Deck: rider waite deck
I’ve been struggling at a new job for the past couple months - anxiety (of failing, the demands, not meeting goals, possibly being fired), insomnia, depression, and excessive daily/weekly crying. I’ve lost weight unintentionally (that I can spare, luckily). I asked for how I can change and stop this suffering or even learn to thrive and be happier.
This reading is so optimistic and confusing and non-actionable to me. It feels impossible. I would appreciate anything thoughts.
I feel frustrated with this reading because I know these things, but maybe I’m just too in my head to feel anything but defeated and that this headspace or approach is impossible.
My reading (I only read face up):
Queen of wands: a suggestion to channel confidence despite having lots of activities that can make one feel scattered. Smiling and embracing challenges with optimism. A firey card and energy that can be channeled not into anxiety but into growing into myself. Maybe a reassurance that I am doing well or also show that I am being too hot headed and energetic. She looks to the page of a new beginning.
Page of cups: curiosity and adopting a humble beginning on this career path. Learning to grow and enjoy the opportunity. The page stands between two queens, regal and steadfast in their rule and support.
Queen of cups: to have compassion and reflection for myself. She looks to the page to remind myself that I should have compassion the beginner that I am.
My knee jerk reaction to the cards and your story was: No one thrives in job where they are stuck as the messenger between two bosses, especially if those two bosses are fire and water. So much steaming hot water, to get cooked in. There's not a Queen of Cups on this planet who is going to be happy with you offering her fiery rival Queen of Wands one of her beloved fish to fry and feed to her finicky cat.
I know the modern conventions of reading all of the court cards as aspects of yourself, but in a work place related question there are other people beside you who are involved. You shouldn't assume every court card in a reading is just an aspect of yourself, especially when your question is about an environment that has multiple people involved who have vested interests embedded in managing hierarchical power dynamics for their own benefit. Since you say you are inexperienced, casting yourself in the role of the page is accurate. As a page (in tarot tradition also a messenger) there shouldn't be anything about delivering a message that would make you so stressed out that you are becoming physically sick, unless you know you are are delivering bad news to someone who has a reputation for killing the messenger. No entry level job duties should be making you cry on a daily basis, lose sleep and lose weight.
Since you noted that you don't read reversals, I can see how this appears as a positive reading. Unfortunately, I am way too familiar with the emotional/physical responses you are describing. Unless you have a personal history of debilitating anxiety and depression, I think there's something toxic in your work environment, and as the conscientious newbie you are assuming it is you and due to your inexperience. As a tarot reader, my best advice to you is keep a diary of work related events that are triggering these feelings, and if your company is large enough to have an employee assistance program (EAP) in your benefits package, use it to find a therapist, because whatever is going on, be it your own or someone else's fault, the levels of stress you describe can cause severe, and long term emotional/physical damage. If your company doesn't have an EAP benefit, ask your doctor. You deserve (and are legally entitled to) feel safe and unafraid in your workplace.
Please, please take care of yourself. I can say tarot did help me when I was feeling like you describe, but it wasn't the only tool I used to heal.
Thank you for your insight, especially with a work place related spread. I’m sorry you’ve experienced similar. It’s been hard to feel worthy of the time to get help, and It’s what I need to hear. The easiest person for me to neglect is myself, and it’s coming at a cost. I hope you’re doing better now and, if not, that things turn around for you soon.
Im sorry things are so hard, it takes time to adapt to and feel confident in a new workplace. I think this spread is not telling you what to become, but tap into what you already are. You have the abilities of the queen of wands to rise above your scattered energy, the ability of the page to focus on your tasks, and the compassion of the queen of cups telling you that it's OK, don't stress about stressing this.
Deep breaths, calm and center yourself, don't worry about what you think others think or expect, you got this.
Yes! The Queen of Wands woke up like this - she is already all she needs to be and doesn't change for anyone but herself. Take the advice of the Queen of Cups and look inside yourself :)
I think u/300Unicorns described it well here.
I would only add some details:
- The first card we draw for me is a confirmation that the Tarot sees you. You are trying to keep a positive, creative attitude within a toxic environment. You are acting as if you were your normal self, while being eroded.
- The other Queen for me points towards the reason why you have learned to normalize existing in a system that destroys people and where others would have quit a long time ago. This card says your emotions tell you that "you are valuable, acceptable, loyal, worthy" when you continue to be the scapegoat that is destabilized by people in the system so that they can stabilize themselves.
- Notice how your page looks towards the Queen of Wands. Your attention is needed to develop an awarenes to why you think it is "okay" or "normal" to be an enabler in a toxic system. The Queen of Wands is a person who would never bend herself backwards to please unpleasable people, just to feel "acceptable" to herself. You naturally gravitated towards a system that feels "familiar, that reinforces the old rejection and reward cycles. Just because something is familiar doesn't mean it is healthy.
