Translation: “It doesn’t matter what your mom did or what your dad didn’t do, you’re the only one responsible for your future.”
TW:Segsual abuse
Context: my mom’s husband s/a’d me for years (11-21) and she sends me this. On top of it all my mother’s uncle also molested me from ages 2-9. No safety or protection whatsoever in my life. It pisses me off so fucking much bro. Like leave me tf alone. I’m the one who was abused and also gotta be the bigger person? All cause I told my mom this weekend not to send me pictures with her husband in it.
seems like it's time to you to permanently cut some people out of your life. I'm so sorry they are treating you like this. You deserve better!
I want to move far away from them, they all live less than 10 minutes away so I am always paranoid. Our relationship if you can even call it that, is very much fucked up. I’m seen as the bad guy for keeping a grudge, for not going to family functions, for choosing to not have kids. I just wanna get far away.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, so often it feels like I’m screaming into a void. Cause I literally have no one besides my bf in my corner.
Your family sucks, man. I'm glad your bf is supportive of you though
Gotta be the bigger person? Nah, they're just afraid of the consequences so they wanna steer you in the other direction.
Yeah I’ve always had to be the bigger person. Until the last time he got drunk and was trying to S/A me again( he didn’t get very far this time) I filed a restraining order and begged the judge to take all the children and youth reports into account. The judge took me as a joke and only gave me 6 month order. This was years ago. I’m so over it. I just want to go far away from it all. I’m trying to heal but how can you heal while constantly being triggered?
That’s like asking someone who’s been stabbed to heal while the knife is still stuck in them. You need to get out. Whatever that looks like for you. Move away, cut contact, delete phone numbers, don’t tell anyone where you went.
Just because they’re related to you doesn’t mean you have an obligation to keep them around. If they’re toxic, they’re toxic. It’s better to have a small social circle than to have a slightly larger one with people in it that you can’t trust.
Thank you for saying this, “That’s like asking someone who’s been stabbed to heal while the knife is still stuck in them” I have never ever thought of it like this but those words really get the meaning across. You and a couple other people today made me come to the decision that distance needs to be made. My lease is almost up soon and my bf can work anywhere in the state so I’m going to tell him to just do it. His family unfortunately is now involved with my mom and pedo guy (hanging out everyday, etc) so literally no one besides my bf is safe for me. I hope that I will be updating this in a few months and telling how much better my life has gotten. I just want peace, I’m so exhausted.
I really hope you get piece. This situation is unacceptable.
I'm just gonna throw this in, I think you meant "peace" not "piece". But yeah, you're right, OP really deserves for good things to happen to him/her.
You know what? You’re right. I did mean peace. As in puzzle peace. Thanks.
Made me laugh lol
Sorry about that :)
Thanks for the kind words, that’s all I’ve wanted for years. 🫶🏼
🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
Thank you 🙏🏽 I appreciate the validation. It’s easy to believe it’s my fault when surrounded by the type of people that surround me. So knowing that others believe it’s not my fault helps a lot actually.
It’s not your fault at all, you’re being gaslit and pushed into self doubt - the whole thing is monstrous. How does your bf feel, has he told his parents of what they’ve done to you?
This is not a healthy environment, how can you ever be well, with these people? There will always be predators, but your mother enabling them and lecturing you is, as I said above, outrageous.
My bf was the one who got me out that last night, if it weren’t for him I’d probably still be in that hellhole cause ofc I’m disabled as well.
He’s in agreement with me to go far away, his parents were outraged but after talking to abuser about it he manipulated them cause unfortunately they’re really good at manipulation and pretending to be someone they’re not.
Yes, that is typical for abusers. I can only hope that your bf is profoundly on your side and that the two of you soon have a life all of your own somewhere else, away from the sinister influences.
What is wrong with that judge ffs!!??
The justice system is beyond fucked, I still get choked up just thinking about the embarrassment I went through in that court room.
NO ONE told me about the free legal council I could have from the start, I went to the first hearing for filing pfa (protection from abuse) and the judge asked me if I had legal counsel, I told him no because I had no money and didn’t know until that day that I could have an attorney. He continues to say, in a courtroom full of people btw, that the reason why young people like me don’t do the things they’re meant to be doing is cause they’re watching things like the Kardashians…
The courtroom laughed. I just wanted to RIP tbh. I don’t understand why he even said that? That judge made the trauma worse.
