Lately it has been a whirlwind. Just a year ago I (26 YoF) felt like my life was finally coming together! Me and my two daughters (5 & 4 Yo) moved 3 hours away from Atlanta, Ga - and although their dad lives there , the amount of trauma I’ve endured was enough to make anyone want to run far away. I have a few relatives here where I’m at currently that helps with the children. And while being here , I’ve managed to get a pretty decent paying job working as a 911 dispatcher. Eventually, I even saved up enough money to sort of fix my credit and by July we moved into a really nice apartment!! It all was going well - until it wasn’t .

As of recently I applied for spring semester of a local college and school begins on January 12th. Even with my nice paying job I barely made ends meet , my credit even slipped back under - however, my relationship with God grew knowing that regardless , we were always okay and bills were always paid. These path few months I’ve been having to compensate and find ways I can earn more money so I’ve picked up door dashing. This might’ve been a bad move considering I work a 12 hour job overnight and when I’m not at work , or the kids aren’t at school , they remain in my care . I started falling asleep at the job. No I didn’t miss 911 calls , or didn’t respond to officers - but it still is viewed as a high risk situation. My normal shift allowed it , seeing that my supervisor always looked out for me and only asked me to only close my eyes if I’m not on a call and try to still be alert. Well , due to my aunt (babysitter) having a death on her dad’s side , I had to swap work days with a crew member on the other night shift rotation. A female supervisor on that shift and I don’t have the best liking to one another due to her lying on me and writing me up in November - so I made a complaint about her cussing at me on shift. I guess that started a war in her head ….

Anyway,

She recorded me last night stating that I fell asleep at my desk and although I didn’t miss a call or an area check from an officer - the decision was final. “You can either resign or we will terminate you.”

I smiled, said my goodbyes, and Held my chin high - although I wanted alcohol I still haven’t drunk anything and I’m just laying here thinking about my life . All that hard work … God what are you trying to tell me ?!? Will me and my girls lose it all ?!?

I’ve been applying to jobs all night.

I haven’t even cried.

My oldest daughter asked why I’m not at work and I just looked at her and said “mommy was fired.”

I’m not sad.

I’m not angry.

I’m just numb.

I’m tired.

I don’t want to disappoint my daughters at all - I worry about being able to pay rent next month . I worry about how they’d feel to no longer have the room that I just fixed up for them , no Christmas gifts , no birthday next month.

I guess I just need to vent.

I’m really lost and don’t know how to feel - any words of wisdom would help .