Just for context, 28F here, been with my fiancé for the past 5 years and I’d say we have a pretty happy and healthy relationship. The only times we have disagreements tend to be bedroom-related.
I’m a little more vanilla when it comes to sex, while he’s got a higher libido, and also some kinks like rough play etc. You see where this is going.
Early on in our relationship, I laid out that I’m open to trying most things, but anal is a hard no go for me. Over the years I’ve given in to his occasional requests like having rough sex (ie: name calling, choking, light slapping, lots of crying on my end and aftercare from him after the deed). We do have safe words in place and while I don’t enjoy these sessions, I oblige from time to time because i feel like we should take turns to compromise if that’s his sexual preference?
However over the years he’s been requesting more often for anal even though I drew the line at that initially. Something about buttplay really puts me off, whether receiving or giving (no offence if you love it!)
His argument back then was that I shouldn’t strike something off so quickly without even trying it, so I’ve since given in and we attempted several times. He was gentle about it and we started off small with fingers, toys, before eventually his dick. Lots of lube too, but it was still uncomfortable/ painful, and nothing about it was pleasant or enjoyable for me, and he couldn’t cum either.
I thought that was the end of it. But lately he’s been persuading me to try again, this time arguing that I haven’t been in the right mindset the past few times and I need to let go of my aversion against buttplay to even begin enjoying it. I think something about it being taboo and taking me by the ass turns him on, while I’m upset that he doesn’t take such rejections well. This topic has gotten us into a few tiffs since.
Now my questions:
- Am I being a prude for being against it or are my feelings valid?
- If I wish to take a firm stand on this, how can I do so without adding strain on our relationship? This feels like such a trivial issue to be the cause of a rift.
- If I give anal another chance, any other ladies around here got tips to make it more enjoyable? How do you cum through anal? I just want to hear real life evidence that it can really be pleasurable 🥲
EDIT: Wow that blew up more than expected, thank you all so much for your input! I’ll add more in the comments below 👇🏼
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Post title:
Bf wants anal but I don’t - how?
Just for context, 28F here, been with my fiancé for the past 5 years and I’d say we have a pretty happy and healthy relationship. The only times we have disagreements tend to be bedroom-related.
I’m a little more vanilla when it comes to sex, while he’s got a higher libido, and also some kinks like rough play etc. You see where this is going.
Early on in our relationship, I laid out that I’m open to trying most things, but anal is a hard no go for me. Over the years I’ve given in to his occasional requests like having rough sex (ie: name calling, choking, light slapping, lots of crying on my end and aftercare from him after the deed). We do have safe words in place and while I don’t enjoy these sessions, I oblige from time to time because i feel like we should take turns to compromise if that’s his sexual preference?
However over the years he’s been requesting more often for anal even though I drew the line at that initially. Something about buttplay really puts me off, whether receiving or giving (no offence if you love it!)
His argument back then was that I shouldn’t strike something off so quickly without even trying it, so I’ve since given in and we attempted several times. He was gentle about it and we started off small with fingers, toys, before eventually his dick. Lots of lube too, but it was still uncomfortable/ painful, and nothing about it was pleasant or enjoyable for me, and he couldn’t cum either.
I thought that was the end of it. But lately he’s been pestering me to try again, this time arguing that I haven’t been in the right mindset the past few times and I need to let go of my aversion against buttplay to even begin enjoying it. I think something about it being taboo and taking me by the ass turns him on, while I’m upset that he doesn’t take such rejections well. This topic has gotten us into a few tiffs since.
Now my questions:
EDIT: Wow that blew up more than expected, thank you all so much for your input! I’ll add more in the comments below 👇🏼
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“While I don’t enjoy these sessions I oblige him time to time” … having slapping , choking, crying sex that you do NOT enjoy is not what it means to compromise in a relationship. Does he KNOW that you don’t enjoy these sessions?
As a male person that enjoys that kind of sex I would never want to do it with a woman that wasn't enthusiastic about wanting to do it because they like it, same with anal.
These things are not something you should be nudged into unwillingly in my opinion. That would be so uncomfortable for everyone. If you are not into it, you are not into it, and that is okay. OP even gave it a chance and it wasn't for her. After that it should just stop.
Exactly - I mean I don’t even get that he gets turned on when he sees that she’s not enjoying it.
I like to dominate my partner - because it turns him on. It is something we talk about a lot and we constantly check in on each other to make sure to create a safe and caring intimate environment for the both of us. Being dominant comes with a huge responsibility.
I love your pointe. I can say things you have get used the pain then you have that feeling. Not everyone is going experience that. If you're doing it because you have have to. You might have share this is not making me feel connected to you.
From my understanding, this is what majority of young women do for their bfs if they ask for it - just to be a "good gf". Its sad as hell.
That's the result of teaching young boys girl that sex is 'for men'
It's the result of boys misunderstanding porn for sex education.
this is really it. when you think "regular sex" involves this shit, it gets dark quick
Indeed, that's part of what I meant from my comment
Not only boys misunderstanding porn for sex ed, also girls
Majority is a strong word here.
This happens sometimes, but surveys show that is actually more often women requesting expressing interest in this sort of stuff than men. See for example: https://aella.substack.com/p/the-other-sexual-orientation
Yeah you’re literally “compromising” to literal assault
Pretty sure he'd enjoy it more if he knew she didn't actually enjoy it.
Sadists gonna sadist. I wish it were easier to punish people for this kind of abuse.
If he knows that she doesn't want it, then it's abuse.
This whole post is sexual coercion on your boyfriends part. He isn’t respecting your choices. This isn’t the person for you.
I agree. All the roughhousing and "kinks" sounds like he needs a completely different bedroom partner.
I would have walked out FAST
Let's stop pretending like he is a flower petal about to wilt unless he gets anal. You are not obligated to give him that if you do not want it. Period end of discussion.
I’ve tried anal with a couple of partners, ranging in sizes. We did prep, we did all the steps, I even tried the plugs to move up.
I fucking hate it. It’s the world’s most painful shit for me, every time. And that’s okay.
I’m never doing it again. I tried, and I made effort, and there’s nothing that’s going to make me like it.
You can try, if you’re being respected and you even want to, but some things aren’t for everyone. And it sounds like you’re being pressured to try, not like you want to, and that’s very much not okay. I did experiments of my own volition. You aren’t being shown that respect.
This post is way too long
You said no. That's it, end of discussion. It's not a debate, not a negotiation. If he can't or won't respect that, find someone else who will.
Literally this. And this on all of the things you’re not comfortable with. If you’re crying after because you weren’t OK with any of it… you shouldn’t be doing it.
Crying likely during the assault as well.
