So I (28F) decided to host a small pre-Christmas get together with my mom (BPD) and two brothers. I had bought gingerbread houses and hot chocolate. My mom walks in immediately talking over and interrupting everyone, then starts crying about her life. She has been unemployed by choice for a year, she is upset that my apartment is nicer than hers (really it’s just that I clean mine, and hers is incredibly dirty). She also was crying about my dad, who left her FIVE years ago. I know grief doesn’t have a timeline, but she cries about him constantly. They had a distant and unhealthy marriage but she pines over him like he’s Romeo. I’m just so incredibly frustrated that she hijacked my get together and made it about her self pity. I used to ignore her, or I just didn’t even recognize how toxic she was. Now that I’ve begun calling her out on her behavior she dislikes me and this is the first Christmas with so much animosity between us. I’m the oldest daughter, with three younger brothers. I think because I’m the oldest, I’ve naturally been the first one to recognize her unhealthy patterns. I’m the villain in her life for telling her to get a job and asking her to be nice. Ughhhhh I just needed to vent bc today was a lot.
My heart sank for you in the first sentence. They whine about not being in our lives but blatantly ruin every interaction. I do love your theme with gingerbread houses and hot chocolate.
Thank you! She says her biggest fear is me going no contact but then acts like this.. ugh
That's that BPD fear of abandonment that tortures everyone. I went two years without emailing my mom and emailed again. Of course it got weird immediately. They never learn. I just ditched her. Straight to spam.
That’s very frustrating (and also sounds a lot like my mum). My dad passed over 10 years ago now - they had an abusive and toxic relationship - and she still pines in much the same way using his passing as an excuse for why her life is so bad and why that gives her license to treat others so poorly.
Sending love to you! It’s amazing that you recognize these patterns - for me that’s been the first step to freedom.
She never worked when they were together and she has now made it clear she just doesn’t want to work. She misses having a husband to “make life easy” and “take care of her”. All they did was talk shit about eachother. It’s mind boggling to me, but she really struggles being an adult. Thank you, every time I thing I’ve worked through it, I have a deeper realization/understanding of her and her behavior. Thank you so much for the encouragement ❤️