Hello No-Locksmith-2931,

You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

Original post: my boyfriend and i started dating around september so we’ve been together about 4 months. in this time he has done a few silly things and a few serious things that have betrayed trust and hurt me bad. i’m used to this kind of thing though as i’ve never really had a good partner. he is a good partner now and it’s been a while since he’s done anything actually bad but obviously hurt lingers while we work through things. we argue a lot but we work through it however he says a few hurtful things often at the moment. yesterday i was called a “horrible guilt tripping bastard” when i was crying and upset over feeling uncared for. the context of this argument can be given if needed but im very drained and my memory is foggy at the moment as ive been very ill and theres been so much crying and shouting so id rather focus on this

the main problem:

he said today however that he feels somewhere “he doesn’t care” cos it “feels ruined” and he resents me for “making him hate himself” because if he’d never had been with me he would’ve never messed up and he would’ve never hated himself

he understands this feeling isn’t fair and says he can’t help it but i just don’t know what to do.

how can this be fixed? i want it to work so bad

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1 points AutoModerator

Hello No-Locksmith-2931,

You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

Original post: my boyfriend and i started dating around september so we’ve been together about 4 months. in this time he has done a few silly things and a few serious things that have betrayed trust and hurt me bad. i’m used to this kind of thing though as i’ve never really had a good partner. he is a good partner now and it’s been a while since he’s done anything actually bad but obviously hurt lingers while we work through things. we argue a lot but we work through it however he says a few hurtful things often at the moment. yesterday i was called a “horrible guilt tripping bastard” when i was crying and upset over feeling uncared for. the context of this argument can be given if needed but im very drained and my memory is foggy at the moment as ive been very ill and theres been so much crying and shouting so id rather focus on this

the main problem:

he said today however that he feels somewhere “he doesn’t care” cos it “feels ruined” and he resents me for “making him hate himself” because if he’d never had been with me he would’ve never messed up and he would’ve never hated himself

he understands this feeling isn’t fair and says he can’t help it but i just don’t know what to do.

how can this be fixed? i want it to work so bad

Friendly note from the mods:

Hello, welcome to r/relationshipadvice. We want to remind our users of the following:

• We do not allow situations/content involving people who are under the age of 18.

• Do not harass, ridicule, or be toxic toward other people. It will result in a ban.

• Any advice given must be genuine and ethical.

• Posts must be about ongoing relationships, not past or potential relationships.

• All bans on the subreddit are permanent.

If you have any questions, please contact ModMail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

3 points sharmrp72

Blunt question OP but why?

I mean it comes across this guy does not respect you, and maybe doesn't even like you any more.

You deserve a partner that loves and respects you and doesn't act like a selfish git when things don't go his way.

You can do a lot better OP and really, I'm one for saying to folk to work through, but if he says he resents you, that's never going to disappear and in fact may only get worse.

Go be happy without him......cos it really doesn't sound like it'll improve.


1 points TrumpetsGalore4

if he says he resents you, that's never going to disappear and in fact may only get worse.

Yes. Resentment almost always leads to contempt, which is a later stage of "relationship cancer." Once it gets to that point, it just gets worse until the relationship dies.

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0 points Little-Ad9283

This

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1 points TrumpetsGalore4

In order for it to work, you both have to want it.

Name-calling during an argument is so scummy, and so is putting 100% of the blame on you. If you stay with him, I can guarantee that you're always going to be the "bad one" in the relationship/power dynamic.