I think she missed what enthusiastic consent means, and I don't think the dude would give a fuck if you taught him.
This needs to be top comment, there is genuinely nothing more to add, and nothing missed.
Don't forget, "No" is a complete sentence. You do not owe this boundary pushing AH any explanation other than No. Simple as that.
When someone like this man asks for an explanation it’s not so he can understand it, it’s so he can argue with it.
OP is a saint for giving it a chance. After that and definitely knowing she is not into it, her BF is an asshole for pushing it still.
I would ask him why he seems to be so unwilling to respect your boundaries
Hes just going to talk her circles about how shes not allowed to have boundaries.
Also ask him why he's turned on doing something that you don't enjoy, makes you uncomfortable and even hurts you? Why doesn't he care about that?
Because hE hAs NeEdS
Oh that is like the guy who told me "I don't wear condoms because thEy tAke aWAy the feElinG" pout pout. I gave in sadly and then cut to later on, when I got a bad smear test result, and it turned out he gave me HPV. I then had to have an operation to remove a pre-cancerous lesion and it took 10 months total to get the all clear. Nightmare.
That situationship is the last time I am going to put my health and safety (mental and physical) on the line for anyone else. I deserve more respect than that, from myself as well as others.
Yeah, how dare she deny him anal, we all know he will just fade away without it!
Nope. My gf said the same thing and outside of mentioning it one other time I haven’t since. She said no and it doesn’t turn her on. Once I found out she wasn’t turned on by it, I completely stopped trying to make it happen
The goal is pleasure and more ways to obtain it. If that’s not going to help towards that then I see no point in “trying” to make it work
This is how it should be OP
You’re not being a prude you’re being a “pushover” at a concerning level. Your BF is willing to risk compromising your mental health and emotional well being to get his sexual needs met.
He didn’t even enjoy it, but he wants to try again? It sounds like he’s enjoying actually hurting you.
His unwillingness to hear and accept “no” isn’t a trivial issue. It’s a disaster in a relationship and unacceptable.
I hope you’ll think REALLY hard about that.
Second this. Learned way too late my ex got off on hurting me. OP are there other areas of your life where he does this?
Girl, you are 28. Too grown to put up with this. Tell him to shut up.
It hurts me that women are conditioned to "put up" with whatever men want in the bedroom. You are not a sex toy. You have already even let him try it a bit. Just say "NO. And if you bring this up again I will reconsider our relationship". He thinks you are weak and that you eventually will give in. Dont.
Why do you need to change your mind not him?
If one of you says no, the answer is no.
When you take a firm stand on this (which, by the way, you have already done), it would not be YOU adding strain to the relationship, it would be him.
If he as any business calling himself a "dom" or considering himself some kind of BDSM Svengali, he should know better than anyone that consent is at the ABSOLUTE core of all that stuff, even if the theater of it makes it appear he's got all the control.
You've already gone far above and beyond by giving into his requests for rough sex-- When people talk about compromising and doing things their partner loves on occasion, they don't mean, "get choked and slapped and take a dick painfully up the ass for the team."
They mean doing things you are OK with but just don't love-- Not doing things you actively do NOT like, much less that you're crying your way through (and not that BDSM/submissive, release of pent-up stuff, feels-good-to-cry cry, but LEGITIMATELY "I do not like this in the slightest and am in pain" crying. Massive difference.)
There are some boundaries should never be in the deck of compromise-- only you can decide what those are, but he need to understand that there will be some. With anybody there will be some, he doesn't just get everything he wants because he wants it.
"His argument back then was that I shouldn’t strike something off so quickly without even trying it"-- perhaps he should compromise and try being OK with not getting everything his way?
Yeah, I am someone who enjoys being on the receiving end of all the things she talks about, and her boyfriend’s attitude is repugnant to me. How can you possibly say you love someone if you watch them literally crying in pain trying to do you a favour, and not only manage to get off while seeing you that unhappy, but somehow…expect you to do MORE?
Same. There’s only one thing my partner once asked me and I said absolutely not. I don’t even remember what it was because he hasn’t asked again, not even once. Like a normal person does
God, thank you. Even if she wanted to do it, but started crying, I can’t imagine not stopping immediately.. let alone being into that. Makes me feel gross to even think about.
All if this. And I just wanted to add that choking (actually strangulation) is edgeplay that is considered risky even within the BDSM community. I highly doubt that OP's fiance knows what he is doing or does it "safely." He could end up seriously harming her and causing permanent damage or even death.
If after sex you end up crying... is not in there and he is not your person! Sex is about pleasure and tons of fun. We should be open to try things, but never has to be an obligation. There is nothing wrong if you don't want and there is a lot wrong if your partner is not respecting your limits.
Just because reddit is about being nitpicky, I do agree with your spirit, but some people do happily and consensually unlock during sex and cry or laugh uncontrollably around orgasm. Sometimes the emotions closet just opens up and all the things come out. Those people shouldn't feel badly about how they are.
This did not in any way sound like that, but for anyone reading along feeling guilty or broken for having lots of big feelings, it can be ok. If you feel good about it. Not like the OP, doing things they don't enjoy.
Emotional release can be a wonderful thing.
Nobody puts up with emotional release for the sake of somebody else.
If she were crying from emotional release she'd be writing about how great she feels.
She's being abused.
I will never understand how someone can enjoy a form of sex when they know their partner doesn’t like it, doesn’t want to do it.
You are entitled to your boundaries. You are entitled to your hard limits.
It’s not that you shouldn’t have to do something you don’t want to. It’s that you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to. At all.
It doesn’t matter how much he wants to do something or if “everyone else does it”, you don’t want to, and that’s all there is to it.
He is not entitled to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. He is not entitled to an explanation for your limits. That you have those limits should be all he needs to know. He should respect and support your choices
You’re not a prude and honestly shouldn’t give anal another chance. It should never hurt and if it does it means your body isn’t ready (which duh.. you don’t want to do anal so of course your body isn’t cooperating)
This is going to sound harsh but I am so serious when I say that if a man doesn’t respect you in the bedroom he absolutely doesn’t respect you out of it. Insisting that your partner engage in sex acts they told you they don’t want to do and do not enjoy is sexual abuse. None of this is okay. It is SO concerning that you’ve felt pressured into engaging with degrading and violent kinks that you only consented to under pressure.
I would seriously reconsider marrying this person. He doesn’t respect you nor care about your health or wellbeing. It is NOT NORMAL to want to harm your partner in the bedroom via kinks they don’t consent to
This this this this OP read this. Put it as your phone lock screen and read it every time you pick up your phone.
If you have explained it, "No", means no! This should not be open for a debate.
I understand his wish for anal. I do not understand his wish or your tolerance for disrespecting you.
