I’m sixteen and my daughter is a little over two weeks old.
She was conceived through rape (by my ex boyfriend) and he’s not involved in her life. He’s only seen her once and all he did was stare hatefully.
I’m so in love with her and being a mom that it’s really fucking difficult to understand how my dad, as well as hers, would be okay with being absent.
My bio dad left when I was six months old. I’ve spoken to him on the phone on Christmas every year since and that’s the only contact we’ve had. I was always okay with that until I became a parent. I can’t imagine walking out on my daughter. I can’t understand how he could ever do that, or especially how he could continue to not want to be involved in my life for the next sixteen years.
It’s so much worse knowing that my daughter will be going through the same thing one day. She’ll become a mom one day and wonder why her dad didn’t want to be in her life, or why I didn’t trust him to. It’s breaking my heart knowing that I couldn’t break that cycle. All I want is for her to never wonder if she is enough, or if she is loved, and it kills me that she’s going to.
Edit: I think I’m going to report it. My best friends mom is a social worker and she can help me with that. I’ll update everyone once I do. Thank you so much for encouraging me.
Little update: https://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/1pn5ax9/im_very_proud_of_myself_absent_fathers_update/
Is your ex in jail ?
No. My parents wouldn’t let me report it.
Why not ? Wth
They thought it would look bad for them that they let me date him and then I got pregnant so young. They wanted me to abort her.
please report him. if not for yourself, then for your daughter. please. atleast as soon as you turn 18.
Girl pls report him, if he did that to you then he would also target other young girls in the future
May I know which country you live in?
I live in the US
Which state? I’m worried you live in one where it’s 99% likely they’ll side with your rapist.
I live in Oregon
You should be safe. I recommend you report it. Wishing the best for you.
Yeah we don’t support rapists in this state, do you happen to live in like a MAGA area? I’m in Multnomah
I’m right outside of Portland, so it’s really liberal.
Which one would that be and why?
Red states in general are anti-abortion
Okay, and what the fuck does that have to do with getting raped? Not everything needs politics brought in.
which state are u referring to?
Well idk what to say here...
You can make an anonymous report if youre truly unable to report through normal means
OP report him. Are you still in school? If you are, report him to your SRO (if you have one) there where your parents have no influence.
report him right now. think about what he will do if he gets away with this. the other women he might hurt. the other kids he could abandon.
with that mindset they deserve to look bad lol
I already feel offended and hurt on your behalf, Awful parents you've got, I'm sorry I had to say it.😭 They're more worried about how they'll look?? Nah, you should've aborted THEM.
PLEASE REPORT HIM, HE DESERVES TO ROT AWAY IN JAIL. It is AWFUL that your parents said that, You got raped and they dont want you to report it because it would make THEM look bad? It makes my blood boil how selfish someone could be, please report that person. Fuck your parents for not supporting you.
Please report him. Don't listen to your parents–like, thinking that you reporting an actual crime would make them look bad is.... I don't have any appropriate/nice things to say about them.
Think of this as a mother yourself. Show her what standing for yourself from day one means and how strong her mama is no matter what. She will grow looking up at you–set the best examples, including doing the right thing for yourself.
I have heard the US has CPS and all. I don't know how exactly they work. But you could reach out to them for help. I promise you, there are loads of people out there that would be ready to help you.
Holy shit I don't care how but you gotta report this to the police. He cannot get away with this.
Report him anyway. Your parents like a pos (no offense) if they only care how they would look if you reported him and not focus on what is best for you and getting that ex off the streets
Your parents are very selfish, this is not about them. I also highly suggest you report this, as you even stated yourself how this severely impacts yours as well as your babies lives. I wish you the best of luck
Report it pleeease. Ask your school staff for help if you can't do it by yourself, like teachers or anyone in student service if you have it. That asshole shouldn't walk free
Thats so weird fuck your parents, I think you should report him when you’re able to
The fact that your parents only care about themselves and how they would be perceived is wild. They should be concerned for their daughter’s safety and other young girls around. Please report him, you wouldn’t want him to rape other young girls right? I know it’s hard, but do it for all the other girls <3
if you dont mind me asking, why would you want to carry your rape baby to term? most people in this scenario would've been grateful that their parents at least let them get an abortion, so its interesting to see someone want their rape baby
I felt love for my baby as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and so when I found out I was put in that situation I was obviously very scared but part of me was happy. I know that’s not the same for everyone though.
