Hello smileyfacee23,

You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

Original post: Looking for some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together 5+ years. We live together and function like a married couple already. I’ve always been open that I’m not in a rush to get married (though I’ve always assumed I would someday). Recently, he’s made a few comments like “I’d really love to move forward with you” and “I love the idea of making this official,” which made me realize I want him to know that despite my lack of urgency, I am very serious about our future.

Complicating factor: he’s still legally married but has been fully separated our entire relationship; the divorce isn’t finalized yet for logistical reasons. Because of that, anything now would be private.

I’m considering being the one to initiate a step forward, but I don’t want to take the proposal away from him — I’d still want him to propose later once the divorce is finalized. I’m looking for something more serious than a promise ring, but less serious than a standard engagement.

I’d love advice on:

• How to ask (conversation vs. planned moment)

• Where/when

• Ring vs. no ring vs. alternative symbol

• How to make it meaningful without replacing his chance to propose later

I lean minimalist and non-traditional, and this would be private (no social media).

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I see where you are coming from, but logistically it’s truly impossible at this point. He has to physically be present for several parts of the process and we live on the other side of the country now. Additionally, I am extraordinarily sick (emergency surgeries, multiple ICU stays, reliant on IV nutrition, etc) so even if we could financially swing one or both of us going to his home state, I can’t be left alone for that period of time for safety, and I can’t be that far away from my medical providers and twice weekly medical supply deliveries.

I am not trying to “make excuses” for him, just trying to help explain why we are stuck in this in between zone. It is a priority but we have to work some stuff out over the next few months. Thank you for your reply! I appreciate the thought!

1 points AutoModerator
Hello smileyfacee23,

You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.

Original post: Looking for some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together 5+ years. We live together and function like a married couple already. I’ve always been open that I’m not in a rush to get married (though I’ve always assumed I would someday). Recently, he’s made a few comments like “I’d really love to move forward with you” and “I love the idea of making this official,” which made me realize I want him to know that despite my lack of urgency, I am very serious about our future.

Complicating factor: he’s still legally married but has been fully separated our entire relationship; the divorce isn’t finalized yet for logistical reasons. Because of that, anything now would be private.

I’m considering being the one to initiate a step forward, but I don’t want to take the proposal away from him — I’d still want him to propose later once the divorce is finalized. I’m looking for something more serious than a promise ring, but less serious than a standard engagement.

I’d love advice on:

• How to ask (conversation vs. planned moment) • Where/when • Ring vs. no ring vs. alternative symbol • How to make it meaningful without replacing his chance to propose later

I lean minimalist and non-traditional, and this would be private (no social media).

Friendly note from the mods:

Hello, welcome to r/relationshipadvice. We want to remind our users of the following:

• We do not allow situations/content involving people who are under the age of 18.

• Do not harass, ridicule, or be toxic toward other people. It will result in a ban.

• Any advice given must be genuine and ethical.

• Posts must be about ongoing relationships, not past or potential relationships.

• All bans on the subreddit are permanent.

If you have any questions, please contact ModMail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1 points Little-Ad9283

The first thing that needs to happen is he needs to finalise his divorce. You, at the very least, deserve that. From there, how to move forward with you will happen organically.


1 points smileyfacee23

I see where you are coming from, but logistically it’s truly impossible at this point. He has to physically be present for several parts of the process and we live on the other side of the country now. Additionally, I am extraordinarily sick (emergency surgeries, multiple ICU stays, reliant on IV nutrition, etc) so even if we could financially swing one or both of us going to his home state, I can’t be left alone for that period of time for safety, and I can’t be that far away from my medical providers and twice weekly medical supply deliveries.

I am not trying to “make excuses” for him, just trying to help explain why we are stuck in this in between zone. It is a priority but we have to work some stuff out over the next few months. Thank you for your reply! I appreciate the thought!

parent root