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Someone who says “oh, not kissing the baby is going to be really hard”… I’d reply with “thank you for letting me know. You cannot hold my baby.”

I have zero problem being looked at as “crazy”. I’m thinking of posting a sign that says “no kissing my child. If my child ends up in the hospital, so will you. If my child ends up in the morgue, so will you. Try Jesus, not me.”

The only person I would make an exception for is your friend if she honestly can’t make Friday’s work…. Like don’t isolate yourself from your best friend and support system if you don’t need to. Having my bestie to pop by or get together with was a god send to me post partum when the families were acting fricking insane.

All the others hard agree.

I blame everything on the doctor. “The doctor says no kissing the baby” lol. I’ve found my family doesn’t push back too much when I say it’s the doctor’s orders!

I’ve also just been very noncommittal about visits. I might love having visitors or I might hate it. I have no idea how I’m going to feel. So when people ask me”when can I visit the baby?” I just say “I’ll let you know!” With a smile. It’s not a lie!

I wouldn’t make any hard and fast rules before the baby is born. I’m 3 weeks PP now and feeling pretty lonely, visitors have been very welcome, some people just want to be alone. You don’t know how you’re going to feel until it happens.

The only person I’m a little sympathetic for is your friend, just because they might not have the time. But then I’d make it a one time only visit and cancel that Friday visit. You should protect your peace, just remember that it’s not uncommon to crave adult relationships after being alone with baby for weeks and weeks. 

Don’t let anyone kiss that baby! You aren’t crazy for being over protective. Also if you want an entire month without guests that’s okay. 

(Cheeky suggestion btw) One other thing I’d adjust….people can visit whenever, but they have to be cleaning 😉😝😈

I get the annoyance but you also have to understand people love you, your baby and just want to meet him/her. Your friend isn't trying to annoy you or push your boundaries. Friday's genuinely might not work for them.

All of the rules are reasonable apart from your BEST FRIEND not being able to do Fridays. You don't have to tell the other people that you had a visitor on a non designated visiting day!!!

Let your friend come on a day that works for both of you and enjoy having your best friend meet your new baby. You're going to need your friends x x x

In some African cultures we have a 3 month rule. Only immediate family by immediate it’s the grandparents and maybe your siblings can see the baby. This alleviates a lot pressure from the mom and also it’s good because by then the baby is a bit stronger. We don’t even send pictures to people of the baby. Growing up I used to think it’s a bit outrageous but now I really get it. I feel like in your case 1 week is a bit too soon. If you have all these boundaries now, put an ultimate boundary maybe hold on the visits for a month or two for your own peace of mind because you can’t control people hey.

'i am prioritizing my babies health over your feelings"

One of my in laws has made a habit of coming to my house with symptoms before and after I've gotten pregnant (Think- Oh I'm not contagious I've had this cough for five days, oh I caught this highly infectious rash but webMD says I'm not infectious at this stage) and doesn't give us a heads up to allow us to say whether we are comfortable with that. So no one is allowed to visit in the first month except for my MIL because I can't single anyone out. Boundaries are easier to keep if they are applied to everybody and nobody gets an exception.

you and your husband are solely responsible for your baby's health expenses and overall safety. beat this in your head when youre struggling with boundaries. people pleasing isnt gonna pay for a hospital visit

Let people visit but don’t let them hold the baby. I did this with many people. It’s your baby, it’s how you want to protect it, and if anyone argues they can gtfo. You are not wrong AT ALL. I’ll happily piss some people off to avoid a SPINAL TAP for my poor lil dude. (Also forgive yourself if someone does cross a boundary, you aren’t weak, people are fking assholes!)

Trust your gut and don’t waiver, especially if someone gives you the creeps!! We have a family member that I felt that way about and won’t let them hold my baby and scheduled visits around when they would be at work, and I felt kinda bad about it (not bad enough to change my mind tho), and I found out several of my cousins with babies also feel the same and don’t take their kids around said family member which was reassuring.

These all seem super reasonable and sort of “common sense” but good to get them all out there and make them clear.

The only one I’d maybe consider flexibility on is the Friday visits. But it depends how important it is to you to have visitors and if you want to see people or you feel like you’re just doing other people a favor by letting them see your child.