[removed]
Wow this is genuinely a terrible response to this situation do better
I don't think there's a better way to say this: Fuck off. Stop blaming the victim, especially if the other person was older and manipulated them.
she should've seen the red flags 🥀
You can't blame someone for not just knowing that someone will rape them in future. We're all young, Jesus Christ. You shouldn't have to consider that it could happen, and you can't know beforehand most of the time, and you can't blame her for not knowing that someone who she's with will do something so cruel. She couldn't have done shit. Please, think about what you're doing here.
Fuck you man victim blamer
A fifteen year old? A fucking fifteen year old should have been able to psycho analyse a guy?
you’re weird as hell
Women shouldn't have to fucking psychoanalyze and maniacally dissect men under the microscope 24/7 for any hint of a red flag or psychopathic tendencies
Why are we supposed to just accept living like this. Why do we have to constantly use 200% of our brain power analyzing everything a man says and does and never let our guard down lest we accidentally missed something
Dudes don't have to live like this. Dudes don't have to constantly psychoanalyze their gfs to be sure she won't kill or rape them. Lucky fucking bastards
Also if you look at the timeline, she was 14-15. Not a “woman” but a child. I don’t mean to infantilise OP, but she was a child then. Still is a child now.
Seriously just rope
He was too old to even be interested in me. He manipulated me and then eventually raped me. It’s not my fault that he took advantage of me.
I agree, it wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Even if it means very little because I don’t know you, I want you to know that I’m so proud of you because of how strong you’ve been. You chose to keep and love your child, and that’s an incredibly brave thing to do. I’m sorry someone told you that it was your fault for getting assaulted.
Thank you. I’m unfortunately very used to comments like that.
I know what you mean, it’s just hard when the loudest voices are the negative ones. Sometimes the scum just floats to the top.
WHAT THE FUCK. PLEASE REPORT HIM. FFS. NO RAPIST SHALL ROME FREE.
Your parents are shit, ignore them and report him
I'm pretty sure you can report it anyway and just not involve your parents. Not sure though.
Report it. Please for your baby. That's a serious offense, and you could easily be entitled to compensation well over a hundred thousand dollars. You could get guarantee she has the money to get through college with that.
You legally and morally are entitled to support and compensation of a substantial degree. Not taking advantage of that would be an unnecessary risk for your and your baby's future please do it for her.
You should report the incident, not necessarily involving your parents at first, call whatever hotline or whatever of your area you should be able to find through Google and contact them of the situation and ask what to do from there and how you can get a lawyer and the justice system involved.
I promise this is the move. Your parents not letting you report it is quite scary considering it's all in pursuit of what's best for your baby
The sooner the better btw. The number one complicator in a matter of the law is time, the longer and longer this stretches the worse it'll be for you
This is very inconsiderate to others. Do you want others to go through what you did, because he’s still at large? You need to report him.
(Sorry if this sounds mean, this needed to be said)
if u wait too long the statute of limitations will happen, and even before then it’ll be harder to prove. talk to ur school ab it and then they have to report it and then u can say u didn’t mean ti
What the fuck why?
They thought it would look bad for them.
Oh that's fucking awful and pls pls pls report him anyway and you can do it anonymously and just don't let ur parents know pls pls pls pls something like that should not go unpunished
BRO I KEEP SEEING YOU LITERALLY IN EVERY SINGLE POST
If he raped you, report him.
My girlfriend and I faced an unplanned pregnancy, and she had an abortion because neither of us could financially support raising a child. Although my family has money, it is not mine, and I do not like asking for it. In addition, our mental health was not in a good state. My girlfriend comes from a religious and conservative family and lives with her parents. We were both at university, which meant we had neither the time nor the stability to raise a child.For most of my life, my parents were largely absent. My father lived in Berlin and has since passed away, while my mother lives in Brisbane. I was mainly raised by maids and, occasionally, my grandparents. Both of my parents provided financial support, and my mother still gives me money, but our relationship has always been limited. Beyond occasional greetings and infrequent meetings, there has been little real emotional connection.
I’m sorry you don’t have a good relationship with your mom.
That's fine, I am used to it. I don’t want my children to be born without both money and parents, not just without one of them, because I had money but little parental involvement in my life, even though I enjoyed a lot of freedom as a result. Nevertheless, it felt boring and lonely.
can i ask you, what do you mean by limited? i am genuinely interested in your story.
What do you mean by limited? I did not understand that.
