"It doesn’t matter if he ate five minutes ago, he needs more food now, come on, come on, you wouldn’t let me spend the whole night locked in my dark crib starving, would you, would you? So we let him have some more food, which he eats as slowly as possible, until I finally get tired of this and forcibly carry him to bed. The whole time, he screams “MY FOOD! MY FOOOOOOD!” like a demented leprechaun being dragged away from his Lucky Charms."
In my experience you just gotta say no. Our daughter pulls the same thing all the time so we just tell her no and give her a strict schedule (we tell her ahead of time "this is the last chance to snack before bed..."). She usually would scream like a banshee one or two times then stop.
Christmas break was tough because we started slacking and letting her do whatever for a couple days. She started becoming a demanding little monster so we went back on a schedule again.
I do have a pretty good idea about the screaming, though. When Kai demanded “the sun song”, I had accidentally told Alexa to play Raffi’s version of Mister Golden Sun instead of SuperSimpleSongs’ version. Kai did not consider this a sufficiently faithful rendition, and made his displeasure clear to everyone in the neighborhood at six in the morning. Then Lyra didn’t like that Kai was screaming, and started screaming too. By the time I realized the song mishap, I couldn’t rectify my mistake, because they were screaming too loud for Alexa to hear my commands (and too loud for them to notice if the song changed anyway).
Same deal with this. If your kid is screaming so loud the neighbors are calling the cops because they didn't their song played, and your response is to 'rectify your mistake' by trying to switch to the right song... you gotta get on your kid about that. Can't be teaching them that's the way to get what they want.
I agree. My schedule with the toddler is very strict, including mealtimes. Recently over the holidays we got a little slack on a few things, including getting samples of food and eating from our plates, and the process of unlearning this behavior is taking three times as long as learning it, because the behavior earned rewards (snack) and the strict refusal earns nothing. With a newborn now, I'm very grateful that my husband and I practiced strong "no" and removal as a method of discipline from the crawling stage, because the willpower and memory of a toddler are awe-inspiring.
I do this, and am on my third toddler. They seem fine, but I have sometimes had them go through phases where they'll mostly eat my food, and then I have to eat their food instead. I think out of a suspicion they're not getting the real thing, somehow?
But, also, I've never owned a high chair, so may be unusual among middle class Americans.
Yeah I don’t really care if he eats my food and I eat his since we’re eating the same thing.
A bit same… we moved between countries a few months ago and haven’t got around to getting a high chair again. He’s happy on our laps or the floor or the toddler tower, and when I read about picky eating with kids the same age I’m like yeah… let’s start with food and manners can come second.
I have four kids. My youngest is by FAR the most stubborn, and we didn't have the energy or patience to interact with him. I mean, he could outlast us. I can't remember how old he was, maybe three and a half, anyway, way too old to still not be potty trained. Finally one day we just put a ton of baby gates all the way around our kitchen/bathroom (which is linoleum, easy to clean), took off his pants, and told him he couldn't leave until he was potty trained. He finally realized we were serious about 5 hours later and immediately was potty trained. I was happy, but also kinda wanted to strangle him.
It wasn't surprising, really, but it was just so obvious that he could do lots more than he did do, because he was always trying to get away with stuff. He's 10 now, and still has this double nature where he tries to get away with stuff until he realizes it won't work, and then immediately turns into a responsible, intelligent little person.
Yep, was my reaction to basically every item he raised; my household runs nothing like his, and I couldn't believe what he was describing -- then he'd go on to the next, and if would be the same in that domain.
Still insightful and entertaining, and not a surprise given Scott's an odd bird (at least from my perspective) and we're quite different people.
Maybe the difference is the personality of your kids or the fact that he's raising two toddlers at once, meaning he's dealing with twice as much chaos as the average toddler parent.
There are also moments of priceless joy and pride...
But yes. Parenting a 2 and 3 year old has been the most emotionally difficult challenge in my life. (A newborn is physically exhausting, but mentally straightforward.)
Depends on the person. FOR ME OVERALL IT is A joy and I miss age 2-4 for my older one. There were these toddler emotional hurricanes, but not a lot, and mostly he was a happy and inquisitive child who got happy with the small things he gets and learns.
Like, I remember explaining him how you a wet finger gets glued to cold metal in winter, and it was like magic.
It's exhausting, but it's also a constant oxytocin flood. Overall, definitely a very different experience from life without kids, but hardly worse on average. You will miss it when it's over.
We told our children, we're eating at meal time. You're not going to be fed until the next meal time.
