I hope this is okay to post. I’ve been learning about the concept of a “misogi” which most people seem to just interpret as “a big scary thing you accomplish that changes you.” I definitely need some transformation in my life, but my life also feels so chaotic. There are so many big scary things I could do. I just know I need to make some kind of change.

I figured I’d ask tarot and see what I could yank out of the back of my mind, but I feel so blocked in interpreting this because I know that whatever the answer is will be something I don’t want to hear, which is kind of precisely the point of a misogi.

I drew rx sun, rx 7 of wands, and the 5 of pentacles. Which looks…great…

Rx sun: Something feels like allowing myself to be in pain. Stop fighting and fearing pain. Break something so it can break you. Practice gratitude so you can see what stays and see what you actually have, otherwise you’ll live your life constantly trying to control everything, which is what will take you down.

Rx 7 of wands: Give up fighting. Let go. You have this idea of how your life should be, and maybe the problem isn’t that you haven’t gotten there yet, but that you’re so committed to getting there that real, actual life—where everything is totally fine—depresses you, simply because it’s not mind-blowingly amazing: a family that is always happy and never sad or angry, a bank account that never goes negative, the ability to just do and have what you want, etc. Again. Let go.

5 of Pentacles: Be “poor.” Right now, you barely have $100 after each paycheck left to last you and your kid until the next one. Why? Maybe because you’ve refused to accept you just can’t have some things. You feel like you work so hard and you’re so burnt out and exhausted, you “deserve” more, and end up with less because of that mindset. So, what if you just let yourself suffer? What if you stop drinking Diet Coke to save on groceries? Stop telling your partner sure, you can go to the bar tonight. Stop telling your daughter, okay, sure, we can order pizza tonight. What if you just accepted your situation? Moreover, what if you let people help you when they offer to help you?

The only thing with this interpretation is that it still doesn’t help me choose one, singular thing to do. “Let go” isn’t a “thing” … it’s a constellation of things. I was hoping for something more like, “Play one show [music] this year,” or “Cut out all alcohol” or “find a way to make extra money even if it means working extra hours until you’re totally drained so you can take your daughter on a fun vacation,” or, “Pick a business to start and focus on it without quitting.”

But “let go” … my tarot readings for the last year always seem to be telling me to “let go,” but I always get frustrated because while the message of letting go follows me everywhere, I can never figure out exactly what that means. I struggle to identify “let go” moments in my life, because I can’t look around me and see anything I can or should feel safe letting go aside from, I guess, creature comforts. But then I’m like, well am I supposed to break up with my partner? Am I supposed to quit my job and hope for the best? What am I supposed to be letting go of? Am I supposed to be letting go of feeling like I need to let go?

Anyway, I would love your thoughts! I am fairly new at reading, but if I can get some more precision or other perspectives I think that would really help!