hi all! I’m not sure this is the right place to put this, but I’m having a situation right now where an ex friend (afrolatino/indigenous) has told several of my classmates in college that I said something racist towards them. I have confided in several of my friends, many of whom are people of color, about this issue, including a few who are also Latino/indigenous— they said they see nothing wrong with what I did, but I am trying to understand if there is some context that I am missing. I don’t feel like this ex friend would just be going around saying this for no reason, and I want to truly understand what I’ve done so that I can work to be better.
if anyone is available just to DM about it, or know where I should go to find what I am seeking elsewhere, I would greatly appreciate your time, energy, and experience. thank you
I'm white, so can't help with lived experience - but did you ask them why/how what you said was racist?
I did, they said they couldn’t really connect what I said to a specific stereotype that existed (the situation involved stereotypes regarding indigenous people and drinking, but when I brought this up as a concern, they said it didn’t really fit). I’ve been told now from people who talked to this person that they lied about things I said to other people to better fit this stereotype, but it concerns me that there was an initial truth to bend in the first place.
a lot of my friends of color said they were weaponizing their race against me to excuse themselves from other actions they were being held accountable for at the time in our friendship, but I feel like it’s not my place to accept that conclusion ig?? I worry more that my friends are just kinda excusing my actions because they don’t want to accept being friends with somebody who said something racist