My 92-year-old brother-in-law has entered hospice, and has been having frightening dreams of falling and waking up in pitch darkness. (Coronary artery disease is his underlying condition; he has no cognitive impairments at all, and is as intellectually brilliant and mentally aware as ever.)
He has no religious beliefs but is open to hearing about my spiritual experiences (signs from afterlife, mediumship readings, afterlife exploration). But he is continuing to experience very frightening dreams of falling, which cause him to wake up in terror, unable to see (he does have major visual impairment), not knowing where he is and feeling sheer terror. I've asked him if maybe he is flying, not falling, but he says, no he's at the top of a building, definitely falling off and plunging into darkness, not flying.
Hospice assessment is that he likely still has at least a month here, perhaps longer; he is still eating with great enjoyment.
If anyone has had experience with this, with helping someone through their transition, I would greatly appreciate suggestions for how to help him. (I don't know, for example, if hemi-sync sounds or some other type recording might be of help during this.) Thanks very much in advance.
it sounds like he needs a death doolah. Someone who works much like a midwife, but for the transition into the next life.
Remind him that he is loved and that the next journey over is painless. Maybe talk to him about family members he misses?
Is his wife passed? Or perhaps he misses a sister? I may be wrong but I feel as if there is a feminine being waiting for him on the other side
This is what Ram Dass did for the last part of his life, not sure if he continued post-stroke though
He needs to hear about what he knows: his life and his life experiences. If he asks about death, tell him that nothing is lost, the Universe doesn't waste anything. Don't go into God and different beliefs, he's not going to understand it in this moment. You can't become a believer suddenly on your death bed. Is just fear and is normal, we're all afraid of dying.
Ask him about all the good and the bad things he remembers, listen to him, ask some more, have a cry, a laugh, even a joke. Then look him in the eyes and tell him "this is the time to forgive yourself, let go of the past, it's done and you did your best! Nobody is perfect. We're just some people doing what we know in this life."
Get him things that he likes, favorite food, desserts, drinks, whatever you can. Stay close to him as much as you can. This is a very important time, before passing.
Tell him that what he dreams is his mind and his fears. Tell him that it doesn't matter and when he goes to sleep, to imagine a light surrounding him. Always "see" that light in his head, it will make the darkness go away.
Any crazy idea he wants to talk about, get in it and listen. Don't patronize him, don't force anything. Just be with him.
Tell him he is loved! Tell him again! And again!
Beautiful, loving, perfect.
Show him some videos from this channel:
https://youtube.com/@cominghomechannel
As a former dead man, I can vouch for every story on that page as they mirror my own.
My guess would be that he is having indications of spontaneous OBE activity, your brother-in-law's spirit getting ready to depart the body.
Read my posts in this thread and you will see why I think this is likely what is happening to your brother-in-law: To those who have had NDE's - have you had any other supernatural experiences?
If it was me, given my past experience of this kind of thing, I would advise to tell your brother-in-law to go with what is happening, do not be frightened to go with it.
I would also mention that while the events I was having were happening I also had very vivid dreams that involved 'flying', 'walking in the air', and 'falling'. It is extremely unusual for me to have dreams that vivid. It was also a failure on my part to connect the dots and realise what was actually happening.
Hope this is of some help.
Read the book ‘On Dreams & Death by Marie Von Franz’. Nothing to be feared, just the unconscious preparing the psyche for transformation and afterlife
Subconsciously, he seems to be terrified of death.
I honestly psychedelics are so amazing for this because they remove the fear, they definitely removed all of my fear of death. Understand that might be difficult in hospice, but sometimes you can organise a ketamine infusion...
There's an episode of Midnight Gospel with Ducan Trussell which he does with his mum (I think it's 8), where she talks about life and death, which was recorded 3 weeks before she died. It's a cartoon and verrrry trippy but it's about acceptance and understanding.
Get him some edibles low dosages…what he is dealing with is…what a lot of people deal with when they don’t feel ready for death…cause he clings on to nothing…and god…god truly gives us what we want…from heaven to hell to pure darkness…it seems he maybe feeling some regret doubts and other emotions that are low frequency…dealing with these things, id let him know…its truly ok not to achieve everything in this material world cause in the end…whats left is now his mind, and the family near him, if so be it, then he needs to rejoice in the good, the light of his life, rather than the eternal void that perpetuates us all
Perhaps it might be his own uncertainty of what happens beyond this physical life, in which case it would help him tremendously to seek some sort of counseling. Never too old for that. Not only a psychologist could be of help, but some books might definitely talk about smooth transitioning. I'll adivse the same book I advise for everyone I advise a book to on this forum: conversations with god - an uncommon dialogue.
Changed the way I looked at life tremendously for the better and helped me to be a much happier and more open person in general. It also answered some of life's most important questions for me.
I didn't have any similar experience yet, but I would advice to follow the mindset of best psychologists and it is about including, If he falls and sees a pitch black, instead of running away from the concept, how about continuing it. Maybe this pitch black is a template for new universe and new adventure.