You aren't prude for this.
No means no. It isn't up to you if a firm stand puts strain on the relationship. It is his responsibility to accept your boundaries! Now I feel there are some boundaries that are appropriate to gently push (new positions, role play etc) but this isn't one of them in my mind. And even then any boundary warrants a firm stand and an explanation. You are within your rights to say "absolutely no, and please stop bringing this up" for anal. If that strains the relationship it is not a you problem, it is either a him problem or a compatibility problem. Neither is your fault.
Idk I'm a dude in a marriage where neither of us is interested in the poop chute.
Tell him to go fuck himself and if he isn’t gonna respect your boundaries bye bye. Doesn’t hurt to ask if he’s into anal you should be able to peg him.
you read my mind! Get out of my head! Lol I was gonna say exactly this, if he is so damn interested in an anal and she has no interest whatsoever then she should tell him to figure out how to go F himself on his way out the door! Why on God‘s green earth would anybody put up with this?
I’m sorry but anal is not a “must” or a vital essential part of relationships. People live without it just fine and if he knows you don’t want it, it should be enough not to wait till you start wanting it but just say no is a no.
Another thing however, is that if you have very different sexual preferences, fantasies, appetites etc, it might in the long run be an issue
A hard limit is where the conversation ends. If your relationship is do healthy, why doesn't he respect your boundaries?
If setting a firm boundary causes strain on your relationship, your BF doesn't respect you or your boundaries. He sounds borderline abusive. He knows you don't enjoy rough sex and you do it anyway? A hard no is a hard no. He is coercing you into sex acts. Coercion is not consent.
This relationship needs to end as you are not safe with him.
Edit to add: 1. You are not a prude for having limits. It is not ok for him to disrespect and ignore your limits. 2. You need to sit him down outside of sex and tell him anal is off the table forever. If he brings it up again, the relationship is over. He is the one causing the rift, not you. 3. I enjoy anal now and can orgasm during anal as long as I also have continuous clitoral stimulation during. That doesn't mean YOU will enjoy it. My anatomy is not your anatomy. My preferences are not your preferences. I used to hate anal and honestly what got me to try again was a partner who respected me and wanted me to feel as much pleasure as possible. It is a turn-off when a partner tries to coerce you into something you don't want to do. I wouldn't want to do anal with your BF either, and I enjoy it. He gives me the ick. Doing sexual acts you dont enjoy will likely result an an aversion to sex. I have a high libido and I have developed an aversion to sex with certain partners because they didnt respect me or my limits.
I would end this relationship and find someone compatible and respectful.
The next thing he will be asking for is sex with other people. He is one of those who doesn't during sex. He loves being rough and trying to manipulate her into giving in. He won't be content. He will repeatedly tell her he's gonna go elsewhere if she won't consent to his needs. Run OP Run...
It's all okay until someone is unhappily giving in to please their partner, always compromising and never feeling seen or heard. After some time, resentment will come, and it's not pretty.
Sorry, I've been here. I've done this. I didn't mind trying new things, but saying it wasn't for afterward was turned into manipulation and insecurity.I was always making sure my partner had his way. He thought he was just so awesome at sex. In the beginning, maybe, but after doing things because "If I just did it, I would love it" I don't think he even noticed I was miserable. It's not love it's sex and for some, that's all it is.
Your feelings are 100% valid and frankly I'm seeing a lot of red flags here. Things like the rough sex you're describing should not be things you just tolerate or actively dislike. And you draw a clear line with anal. Frankly that should have been the end of it. After you tried it (multiple times) and still did not like it that absolutely should have been the end of it.
All of the strain is coming from him not respecting your boundaries on this.
You are not being a prude in the slightest. You even went above and beyond for him by trying something you were strongly opposed to. His lack of respect for your perfectly reasonable boundary is disgusting and coercive. It's not often I can say this - he is 100% in the wrong. He needs to drop this immediately and permanently.
You need to really put your foot down with him and tell him it's the last time you will repeat yourself. If he starts asking while you are being intimate, time to stop completely and leave the room. If he brings it up at times you aren't being intimate, time to leave the room. Don't indulge his crap for one more minute.
Girl, bdsm without authentic desire and freely given consent is assault. Instead of accepting that you are not into his kinks and are maybe not sexually compatible your boyfriend has coerced you into letting him assault you.
And now he wants to coerce you into a type of sex you have said from day 1 is a hard no.
I don't care how nice your boyfriend is outside the bedroom - within the bedroom your boyfriend does not care about your wellbeing and is willing to harm you to get what he wants. That's a big fucking problem.
You're not prude. Your boyfriend is an asshole.
Why doesn’t he oblige in not pestering you for things he knows you don’t want because that’s your sexual preference?
If you aren't comfortable and told him that from the beginning, it's a no. He needs to respect that. Don't compromise on you feeling safe and happy doing something like that. Chances are if you did, you wouldn't enjoy it at all. You have to want to do that and be ready to try it. Compromise within reason is okay. Going way over established boundaries is not.
You’re not a prude in any way shape or form
If this causes a rift it is your partners fault, not yours. Pestering your partner about hard limits is a red flag. Pease please consider the fact that your partner wants to engage in sex acts that you have no interest in. How can he enjoy them when he knows you won’t? Does he get off on the fact that he’s “convinced” you?
I’ve tried anal and felt similarly to you. Even alone, when I could really set the pace, I just didn’t find it enjoyable. It felt uncomfortable and honestly made me feel kind of queasy. The partners I’ve explained this to have immediately dropped the idea of anal on my end. If you don’t like it, don’t do it!
Coercion = rape.
Please, please, please read these comments and leave. This man does not love or respect you.
Tell him that watching him get pegged by another man is a fantasy of yours. When he objects say -you need to get over your mental aversion to it. If this does not click for him, nothing will.
No. Especially since you gave anal a fair hearing by trying it several times, but didn't like it. That is the BEST outcome a reasonable partner can expect to get.
A serious talk where you lay down how much of a SERIOUS, NEGATIVE THING his continued requests for anal are. If you are prepared to end the relationship over this issue, say this now.
Ok, but now this question makes me wonder which of the following is true (1) you really do know that you really hate anal, and you are something of a pushover, or (2) your boyfriend is right, and you haven't really given anal a chance. This is for YOU to decide. The answer to this question 3 totally determines how seriously to take my answers to questions 1-2.
Tell him you'll be happy to peg him anytime he wants anal. See how well that goes down.
I think strap-ons are on sale for Christmas.
Re: "am I being a prude?" or "should I give anal a chance?" -- anal itself is not the issue here. The issue is that your partner is pressuring you to try, and then continue doing, many things that you yourself are not interested in or turned on by, and does not seem to be concerned (nor do you???) that you are crying during/after sex and not enjoying doing these things.