We fed our children what we ate, with appropriate replacements if it was spicy etc. If they balked at their food, we said "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." When your five year old throws a fit, and the three year old says that line ... my work here is done.
We had the three words rule. We asked them once to do something; we told them once to do that thing; we swatted them once if that thing was not done. Then when they're crying about it, we explained that we asked nicely and they didn't do it. We ordered that thing and they didn't do it. Then we swatted and it got done. Wouldn't it be nicer if we asked you to do it, and you did it without being swatted? This only happened once or twice per kid. I don't think it ever happened to the third kid.
We could take our children anywhere and they were a joy. If there was something dangerous, we could confidently call our children away from the danger. Our children wouldn't choose to 'test our resolve' as the writer's children may try in a dangerous situation. It seems as if the writer is training their children for the Darwin Award.
I think it's gotta be perspective. With a toddler myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. None of it sounded that bad. The joys in helping another human mind figure out the world far outweigh the frustrations they encounter in doing so.
Right, much of this sounds like a problem that could be solved by stopping the $0.001 payments to scummy musicians. There is valuable kid's music that I'll share with my son on a curated, case-by-case basis, but I'd want to listen to new media first before sharing it with him.
There is no way I'd trust a Bezos box to decide what songs go with new words - as demonstrated by the disastrous poop songs, mommy songs, and daddy songs.
Unfortunately, you've now trained the kids that there are fun songs associated with all new words, and that the way you learn songs is by asking Asasa to pick something.
Thus allowing the remote to get lost, potentially for weeks or months, without anyone noticing...until someone wants to operate the TV with their mouth full, jaw wired shut, or a screaming toddler in the background.
One morning around 6, the police banged on our door. “OPEN UP!” they shouted, the way police shout when they definitely have an alternative in mind for if you won’t. I was awake at the time, because the kids were up early and I was on shift. I opened the door. The cops seemed mollified by the fact that I was carrying twin toddlers and looked too frazzled to commit any difficult crimes.
Incidental to the message of the piece, but I have to say... I would have been strongly disinclined to open the door to agitated cops with my children in my arms. My inner Taleb would be screaming incoherently about birds and I'd never be able to hear what they wanted. In my house, kids and animals should be tucked neatly away from the most likely firing lanes before the people who passed all the selection filters to play cops and robbers professionally get a response at my door.
I don't know, maybe they were genuinely four seconds from breaking down the door and there wasn't a choice, but in almost any circumstance I would have shouted an acknowledgment and taken the extra ten seconds.
idk. the kids arent gonna vanish from his arms when cops show up. its his house and if the cops insist on getting a peak they might as well help out with the kids
Lol, this once happened to me almost twenty years ago. No Alexa and I didn't even have my first mobile phone yet.
Police knocked on my door at 3 a.m. and I was just insomniac enough to notice. After some confusion, we decided that someone must have messed with the phonebox of my small apartment building, which had been left open from repairs the previous day.
ETA: It also happened a decade ago, again when I was living in an apartment. The police woman said there was a noise complaint against me, but the dark silence behind me contradicted that. This was a large building, so I think a neighbor simply misidentified the unit with the noisy TV.
There may be a hormonal component. Namely, my boys are very much like Kai, and my daughter is very much like Lyra.
My boys calm down if they're allowed to spend 10+ hours a day outside, but ymmv.
Edit: when giving a haircut, cut diagonally upwards towards the scalp, unless you're already doing that. Don't try to make it straight.
My mom always says that she's glad her first two kids were the same gender, because we were so different from birth and she knows she would have been saying "wow, having a girl is so different"
I agree with your point, as I was a notoriously hyperactive 2 year old. Just from the shocked reactions I was always dealing with, I can tell you that people aren't used to hyperactive girls. At all.
One of my children raised a fuss once in a restaurant ... which she instantly regretted as she was escorted to the car, from where she could watch her siblings finish their meal inside.
Do you think the writer can take her five year old to a theatre? —that's not happening.
My oldest also had a period of frustration when Alexa failed to heed his request for a song. He just turned 4, and is now an Alexa pro. They chill out eventually (in some ways—my boys have become rowdier and more destructive as they gain mastery of their limbs).
"It doesn’t matter if he ate five minutes ago, he needs more food now, come on, come on, you wouldn’t let me spend the whole night locked in my dark crib starving, would you, would you? So we let him have some more food, which he eats as slowly as possible, until I finally get tired of this and forcibly carry him to bed. The whole time, he screams “MY FOOD! MY FOOOOOOD!” like a demented leprechaun being dragged away from his Lucky Charms."