I’m excited to introduce my friends/family to my baby, so I’ll probably try to be accommodating to some extent, but if it’s a chore for you then protect your peace!

Currently 35 weeks and this is something that I want to do as well. If I could have no visitors that would be even better. I always see a lot of posts about handwashing before touching baby but no one ever mentions that a lot of people just don’t wash their hands that well. As a nurse, I notice it all the time and there is a proper way to wash hands so that is something to keep watch over too! I plan to have a lot of hand sanitizer bottles readily available because sometimes that is more effective than the way people wash their hands

Tell them now… there are no exceptions and these are the rules, so they should stop asking.

State ur boundaries twice and if they need a third time it’s ok to turn into Queen Bitch 👑 once you start flexing on your boundaries ppl will expect u to bend more and more. Try not to worry about ppls expectations… you said it yourself , you’re just being tested. Remember the WHY behind all of your boundaries set, and it’ll be easier to enforce them.

During visits when gpa in law will b around, make it a baby-wearing only visit and “oh baby has been fussy today so we aren’t passing baby around” I’m assuming gpa in law won’t b around a ton so no need for a huge confrontation

Tbh, yes maybe they or you will feel like you are being “bitchy”, but when baby is here, it will be much much much easier. You won’t even hesitate. It will come so natural and so firm, I promise. I was terrified of the same thing with my first baby, and I have to say, yes some people didn’t like the boundaries, but boundaries aren’t meant to be liked, they are meant to be respected and those who can’t do it, don’t deserve to be around the baby

girl, keep your boundaries. the nerve some people have in thinking their selfish desires outweigh the safety or rules of the parents. kindly, they can go kick rocks.

If they can't see your child's health as more important than their wants, then they can't see your kid

Tell these people that these are not suggestions these are mandatory RULES if they want to see your child. No means no. Especially on kissing the baby!! Ugh it makes me sick. If you can’t control yourself around my child then you are not anyone I want around my family.

I have no idea how you announced these rules to your family so im just going by the vibes I'm getting from your post and the way that people tend to want to cross boundaries when their own feelings are hurt. You should try to be nice about announcing these rules. Don't forget these are friends and family who love you and the baby so much so sometimes these rule announcements and unwillingness to make exceptions kind of comes off as "I don't care about you or if I ever see you again. Break my rules and you're dead to me".

I have a big family where a baby is being born like once a year and what we tend to do is, just ask in advance to come over. No unannounced drop-ins, which every human can understand and hold that rule sacred. Someone wants to see the baby, they call, the parent asks if they have been around sick people, some ground rules are discussed in advance, then those pre-arranged people come over. Nobody is offended because it's an intimately discussed thing. And usually during flu season the family with the new baby pulls the "we heard about a virus going around so we are trying to limit our exposure to other people, but we should definitely plan something soon". Having a certain day and time of the week is kind of strange and might even be worse? I feel like that set up would make people feel comfortable to pop in without warning as long as it's within visiting hours.

My sister did something pretty unusual that I think I'm going to steal and she said just absolutely no visitors at the hospital. She didn't make it like she didn't want to see all of our filthy friends and family, she explained that it's going to be a really vulnerable time and wants the space to adjust to caring for the baby in those first couple of days.

Just remember that this is your village and you need them. You do owe your friends and family a certain level of kindness and decency.

We started to get push back and just changed the rules altogether. No visitors for the first two months. Period. That took care of that

I think at this time I’d have everyone who works or is around multiple people daily wear a mask as a precaution. We just had the flu and it was horrendous. I couldn’t believe it. With my oldest who was born at 36 weeks in 2022, we had all visitors wearing masks and allowed them to be taken off for photos for the first 2 months. People who smoked had to change clothing. It’s not unreasonable.

It's a delicate moment, it's not selfish being selfish. You made the rules and other people have to stick with them. Just a reminder that people love you and love your baby. They are not trying to annoy you, they're just impatient to meet your baby and see you as parents 

You’re so valid for all of these boundaries. Be a bitch — who cares. I think it’s hard for you to imagine now, but the mama bear instinct truly does kick in and overrides any urge to people please. For anyone you don’t want holding baby, my number one suggestion is to baby wear when they’re around or lie and say baby is hungry and go hide out in the nursery to feed. Nobody else is entitled to time with your baby.