That sounds like a deeply unsatisfying sexual dynamic to me, and I would encourage you not to get married to this person and explore sex more with other people who are motivated by mutual pleasure before deciding what you yourself want for a sex life, independent of this man.
Sounds like you’re about to marry someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries or care much about your comfort. You’re sure about him?
My wife is very vanilla and with a low libido, no doggy, very rare oral (giving or receiving) and a big pass to anything that is even the lightest pain. I had to make a choice early, respect her boundaries or end our relationship. I chose to respect her boundaries regardless of my wants. It perhaps isn't the most ideal match but we both get our other needs met. Point being is that your boundaries are perfectly reasonable and your guy needs to make a choice between respecting those boundaries and being okay with everything else or ending things! Otherwise you're going to have trouble later on.
I would sit him down and tell him that the only anal you will EVER participate is you giving it to him in his ass. Then just stare at him. I’d also keep holding this line as he tries to talk to you about it. Keep telling him the only anal you will do is your dildo in his ass. Then tell him he’s lucky that he gets to choose the size of dick he takes.
It's your body. It's your choice. You've said no. And that is that.
There's no room for ongoing requests. Simply tell him that you ponder it occasionally and if one day you want to consider it you will tell him. And until then, he would do well to talk about the things you will do with him.
DO NOT MARRY this guy. The discrepancies in libido and sexual interests will ultimately be a huge problem, but more importantly, it's clear he doesn't respect your boundaries. That said, tell him you're going to buy a harness and large strapon and once he shows you how enjoyable receiving is, you might reconsider.
This post makes me so sad, OP. I hope you know that your partner should never try to convince or coerce you into sexual acts you aren’t interested in. It’s appalling how selfish he is being and how intentionally he disregards your pleasure. Please don’t try anal or anything else if you don’t want to! No is a full sentence. Wishing you the best OP.
Girl, you don’t have to participate in all this just because he’s asked. Porn is normalizing a lot of this behavior. Talk about what you feel comfortable and uncomfortable with and move on if he can’t manage.
I gave in and it never ended. It's all he wants to do now. He wont even bother getting me off any more. Dont do it. Every time you give i. is more ammo for him to just make you try one more time.
"Given in"
"Pestering"
"I don't enjoy these sessions"
"he doesn't take such rejections well"
Your feelings are valid. You deserve to have them respected and cared for. Full stop.
If he desperately wants anal so much he has the equipment necessary to have it all by himself.
Your boyfriend sounds like a terrible person with rapist tendencies
Coercion is not consent.
This is one of the saddest posts I ever read. Sex is not something you should have to endure. This isn't 1818. He didn't buy you for two chickens and a cow. If he needs to beat on women to get off and you don't like being beat on, he's not the one for you.
It's pretty simple. You shouldn't be doing anything you don't want to do.
You are entitled to have your own "red flags", expectations, boundaries, and "deal breakers".
Consider the possibility that you may not be sexually compatible and move on.
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
When you realize someone is unable/unwilling to meet your needs it's usually best to move on.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
"Better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room" - Unknown
"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud
"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." - Garth Brooks
You’re not being a prude, and your feelings are completely valid.
You have tried it, multiple times, and your body has clearly told you it’s not for you. Consent doesn’t require repeated attempts until someone learns to tolerate something they dislike. “No” after genuine trying is still a full, final no. What is wrong with your fiancé?
What concerns me more than the specific sex act is that he keeps reframing your boundary as a mindset problem or aversion you need to “get over.” That crosses from preference into pressure. In healthy kink dynamics (especially ones involving power, taboo, or roughness), enthusiastic consent is non-negotiable. Obligation, guilt, or wearing someone down is the opposite of that.
You’ve already compromised a lot from the sounds of it, doing rough play you don’t enjoy, managing emotional fallout afterward, and repeatedly revisiting a hard limit.
If you want to take a firm stand, I’d frame it as “I’ve tried anal, I don’t enjoy it, and I’m not willing to keep revisiting it. This isn’t about mindset, it’s about my body and comfort. I need this to be respected without debate.”
If that boundary causes ongoing conflict, then the issue isn’t anal, it’s incompatibility around him respecting your limits.
If my current partner asked me to do anal and I said no, it would end there. Full stop. What you’re describing is abusive. I have been in a marriage with a man who was exactly how you’re describing your fiancé and it did not end well. He doesn’t respect you, your boundaries and that’s extremely concerning.
If you don’t want it, the answer is no. Stop “giving in” to things you don’t enjoy. I draw a hard boundary to anything rough or that involves pain because I don’t enjoy it. Anyone who event attempted those things would never be allowed to touch me again.
Sex is about mutual pleasure, not compromise.
The fact that he is pressuring you to do something that is a hard no is very concerning.
why in the world are you doing this, why in the world are you putting up with this behavior? As another comment has replied I believe that you should tell him if he’s so damn interested in anal then he should spend his time, on his way out the front door, how to figure out just how to F himself. You deserve so much better than this and so many ways! your boundaries are your boundaries know if ends or butts they are what they are and they need to be respected! I say this now because your other questions weren’t answered, and I’ll answer your questions by letting you know that there is no way that you’re ever gonna enjoy anal sex if you don’t want to do it! Just no way. I am very much into all kinds of anal play, been on the giving in and receiving love both, extremely pleasurable mind altering orgasms… But everybody involved wanted to be playing that way, everybody involved was interested in it and wanted to do it. You just cannot physically engage in this type of sex play and subconsciously not be wanting it because your muscles will not cooperate and it will be painful no if ends or butts no other way around it.
If you say no then he needs to respect those boundaries. Unfortunately i can’t say this in a nicer way but you guys dont seem to have the same interests in intimacy. Tell him you do not enjoy it , do not sugarcoat it, he needs to understand that you don’t like it and thats final . You can’t cater for his needs when you aren’t on the same page .a person that loves you will respect your boundaries
You have sessions where you are crying and you don’t like it and you think that’s ok? You think that’s ok that your misery arouses him? And he continuously pushes you and badgers you until you give in?
You were clear from day one, and he could have walked away at that time. But instead he saw a pushover and he was right.
Please get a backbone and stop having sex that you don’t enjoy. Dump this loser if he can’t respect when you tell him no.
I am by no means a prude, but I do have boundaries. And the minute a man ignores them and pressures me to change my mind, I dumped him.
I was already badgered into letting someone rape me once before. Never again.
