Funny that she uses the word lucky. One time I told my therapist I was very lucky to have such good friends and he said it had nothing to do with luck. You have to nourish these relationships and they are the product of how well you do with them. So no she isn't unlucky, she's experiencing the consequences of her own actions.
The victimisation they have is so ridiculous š I will never understand how they will sit and complain about how āterribleā their situation is and never do anything about it.
I am so tired of my mother ruining every holiday with guilt trips, manipulation, extreme waifing and flying monkeys.
These people did this to themselves by being horrible and unhealed and if they weren't bpds with a penchant for the spotlight they would probably have someone to hang out with at Christmas. But they- if they are anything like my mother- have spoiled too many holidays to get any more invites or even well-wishes.
It made me sooo angry just reading this! The entitlement to demand company when all they have to give is resentment and passive aggressivenessā¦. Hold tight OP ā„ļø
I just got a message from my mom. Must be that time of the yearš About 6 months ago I stopped actively initiating contact with my mother after she sent me a message that felt very demeaning and invalidating (basically saying I canāt understand anything unless I raise 3ā4 kids and sacrifice my whole life like she did). Iām 35 btw, no kidsšSince then, I havenāt gone no-contact: I still reply when she writes, I help her when she asks for help, and I wish her happy holidays. We just havenāt met in person and I donāt reach out on my own. Our relationship has been strained basically forever but I kind of gave up 6 months ago. She mostly contacts me only when she needs something. Recently I helped her with designing a gift card. After exchanging holiday wishes, she sent this message: āAnd if you ever want to end your communication break, then let me know. If I am not wanted, then in my new life I wonāt really try hard to please anyone.ā What bothers me is that she frames this as a ācommunication break,ā puts the responsibility on me to āendā it, and positions herself as unwanted/a victim. Even though Iāve consistently been responsive and helpful. Itās not a break because factually Iām still there for her. Also, what is this ānew lifeā sheās talking about? It seems itās only meant for her not to take any accountability for her āold lifeāš
This is my situation too and same timeline! I just donāt really reach out on my own anymore. Not worth it. Iāll help if needed (I have a terminally ill e-parent), but she adds NOTHING of value to my life - actually the opposite. She is a selfish emotional vampire and Iām over it. Why fucking bother?
ā¬ļøMy niece is a nurse in a big hospital in a major city. Sometimes she sees older patients who have no family visiting them. Even though they have family in the area. My mom, her grandmother, is a toxic uBPD that we have all gone NC with. I asked if she ever wonders why these patients donāt have family visiting and if it makes her sad/mad at their family. Sheās like āoh, we can usually figure it outāā. And thatās when I realized my sister did her kids a huge solid when she went NC with my mom when her kids were little.
And the smallest violin in the world plays a mournful tune as she steps on a rake and hits herself in the head repeatedly, asking how you could be so cruel
My mom is a mega waif who just whines about how she wont decorate or celebrate xmas because of the people that are dead whose favorite holiday was christmas. So I spite decorate and send her pictures of everything š¤£
That is not a nice person. I am sincerely wondering if an entire couple generations went insane. I would never message anything like that to my adult children. I have a life, even if I do get lonely sometimes, I'm grateful for the wonderful things and hopeful for the future. Yet, I was subjected to exactly this kind of messaging when I still talked to my mom. Merry Christmas.
Funny that she uses the word lucky. One time I told my therapist I was very lucky to have such good friends and he said it had nothing to do with luck. You have to nourish these relationships and they are the product of how well you do with them. So no she isn't unlucky, she's experiencing the consequences of her own actions.
OMG, I needed to read this. Thank you for sharing*.
That is profound! Thank you for sharing :)
Thank you for this insight.
Iām saving this comment to come back to later
The victimisation they have is so ridiculous š I will never understand how they will sit and complain about how āterribleā their situation is and never do anything about it.
I hope you have a wonderful BPD-free holidays OP!