Jeeez...that's beyond horrible. Why even call it the 'justice' system anymore? I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. Hope that scumbag of a judge (and the rest) gets ACTUAL justice for that behaviour.
Genuine reply: “Your husband and uncle both raped me. I know they both still probably take turns bending you over the counter, but you could have stopped the from doing the same to your daughter.”
Send it. Block them. Move on
And your mother is still with this piece of $h!t? Unbelievable
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
Most hurtful part, I wish she just had my back. Even now, if she chose to leave him to protect my sisters, I would feel validated. But she is brainwashed, doesn’t care, or something else that I can’t wrap my brain around.
Do you know what this is?
https://imgur.com/a/KKonG4x
You need to contact the mods about this, it's definitely an auto-mod mistake
Okay thank you, I will contact them. Or appeal it since it gave me the option to
I’m just paranoid that someone did that cause I said rapists and pedophiles should cesase to exist.
Nope, plenty of people are saying things like this. Vegans are always suggesting killing normal people, for example. I'm sure it's just a mistake
I appealed it and the appeal was denied, they still left me with a warning or something. I’m sure whoever reported it is very sus for wanting pedos and rapists to continue… I don’t know how to say it anymore but yk what I mean.
It could be but that doesn't mean you should stress about it. I once said that if a hypothetical person said something in a hypothetical situation I would do something physically impossible to them. Got a warning for encouraging violence. (I didn't give more details so it won't happen again lol.)
That is outrageous, to send you that! Angers me, too.
Thank you for being angry it feels great for people to be angry at the injustice.
You could r/traumatizethemback and respond, “where were you when (name) was raping me?”
Ok so A) your parents are responsible for what they did (not) to you during your childhood - not you. B) if you take this „advice“ literally, you might as well say: ok, in this case, I will stop all contact with everyone involved including those family members who didn’t protect and/or support me in protecting myself / getting adequate protecting from the state. You can interpret your aunt’s message as a allowance to do this.
But you don’t even need anyone else’s allowance. This is a horrible crime and it is not your fault AT ALL. The tricky thing is that it’s even a conscious strategy to make young victims doubt themselves so they don’t tell their parents / others and they internalize all the blame. You’re job is to take care of yourself - sending love and strength!! ❤️
Thank you for saying this, it’s going to take time for me to accept a lot of things. I really hope that by next year my life will be better in that aspect. I have ptsd out the ass from all of this. I’m so over it. Thanks for the support and kindness!
I'd be responding that my future looks way brighter without her pedo r@pist husband and her r@pe enabling ass in it.
The fury I feel on your behalf is incandescent.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
tu tía suena como una irresponsable total
Así es la familia mía entera lamentablemente. Tratan de tapar el sol con un dedo.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and the person who was supposed to protect you failed so badly.
You have every right to block any family members who hurt you, ignored your hurt, or make excuses.
And by block, never see them again. 💜💜💜
From the bottom of my heart, and with my whole chest: Fuck these people.
Thank you for being angry with me
Its not even true anyways. The more I learn about myself the more I understand im the sum of my environment and experiences. The decisions I take or I dont take dont appear out of thin air, they are a consequence of something that happened previously. My energy, my motivation, my potential...I am not so delusional to believe im in control. I struggle and fight, because what else I could do. But I dont think people are "responsible" of anything, its a human concept. I think its a comforting lie we tell ourselves in order to believe we are soul-like entities in control of our fate, and not pieces of meat affected by physics and chemistry.
Yes, I had the same experience. I keep trying every apparent solution I find on the internet and nothing seems to work. This after years of psychiatric treatment and therapy which I eventually gave up on. At some point you start to think that maybe the wiring in your brain is off and there's no fixing it, or at least no known way.
I’m sorry you feel this way, and have gone through similar things. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to. 🫶🏼
I’ve been in therapy for years and years, at this point I’m 25 and fully disabled, still fighting the system for some justice cause if they also didn’t protect me (children and youth involved a bunch of times) they should at least help me out now that I can’t work due to all the fuckery. Our brains were wired differently from the get go and I do think it’s very hard to heal.
Sending you peace ☮️
That's fucked