Hi. Female here. I enjoy anal sex but it is not for everyone. Boundaries are to be respected by both people in the relationship. Period. Idk how I feel about you trying the other areas that made you uncomfortable and still do. Being open to trying new things is one thing, doing it to make your partner happy when you do not enjoy it though is not fair for you or your overall relationship. Respect for one another is the building block of any and all relationships. He NEEDS to respect your choices as you would respect his. You need to give yourself respect by knowing what you enjoy and don't and not give in to pressure just to make him happy. You DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED.
You tried it and do not like it. That is that. He should not ask again to fulfill his own personal wants at your expense. You are a living soul and not just a body. If he can not respect and understand that, and enjoy sex to be with you and not just what he gets out of it, you need to think if this is the right situation for you.
Their is no advise that will make it feel better if you do not enjoy it at all.
YOU DERSERVED TO BE LOVED. Love is respect. Love is enjoying all aspects of life together, especially areas of vulnerability such as sex.
LOVE YOURSELF. If you put your respect for yourself first, then the people you choose to be in your life will fit with your choices for your life.
Oh sure. So if his sexual preference is abusing you, you think it’s normal and you let him. Choke you. Make you cry. And you think he just does this because he wants to keep things in the bedroom alive? Great.
The fact is, they see this rough stuff online in porn. So now most young men nowadays gain pleasure from sexually humiliating girls. When it gets boring they have to get even more brutal. And more and more girls seem to play along just to keep their bf. They guy who abuses them.
Honestly, I just can’t stand this world anymore.
1) valid
2) what “strain”? There’s already strain. He’s been pressuring you to try it, you tried it and this is what happened “it was uncomfortable/ painful, and nothing about it was pleasant or enjoyable for me, and he couldn’t cum”.
Are you sure that he isn’t turned on by pushing your boundaries and making you do things that make you unhappy? Some people are turned on by the non-consensual aspect but others get all excited because “they must REALLY love me if they are doing something they hate for me”.
Do not get married to this POS
You are not a prude. If you really want to get to the bottom of it ask him who has been enjoying it for him previously...
I like a lot, but anal just feels like a poop going the wrong way and I recieve no enjoyment from it. Jmo. You're allowed yours.
‘Anal’ and ‘argument’ should never be in the same sentence. Your body, your rules. End of story.
Sounds like you two just aren't compatible
My stomach feels sick and my heart is broken that you’re having “lots of crying” from rough sex you “don’t enjoy”. That is not normal… you don’t have to live like this. It’s also a huge rapey disrespectful red flag that he’s okay with putting you through that. At best, you are deeply sexually incompatible. At worst, your fiancé sounds abusive. :( Please don’t have violent sex that makes you cry unless you want to…
Look, I love anal. I really do. Giving and receiving and yet in my 11 year marriage with my ex, I never once pushed for it because she let me know early on that it wasn’t her thing.
FFS, pressuring someone you love to do something they really don’t want to do is just wrong. He knew going in that it wasn’t on the table. End of discussion.
There is nothing wrong with saying no.
My wife told me very early on in our relationship that she was up to trying most things but anal was a non starter and the subject hasn’t been brought up since. If he has made you cry and thinks it’s fine, he has no respect for you, you would be better off without him
You have said no.. end of discussion. He begged you to try, you did, didn't like it. He makes you cry during some sessions, that appease him. Your question really should be "should I stay with this selfish jerk?" You have compromised enough.. stand your ground and say no. If he can't accept that he is not your forever man.
Just say “NO” to anal, AND to choking. I suggest you look for a boyfriend who cares about you.
So like... I dont have sex that I dont enjoy at least a little. It is extremely foreign to me to engage in an activity like sex and... grit my teeth the whole time? And cry heavily after? Is that really what youre doing?
OP forget the anal for a moment. Id like you to sit and consider why you think it's ok to have violent, unpleasant sex you dont enjoy at all. Because this will be your whole entire life if you dont figure this out. And it doesnt have to be, to be clear. You dont need to do this. For anyone.
And for the record, I was against anal when I first became sexually active. Tried it with my current boyfriend cause I figured why not and it turns out I enjoy it. But if I didnt, I wouldnt try to force myself to do it again and again. So again I ask you- why are you forcing yourself (repeatedly) to do sexual activities you dont enjoy???
Ugh I’m very sad reading this. This is NOT a trivial issue, it’s a big deal that you’ve been coerced to give in what he wants even though you clearly dislike these things. You do not HAVE to do things in the bedroom you dislike for the sake of the relationship or your partner. He is pressuring you to do something HE would enjoy, but you had a hard boundary against it. You still tried it and decided it’s not for you. You never had to try it in the first place, but now that you have, he should have dropped it completely. Him wanting to do it despite your discomfort shows his priorities. I really hope you don’t marry this person :/ It doesn’t get better from here
you already took the “just try it” approach for him and he’s still pushing even though you’ve confirmed it’s not enjoyable for you. it doesn’t matter how often you try, he’s already decided it’s a “mental block” for you which, to him, just means he should get to violate you because he’s made it clear he’s never going to believe/respect that this is a hardline for you 😑
You do NOT need to “oblige” him.
No partner should WANT to do those things to a partner that isn’t into it. Thats not enthusiastic consent friend. And if he knows you’re doing it oblige him and that he doesn’t have your enthusiastic consent and he does it anyway? Absolutely vile behaviour.
You are allowed to have boundaries about your body. You are allowed to take a firm stand and you should be able to do so without it “causing a rift”. If you can’t do that I’d suggest that this relationship isn’t as healthy as it seems and you need to reflect on that pretty seriously before agreeing to marry him.
I’m not going to answer your last question because, while I do enjoy anal, I want no part in coercing you into anything you don’t want to do - even from a screen (potentially) thousands of miles away.
Choking causes irreversible brain damage, never ever do it.
“while I don’t enjoy these sessions, I oblige from time to time because i feel like we should take turns to compromise” I hate to break it to you, but that’s NOT a compromise, you don’t enjoy it so you need to set some real boundaries and tell him what you like, wether it’s vanilla or whatever. He might even be more vanilla than you think, he won’t know you don’t like it until you tell him.
I’d refuse and set a solid boundry. Anal is not normal. I’d be willing to walk away.
This is a whole field of red flags. Finding ways to compromise about sex is healthy and admirable, but "giving in" to rough sex that leads to "lots of crying" on your end is not the right way to compromise. BDSM is something you really should only be doing if both partners are enthusiastic about it, not as a "compromise" where one person is miserable and they're only doing it so the other partner will agree to something more vanilla. If you're into it and the crying comes as part of the emotional release that it gives you, that's fine, but that's not what it sounds like: it sounds like you're miserable and gritting your teeth to get through it to make him happy. I beg you to stop.