My girlfriend comes from a conservative religious family. Her family would not accept a relationship with someone from another religion, a relationship without marriage, losing virginity, or becoming pregnant before marriage. Because of this, and for other reasons, our mental health was in a very bad state. I truly wanted to kill myself at that time. I also do not like asking my parents for money.
As for my parents, they had a love marriage. I was born in London and lived there for some time. Later, their relationship ended. They became bored with each other and started an open relationship, after which they went their separate ways. My father moved to Berlin and my mother to Brisbane. They had other relationships, friends, work, and lived their own lives.I left London and returned to my ancestral country, then moved to Dubai, and later went back to my ancestral country again. I met my girlfriend at school, fell in love, and I am currently studying at university in my home country. After completing my bachelor’s degree, I plan to return to London.My father died in Berlin. I found out later through one of his girlfriends.
Although not living with my parents gave me a lot of freedom, and I had maids, a house all to myself, and the money they provided, it was still boring.
Why didn't you report it? Fuck asking permission or your parents not allowing you, that's not their place. Their feelings don't matter. I would've slain God and Jesus to make sure my child's rapist was prosecuted.
At the time, I was so fucking terrified that I just did whatever they told me to do. I only stopped when they tried to force me to abort her and I just couldn’t do it. (I’m still very pro choice. I just knew I would regret it)
Whether you're pro choice or not is irrelevant here. Im sorry but you've been failed by literally everybody in your life. Every person who should've given a damn about you didn't care, and Im so sorry. If you'll permit me to say: once you can, I would suggest cutting them all off completely and leaving. If they're more concerned about how it would fucking look that their raped daughter got an abortion, they're unworthy of knowing you or your daughter at all. Im sure that sounds extreme, but think about if it was your daughter that happened to.
I’m really not planning to have much of a relationship with my parents when I’m an adult. My siblings are great and I’m looking forward to being adults with them, but my parents have never been that loving or supportive.
My best friend and I want to move in together after high school someplace a couple of hours away.
Clearly tf not. Clearly not even decent people.
Obviously, I can't tell you what to do. I just hope that you'll find better people to be in relationships with.
I really do have positive relationships, just not a lot of them. My best friend is truly an angel and he’s at my house almost every day helping out with whatever. His family is great too. My sibling are also great and they help when they can. They’re all just busy and the older ones help take care of the littler ones (there’s six kids in my family and the youngest is eight months). It’s not all bad. Sometimes it’s just hard to focus on the positive when the bad is so awful.
fuck, he’s got a point. horrible but true.
Adult here. Please call one of the numbers below, now. You have been abused and your parents are psychologically abusing you, too, by discouraging you from getting help. That would never happen in any healthy parent-child relationship. You did not cause this and you need someone who will advocate for you and your child until you can learn to feel safe again. I’m sure you know that this kind of trauma gets passed onto the child if it’s not addressed or treated with therapy or if a person is not safe to explore these complex emotions fully. You deserve help. You deserve someone who will listen. Don’t rely on your parents’ coping skills at this pivotal time in your life, because you will be shortchanging yourself and your child. Please, talk to someone who can help you feel safe again. From there, you can decide whether or not to report. I believe in you.
RAINN National Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (24/7 confidential support).
Oregon SATF (Sexual Assault Task Force): (971) 410-7283 or taskforce@oregonsatf.org for statewide referrals, with links to local help.
this should be top comment please listen to this OP
u/Desperate-Foot91 look at this
You seem like a well adjusted young lady. Just breaks my heart, that you are growing up in an environment, where broken families are normalised.
I am from a well off white family with loving parents who are together for over 30 years. I was literally shocked when I started finding out other kids have divorced parents at school. I always thought there are way more happy families, than betoken ones.
Report that fucker I don’t care what the hell your parents say. You gotta report him. It’s for you and your daughter’s own good. I hope life gives you and your daughter eternal happiness for the future 🫂
Spero che quel fallito passi la vita in prigione😡
Thank God the rapist is not in her life
You're 16 and already mother? i wish you luck on everything
please try to report him
Is your mom able to support you? Because a mother at 16 is a huge amount of responsibility I cannot imagine. Praying for you guys!
My parents (mom and stepdad) aren’t supportive at all. It’s hurtful sometimes but they have six kids and they’re really busy and stressed. I just wish they supported me emotionally.
Well, if you need emotional support, remember this sub is always full of nice people.
