? They are still the same people). The Dad completely freakin' overreacts and robs his son of his father.
Downvote me if you want, I don't give a crap!
Mother, father and me*
Mother, her husband and me*
Thank you. I hate when people caption a photo “This is a picture of Alex and I. “ No.
That is literally the correct English and your opinion will never change it lol
A good way to check it is to eliminate the person’s name. You wouldn’t say “this is a photo of I” you’d say “this is a photo of me.”
This is literally not how that part of English grammar works, and again, your opinion on it doesn't really matter
r/confidentallyincorrect
Friend you are wrong I'm sorry
I know it sounds wrong, but it’s right.
'Murican English is wrong, just accept it lil bros
No, it's "Alex and me" bc it's the second half of the sentence
There was 7 million ppl there.
This is just sad no one in this situation is right or wrong
Except the mom who cheated on him- Unless it was rape, in which case that would be on the rapist-
People are human we make mistakes…
I mean, yeah, we do, but regretting it doesn't change that she did it. She was in the wrong for cheating regardless so long as it was consensual.