This was the right way to go about it! But this...
...tells me you should've stopped much, much sooner. Starting off small with fingers, plugs, or a dildo is great. But you shouldn't be moving on to something more because you've reached a point where you feel like you can tolerate it; you should only consider escalating because you're enjoying what you've been doing, or at the very least you think you might enjoy more stimulation. If you're already disliking step 1, you're going to hate step 5, and if you feel like step 5 is inevitable the dread alone is going to make step 1 harder to enjoy.
He's right that you haven't been in the right mindset, but he's missing the point entirely. If you want to learn to enjoy this, it needs to be something you do for you. Him pressuring you when you've already tried this and didn't like it is wrong.
You're not a prude. Your feelings are valid. His are not.
It is NOT a trivial issue that he won't respect your boundaries. It's a symptom of a much bigger problem. You take a firm stand by saying "I don't want to do this anymore, and your guilt-tripping me over it is fucked up." Or, if you really want to keep trying to enjoy it, you say "I'm willing to explore this, but it's going to be on my terms and you need to accept that."
I'm not a lady, but my wife grew to love it and a huge part of the way that happened was that we communicated about it every step of the way, and I always made sure she was enthusiastic about it before we took things further. You're clearly not there yet -- and if you want to get there, he's going to have to change his whole mindset. I'm happy to share the details of what worked for us if you're interested, but I would strongly advise you to really consider whether it's even worth exploring with a man who's shown he doesn't care about your feelings on the subject.
I dont understand how the relationship is "happy and healthy" when he makes you do things that make you cry. He gets off on degrading you and then is pestering you to abandon your boundaries. Your body is yours to govern as you see fit. Every time you allow this, you betray yourself. It would be very difficult for me to imagine that he is kind outside of the bedroom.
I’m sorry, but this seems abusive. He’s pushing your boundaries because he’s gotten you to say yes before. Sex should ALWAYS be agreed upon and enjoyable for both.
You set a HARD NO, something people in the BDSM community sees and knows to respect without a single push back.
Hard no means NEVER, and not to try to push for it. That's COERCION.
If you say NO, and he coerces you, that's RAPE! Plain and simple!
He is a terrible partner and doesn't care for your wellbeing, he cares only for his pleasure.
I'm a submissive, but if I say I'm not comfortable with something, my Dominant immediately will stop asking to try something, and never bring it back up unless I ever did. This is the way.
“No” is a complete sentence.
Why are you letting a man slap you and choke you to the point of tears so that he can have an orgasm? Would he do the same for you? Can you slap him, choke him, make him cry?
If you don’t want it don’t do it. If you want to try it start small finger to fingers to small plugs. You can get cheap training plugs. It’s definitely worth learning and trying at least once but it’s your body, and it’s not a stick it in and go thing. Being relaxed and comfortable is important.
Got some questions:
1.) Does your man make love to your mind at all. (Intimacy starts outside the bedroom) is he attentive, does he make you feel loved, does he make you feel sexy.
2.) When he tries to get anal does he go right for it or does he make sure your turned that you've Been pleasured and relaxed.
3.) Do you dislike anal cause of the approach being used, or simply cause it hurts or is to uncomfortable? Do you like any ass play like rimming (gentle massages of the asshole with no penetratation) with a finger, toy, or tongue.
I ask these because there are many reasons why women have issues of enjoyment in the bedroom. Allot of them revolve around their partners lack of effort.
If you read this and answer the questions I will respond with more thoughts, just need to hear your take on these.
To my understanding, anal is a very important component for some people. I have friends that claim they wouldn't date someone, if anal wasn't on the menu. I'm a man and would love to play with my wifes ass, something she utterly dislikes. I respect that, and wouldn't push for something she doesn't enjoy. She's close to being the perfect woman by all other accounts, so why would this particular matter be so important? I think people are blowing their kinks out of proportion.
Anal is a hard no, so its a hard no
Its something that he knew from the beginning and he should just accept your boundaries
You’re not a prude at all
If this causes a strain on the relationship, thats totally 100% on him
You shouldn’t have to compromise for him
If you already said anal was a hard no years ago and he’s trying to talk you into it, it’s still a hard no. Ask him why he wants to try anal so bad even after you said you’re not into it.
Tell him you’d only try anal if he lets you peg him. Then he if says no, say “You shouldn’t strike something off so quickly without even trying it.”
He’s being weird and you have the right to continue to say no.
Stupid take. What if he wants to try pegging? Is she now obligated to also be on the receiving end since she suggested it?
no because her answer is still no.
Haha this might backfire because he’s actually open to this. I’m just not into any form of buttplay at all 😅
That’s the whole answer. You are not into it.
It's just a no, I'm not for it but my husband is, we're still good 😊 you can't always get what you want, we learn this as kids! If it's a deal breaker, that's unfortunate but if he needs it that much you can't just compromise on such a black and white choice about yourself, your boundaries and your comfort during sex
He doesn’t respect your consent. if you caved and said yes it would be a coercive situation. Because he cares so little for your consent and discomfort I wouldn’t trust him to stop immediately if you were in pain and told him to.
You should break up with him by the way, a good person doesn’t pressure others into sex.
You’ve said no, even gave in to his pressure and tried it, decided it is not for you, that is the end of it. He has to respect that and stop trying to force the issue. As an aside, if the acts you’re doing to keep him happy result in ‘lots of crying’ on your end, then you need to give your relationship some consideration as that doesn’t sound healthy.
This is why the activists have been saying that plain consent is not enough. *Enthusiastic consent* is required.
You shouldn't have to have sex that you don't enjoy to have a relationship. You shouldn't have to defend a hard "no". You shouldn't have to argue that you weren't in the right headspace and you really need to "try it again".
I'm sure you don't want to hear this. But this man is not your friend, and he doesn't love you. He loves what he gets to do to you, and does not really care about whether you enjoy it or not.
I'm the s in a Ds dynamic and your post has me really concerned. Enthusiastic consent is the foundation of BDSM. Not coerced, not manipulated, not transactional, not to "oblige" a partner, ENTHUSIASTIC consent. If you don't want to do something there should never be pressure to do that. When you have rough sessions with "lots of crying" from you... that sounds so awful. Not at all like it's your cup of tea... and that is FINE. You should not, imo, be engaging in acts you are not into. You should not be pressured into acts you're not into. That is not BDSM, it's assault. Please get your partner to educate himself on BDSM if he wants to play like that! My D would never, ever pressure or coerce me to do anything I didn't want to do. I feel safe and valued and heard in this relationship like I never have before. With all that said... I like butt stuff. I orgasm easier than with piv. It was not always like that... I trained my butt myself in alone sexy times with a range of toys. BUT I always found some butt play pleasurable, which is why I got into that exploration. If you're not interested in it, I'd say don't. If you are, maybe try exploring by yourself. A safely designed plug can be a lot of fun... but, it's not for everyone. It might not be for you. AND THATS OK. Your bf needs to respect that, there's a high level of trust needed for the kind of things he sounds like he's into, but I don't think he is deserving of that trust, if I'm honest.
