So a couple of weeks ago me and a friend created a dnd group. The friend took lead, becoming dm and setting up a discord server he had control over. All fine, he has the most experience of anyone in the group anyway. A couple of weeks after the groups creation we found out one of the players had been sending nudes and inapropriat messages to an under aged player. When we showed the dm evidence of this and asked him to throw the player out he said, “well what am I suposed to do? I just wanna tell a fun story, I don’t get involved with personal drama.” And that “you guys should talk it out with problem player” after that interaction im not sure if I still feel safe in that group even if we can get problem player to leave.
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Don’t report that to your GM. Report it to the police.
Right?? It's an actual crime!
I feel like police wouldn’t be helpful because we don’t know the legal name or home adres of the problem player, they also live in a different country.
Are you using Discord? Report the account to Discord, and regardless, call the police and give what info you have.
A friend of mine on Discord was sexually harassed and doxxed. She lived in Sweden but called her local police, who contacted Discord, who coughed up the man's IP address (Germany), and the German police dealt with it from there.
100% this, Discord is very good about following up on this kind of thing.
Do it, police can track people everywhere for this kind of things. Just look at all the pedo rings that got busted recently.
it's a literal crime, idk how much more direct we can be
That's concerning. Honestly point that out to the DM. Say it bluntly if you have to. "This guy is a child predator and you're okay associating with him at all?"
See if that gets him to understand. If he sees no issues with it leave.
Reddit hates "this" comments for a reason but I'm struggling to come up with any flaws to this approach. It's direct, sets a clear boundary, and takes action if the boundary is not immediately acknowledged and respected. I can't help but want to comment to push notice.
If I find out one of my players was sending inappropriate content to another player, REGARDLESS of age, if the content was unsolicited, the offender is immediately yeeted. If the victim is a minor (even if they claim they're fine with it, since minor), well, 1) I don't run tables for minors or play with minors because I don't want to be anywhere near a situation like this, personal boundary, but 2) if hypothetically I made an exception and this happened, the perp is immediately getting yeeted INTO THE SUN and reported to law enforcement. And if law enforcement does jack shit, I would be highly tempted to just "have a chat" with that creep.
I feel like some people still believe in second chances and that every problem can be just talked out no matter what.
That is not the case quite alot of times. Sometimes the issue is just too big and vile to just "talk it out".
You can second chance or talk out a lot of things.
Not sexual harassment (and by extension, assault).
Not pedophilia.
Those aren't my lines in the sand. I've poured down concrete and made sure ain't nothing gonna budge those lines.
I had an acquaintance who was a fellow player in a campaign with me once awkwardly approach me since we both knew the DM and he was concerned over some things she'd said and wanted my opinion as a reasonable person who was friends with her.
Once he told me the story, I told him he was being groomed and manipulated, and to block her. I blocked her. He and I are now very good friends. He once asked me why I jumped so fast to scorched earth, since he'd thought for so long that everything could be explained or was a misunderstanding.
I told him that if she was just "messing up", she could do better with the next person. But I'm not sticking around or letting anyone I care about stick around an abusive situation. Ever.
I know it's probably included in your list but just not stated but I'd add sexual assault to that
Your point is absolutely valid, and yes, it's included: I think my brain more or less subconsciously went "well assault is usually an escalation of harassment" and then never forwarded that thought to my mind for conscious processing. So I thank you for your clarification, I am actually gonna edit my original list.
ETA, could almost argue that pedophilia is still sexual harassment/assault and trim it down to one item, but especially in our current culture where some troglodytes think children can consent, I think the distinction is important.
Yeah I figured lol I just wanted to mention it because yeah those are basically the 3 things that (to me) are never justified under any circumstances.