I am so tired of my mother ruining every holiday with guilt trips, manipulation, extreme waifing and flying monkeys.
These people did this to themselves by being horrible and unhealed and if they weren't bpds with a penchant for the spotlight they would probably have someone to hang out with at Christmas. But they- if they are anything like my mother- have spoiled too many holidays to get any more invites or even well-wishes.
It made me sooo angry just reading this! The entitlement to demand company when all they have to give is resentment and passive aggressivenessā¦. Hold tight OP ā„ļø
I just got a message from my mom. Must be that time of the yearš About 6 months ago I stopped actively initiating contact with my mother after she sent me a message that felt very demeaning and invalidating (basically saying I canāt understand anything unless I raise 3ā4 kids and sacrifice my whole life like she did). Iām 35 btw, no kidsšSince then, I havenāt gone no-contact: I still reply when she writes, I help her when she asks for help, and I wish her happy holidays. We just havenāt met in person and I donāt reach out on my own. Our relationship has been strained basically forever but I kind of gave up 6 months ago. She mostly contacts me only when she needs something. Recently I helped her with designing a gift card. After exchanging holiday wishes, she sent this message: āAnd if you ever want to end your communication break, then let me know. If I am not wanted, then in my new life I wonāt really try hard to please anyone.ā What bothers me is that she frames this as a ācommunication break,ā puts the responsibility on me to āendā it, and positions herself as unwanted/a victim. Even though Iāve consistently been responsive and helpful. Itās not a break because factually Iām still there for her. Also, what is this ānew lifeā sheās talking about? It seems itās only meant for her not to take any accountability for her āold lifeāš
This is my situation too and same timeline! I just donāt really reach out on my own anymore. Not worth it. Iāll help if needed (I have a terminally ill e-parent), but she adds NOTHING of value to my life - actually the opposite. She is a selfish emotional vampire and Iām over it. Why fucking bother?
Yes! She is playing the victim! Stay strong and positive!
Reply you shouldnāt make but I wish you could:
āPlay stupid games win stupid prizes lady.ā
Spoiler: she's not glad that you're happy. She'll enjoy every opportunity to spoil your happiness.
This. šÆ if sheās miserable, the very least you could do is be miserable. And extra points if you allow her to make you miserable.
I wish I could understand that this is was my mother mindset earlier. It took me 35 years to accept this.
It took me 50! You go! Live your best life with no regrets!
Thank you! I'm going to! You too enjoy your freedom!
Reply: K
A nice šš» really does the job too š¤£
ā¬ļø this is the best response ever.
Many talk aboutĀ lonely elders, and few talk about the reasons for why they are alone.Ā
ā¬ļøMy niece is a nurse in a big hospital in a major city. Sometimes she sees older patients who have no family visiting them. Even though they have family in the area. My mom, her grandmother, is a toxic uBPD that we have all gone NC with. I asked if she ever wonders why these patients donāt have family visiting and if it makes her sad/mad at their family. Sheās like āoh, we can usually figure it outāā. And thatās when I realized my sister did her kids a huge solid when she went NC with my mom when her kids were little.
And the smallest violin in the world plays a mournful tune as she steps on a rake and hits herself in the head repeatedly, asking how you could be so cruel
Groups like this one give me comfort, knowing that we're all dealing with the same MomClone.
My mom is a mega waif who just whines about how she wont decorate or celebrate xmas because of the people that are dead whose favorite holiday was christmas. So I spite decorate and send her pictures of everything š¤£
Rub it in lol, god this is unbearable though right? Like imagine a friend doing this
That is not a nice person. I am sincerely wondering if an entire couple generations went insane. I would never message anything like that to my adult children. I have a life, even if I do get lonely sometimes, I'm grateful for the wonderful things and hopeful for the future. Yet, I was subjected to exactly this kind of messaging when I still talked to my mom. Merry Christmas.
What do you wanna bet if OP scrolls up it'll be an insane rant that shows why they're alone in Christmas?