You have so many people in your life that want to be there with you and meet this baby and you’re complaining. I get that it’s frustrating but you’re extremely lucky that this is the case and many would love that to be a problem. Just a reminder to put it into perspective

My husband's and my family live out of state so we won't have that issue of everyone wanting to come see our baby (I'm 39+3). But the friends we've made here are going to want to see the baby soon after he's born, so I definitely want to implement the mask idea to anyone that steps foot in our house. Having visitors only on Fridays is also a great idea that I'd like to use!

If family and/or friends can't respect your rules "oh I'm sorry, but it looks like zoom is the only option to see the baby right now."

I didn’t want anyone even at the hospital. My daughter was born in peak “sick season”. I didn’t let anyone visit for a week, and even then I was very serious about handwashing.

I think what worked best for me was not necessarily setting such strict rules but leaving it as “I’d rather not set the expectations one way and then let you down later”. I basically said, I don’t know when or if I want visitors, so unless I decide otherwise in the moment, let’s plan on not doing “X”.

When it comes to creepy grandpa in law, honestly, he can eat dirt. Trust your instincts, don’t offer to let him, and maybe make it known you’d like only immediate family to be around.

Family is so hard, but I had to remind myself I just created my OWN family and that family now is the priority! You got this!!

as stressful as it is, you definitely just have to put your foot down and let them know that they can not see the baby at all until the can respect your boundaries. it would be far more stressful for your baby to get sick because someone didn’t want to be held to the same standard as everyone else.

i do understand the friend, but if it is too much to figure something out so they can come at some point then they will just have to be okay with that and work with the schedule you set.

Once baby is here your people pleasing tendency’s will go right out the window. I was a massive people pleaser who could not say no and the second my baby arrived I did not give a crap anymore. I let my guard down ONCE and allowed people to come and visit the baby. Most were insanely respectful. But one person kissed my baby. Now that person is not allowed anywhere near my kid and I have not seen them since.

I was going to say that your rules around set days/hours might end up biting you. You might be surprised how much you want company/help. Also, having all visits on a Friday might just feel a bit busy and it might be nice to have the visits spread out so you can ensure you can take naps etc after visitors leave rather than there being multiple visits taking place on one day.

No one will care about a messy house when you have a newborn so don't worry about cleaning up. In fact, maybe ask your visitors to help.

Your other rules relating to hygiene, illness etc are completely understandable and fair and you are definitely within your rights to stop a visit if those rules aren't respected!

I think your boundaries aren’t tight enough considering the issues. I’d limit visitation to one day in the hospital so you can kick them out easily if need be and then TBD when you get home. Every Friday is generous but it causes you to need to be alert and watch your family to make sure they follow the rules. Also just exposes baby more. This is just my opinion. This is what I would do.

Honestly, you have to learn to be okay with being kind of a bitch. Go into Mama Bear Mode™️ unabashedly.

Tell anyone who pushes back against your boundaries that they just bought themselves another week of time out. Make people do a single chore for you as payment to hold the baby (wash bottles, fold laundry, mop floors, etc). Keep hand sanitizer by the front door and by the spot where they will hold the baby. Every new person who holds him washes or sanitizes in your eyesight before they get the baby. Keep a small water pistol to use to correct bad behaviors if someone goes in for a smooch. There are lots of fun ways to keep your boundaries in check.

I had pneumonia when I gave birth to my second. I was terrified that they would get sick and pass away. We masked up around our own baby in our own home. That’s how serious these respiratory infections can be. (Babies can’t see well in the beginning so they had no idea I was wearing a mask. I fed and changed them and they slept, that’s all he needed.)

You do what YOU need to do to keep your baby safe, and your mind healthy. And if you need to limit the number of people who can visit on a Friday, do that too. Personally, I found that trying to balance so many people in a day was just as exhausting.

Just don’t do any visitors for a month it’s not worth your stress

I had my baby 2 weeks before Christmas and had to set some pretty hard boundaries with my family as well. Flu and RSV are in peak season right now and I have a lot of anxiety/OCD around my baby being sick. It’s really hard to set boundaries and get push back but at the end of the day my husband and I are on the same page and if she ended up sick I would feel a lot of guilt even if it wasn’t my fault. I will say, it is hard and feels isolating sometimes but I know that by the time she is 6-8 weeks I will feel much better about her immune system and letting mor visitors around. Right now only grandparents have met her.