He will rape more girls and hurt more women for his whole life. You can stop him before he gets to do that. Please report him. I dont care if your parents yell at you to not do it, dont do it for yourself, do it for your daughter and all the women and girls he'll hurt.
What can we say except report the guy, do it 👍👍
Please report him, honey. I'm sorry this happened to you.
At least you got something beautiful for the rest of your life. Please reach out if you need help!
Sorry for asking and its ok if you aren't comfortable replying. But how old was the ex when your daughter was conceived?
He was 17 and I was 15.
Report him, please. I understand your parents don’t want you to, but this isn’t something you can ignore.
Ask this is an adult subreddit
I’m just venting. Sorry if it isn’t the right place.
It's fine but you're not gonna get a lot of useful replies here
This. A lot of people vent here and that’s totally ok, but there are a lot of dumb/immature people here
Someone else said it but it’s not that it’s wrong you’re just gonna get a lot of bad takes here.
Report him! Report him! Report him! If he ever decides that he wants to “be a parent” the court will allow him custody and I can not imagine him being around her considering what he put you through. I wish all the time that I had reported my own rape when it happened, that I told my parents when I got home instead of keeping it a secret, I will always regret not reporting him. Also I was reading other comments, FUCK YOUR PARENTS!! Report it anyway. Rape is not okay and anyone who does it NEEDS to be put behind bars!!
You don't deserve to be raped and deliver a child when you're a child yourself,im really sorry and hope you can get through this
Thank you. We will get through this, I’m sure of it.
Personally i wouldnt wanna know that i was a product of rape ngl would probabaly kill my dad
I’m not planning on telling her ever, or at least until she’s old enough to understand that it’s not her fault.
I mean shes probably an infant rn?! Lol
Yeah she’s almost three weeks old :)
It is sad to know this. The person should be in jail and hope you and your little family live happily.
I’m definitely seriously thinking about reporting him.
More strength to you.
*absent parents
I'm sorry bad things happened to you. I'm hoping for the best for your baby and I'm glad she has an awesome mother who will take care of her. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. I'll be praying for you and your daughter 💖
i’m so sorry you have to raise a child at 16…
It’s not a bad thing necessarily. I wish I wasn’t in these specific circumstances, but I love my daughter and I’m very blessed to have her in my life.
i wish the best for you and your daughter
but you should seriously consider reporting your ex to the police
Where he at. Me and my boys will handle his ass
thats messed up
You're already very strong for not getting rid of your daughter but taking care of her, she's already lucky to have such loving mom. Good luck to you and her with your newly-growed family
I hate seeing things like this. If I ever have a child, intentionally or not, I’m going to love him/her, and be the best father possible.
Report him and make him pay you child support. Let the other inmates handle him. He won't be able to hide his crime for long there.
First of all, I'm so, so very sorry that this has happened to you, but also very glad that the silver lining in it is that you have your daughter.
You might not think it will happen now, but who knows. If you love someone, and trust them in your future, perhaps they will be a positive role model for your daughter. The good news is you have years and years ahead of yourselves to have something like that.
And the most important part, is that *you* love your daughter. That can be more than enough love, especially if you're not afraid/ashamed of showing her that love. I wish you so much good in your future, you sound like you're going to be a wonderful mother.
I see a lot of people saying you should report him, and honestly, I think you should as well, if for nothing else, to make sure you save another girl from the same. But that's my two since.
I would like to ask, though, how are you feeling? Not just with the baby but overall? How are you taking all of it? And normally I don't like it when minors message me since I am 28, but if you want to talk, just rant feel free to shoot me a message. Sorry to hear about what you're going through.
I’m doing okay. My whole life is definitely revolving around my baby right now but that’s how it’s supposed to be at first. My mental health isn’t great but I’m working on getting into therapy. I can get very overwhelmed by everything. My best friend helps a lot so it’s not as bad as it could be.
Yeah, it's going to be like that. The midnight feedings and diper changes were always something my mother complained about. First few months are like that. But around the 7 to 12 months mark are some of the best time. Not as needy as a baby not as terrible as a toddler. There's alot of advice out there, but one thing I can warn you on keep a onesie and pants on her. I don't know why but for some reason when they get control over their bodies and can stand they love to rip off their diapers.
I'm so sorry about that. Throw that fucker in jail. I hope the report goes well.
[CORRECTION] Fuck absent Parents. All Children Deserve a loving family.
