Like clock work, this weekend my BPD mom did what she always does and went completely crazy over the holidays over a minor inconvenience (called the police and everything, who suggested she needs a psych eval lol). I watched from afar as I was not around but my younger brother got the full brunt of it. Her perceived loss of control, victim hood and narcissism was the trifecta.
Anyone else?
Yes, mine had a meltdown two days ago because I reassured her decision not to celebrate by saying I do not enjoy Christmas. I am not seeing her this year, and made the comment after her month long dramatic waifing about not wanting to celebrate this year crescendo'd into bringing up a topic that she had agreed was off limits, and, when I reinforced the boundary, acted like I was the one abusing her and insisted on finishing her (poised as innocent but extremely overtly emotionally abusive) story that ended with, 'I only bring myself to celebrate the holidays for my children' (this is the first holiday after my sister's suicide).
She went silent and acted as if I had committed a war crime when I told her I did not enjoy Christmas even as a small child and prefer not to celebrate. My sister and I performed most of the baking, decorating, selecting gifts, gift wrapping that made the holiday happen by the time I was school aged. She has always used Christmas to throw screaming tantrums over our inability to buy her impossible gifts ('I wanted all the things on my list, but I wanted you to make it a surprise!!!'), to emphasize I am the scapegoat, and to give me the silent treatment / disinvite me. Disarming her broke her brain. She had edad text me all day yesterday after I reinforced the boundary in writing after our call. He spent the entire day sending texts about how she is the real victim due to her medically impossible waif health problems.
Oh, yeah. The holidays have been rough this year. My 88-yr old mom is out of control. I think she is extra afraid of dying and projecting that fear/rage like crazy. It feels as if she wants me to go down with her. I keep inviting her over but when she comes over she melts down and leaves in indignation.
After replacing a gambling addiction with “day trading”, she’s now in the process of creating an LLC to allow family members to day trade under that umbrella—it makes no sense since literally no one in the family is interested in day trading and the LLC will just create a paperwork headache that she won’t be able to tackle. But her new accountant is setting everything up—at least until they don’t get paid when my mom gets the bill.
I’m exhausted. I’m so ready to get off this roller coaster and yeah, that means her dying—which creates even messier problems for me with her estate and a mentally ill brother I’ll be responsible for.
Yep. Mom has the “holiday blues” despite the fact that she has limitless privilege and the health and well being of everyone in her family. Much more than many have.
Meanwhile it’s my MILs second Xmas widowed after 50 years of marriage and mom is laying the groundwork for a tantrum if we don’t finish up gift exchange with MIL early enough to make it to my parents for their arbitrarily determined gift opening time.
She’s been sulking for weeks.
Yes, she invited herself to our sibling gift exchange that was specifically off limits to her because my sibling got married and their spouse and my mom cannot tolerate each other (isn’t it weird how crazy recognizes crazy?). When she invited herself, stepdad and she made everyone scramble last minute to try to change the menu around after all the siblings delegated what each of us was bringing (pizza and sides) because she already had pizza this week and because she has Fatty Liver Disease and can’t have pizza. Then she ended up having pizza and binge drinking to the point of vomiting, all while showing her true colors which included body shaming in front of small children, bullying me about “wouldnt it be nice if I had some of these?” (pointing at my nieces and nephews), and drunkenly and nonchalantly telling me that my grandma had a stroke on Tuesday, which is information I don’t feel I would be privy to were she not intoxicated. Fa la la la la
Mine had a three-hour long fit of rage that her outdoor lighted reindeer toppled over from the wind. Yes, you read that right, outdoor reindeer! I got about 20 texts and four lengthy voicemails about it and how she “gives up on Christmas and hates being alone”.
I hope this makes someone laugh 😊