Cannot believe I’m asking Reddit about sex advice but don’t know where else to turn.
Been with my GF a little over a year. We live together and I plan on marrying her. We have sex often (3-5 times/week at least) but for whatever reason she just… doesn’t like foreplay. In our whole relationship I’ve only made her cum like 10 ish total times max. I know exactly what gets her there (nipple sucking and clit play) but every time I try she just wants to fuck me. The few times I have gotten her to orgasm I can fucking tell. Legs shaking uncontrollably, eyes rolling into the back of her head, the whole nine yards. I absolutely love seeing her like this… but she literally won’t let me make her finish. We start out making out and I will put my fingers down there and start playing with her titties but within 30 seconds she is just begging to fuck me. I obviously am not going to do what she doesn’t want to do but at the same time I finish 80-90% of the time and I just don’t get it. We have talked about it briefly and I always offer to try to get her to orgasm but she says she just wants to fuck me.
Part of me feels like she views sex as just wanting to please me. I guess that is a whole different issue and probably something we need to talk about but obviously I want her to enjoy it just as much if not more as I do. It’s turning me off to a degree because I obviously want my partner to love it as much as I do.
It’s started to make me feel insecure. Like why would she not want me to make her finish? Am I doing something wrong? I couldn’t imagine having sex and not wanting to cum. Is this normal for women? I can’t think of any trauma or anything that could play a part in this.
Please help! Thank you.
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Post title:
GF does not want to orgasm
Cannot believe I’m asking Reddit about sex advice but don’t know where else to turn.
Been with my GF a little over a year. We live together and I plan on marrying her. We have sex often (3-5 times/week at least) but for whatever reason she just… doesn’t like foreplay. In our whole relationship I’ve only made her cum like 10 ish total times max. I know exactly what gets her there (nipple sucking and clit play) but every time I try she just wants to fuck me. The few times I have gotten her to orgasm I can fucking tell. Legs shaking uncontrollably, eyes rolling into the back of her head, the whole nine yards. I absolutely love seeing her like this… but she literally won’t let me make her finish. We start out making out and I will put my fingers down there and start playing with her titties but within 30 seconds she is just begging to fuck me. I obviously am not going to do what she doesn’t want to do but at the same time I finish 80-90% of the time and I just don’t get it. We have talked about it briefly and I always offer to try to get her to orgasm but she says she just wants to fuck me.
Part of me feels like she views sex as just wanting to please me. I guess that is a whole different issue and probably something we need to talk about but obviously I want her to enjoy it just as much if not more as I do. It’s turning me off to a degree because I obviously want my partner to love it as much as I do.
It’s started to make me feel insecure. Like why would she not want me to make her finish? Am I doing something wrong? I couldn’t imagine having sex and not wanting to cum. Is this normal for women? I can’t think of any trauma or anything that could play a part in this.
Please help! Thank you.
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Speak with her Tell her what you told us But be aware it is different for women
She just gets really horny, that's why she wants you to fuck her even if she can't come from just that. Because it feels really good nevertheless. But you can literally play with her nipples and/or her clit while fucking her, i don't see the problem. Focus on that stimulation and go on until she comes.
She doesn’t like it while I’m fucking her. It’s just too much for her.
Oooh. Well... Ever thought of just asking her if she wouldn't rather come instead of getting fucked? Not asking her while doing the deed but outside of the bedroom setting
also: why not make her come after you (OP) came? so after you fucked?
This is a great idea. Every time we have had this conversation it has been in bed. Bringing it up in a setting like that will probably get the most honest answer out of her. Thank you so much.
I usually don’t want to get head, bot because it doesn’t work, because it’s too over stimulating for me.
Have you tried nipple clamps? Might be enough extra stimulus without the intensity of clit stim to have her possibly orgasm during PIV.
52 year old woman here.
I don’t orgasm for the first time until like 10 years into my sexual exploration. Yes, I love to cum. It’s great. But it’s not the everything for me. I love all the feelings, connection, exploration, sensations, even if they don’t lead to orgasm. In fact, if sex becomes too orgasm focused then it’s not as enjoyable for me. I like the journey, not the destination. I can be perfectly satisfied with sex even if I don’t cum.
I think men, being wired differently, often have a different goal from a physical standpoint which might make it might be hard for them to imagine being fully satisfied differently.
43 years old man here. And I can only speak for myself, but I think you’re right. It’s only in the last few years my mindset has shifted from enjoying the journey but focusing on the destination to having the journey be the main focus. Orgasms are great, but the connection you describe is what it’s all about now.