Check out the near death experiencer stories related to this feeling. Some have wound up in dark places.
I would suggest prayer for him and see if that makes a difference. If he engages in a heartfelt prayer before sleep, then I think he'd start feeling better. I'm not a religious person, but I am spiritual. Prayer does work in my experience, but it has to be heartfelt. This isn't an intellectual exercise. It sounds like he's really stuck in his logical mind and is out of touch with his emotional side. There may be a whole world of feelings he has not explored yet, and thus the dark ones come up first for healing.
the feeling of falling is his spirit separating from his body, little by little.
Listen to him in his vulnerability and be by his side. Something that really helped my grandmother was to play her favorite tunes from the good parts of her life. Also, like another person said, ask him what it would be like to explore what that darkness is like. See if you or someone close to him can hold his hand while he closes his eyes and imagines what that darkness space might be like and see if you can help him change his perspective on what that darkness means.
Ask him what kind of a person he was in his life. Was he good to others, compassionate, did he have empathy? Or was he sceptical about people, egoistic and stuff like that?
Your character, thoughts and feelings determine where you will go in the afterlife. You will enter a sphere that matches your inner feeling.
Chant the mantra Om Namo Narayanaya 108 times a day. It is a mantra invoking the name of God for liberation.
Check his meds.
Pray for him.
Call on his Source of Being, and ask IT to guide him.
Tell him to remember God. ( I mean this in no way to belittle, or impose).
How can Cosnciousness ever get out of the dark pit of the three qualities of the world if it is stuck in not knowing? What is Transcendence?
The Subconscious only talks of the truth, that is - oh, beloved, for what have you taken birth? You have not contemplated on the Truth of Reality, having gone here and there, you have accomplished nothing, having been stuck in the clay vessel, when the clay vessel is broken... nothing remains.
''a(n)dhe too(n) baiThaa ka(n)dhee paeh ||''
Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Maharaj - Ang 43
This might not be a popular take, but contemplate this, merchant friend:
Thousands of meals, where are they now? Thousands of people met, where are they now? This is one tiny planet in an infinity, one tiny Universe in an infinity. If one attaches their mind to one genre of music, they might listen for a while to that song, if they attach their consciousness to the music of illusion, they attach their consciousness to nothing of substance, but to that which perishes in a few days.
Let me try to put it into words again: If your whole life you would focus your mind on gambling and sexual desire(giving an extreme example of focusing on perishable things that can steal away one's mind) - all you might do is listen to this song about curvy bodies and money. You then work to get money and curvy bodies, you toiled 30 years, get the pleasure of 30 seconds here, 30 seconds there, it passes before one could fully grasp it. Then after 50 years, one is asked: hey, so, what do you know of the world? What about the essence of reality? But the person has only kept their hands in a puddle, not even a puddle, the effect of the cause of a cause of a cause, of a cause. It is like being obsessed with flowers, but never knowing how they align or work in the Environment, why, how, or how they help the environment. You worked hard breaking flowers and smelling them, but have no idea of their name, or how they were created, or how they evolved.
What is mind? What is Consciousness? What is mortal? What is immortal?
The dream of darkness is this: A statement. It is nothing to fear, but reality.
If one would start even now to contemplate The Transcendental One, by whichever name one wishes, some call it Universe, some call Him/Her Most High, Eternal Light, etc.
What is fortune? what is misfortune? How can one be fortunate? What is Light? What is Darkness?
I do not say this as a means to scare, or condemn, this is not about religion either, religion is Sacred Duty, which is not to be forced.
That One Light is in his heart still, be his friend, and tell him to contemplate Soul, What is the Supreme Soul? Why? How? In What way?
Thanks for your reply but he has no religious beliefs, has a strong aversion to organized religion, and so that would not be helpful to him.
My sister works as a hospital chaplain. She's Catholic, and she works from her belief. That doesn't mean that her work itself is focused on religion.
She supports ppl that are passing, and their families. (As part of her job)
She's a professional, and has had the education to do her work.
My point is, it's easier to find ppl that assist the dying, with their fears and concerns, that work from their own religious conviction. But the support they offer isn't necessarily religious.
If the person in need of support isn't religious, there's no point in offering religious reassurance. Professionals know this. And are not 'out to collect souls' or 'convert ppl on their death beds'. They're supporting dying ppl, because they themselves see it as a spiritual calling.
But what I ask you to tell him is to simply contemplate the nature of his consciousness, let's take religion out of this. I am not telling you to convert him to anything or attach him to any organized religion, many spiritual people say something truthful about religion - they are tools, to get to what some call God.
Let me put things outside some of the propagated beliefs of religion - His self, brother. help him realize or contemplate his Self.
If Quantum Physics talks about One Field of Energy, what is that field? Arouse some curiosity.
( In Eternal Scriptures, the ways to Transcedental Knowledge are infinite, sciences can also be used to contemplate the nature of SELF)