The advice of this spread is to actually be the Queen of Wands, not pretend to be it. To take full agency and control of your situation. I'm assuming the abuse in your workplace is "hidden". People hint at things and use gaslighting and subtle manipulation. What would happen if you used a technique called "Grey Rock" (you can Google that) and stopped reacting? What if you said that something is not okay for you and leave the room, even if your heart in your chest pounds so hard, it might burst, while you do so.
Right now the system works because you are scared. Your emotions and sense of destabilization are what help the system stay intact. The moment you become the Queen of Wands, it cracks.
Don't pretend to be in a good mood when everyone can read your pain and insecurity in your body language like reading in an open book, and get empowered by it. Be the Queen of Wands by acting up and speaking up. This is the advice from this spread.
Thank you for helping expand, thank you both!
This really helps clarify some things for me, and is spot on with my fear of this job. I feel powerless and in jeopardy. I need to change something to not feel like I’m drowning, because this isn’t ok for me.
The culture is full of hidden dangers/opinions by those in power, high demands, little room for compassion - it’s hard to know where there is room for grace, if any, when all mistakes feel high stakes. I’ve never worked in a place like this before, but the industry is established and traditional, and I blame myself for failing to thrive/be happy - especially if it feels like everybody else (also new) is thriving.
I hear you. Nobody is thriving there. These people are just narcissists with reduced empathy who use this system to get ahead. It models their own approach to life, that is why they have no problem with it. You blaming yourself is the perfect reaction for them. It keeps the spotlight of your awareness away from where it should be: on them. You are busy with "fixing" yourself. A permanent "code red" is a typical method narcissistic bosses use to keep others destabilized.
Beyond the Tarot, it might make sense to go to YouTube and enter some search terms like "my boss is a narcissist, or "toxic company culture,", or "narcissism in the workplace, and to just watch any video that comes up that you resonate with.
Alternatively, some good experts I can recommend are "Dr. Carter", "Dr Ramani" or "Patrick Teahan". There are others.
It takes about 3 months to understand how Narcissism shows up and what it does to others in the workplace. If you give yourself this time and only watch a couple of videos on the subject every week, you will have jump-started your personal growth. It will not change this place, but change you dramatically, so you are enabled to make smart choices in the future.
Thank you so much to the recs!!! I’ve always given people the benefit of the doubt and doubted my reads/thinking about others negatively because it is not my nature. It never crossed my mind that people could be purposefully harmful.
I will need to take a look and help myself. Thank you again, I truly mean it!
u/AtelierCarouselTarot Excellent additions.
Just a note on not reading reversals in relationship to court cards. For both the majors and minors there are 'opposite' cards that can be drawn to indicate the dual nature of a situation. , ex. 3 of swords vs 3 cups or Temperance vs the Devil.
\ With court cards, there are no 'opposite' cards. In your reading, with only court cards drawn, and not reading reversals means it is harder to recognize in your readings when people (or yourself* if the court card is representing you) are behaving badly, oozing toxicity, or harboring all sorts of unloving and disrespectful attitudes. You don't have to change your readings to include reversals, but if you are reading court cards, remember mean people exist and they suck, especially if they are trying to project their own personal problems into you. Just because you are new to the job doesn't mean anyone gets to treat you like you were born yesterday.
*A Rv Queen of Cups in a reading for myself is a sure sign I'm being an over-emotional drama queen--again.
:) True. And for people who are more rational, like me, I get the Drama Queen equivalent in the Queen of Swords as the gosh, I need a word. "Don't be so serious, Queen?
I love that opposite card method. Could you possibly point me to an article or video about this technique by any chance? It kind of makes sense but I'm not sure yet if I could apply it in a reading. But it sounds very interesting.
Sorry, I don't know of any resources on this subject other than my own tarot studies over the past 35+ years, and the common explanation people use for why they don't read reversals; "there are enough bad cards in the deck so if the something is wrong then the bad card will show up in the reading."
I came up with this idea of opposites in part because my first deck was the Renaissance Tarot by Brian Williams, (US Games 1987*) which uses the Gardnerian elemental correspondences. It was terribly confusing for as beginner to have my LWB say Wands are Air and Swords are Fire while all the RWS guidebooks were saying it was the other way around, but the Gardnerian system ended up making better elemental sense to me for a few reasons, especially the simple fact that trees make the air we breathe, and swords are forged in fire.
Then later, I developed a reading based on the molecular structure of hemoglobin (I once was an organic chem major before I figured out I hate lab work.) Hemoglobin has four rings around the central iron atom, so I arranged the the suits around that center iron atom so that water/cups/emotions are on the horizontal opposite fire/swords/thinking and air/wands/spirit are on the vertical opposite earth/pentacles/body.
Then I started comparing the cards across the circle. 8 of swords vs 8 of cups? The woman in the swords is afraid to move, she can't leave, while for the man in the cups, staying is not an option and he's already gone. 8 of wands vs 8 of pentacles? So much Wand inspiration energy available but no one in range to take advantage of it, while the pentangle craftsman is practicing and practicing, making the same thing over and over again, his skill in his body maybe improving but there's nothing especially inspiring in the work.