You could arguably include pedophilia in the sexual harassment/assault category but I think it's important to keep separate for two reasons
1 not all pedophilia is assault or harassment, grooming is a big factor in some cases like a 15 or 16 year old liking the attention from an older individual and believing they have consented
2 even if the above was not true I think there is a large enough population of TTRPG players that would state they are against sexual harassment and assault but would make arguments to justify pedophilia (think of your average weeb pedo arguments as well as just emotionally stunted adults who chase children because they can't relate/connect to people their own age) so I think the TTRPG community needs to make loud and hard statements that pedophilia is unacceptable
Hard agree on both those points. The first point is also part of why I keep minors out of my tables. I am not interested in or attracted to children, but it is also extremely important to me to not leave an opening for either someone else at my table to prey on a child, or for the child to ever interpret my actions wrong or for me to say or do something that leads anyone to call my actions into question. I remember when I was 18 a 13 year old boy and his 10 year old sister really liked talking to me when we would go to the same function together (since I treated them like I would anyone else, and not like "little kids". One day I realized the 13 year old had a crush on me when another adult tastelessly joked "your boyfriend is looking for you". I shut that shit down and sadly had to stop talking to those kids to make sure that shit stayed shut down. (To be clear, the other adult's comment was what made me actually look at the way the 13 year old was acting, I am not going to discuss why exactly I am certain but I am certain the poor kid had a massive crush and if I'd been a less ethical person I could have easily done horrible things and it have been "his choice".)
Completely understandable, I wouldn't have minors at my table outside of very specific circumstances (like running a game for a friend and his kids)
I will preface this with a "I wasn't there so I don't know the totality of the circumstances" and a "you are never obligated to engage with people you don't want to" but from what you described about that scenario I don't feel you were obligated to cut the kid off, children developing crushes on adults who respect them is completely normal and can be great learning experiences for them if the adult is up to the task.
He was trying to get me alone while he had grey sweats on. And if you've heard the jokes, it's a little easy to tell a guy's "status" with grey sweats. Yeah. I never for a second would attribute sexual assault to his intentions, I think he was just acting out what he's seen people do with similar feelings to the ones he was having for me. I was the adult in the situation, and I handled myself in the way I thought would best shut down the situation without embarrassing him or hurting him.
I tried reporting the family to CPS. The poor kid had horrible role models and was likely abused, but CPS decided not to intervene for whatever reason. I did not like cutting them off, but it was sadly because I knew the harm that rumor could cause would be so much worse for both my reputation and for the kid's feelings than the loss of my friendship. I genuinely, truly hope that kid got the help he needed and is able to heal.
They need a reminder that this is about their responsibilities as the admin of a discord server.
Also, by supporting a problem player, they become one themselves.
I cast Woodchipper
"Ah. So you're perfectly fine with a PDFile attending your games? Yeah, to hell with your game then - we quit"
You can say pédophile, this is not tiktok and we're all adults here.
I don't trust reddit mods of all people to act reasonable mate
Fair enough, but it's not a problem here.
It's not a problem to use those words as well, and you'll have to learn other people will do things you don't like and you have no control over it. I don't care how you feel about it. Pdfiles have no place anywhere near games, game shops, or children.
Friend DM, Friend Player. This is less about D&D and more about friends being uncomfortable with someone being a predator. This goes beyond D&D and into real life. Either the DM removes him or is complacent.
I feel we're lacking a key bit of info here, which is the age and age differential between the problem player and the underage player.
Like, if this is like a 30-something creeping on a 14 yo or something, maybe forget about the DM and go straight to applicable help lines or even the authorities.
If on the other hand it is an 18 yo sending stuff to a 17 yo, the first step is to see if the 17 yo personally considers it harassment, and if so, the second step is to have a stern talk with the 18 yo. And if the 17 yo says it's fine, well, it'd be kind of like sexting between consenting highschoolers when one turned 18 first.
The DM is obviously wrong in refusing to look into this at all, and if the scenario is more like the first one above, you'd be absolutely right to feel concerned whether that DM is even trying to provide a safe environment.
Younger player is 15 older player is 25
Call the cops, this is beyond some simple game dispute. This is literal sexual assault of a minor
Ouch. Yeah, probably time to call a suitable help line about how to deal with this. Because just getting the older player off the serve doesn't actually prevent them for going and taking the behavior elsewhere.
The user who’s getting the nudes would need to report the messages and the other user to Discord.
Big question…what is the legal age in the Pedo’s country?
Because while we may find it absolutely reprehensible and worthy of the offender being shot in the back of the head and left to rot in a ditch, there are some backwards-ass countries where the age of consent is 16. I’ve had to deal with defenses of ‘it’s legal in my country!’ before.
Either way, give your DM a friend an ultimatum. It’s either you or the pedophile. Depending on his choice, you may end up cutting all ties.
Regardless of the police, Discord will absolutely ban someone's account for that. They literally have to, because they operate the servers in jurisdictions where that's illegal.