As a 17 year old dad of a 6 month I can’t understand it either my dad was barely apart of my life and had favoritism over my half sister it hurt so bad and i could never imagine my life without this baby boy in it I’m so sorry your dealing with this and don’t have the support of a father and that she will grow up with such pain I hope you find comfort and you will definitely give her a great life…good luck girl congratulations on your little one❤️
Thank you. Congratulations on your baby :)
Men , boys , or any one who decided to do something like that to another person and just think running away is okay fucking sickens me. My bio dad left me too and i never really thought much of him until i heard he raped his new wife and still ran away like he did with me. Now i despise him. Im sorry for what happened with you and your daughter. I hope everything goes well for you both but seeing th situation all i could say is...damn.
I just saw your comment about not being able to report it bc of your parents, report it and maybe seek CPS. That’s fucked up if they’re just gonna allow that to happen to their daughter and try to brush it under the rug.
You gotta report that disgusting waste of oxygen. Don't let him getaway with such a heinous crime. May God give strength to you and your child.
i just hope you are ok along with your child being a mother at 16 would be REALLY hard as balancing school jobs stress and other things would just be to much for someone who still isnt fully developed (20-25 is full maturity) i wish you the best
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do ofc, but when you’re old enough and you’re ready, try to go back into dating. Psychologically speaking, even a boyfriend is a MASSIVE improvement as a male role model and will be dramatically helpful for your daughters future outlook.
Im sorry this happened to you at all, its a shame your daughter wont have her real dad in her life and I know that you'll do a great job raising her. Its a shame that your parents didnt let you report that POS of a person tho. Its a good thing your reporting him now tho. But dont worry that your daughter will grow up and wonder those things becuz she will understand what you went through
Exactly
If you need anyone to talk to, DM me. I am a member of a private Discord server specifically for things like this, where we talk about it without being judgemental and hang out. It's a nice little server. I understand if you feel unsafe joining, since you only just met me on Reddit. I wish you luck with your daughter (and btw what's her name?)
I named her Iris :)
Oml that's a great name, I was planning on naming my firstborn Atticus or Ajax (in a few years time ofc)
ik it sucks for u, but better an absent father then an abusive/unloving one
My dad sometimes left me in his car to buy weed and shit he's smoked around me hits his dog
:( girl if u ever wanna rant to someone u know where to go, i hope u and ur daughter have a wonderful future together
Damn I'm sorry of what you have been through stay strong and I hope everything will turn out ok It will probs take time to heal from your situation and you probs wont have a positive image of boys but thats ok.
Im so sorry you went through that. My father wasn’t completely absent but for a lot of life he wasn’t there so yes FUCK absent fathers
My biological dad left when I was 2 months old, I think, and that's when I "saw" him last. (I don't remember him at all)
That's how we got here in the first place
I was confused at first cuz didn’t read the whole I am 16 part but this is out of your control (breaking the cycle of absent fathers) but you can spend time with her and let her know that she is loved and also yeah get that ex in legal trouble or smth
Shit like this makes me sick. I'm so sorry my girl, i promise your not alone and please if you have to do it without your parents knowing please report him for you and your daughters safety. Shame on your parents for only thinking of themselves and they're reputation.
Okay but why would you want a rapist in your child’s life…
I don’t want him in her life. I wish we were in different circumstances and she had a dad who cared about us enough to want to be in her life.
report him but why didnt you abort your child?
I got really close to aborting her before I realized that was what my parents wanted and not what I did. I knew that I loved my baby and I wanted to be able to live without the regret I would’ve felt had I aborted her.
because she didnt want to what question is that
why not abort it
What is your exes full name
Is your ex in jail?
No.
Is he dating anyone currently? Tell them he raped you
I don’t think he’s dating. I try not to think about him too much.
You gotta report this to someone, I read some of the comments, wth are your parents doing? Do they even love you? If they did then they would kill the guy themselves.
Well If you say so!
(But fr wtf)
This is why all children should be born in wedlock, a stable marriage. I'm very sorry for your situation, that really sucks.
How the fuck was this child supposed to be born into a stable marriage if the mom were raped? Are you saying that all babies conceived through rape should be aborted?
Yes, rape babies should be aborted, because the majority of them go on to have crappy childhoods due to at least one of their parents being a degen scumbag (like the father in this instance).
Not the person I was asking the question to, but okay.
That wasn’t an option for me. There are tons of girls in situations like mine who also don’t have that option. Don’t be so quick to judge.