All of this. OP, I hope you're noticing that the kinkiest people in this thread are the ones expressing the most concern for you. It's because we know what a healthy kink dynamic should look like, and this is SO far from being one.
He needs to just stop. If you say you do not want to, he RESPECTS that and ceases the argument. Wtf is wrong with these men??
If you don't want to, you don't want to.
Asking is fine, asking again is pushing it, asking more is pestering and would be something I consider disrespectful and insulting. Personally, I would find you completely justified in blowing up on him over this.
"Hey.... so what do you think about me pinning you down, calling my little slut and sliding my cock into your sexy little ass? Don't worry, I'll go slow and use lots of lube. You'll love it this time, I promise. We can stop whenever you want. I just want to try it to see how it feels again."
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"What?"
"What do you mean what? Are you fucking serious? How many times have we talked about this? Five? Ten? Jesus Christ! How can you not get it through your fucking head? NO! NO, no no no no no! I don't know how many more times I have to say no, but god damned it's frustrating. Why do you think you don't have to listen to me when I say that I don't want anything going into my asshole again? I tried it last time even though I didn't want to, I hated it, I never want to do it again. No amount of lube or "letting go of inhibitions" is going to make me enjoy something going into my asshole. Seriously, do you think I'm magically going to change my mind one day? Is that why you keep asking? Do you think I forgot I said no the previous ten times because I hated it? Or do you just straight up not respect me? Answer me. Why do you keep asking me the same question when I've clearly and repeatedly told you no? I will say this one last time. No. Do not ask me again.
You say he doesn't take rejection well, well tough shit. You don't take a cock in your ass well. If he gets angry, get angry right back at him. It's your ass, you get to decide what goes in it. This is one of those things that I think is ok to get pissed off about. He's pushing you to do something you've said no to a lot. That's not ok.
All that said, if you want to enjoy it more, start with a set of different sized silicone plugs and lots of anal lube. Put the smallest plug in, have sex, put a bigger one in, keep having sex, and do that for a few weeks to get your body used to having things back there. When you can comfortably insert and remove the largest plug then you lay on your back with your butt on the edge of the bed and use a vibrator on your clit as he slowly pushes in.
But... don't actually do that if you don't want to.
Just dont. Your body, your boundaries. He sounds like a pig tbh.
Have you asked him why he is so keen on anal?
Especially if he couldn’t cum when you did try.
I‘m so sick and tired of the whole „you’re a prude if you don’t like this and that“ or „don’t be too vanilla, it’s boring“ thing that has been happening over the last decade. When I was young anal was rather rare and considered unusual, no everyone acts as if it absolutely has to be on the menu and you’re weird if you don’t do it.
It’s fine if people want to have anal sex, but it’s equally fine if they don’t. Sex is there to enjoy, and enjoyment should be for everyone involved. Not just one person! Stop doing things you’re uncomfortable with, this is not a compromise, it’s coercion!
I told my husband once that I‘m not interested in anal and that was it. A good partner will not go on and on, pestering you about a sex act you don’t want to perform
Edit: forgot to say: also don’t let him choke you anymore. It can end really badly!
If you don't want it, you guys don't do it. You told him in advance this was a hard stop. If he can't respect that, then he doesn't respect you.
You tried it and didn't like it.....end of story. I think he should care more about pleasing you than himself.
The replies here are way too nice. Your bf is a little selfish b!tch. Do NOT do anything you don’t want. You don’t have to try something before saying you don’t want to do it. “No” requires no further justification.
You will end up leaving him eventually. Take it from me. Been there, done that. Married him too. So much resentment built up because I thought I had to cater to some of his sexual desires that I hated. Ended up no longer attracted to him and left.
I’ve been waiting for a question like this , what is people’s opinion about if she won’t give her man what he wants then he’s going to go find it elsewhere????
I told my husband that anal feels like taking a shit and he backed off about it. There’s other stuff we do that’s kinky. I just don’t want to feel like I’m taking a shit when I have a perfectly good pussy that actually enjoys dick.
If he wants anal so bad, tell him to stick something in his own ass. Maybe he enjoys it... but he only will know if he tried. 😉
But really.... if this is a boundary for you, then he should accept it! You went out of your way to give him anal sex even so you didn't enjoy it. You tried... for him, and that's more than enough. It says a lot about him, not respecting your "No". At first his argument was "just try it", now it's "you're not in the right mindset", and if you give in again and again don't like it he'll come with a new argument why you should try it again and again. You've done enough.
Anal play and anal sex done right should not be painful. There's a lot of great advice on r/AnalAdviceForWomen, but only if someone is really enthusiastic and interested. If you don't really want it and tense up all the time it can lead to injuries and you don't want that.
I myself love anal sex, but there're other sexual acts I don't like and my partner would never try to convince me to do things I'm not comfortable with.
You don’t need to try or continue doing anything sexual that you don’t want to do. You not enjoying it or just not being in to it is reason enough. But you need to be honest and firm with your fiancé. And if he doesn’t respect your boundaries, then he doesn’t respect you—and you’ll have to decide if that’s the kind of guy you want to be married to.
My fiance at the time pulled that shit too. I'm a hard no to anal. I could care less about other's great orgasms and his great previous experiences and how so many females love it. I don't like it and I don't want it. He kept pestering and I told him either he accepts this or moves on to someone else but I'm not committing to be someone's bitch and sex toy at my great displeasure, I'd rather be alone and I meant it then and I mean it now. He dropped it and it took him 3 years to bring it up again. At that point we already got married and had a kid. My answer didn't change except I added that I will make sure to fuck his ass 1st before, watch the tears roll from his face, and tell him "but so many people like it" before I even consider it. Haven't heard anything since, had a 2nd kid too. And yes, our relationship is great even if the woman sets clear boundaries and follows through.
You don't need to accept anything you hate. Stop conditioning your fiance that this is acceptable, it's not. Put a hard stop now, if that's what you desire. You will only grow more miserable in your marriage if you're always forcing yourself to do things you hate just to please him. If you're crying after sex because it was awful and this is a repeat thing, that's fucking crazy. Love yourself first, your fiance is 2nd.
Get a strap-on and ask him when he's ready!