Don’t let anyone shame you on how you want to protect your child. You are the parent and you are making their choices for their safety. Also like others have mentioned, you can always change your mind if you start feeling like you want to allow more visitors.

I hear you, baby in peak sick season is stressful!! We're doing absolutely no one but our parents for the first two months - and they all need to have flu, covid + tdap shots. If there are signs of illness they will need to reschedule. My BFF is the one exception but she is all vaxed up and will wear a mask no matter what (which is basically why we're allowing the exception).

Just to ahead and enter bitch mode. People do NOT listen. Total strangers will, but family are always an issue.

People arent supposed to kiss a newborn baby because it becomes a higher risk for germs being spread to the baby. Its common knowledge. I agree with everything you've said because newborns are high risk population. My boyfriend is the only none Healthcare worker going into labor room and after that just my immediate family and hid immediate family will be brought in for visitation at separate. Handwashing is necessary, smoke and perfume will irritate baby, they are sensitive. And soft clothing so as to not agitate newborn's skin.

I have certain people I don’t want holding my baby. I just plan to ask anyone who holds her not to pass her around without my permission. If the people I don’t want holding her ask me to hold her, I’ll just say “not right now.”

Your husband needs to back you on all of this and he can be the bitch for you! I had my first in feb 2021, right in covid. My MIL is an antimasker/antivaxxer. Obviously she was not welcome in the home if she wasn't willing to quarantine for the weeks before the baby came, not willing to mask up. My brother in law who brought me my favorite food, and my husband who knew how anxious i was literally didn't let her in the door when she rolled up. They took the lasagna she made and talked to her outside, and they made her leave if she wasn't willing to cooperate with my boundaries. Your circle needs to be very strong for you! Talk to your husband and a trusted family member about it. Or, what I would do in your situation, NO GUESTS! Nobody is entitled to see your baby!!! They can cry and whine but in the end it's your home, your child and your decision. Good luck, and I'm hoping you have a safe Labor and Delivery!

My fil smokes and did it consistently when he lived with us and would do it around my son and it pissed me off constantly and I’m pregnant with my daughter and so many buttons have been pushed by my mom like her saying i need to get on birth control and never have babies again and rude things about my health so i haven’t even told her I’m pregnant again (I’m 21+5 weeks) with this pregnancy not many people know because so many boundaries were pushed with my son and i got so stressed i went into pre term labor making it so now this time i’m high risk for it again

I think most of these rules make sense. Like there are some I may tweak but that's me personally. I think what you want is what matters. It is your duty to protect your baby and if people have a problem...it's their problem not yours lol. Just try not to isolate yourself and just know your desires may change after it's born. Give yourself grace and the people around you. They love you and your baby and I'm sure they mean you no ill will.

Honestly, most of these rules are in my opinion just regular baby visit etiquette. It’s sad we get looked at like we’re crazy because we have to keep stating the obvious.

If you don’t want creepy grandpa to hold baby, I would just make sure you’re holding baby yourself the whole time they’re there. Tell them he’s been fussy all day and you’ve finally calmed him down, so you don’t want to disturb him. You are also at every moment well within your rights to take baby back, without any excuses. So if grandma is holding him and she wants to pass him to creepy grandpa, swoop in and say: “Oh, time for a feed/nappy/cuddle from mama!”

Here’s the thing, your rules are pretty strict but it’s YOUR baby so you get to make whatever rules you want.

I will say I had expectations similar to these for my first as she was also born in cold and flu season but once she was here I genuinely wanted my best friends and close family to meet her/ be around because I was so damn proud of what I had created. And I am quite the introvert so that too surprised me.

But all the no kissing/ not coming if you have been sick is absolutely a non negotiable.

I think you’ll be surprised at how naturally you’re able to control the boundaries without looking crazy. Don’t want crazy grandpa holding baby? Don’t ask him to. If grandma goes to hand baby off to him? Say you want him back. I think that’s enough of a hint.

Tell your friend you’ll see how things go after the baby is born re: fridays. You might want to have more visitors so it’s not worth seeming inflexible now. If you don’t want more visitors, say hey it looks like we’re looking at Friday for the best option—sorry!

