My boyfriend and I will be together for two years this February. In the very beginning of our relationship, he didn’t want any of our mutual friends to know we were dating, which I understood since it was still new. However, as time has gone on, basically everyone in my life knows I have a boyfriend (friends, family, classmates, etc). On the other hand, he still has close friends who don’t even know I exist or that he’s in a relationship at all. This has been bothering me for a long time, and I’ve brought it up multiple times. I’ve been very direct about how it makes me feel insecure and like I’m being hidden. Last week, I crashed out. He took one of his girl friends home from a party after midnight hours. Normally that alone wouldn’t bother me, but this girl doesn’t even know he has a girlfriend, which made the situation feel way worse to me. I think that’s what triggered everything. I asked him to at least post me once or make it clear to people in his life that he’s in a relationship. I’m not asking to be posted constantly, just acknowledged. He feels like I’m overreacting and putting pressure on him. Why does it feel like I am overreacting for wanting my boyfriend of almost two years to publicly acknowledge our relationship so I don’t feel hidden?

Details: • He has told his family about me and I’ve met them too and been around them. • Idk if it makes a difference his girl friend is a friend from church (so ig according to him that just makes things ok). I have asked him if she knows he said no. • He has invited me to go to his church, however when he first invited me, he wanted me to pretend that I was his cousin • I have asked him if one of his best friends knows that he has his a girlfriend, he said no etc. • By mutual friends I am referring to 3 friends that we were in a club with at school, they ended up finding out because I was tired of hiding it, but regardless of that he has never introduced any of his friends to me. • He also isn’t the type to go out to parties and all of that.

  • Hello Accomplished_Set7315,

    You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

    Original post: My boyfriend and I will be together for two years this February. In the very beginning of our relationship, he didn’t want any of our mutual friends to know we were dating, which I understood since it was still new. However, as time has gone on, basically everyone in my life knows I have a boyfriend (friends, family, classmates, etc). On the other hand, he still has close friends who don’t even know I exist or that he’s in a relationship at all. This has been bothering me for a long time, and I’ve brought it up multiple times. I’ve been very direct about how it makes me feel insecure and like I’m being hidden. Last week, I crashed out. He took one of his girl friends home from a party after midnight hours. Normally that alone wouldn’t bother me, but this girl doesn’t even know he has a girlfriend, which made the situation feel way worse to me. I think that’s what triggered everything. I asked him to at least post me once or make it clear to people in his life that he’s in a relationship. I’m not asking to be posted constantly, just acknowledged. He feels like I’m overreacting and putting pressure on him. Why does it feel like I am overreacting for wanting my boyfriend of almost two years to publicly acknowledge our relationship so I don’t feel hidden?

    Details:

    ⁠- He has told his family about me and I’ve met them too and been around them. • ⁠Idk if it makes a difference his girl friend is a friend from church (so ig according to him that just makes things ok). I have asked him if she knows he said no. • ⁠He has invited me to go to his church however when he first invited me, he wanted me to pretend that I was his cousin • ⁠I have asked him if one of his best friends knows that he has his a girlfriend, he said no etc. • ⁠By mutual friends I am referring to 3 friends that we were in a club with at school, they ended up finding out because I was tired of hiding it, but regardless of that he has never introduced any of his friends to me. • ⁠He also isn’t the type to go out to parties and all of that.

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    parent

  • I hate to tell you think but you’re the side piece

    parent

  • 2 years is a long time and you are not in highschool anymore. So I would say the situstion is not okay. But there must be a reason why. What was his reason? If he does not have a good excuse I would say leave him. He is lying to his friends so how do you know he is true to you?

    ( him saying I am not comfortable yet is not a good reason )

    parent

    Well for the church friends he basically has told me that I have to go to his church to meet them, which again since he wanted me to pretend to be his cousin at first, I’m not very comfortable going there plus from what he has told me about the people there I don’t want to go and meet them in that setting. And his other friends, he just says that he doesn’t talk to them, even though I know that he does, he just doesn’t see them often anymore.

    parent root

    So has he invited you to church since then? Is there a reason you haven’t gone to church with him? Surely he doesn’t want you to LIE at this point 2 years later!!!

    parent root

    Maybe you should go to church just to meet them. But not as " his cousin". If you go, go as his girlfriend.

    I also do not like to meet with my bf's friends, but I still do that because I think it is socially important to do that from time to time.

    parent root

  • If you’re dating someone you need them to be proud of you and want to “show you off”. This goes both ways for men and for women. Everyone deserves that at the very least.

    If he’s not doing that then you need to question why he’s dating you to begin with. Are you just filling space until he finds someone “better”, or keeping you around in case he doesn’t find someone better?

    People these days think they have endless options and don’t understand what it means to really choose someone, again this goes for men and women.

    If you are a good partner and a loving person, trust me, another sweet young man out there would be happy to have you and you shouldn’t waste time with someone who isn’t willing to fully commit to you. Just make sure to choose partners based on their values AND their actions.

    Don’t let someone walk all over you and lie to you with wishy washy excuses while they do it! For young men, their peer groups are WAY more important than anyone else and those are the people they care to impress. Apparently even more than their families in a lot of cases. It says a lot if he’s not introducing you to them.

    parent

  • I can understand not wanting to tell anyone in the first few months when you're just feeling it out (myself and my partner started the same way, didn't come out as a couple for about 3 months) but 2 years is too long!

    parent

  • I’m sorry, but if you’re going to be in his life, it’s gonna look pretty weird to his church buddies that he’s dating his … cousin???

    He will have to admit, he lied, but he won’t wanna admit he lied because he be lying to his congregation.

    This guy never intends to date you publicly. To do so would it cause huge amounts of embarrassment for him now that he’s lied so much. He will never come clean about you.

    parent

  • I read this same story weeks ago with some slightly different details. Why are wanting him to publicly post when the most important people in life know who you are. Why do you need publi post to show your in a relationship. some people are private.do you post him in socials. It seems a bit of that a church friend he went home with. I'd be more suspicious about that and not public post.

    parent