Driving home from work one night, I sat in my car longer than I needed to. Not because I was on my phone or avoiding anything specific. I just didn’t feel like moving yet. That’s when it hit me how much of my life has been spent just holding things together. Not building. Not enjoying. Just managing. Getting through. Making sure nothing collapses. And for a long time I told myself that was strength.
I framed it as discipline or resilience or being low maintenance. The truth is I was tired in a way that doesn’t show on the outside. The kind of tired where even good things start to feel heavy. I kept thinking I needed more motivation or more confidence or another push, but every time I pushed harder, something in me pulled back.
What actually changed things wasn’t a breakthrough or some big moment. It was admitting I couldn’t keep living the same way and calling it growth. I started letting things go without having a clean replacement plan. Letting conversations end awkwardly. Letting people misunderstand me. Letting my pace slow down even when it made me uncomfortable.
That scared me more than burnout, honestly. But something shifted. I started breathing again, not physically, mentally. I didn’t suddenly become happier or lighter. I just stopped fighting myself all the time.
One of the most meaningful things my therapist ever said to me "you don't need to try harder, you've already tried harder, you need to try different "
I also spent so much time trying to keep pace, trying to match what others did, pushing myself hard trying to achieve a goal, never taking breaks. You just can't live like that. Life is not a sprint. There is no finish line until the big one. Life is a marathon, she's long, and you need to find a way to walk/jog through it in your own way.
Now I take breaks in the middle of social events. If I'm tired at 8pm, I'm tired and I go to bed. If I want to do all of my chores at 4am and then go back to sleep, that's what we're doing. Ive found all these tiny ways to listen to myself, and it's helped so much. All those imaginary rules that society has aren't real - they just exist to stress you out and wear you down.
This is so well said. Thank you!
I like this
I know it might be your forte, but something that really gave me another purpose was writing a book. It's not published. But it was literary fiction, and it taught me TO LIVE.
Would love to hear more about this!
I frequently sit in my car for a few minutes before going into the house, even if it is empty. I totally understand what you are saying.
agree, i feeling this in the same way. not really exhausted nevertheless didn't live my life in present.
Love this!
Let Them?
Same page brother I’m experiencing the same thing. I really needed to hear that i appreciate you sharing.
this hit so hard, i feel you and u are not alone <3
It’s eye-opening to realize how much energy goes into just holding things together instead of truly living; sometimes, a little chaos can lead to a more vibrant life.
Masking and survival mode.