People understand and are usually more flexible with a newly postpartum mom. Play the crazy card even if you don’t feel crazy because you’ll get away with it!

You could try for the grandpa in law to say that he always smells to much like smoke to hold the baby. Him and probably grandma are most likely nose blind to the smell so I doubt they’d question you that much about it

honestly. just be the bitch 🤷‍♀️ if thats what it takes thats what it takes. People will learn one way or another

It’s unfortunate, but sometimes that’s what it takes to be listened to/taken seriously. If they don’t wanna listen to you when you’re being nice and reasonable then that’s on them. I say if you gotta be bitch then be a bitch and don’t worry about it cuz you’re doing what you should as a momma to protect your baby and keep them healthy. Big Mama Bear energy 💕

Can I suggest just saying no visitors at the hospital and no visitors for 4 (?) weeks? And just let them be mad. You’re going to have conflict regardless so at least you guys will feel safe and they get what they deserve. If you one day feel up to it invite the best friend or your parents (assuming they’re respectful since they weren’t mentioned) when it works for everyone, then be covertly flexible.

I agree with most other comments on here; do exactly what you want and need to do because it’s a hard time. I bent over backwards to accommodate people and honestly it ruined my newborn stage with my son. My sister and dad wore such strong perfume/cologne around him that he smelt like them for ages, my dad tried to tell me that they knew best and to ignore medical advice and my stepmother actually asked the breast feeding nurse who came out to help me feed my child if she could feed him a bottle/kiss him. People take liberties and do not allow them too.

It’s totally okay to have and hold boundaries. Especially with your first. I’ve still had boundaries with my second and third and plan to with my last as well. It’s a special time.

And to share, one of my best friends since childhood recently had her first baby and I sadly haven’t seen her yet, because we’ve been sick. In fact, the day before she was induced, I started feeling sick and had a gut feeling, my whole house had strep throat. Then, I figured maybe I could go see her after we were better, but nope. I knew to wait and I’m glad I did, my son developed a cough that was probably croup, just 5 days later. I haven’t seen her baby yet and have no regrets. It’s not worth it to potentially expose both her and her baby.

My first was born in the thick of COVID. My SIL refused to vaccinate, mask, or stay home and not party. She didn’t meet my kid for a whole year.

Unfortunately, being a bitch is what makes people listen! It’s actually ridiculous, set your boundaries and stand firm, whoever can’t accommodate your expectations don’t need to be around you or your baby. It’s simple in a sense but not because I understand your feelings when it comes to your best friend and family but just stay firm and they will budge

You carried the baby for nine months, you birthed the baby…..your rules , your way. You are more than kind by not forcing everyone to get vaccinated. These rules are super fair. Focus on your peace and protecting your baby. Don’t over think everything else, just stick to your boundaries.

Those requests aren't even anything crazy. It's your baby, not there's. I currently have an 11 month old with the flu. I am so thankful he didn't catch anything in the newborn stage because not only is it dangerous, but unlike anyone else, newborns are limited on medication they take and everything with a newborn is a true medical emergency. People only care about themselves though 🙄

You’re the mom and you have final say! Honestly I plan to not let visitors for the first few weeks until babies immune system is a bit stronger and I’m a bit recovered from whatever the birthing experience is.. I will say I’m very blessed with parents and parent in laws that are incredibly receptive to boundaries but everyone else I honestly don’t care what they think my baby’s health is priority

Don’t back down!!! If you back down on even one rule, they will try to guilt you into breaking the others. If they don’t like your rules, then they can visit when sick season is over and your baby is older and has had their shots.

The only thing I’d think about is the only Friday rule. If they all want to visit on a Friday, you will be exhausted! Maybe Sunday and Wednesday to break it up? More for yourself than for them.

As for your sister, tell the nurses you don’t want anyone on your room while you’re in labor. Perhaps don’t tell anyone you’re in labor at all. Text them when you’re ready to let them know your baby is born.

And baby wear! They can’t hold or kiss your baby when you’re wearing the baby in a snuggly wrap.

Ya know what, just have everyone wear a mask around the baby, whether they've been exposed or not! I wouldn't trust anyone to be transparent about their level of exposure, and wearing a mask makes kissing the baby impossible :)