Tell him you'll agree to anal, but he has to go buy the strap-on🤣
In all seriousness, you are completely valid in your feelings. You do not have to perform specific acts for your partner if you are not comfortable or do not want to, and you can rescind consent at any point during the act if you decide to try it.
Its your body and the sex is shared, so the consent and want should be mutual, not one sided
Strap on a dildo and lube him up and go slow.
Buy a strap on and say you want to fuck him in the ass to keep things fresh, see how he likes it?
Ok thats extreme. But would he do something he expects you to do?
1) he has absolutely no business calling himself a dom if he's acting this way
2) you are NOT in the wrong, you set down a boundary and he's pushing it, you are not obligated to give in to his wants.
3) if you do decide to, use LOTS of lube and start slow and small, dont rush it.
Tell him he can do it to you but he has to let you do ot to him first.
If he wants it, give it to him. Tell him to get lubed up and have at him.
Sorry but no means no and he should be respecting your boundaries not you keep bending (and breaking) to fit his. If this I causing problems in the relationship for goodness sake please don't marry this guy... im notnlikingnthis guy at all. 😳🥺😖
Did the option of anal play on him has come up? If not, you should ask him how he'd feel about that, if it had already and he's not into it he should be explaining himself
Ask him next time if he wants to try it. Then proceed to look at strap ons. Im sure he’ll stop asking!
He's shown you time and time again that he doesn't care for your boundaries. If he wants anal so bad, you get a strap on and see how keen he is to be invaded there
You are being normal. Most girls do not get off anal so it is mostly for his pleasure
If you do not want to have strain do it once in a few months. And tell him to be better prepared himself and be very patient. He cant play rough here, period. At least not in several years.
You won't cum off just from anal most likely. To make it more enjoyable you can use vibrator for both vagina and clitoris during anal play. You can also buy novocaine cream to num to reduce/remove pain. But you'd need to apply it upfront otherwise his dick will be num too 😅.
Just say no, nope never gonna happen FIRMLY.
Buy a dildo and tell him to trade. He bends over first. If he says NO, then it’s open season to respond in like.
Draw the line in the sand that you dont want to do it. The second he crosses it, leave. He needs to respect your boundaries
Flip the script and convince him to try pegging, he might like it. Make sure he doesn’t strike it off so quickly.
sex is a 2 yes 1 no situation. if he can't understand no means no then move on. if you want to peg him and he's not interested do you get to peg him still?
2 yes, 1 no. simple
as for how to tell him, I would ask " Do you want me to do something that I don't enjoy and causing me pain?"
that should tell you all you need to know.
Don’t ever start it! Hang on to your boundaries! It hurt me so bad! Never again! It’s not for everyone for sure!
No is a full sentence. If this guy is pressuring you into doing things that you don't want to - even after you've stated multiple times that you don't want to, they hurt you, they make you uncomfortable - then that is a serious, red-flag issue. He does not sound safe to be around.
You do NOT have to do anything that you do not want to do. That does not make you a prude! You are allowed to have preferences and boundaries.
As an aside, hop over to the hemmorhoid subreddit to see how much it hurts if anal sex gives you a nice big hemorrhoid.
You tell him that you’ll let him in the back if he lets you use a strap on in him.
He keeps watching a lot of hard core porn, hence the persistence . I would not entertain this , especially if you intend to spend the rest of your life with him.
Peg him instead 🤷🏼♀️
If your BF wants anal, you should oblige. Get yourself a nicely sized strap-on and a lots of lube.
I highly encourage you to consider how this post might sound different to you if the genders were swapped, with you really wanting to peg the fuck out of your bf & getting pissy at him for not wanting a dick up his ass because it’s painful for him.
My wife does not like anal, so I don’t ask for it. Maybe once every 5-10 years she offers to try, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t and we stop. If she never offered again, we wouldn’t try again. It’s not that hard to respect someone’s boundaries.
You say no, and if he doesn't accept that first "no" you break up with him.
I'm serious. You do not need to deal with this.
tell him absolutely not. The butt stuff is done. he doesn't respect that you don't like something. Especially that you have tried it and you don't like it. Maybe suggest that you get a dildo for him, and you can put it up his butt. See if he likes it (sarcasm here people)
You said no. It's a no-go for you. He should respect that. And if he can't then he should leave. End of story.
You’re not into it. End of discussion. I’ve been married for 16 years and never even put a finger in my wives ass until sometime in the last few years when she became open to it. Before then she wasn’t open to it so I didn’t do it. And I didn’t beg like a spoiled brat either. She set her boundaries and I respected them. If he can’t do the same for you then I’d recommend reevaluating your relationship and how much he actually respects you.
Tell him, no one has to force you to do something u dont want
Just came here to say that it is NOT ok or normal that you’re doing sexual stuff that you don’t enjoy just to ‘oblige’ him - is he aware of how much you don’t enjoy them? Why the hell are you letting it get to the point that you’re crying??
My bf wouldn’t ever push me to do something sexual that I didn’t enjoy - and yours shouldn’t either
It's not your thing. I had similar exchanges with my wife but it never happened and so I may never get to try it. But if he likes butts (I like what I did there) ass jobs are great and I finish all the time with them! You have more control with your glutes to massage him and you might get something out of it as the pleasure centers of the butt are at the gate. Food for thought hope you find a balance!
If he wants to spice things up he can take something up the ass 🤷🏼♀️
You shouldn’t have to do things that you don’t enjoy “to make him happy”! Obviously we don’t have a complete picture of your relationship, but I would tend to think that having to give into his kinks might be a huge red flag!
I would have a hard time enjoying myself knowing you were not !
Your body, you are in charge.
Buck up swallow your pride bite the bullet and pound that dude in the ass.
Seriously throw out the whole man. Seems like a hoser. Enthusiastic ongoing consent or nothing.
You don't have a happy and healthy relationship, you are being gaslit and manipulated. If you marry a man who doesn't understand the word 'no' and gets off on crossing boundaries, you are signing up for a life of physical and psychological abuse.
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Why degrade yourself by being with someone who does not respect your boundaries?? This is a horrible person. Please leave.
No. Bets he wouldn’t want anal on him
You should not feel obligated to oblige any way sexually. If you don’t enjoy sessions or the things you try, “No” is a complete sentence. Sex is for YOUR pleasure just as much as it is for his.
You may add strain on your relationship. You don’t sound like you’re are sexually compatible. This doesn’t get better or age well.
Stand your ground.
And fwiw, I pass out sometimes at the prostate exam I get at my annual physical.
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If you don’t want it, DON’T DO IT. If he pressures you or shames you, there are bigger issues here.
What things do you ask for during sex that he compromises on because this seems like he’s focusing on his pleasure to the point where he doesn’t care about your pain. When does he care?