I had a roommate who was a friend for like 20+ yrs, and when I got sick he just sorta "let it happen" without intervention, so he moved out when it was clear I'd be ending the lease - finding out my friend was That fake n selfish in real-time really compounded my mental state at the time, I'm just setting the stage lol fukem. what's done is done.

I asked around but the only people willing to "let me stay" with em were people wrapped up in drugs; either addicted n didn't tell me Or were dealing them n would've been a terrible decision pairing, I'm sober and wanna stay that way. once it was clear I had nowhere to go, I decided I'd stay in my old apartment's basement. everything I owned was still in the old storage unit, so I gathered some blankets and a pillow n made a pallet to sleep on amongst the clutter. early on I didn't have a system so I was often too scared to roam as freely, and I've definitely had close calls with the landlord/maintenance coming down here, or when a new tenant moved in, but I eventually adjusted to the schedule n worked out my methods for certain scenarios.

in September, when I learned my former friend was moving out of his Mom's (who lived in the same building), I made the smart decision of disposing of all my cheap furniture and moving all of his belongings into his Mom's unit, so he wouldn't feel compelled to come anywhere near my empty unit. I also met the new tenant, lied n said I lived with so n so, and verified that she was indeed staying in the storage unit she's already settled in😏so I know I'm "in the clear" on that front. no tenant will ever come near my unit, and if someone does come down, I just bunch myself up under my covers so it looks like a ball of clothes left behind..

all I have for entertainment is my phone. thankfully the family friend(s) have kept me on their service, the least they can do since they won't allow me to pop in for a shower. I used to have their WiFi but I guess they recently cancelled it? idk. for awhile there I would go #2 in a bag n dispose of it in a trash can or toss it somewhere💀now I'm more confident in my routine n either go to the gas station down the street or the library around the corner - #1 is still the detergent bottle that gets dumped when too full. there's laundry setups down here so when I REALLY need to do laundry Now, I just pop a load into the Friend's Mom's machines.. I tried working every angle for a job but I just couldn't make it work. no one in walking distance hired me, and places that would were 10+ miles away. which leads me to my biggest crutch.

I joined a local Church just cause Christianity is what I was familiar with n I figured it would be a good place to find generous individuals. They all welcomed me n offered to help in ways once they learned my circumstances.. but only to a point. they're Fundamentalists so while they are kind, they still have that scripted sort of manor about them, they feel that I'm blocking my blessing by doing something wrong - like when they learned I was continuing to listen to/watch non-Christian media, they all stopped inviting me to things cause (I assume) they feel I might bring "evil spirits" into their homes. Early on, they made it seem as though I just needed to ask n they would help. Nowadays it's like pulling teeth to ask for help, so I've turned to my internet friends for help lately. If I could've worked out a ride system with the Church folk, I coulda Been working at UPS😮‍💨now I'm just happy to be able to feed myself by the month. It's really hard to continue moving, but I'm trying. No criminal record, just limited skills n no free transportation keeps me from getting a decent job if no one local will accept me.