She is very clearly telling you what she likes and wants. Don’t see any issues. My partner is similar. She doesn’t need to orgasm every time and still feels satisfied.
Me personally I used to tell myself this as the woman in the scenario but now being able to cum during sex it’s such a lie lol.
Glad you figured it out. But it’s not just a lie people tell themselves for everyone.
Personally I have ADHD and have to focus so hard on not getting distracted to get all there that it just sucks all enjoyment out of things. It was so much more fun and pleasurable to just enjoy the moment.
OP’s girlfriend could be like you and lying to herself, or could just know what she likes.
I do this because the amount of stimulation is overwhelming, even if it feels good. Its like, too much
For me, anything even close to orgasming can be so intense for my body I’ll sometimes tap out. Maybe it’s like that for her. Like when I feel the build up it’s such a strong and even painful bodily reaction that I usually prefer not to
I hated foreplay with my ex. He was so rough on my clit. (I can orgasm super fast from playing with my clit) I hated it and always told him to be not so rough but he just couldn’t. I would just beg him to fuck me and I would 9/10 orgasm
This!! Also thats always what caused leg shaking was too much stim. It def was NOT an orgasm.
Maybe she was faking the orgasms
Well, you are going to need to talk to her to figure out the reason why she doesn't want to cum. It could be that she wants to focus on your pleasure, it could be some insecurity, it could be trauma, or it could be that she just thinks orgasms are overrated. That last one definitely is a possibility. Orgasms aren't the be all end all of sex, it's more than possible to enjoy yourself without cumming. It doesn't necessarily mean that she's not enjoying it as much as you. Maybe she just likes penetration more.
She might be self-conscious about being focused on because she wants you to be the one who is the center of attention, so to speak. Maybe when you talk to her let her know how much you love it when she lets you focus on her and what she likes.
Yeah keep talking to her! Make it a bigger convo. She may just not have as much of a sex drive as you but likes the intimacy of fucking
im the same as your gf, i hate when foreplay is focused on my and only tolerate it to not make an issue but even when i feel close to orgasm i have to stop for some reason and i have no idea why (because of this i have never came before) i just like doing what ever i can to get the other person off even if i dont get any physical pleasure cause knowing i can pleasure them is enough. idk if this is how your gf feels but this is just a different perspective for you to think about
It’s also very overstimulating when you orgasm especially the way you said you can tell she is.
Listen to your partner.
She wants your dick more than she wants to cum, this is a compliment. If you want to still get her off, learn how to grind properly while you're inside of her and she'll cum her brains out.
Have you told her any if this? Tell her all the things you've said here, how it makes you feel?
Has she verbally said that? Honestly i would talk about it more - the legs shaking is muscle fatigue. But shes asking to fuck because she feels enough build up…thats the next sensation is wanting to be penetrated.
cumming could be a really overwhelming and exhausting experience for her an maybe she just prefers not. talk with her about it and take her word for what it is.
Some people are just like that
Women aren’t. Trust me we want to get exactly what men get out of the interaction
Explain to her that she deserves to be satisfied, a lot of women don’t feel like this because we never get to cum lol it’s great that you care about her pleasure too. Possibly, she doesn’t want to be vulnerable with you and maybe doesn’t feel safe or comfortable enough to relax
Maybe do so the girls" afterwards". She might resist, specifically if she thinks this will be tiresome for you.
I would push a few times saying you just want to explore her body a bit more after sex
I was the same , being super horny and then I didn't want to bother him in his post bliss so... Yeah. Now 20 years later we have a more playful approach to it and I have one before and after .
Maybe she's bored with the same routine and wants a quick fuck to get it over with. Sorry but it does happen.
You can ask him if it was to please you or if there was another reason.
It is different for women. Think of it this way... evolution's number one priority is reproduction. Babies don't get made unless the guy cums, so guys feel it as an absolute need. Conversely, women wouldn't be inclined to have sex if it didn't feel good, but babies get made whether she cums or not, so she doesn't feel the imperative to cum every time.
Obviously this varies between different men and different women, and many women do want to cum every time. But it does explain why cumming isn't as important to many women, and why that makes no sense to many men.
Is it possible that she has confidence issues or just a low self image?
Because I can relate! I haven't let my boyfriend do the things that make me cum in a long time, because of my self image issues. I just get too much in my head and start thinking about how I feel ugly when it's all focused on me, and it takes me out of it. He does absolutely nothing wrong, its just that whenever something is focused on me, I start feeling self conscious and the opposite of sexy