In my experience you just gotta say no. Our daughter pulls the same thing all the time so we just tell her no and give her a strict schedule (we tell her ahead of time "this is the last chance to snack before bed..."). She usually would scream like a banshee one or two times then stop.
Christmas break was tough because we started slacking and letting her do whatever for a couple days. She started becoming a demanding little monster so we went back on a schedule again.
Same deal with this. If your kid is screaming so loud the neighbors are calling the cops because they didn't their song played, and your response is to 'rectify your mistake' by trying to switch to the right song... you gotta get on your kid about that. Can't be teaching them that's the way to get what they want.
I fully, strongly agree with this.
Even if you remind them to say please and not scream over and over some toddlers still howl occasionally, there's no way around it.
Sure, but you don’t have to reward it.
I agree. My schedule with the toddler is very strict, including mealtimes. Recently over the holidays we got a little slack on a few things, including getting samples of food and eating from our plates, and the process of unlearning this behavior is taking three times as long as learning it, because the behavior earned rewards (snack) and the strict refusal earns nothing. With a newborn now, I'm very grateful that my husband and I practiced strong "no" and removal as a method of discipline from the crawling stage, because the willpower and memory of a toddler are awe-inspiring.
Wait, what’s wrong with eating from your plates? New toddler parent here, so far enjoying sharing food with him.
I do this, and am on my third toddler. They seem fine, but I have sometimes had them go through phases where they'll mostly eat my food, and then I have to eat their food instead. I think out of a suspicion they're not getting the real thing, somehow?
But, also, I've never owned a high chair, so may be unusual among middle class Americans.
Yeah I don’t really care if he eats my food and I eat his since we’re eating the same thing.
A bit same… we moved between countries a few months ago and haven’t got around to getting a high chair again. He’s happy on our laps or the floor or the toddler tower, and when I read about picky eating with kids the same age I’m like yeah… let’s start with food and manners can come second.
I have four kids. My youngest is by FAR the most stubborn, and we didn't have the energy or patience to interact with him. I mean, he could outlast us. I can't remember how old he was, maybe three and a half, anyway, way too old to still not be potty trained. Finally one day we just put a ton of baby gates all the way around our kitchen/bathroom (which is linoleum, easy to clean), took off his pants, and told him he couldn't leave until he was potty trained. He finally realized we were serious about 5 hours later and immediately was potty trained. I was happy, but also kinda wanted to strangle him.
It wasn't surprising, really, but it was just so obvious that he could do lots more than he did do, because he was always trying to get away with stuff. He's 10 now, and still has this double nature where he tries to get away with stuff until he realizes it won't work, and then immediately turns into a responsible, intelligent little person.
same with my cat
Yep, was my reaction to basically every item he raised; my household runs nothing like his, and I couldn't believe what he was describing -- then he'd go on to the next, and if would be the same in that domain.
Still insightful and entertaining, and not a surprise given Scott's an odd bird (at least from my perspective) and we're quite different people.
Maybe the difference is the personality of your kids or the fact that he's raising two toddlers at once, meaning he's dealing with twice as much chaos as the average toddler parent.
Everything I read about raising toddlers makes it sound like one headache after another.
It's less hard if you tell them no. But yes, it is a lot of work.
Its less work to train them no.
There are also moments of priceless joy and pride...
But yes. Parenting a 2 and 3 year old has been the most emotionally difficult challenge in my life. (A newborn is physically exhausting, but mentally straightforward.)
Depends on the person. FOR ME OVERALL IT is A joy and I miss age 2-4 for my older one. There were these toddler emotional hurricanes, but not a lot, and mostly he was a happy and inquisitive child who got happy with the small things he gets and learns. Like, I remember explaining him how you a wet finger gets glued to cold metal in winter, and it was like magic.
... punctuated with the occasional moment of absolute terror ...
This whole article had me oscillating between "that's so cute" and "I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that"
If Scott cares about birth rates at all, he’ll take this article down 😜
It's exhausting, but it's also a constant oxytocin flood. Overall, definitely a very different experience from life without kids, but hardly worse on average. You will miss it when it's over.
You can make it as easy, or as hard as you like.
We told our children, we're eating at meal time. You're not going to be fed until the next meal time.
We fed our children what we ate, with appropriate replacements if it was spicy etc. If they balked at their food, we said "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit." When your five year old throws a fit, and the three year old says that line ... my work here is done.
