So I'm a new Dungeon Master for Dungeons and Dragons, this is my first full game that me and my group are playing this weekened. I have been working on the world for this game for the last three years (since I was roughly 14) and now was able to invite my freinds to play in the game which I have been super excited for. For the last month I've bee communitcating with the 5 players about their characters and helping them make their sheets if they needed help! Here comes the issue though, I've been trying to contact two of my players, I'll call them Red and Blue. Red has been busy with work, which I understand, but for the past two weeks they've been silent in the server, not responding to any pings or messages. Blue is busy with school but almost always online. I made an announcment three days making sure I had a stern comfrimation from every player that we are playing this weekened, and Red and Blue never answer. Their friends got in contact with them and Red comes at me with "Dude, I had the server muted because theres to much conversation and pings." I say sorry and tell them I'll do better at not pinging them once a week (with some having more as information is coming out) and they haven't responded.
Am I being inconsiderate for trying my hardest to speak to my players and make sure they understand the world they are playing in?
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“I have that server muted” is code for “I don’t want to play”
Of course it is.. How should I even go about askng them about it? Because when I invited them they were SUPER eager and I don't want to point the blame.
“Respond in a timely manner or I’ll have to remove you from the game”
They’ll fail within a week.
Okay! Thank you, I was thinking of doing such, but I didn't want to be a pain and just rude.
They were being rude by not responding to you. And then muting the server without telling you “hey it’s too much, if you need me message me”
I see. Thank you :D
I really can't comment on if you're being inconsiderate without knowing the frequency and content of the messages.
Some unsolicited advice: be ready to balance encounters for 3, 4, or 5 players. It sounds like two of your players aren't invested.
Yeah, I Ping maybe at max twice a week, with most being in the important info channel. then when I need to actually talk to them I simply just message them a couple times, then if they don't say anything and leave it be until when they get off work, then attempt again and repeat,
Simply put:
Fuck em.
You will learn this sooner or later, but players that put no effort, deserve no effort.
Do not insist upon them. Do it for the 3 that are in there.
Either look for 2 new players or prep for the reduced number.
Okay, I will. I've let them know that the game wasn't going to be super combat heavy as most don't seem to be interested in constant fights. But I will look into it.
Impossible to say for sure without seeing the ping volume firsthand, but I can't imagine much requiring pings.
I get being really excited about this, and wanting to make sure that your players are getting everything! But just putting the info on the server, in a digestible format, should be enough. You shouldn't have to hound people to get them involved or on board - if you do, then they weren't that interested anyway, and your efforts/attention are better spent on the players that ARE locked in.
That said, muting the server without saying anything? Dumb move. At least, dumb assuming they care at all about the game. How can they expect to be aware of things like cancellations or confirmations otherwise? Which just backs up my other point, really - focus your efforts on the people that do give a shit, rather than chasing after the people who don't.
I agree that they just don't really want to play, or they do, but they're not currently in a place to play this game. That's ok, but it's also okay for you to remove them if they refuse to communicate unless prodded into it.
I use discord to communicate with party. This is easy to set to mute everything but @mention and reserve the pings for those situations.
Those that are active in the server do not need to be pinged.. they are active.
I would also impose a time limited to respond. I do this through an announcement channel. Makes it easier to filter messages.
My experience confirms this is someone that doesnt want to play... or view the game as a "cool when there is nothing else going on"
I just wanna play devil's advocate here -
I personally find these kind of "always on" game discords very overwhelming. Even when I'm playing in a purely online game, I always make sure to be clear with the group that outside of the scheduling conversation, I will not be responding or engaging with the discord outside of session times.
I will also just ping something for you - as a young DM trying to organize your first game with your first precious baby homebrew setting, it's easy to fall into the trap of posting every bit of background info you have and hoping/expecting your players to read and engage with it. In general, unless you won the "insanely engaged players" lottery, this is a recipe for disappointment. Try to distill what players need to know for their character creation down to a paragraph or two if you can, and beyond that you have to wait to work stuff in-game.
It's very possible that one or both of these players won't work out. But it might not be a foregone conclusion, and you might be served by pumping the brakes on your expectations, and try not to overwhelm people before the game even begins.
I don't know. Are you?
A ping once in a while is fine. A couple of dozen per day, not so much.
You tell us if you actually overdid it.
I might've, but it was a span of a good two day period at the start when I was making sure everyone knew what was going on, since then it's been pretty calm in terms of pings.
Sounds like they are ghosting you, not cool. I would get a commitment from them to show up and be attentive for session time, and if they are impossible to reach find a new player. Is it online or in person? Online players are a dime a dozen especially for 5e .
It's online, I live in a very cramped and open house with other people and sometimes the comments thrown out by a few of the players can be out of left feild. I hope they aren't ghosting me.
Like i said get everyone to commit to what you need from the players, and if they cant do that and or no call no show for session 0 find new players. Some people are just to socially awkward to reject someone else. Its okay if your not interested in my table, just let me know.
Okay! Thank you :D
Just to be clear here.
You're game is happening either way.
If they don't show, find new players. But at the start, your game happens, every week(or whenever), without fail. Don't let one or two players determine if you play.
I planned on it happening either way, I just don't want them making me seem evil for going on without them, then bombarding me with questions that take up the few hours we have to play.
Please remember this your entire gaming career. I have more than 35 years of this, my game runs Sunday afternoon.
Period.
I miss maybe 3 games a year. I tell my players when, and they show up. I do not compromise on that. Never let one person hold your game hostage.
Okay, I won't! And wow, 35 years of running games is impressive!
You're not being inconsiderate by pressing to see if they will play, but you might want to approach a little differently. 1 month of character creation without playing in-character can lower their enthusiasm for the game. If they haven't gotten invested in the game, just start it. Give them a corner of nowhere that they can jump in and experience the world and gameplay. Let them choose to explore the parts of your world that interest them rather than reading pages of text about it. That's your best chance at hooking a player.
Once you know their characters, give them some connections in the world. A wizard might have colleagues from university, or a rogue might have rivalry with a local gang. These are ways to engage with your world.
If they still don't engage while playing the game, then there's not much you could have done anyway.
So first let me say "always online" does not mean "always available". Just as a heads up.
With like a month of back and forth talk and more than weekly lore drops honestly I would be in "is this game ever happening?" Mode as a player. Our server who has been together for nearly 5 years now only ever have one or two pings between campaigns, which is usually a pitch doc of some sort, and arranging for session 0. During a game we only ping for cancellations. Else the server is usually dead.
I get you are excited to run your 3 years of homebrew setting but from the players point of view it could be any setting, and you are likely over-sharing out of excitement.
However, entirely muting the server and not checking in at all is also an utter asshole move that kinda tells me they might be on the verge of giving up... get the game started! Remember they are there to play not get weekly lore-dumps or whatever.
Do keep an eye on their engagement though, they might already have lost the "new game" excitement.
Just start playing the campaign without them, however I read "I've spend the past five MONTHS talking to them about their characters" and I got hit with a Wave of Exhaustion spell. That is way, way too much lead up time.
I get that this is your original fantasy world you've been making your entire teenage life, expecting anyone else to care 1% as much is just unrealistic. It's exactly the same as hearing about someone else's dream they had: some people pretend to care, most people don't even bother pretending.
Red and Blue don’t actually want to play.
This is one of those things that’s abundantly obvious when you’re an adult and your time is valuable but makes absolutely no sense when you’re a kid and all you have is time.
People make time for the things they want. Bonus: learning this lesson now will greatly enhance your future dating experience.