Thinking about this now, I can see why I had such a crush on the Priestess back then. Her black and white decorating style appealed to the op-art loving punk that I was back then.
*I was gifted the deck in 1988.
Wow. That is fascinating. Have you ever published the Hemoglobin arrangement anywhere? This is such an awesome concept. If Tarot were taken seriously, we would have a culture of writing papers and exchanging concepts like this. I've thought about a similar thing based on the DNA spiral and the clock, also creating similar "pairings". Are you on Tarot, Tea & me?
No, I don't know what that is. I am a member and frequent presenter at the Massachusetts Tarot Society. This group has been meeting IRL monthly for well over 10 years.
The hemoglobin spread will be included in the guidebook for my deck, (The Discarded Tarot) which I hope to have publication ready in the coming year. The deck is finished and I have a painfully chaotic first draft of the book.
That is very cool. Not the chaotic first draft, obviously :) But your own deck. What a great name for the deck. Do you have a place to sign up for your newsletter to hear about the release?
Oh, I wish. I finished the deck and draft then went to book binding school for 2 years. I'm trying to get back on track.
:) When you are done, write a book about your life story.
I'm 294 volumes into that, and it's wyrd.
Believe in yourself (qow) and own your journey (cups).
Page is the start of the journey, and I think of Queen of cups sometimes as emotional maturity.
It’s okay to feel confused just starting out because you’re at the beginning! You can handle it
Take stock of your strengths and weaknesses, and find a new job. Your time where you are is done, and it's time to get out before it further weakens your confidence. You have a particular set of skills that you need to work to, something that makes you individually the perfect match for a new position. Don't spend any more time in regrets, it isn't you, it's the job. Make your moves in silence, look for something enjoyable, perhaps with young(er) people, and have faith that you will find something that suits you and is emotionally fulfilling. I see mentorship of some sort, either you being the mentor or mentee.
Simply put!
You need to let your self-love and self-confidence shine through, and I can see that everything will be alright.
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Thanks.
I feel like all I’ve done is focus on work - I dream about working, eat at my desk, go in office and rarely work from home unless very sick or am too dizzy to drive, wake up at 5am every day from the anxiety, and always wear business appropriate clothing (button ups and dress pants or dark jeans). I guess I can start eating a suit to up the ante. Most people wear jeans and a blouse, though some do dress up more.
I know I need to be more productive. I do all I can at work. I guess I could ask for even more work. Just feeling burnt out. I feel like the time to even shower and be presentable at work is a luxury.
It’s not what I wanted to hear, but I’ll have to consider this perspective. I am an emotional wreck - but I’m ok being told to leave and figuring out life after this.
More of cups means more emotional and less intellectual and structural . Also more feminine energy with queens , work on planning and strategy and balance your masculine by doing some masculine activities ✨
What does masculine mean? I’m sorry, I’m new to tarot, so my knowledge gap is big. Would this mean exercise, for example? I can’t think of anything else, to be honest. Thank you for your help!
It's telling you to be confident that you are good enough. Page of cups, open heart not just to this job, but keep the spark in life.
Lastly, queen of cup, is screaming self-care self-care self-care. Love yourself and appreciate you, for everything you are. 🙏 🩷
Thank you! Self-care has been so incredibly hard when it feels like there’s no time in the day and I feel so burnt out.
I appreciate this :)
You must certainly be an awesome person to work with and this will only grow to pure awesomeness as you advance your career iif you use your sensitivity as a compass and to connect with others too.
Thank you. I appreciate the second opinion and positive spin. It’s been hard, so I really do appreciate it!
The first card is basically you know you being understood but remembered to have a Balance and everything that you do right for example, if you know that you’re overstimulated, what can you do to keep yourself calm?
Understand that and learn about or learn certain things for example if it’s a new place well learn where everything is so you’re not anxious about where you’re going you’re not anxious about what certain people are because you know where everything is so you can get there easier
Page of cups and queen or cups are essentially telling you and saying that you can rise above the scattered energy and to have more support self love self compassion for yourself even in these rough times
Lastly, incorporate some sort of practic meditation. It could be like shaking your body dancing whatever or for example, if you get breaks, you can go in the bathroom or somewhere private and just shake the nerves off if you do that daily, it will help because it’s all about the nervous system sometimes.
And sometimes that affects the things that we do, for example getting up early sometimes can be difficult due to your nervous system because it’s very pressured for example, maybe a year ago you would wake up every day at seven in the morning, but now you wake up later like at 9 because now you have more stress now you have more things to do more worries
So that’s why self compassion self love is important to let go of that and also for your nervous system
If you look online you can find instructions for breathing to align your chakras ( energy centers) and ghis is very helpful
Hello, I have been exact situation, as a practical option is to shift your team or company. If the environment is not right, it effects your mental and eventually physical well being. Its not worth it.
Stand in your power dont let little stuff bother you. The queen of wands is looking at the other 2 like what the hell lol they're both hyper focused on theur emotions(cups)