We had the three words rule. We asked them once to do something; we told them once to do that thing; we swatted them once if that thing was not done. Then when they're crying about it, we explained that we asked nicely and they didn't do it. We ordered that thing and they didn't do it. Then we swatted and it got done. Wouldn't it be nicer if we asked you to do it, and you did it without being swatted? This only happened once or twice per kid. I don't think it ever happened to the third kid.
We could take our children anywhere and they were a joy. If there was something dangerous, we could confidently call our children away from the danger. Our children wouldn't choose to 'test our resolve' as the writer's children may try in a dangerous situation. It seems as if the writer is training their children for the Darwin Award.
Nah, it heavily depends on the kids as well, you probably just got easy ones and over-extrapolate.
I think it's gotta be perspective. With a toddler myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. None of it sounded that bad. The joys in helping another human mind figure out the world far outweigh the frustrations they encounter in doing so.
He is indeed. That's Matt Farley, who makes about $200k/year from his music (as of 2023).
Is there anything Alexa is good for other than making your life harder in various unexpected but occasionally amusing ways?
Right, much of this sounds like a problem that could be solved by stopping the $0.001 payments to scummy musicians. There is valuable kid's music that I'll share with my son on a curated, case-by-case basis, but I'd want to listen to new media first before sharing it with him.
There is no way I'd trust a Bezos box to decide what songs go with new words - as demonstrated by the disastrous poop songs, mommy songs, and daddy songs.
Unfortunately, you've now trained the kids that there are fun songs associated with all new words, and that the way you learn songs is by asking Asasa to pick something.
Turning the TV on by talking to it is certainly a huge upgrade in my life quality, it saves me one button press on the remote that is within reach.
Thus allowing the remote to get lost, potentially for weeks or months, without anyone noticing...until someone wants to operate the TV with their mouth full, jaw wired shut, or a screaming toddler in the background.
Truly living in the utopian future.
Incidental to the message of the piece, but I have to say... I would have been strongly disinclined to open the door to agitated cops with my children in my arms. My inner Taleb would be screaming incoherently about birds and I'd never be able to hear what they wanted. In my house, kids and animals should be tucked neatly away from the most likely firing lanes before the people who passed all the selection filters to play cops and robbers professionally get a response at my door.
I don't know, maybe they were genuinely four seconds from breaking down the door and there wasn't a choice, but in almost any circumstance I would have shouted an acknowledgment and taken the extra ten seconds.
But “you can’t fight a guy with a baby.”
idk. the kids arent gonna vanish from his arms when cops show up. its his house and if the cops insist on getting a peak they might as well help out with the kids
Lol, this once happened to me almost twenty years ago. No Alexa and I didn't even have my first mobile phone yet.
Police knocked on my door at 3 a.m. and I was just insomniac enough to notice. After some confusion, we decided that someone must have messed with the phonebox of my small apartment building, which had been left open from repairs the previous day.
ETA: It also happened a decade ago, again when I was living in an apartment. The police woman said there was a noise complaint against me, but the dark silence behind me contradicted that. This was a large building, so I think a neighbor simply misidentified the unit with the noisy TV.
... so have the kids created their pseudonymous social media personas to influence world events yet?
Any time now ...
Two things.
Beautiful kids, very relatable writing!
There may be a hormonal component. Namely, my boys are very much like Kai, and my daughter is very much like Lyra. My boys calm down if they're allowed to spend 10+ hours a day outside, but ymmv.
Edit: when giving a haircut, cut diagonally upwards towards the scalp, unless you're already doing that. Don't try to make it straight.
My mom always says that she's glad her first two kids were the same gender, because we were so different from birth and she knows she would have been saying "wow, having a girl is so different"
The bell curves do overlap somewhat.
Two year old boys and girls have some measurable hormone differences but not by that much
I agree with your point, as I was a notoriously hyperactive 2 year old. Just from the shocked reactions I was always dealing with, I can tell you that people aren't used to hyperactive girls. At all.
Also probably
tragicallya good metaphor for the relationship between AI and humans a few years from now.Undisciplined kids will be a life of terror.
One of my children raised a fuss once in a restaurant ... which she instantly regretted as she was escorted to the car, from where she could watch her siblings finish their meal inside.
Do you think the writer can take her five year old to a theatre? —that's not happening.
... and 30 years from now some psychologist studying confabulation is going to be saying
"Yeah, interviewed someone today who has a clear memory of the time that their babysitter was swallowed by a whale ..."
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_in_the_mall_technique
My oldest also had a period of frustration when Alexa failed to heed his request for a song. He just turned 4, and is now an Alexa pro. They chill out eventually (in some ways—my boys have become rowdier and more destructive as they gain mastery of their limbs).