I announced my pregnancy today. I'm due one month before my brother in laws wedding. My future SIL said something about baby at the wedding I said that I am going to be extremely anal with germs until baby is vaccinated, so he/she won't be coming to the wedding. My mother in law seemed to get extremely pissed. "WHAT ARE GOING TO DO WITH IT" I said I don't know, but baby isn't coming to the wedding. Then she asked the same question again but angrier and more judgmental. I said, again, I will figure something out, but baby isn't coming to the wedding
I'm not planning on going to the wedding either. I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid. Just didn't feel like today was the time to say that since the 4 WEEK OLD BABY not coming to the wedding was such an issue for everyone.
Please tell me I'm not insane??? Who tf brings a newborn baby to a 8 hour party??
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Yeah, hell no. You might not be fully healed, baby is vulnerable, and everyone else can get fucked! You're not insane at all
My bridesmaid brought her 4 week old and mom to my wedding, and while her baby didn’t get sick or anything since they stayed in the bridal suite - she definitely regretted it. It was way too much on her and she almost leaked milk on her dress and had a blow out on her dress lol. Wayyy too stressful and after having my own kid I have no idea how she did that 😅
Not insane, very normal. The baby is not a prop and the MIL can mind their own business.
That’s extremely laughable on their end. I wouldn’t even bring my newborn baby to a party of 6!
If you are currently a bridesmaids but don’t plan to actually be one you should be telling them that sooner rather then later.
It is totally fine for you and the baby to not attend the wedding. It’s good that your baby’s health is your priority. They can get over it. And it’s probably best for your peace of mind to not have to worry about going to a wedding that soon postpartum.
ummmm i am with you!! i have a wedding when i will be 1.5 months PP and they mentioned bringing the baby by… NOPE. i might skip the wedding all together depending on how i feel but i stand with you 1000%.
I was a bridesmaid at 5 weeks pp. Was it ideal? No but it was important to me and my sister was amazingly accommodating. She set up a room for baby and my husband's aunt to stay in so I could go back and forth and nurse.
Of you aren't planning on being in the wedding you need to tell her ASAP , its totally your prerogative and hopefully will come with understanding but its also the most important day of her life and she deserves to plan it knowing you wont be there.
Say no with a smile on your face and always put your family first. ALWAYS. You’re going to be a great mom ❤️
She feels entitled to your baby and wants to showboat him/her around. She’s pissed at you for telling her no. I wouldn’t bring my baby around at 4 weeks old either, and if I did I would wear him the entire time and no one would touch or hold him
Just because you’re due one month before the wedding definitely doesn’t mean the baby will come in that timeline. He/she could be early or late so take that into account too. Also, you’re going to be healing too! Take your much deserved time to rest and recover from childbirth!
My oldest was born three weeks before my MIL’s annual 4th of July party. We didn’t go because germs, recovering from birth, and we were still trying to figure out how to be parents! MIL threw and absolute fit that we didn’t go, but honestly, I couldn’t care less. Luckily, my husband is more than happy to stand up to his mother! Just remember to do whatever YOU are comfortable with. If that means you and baby staying home, then that’s totally fine!
This may sound crazy but I would totally go and take my baby.
Here would be my only requirements: 1. I would not be a bridesmaid 2. I would not attend the reception 3. No one else would be holding baby, just dad and me
Popping in for the ceremony and pictures sounds lovely.
If I feel okay then I would totally be open to that. But sorry, how am I supposed to know how my birth is going to go, and how am I supposed to know how I'm mentally and physically going to handle being a mom for the first time? I think it's valid for me to question this
It’s super valid. Being a first time mom is a world of unknowns. You may want to consider promising a little and letting your husband run interference if you have to recind on your promise.
As a 2 time mom I just wanted to point out you have options ❤️
That's a good idea. Thank you
I'd also recommend bringing someone else to look after the baby - I had a wedding when I was just 4 weeks pp and I brought my mum. It was actually lovely, she kept the baby in the room and popped into the bridal suite to say hello before the wedding started. It meant I was able to chat with close friends during the reception without having to worry about my baby being in a big crowd the whole time. It was my first time being away from her and it was so nice as I knew she was safe with my mum and in the same building if she needed me.
However my friends who were the bride and groom knew that I may or may not be okay enough to go to the wedding and I would let her know closer to the time. I had a planned c section (for medical reasons) so I did know the actual date she would be born but also knew that the recovery could be easy or difficult and I wouldn't know until it happened
not only will you have a NEWBORN, but you’ll still be very much in the recovery from labor! i wouldn’t risk yourself or your baby’s health. they can be weird and mad about it all they want. you and baby are what’s important! best of luck to you and congratulations!
My college roommate was a bridesmaid in my wedding and had an 8 week-old infant at the time. She and her husband attended the ceremony/reception, but they had a relative stay home with their baby since we had a larger wedding party (~250 guests) and we all agreed that felt like a lot for a little baby with a weak immune system.
They left pretty early during the reception (which was totally fine!) and I think she even visited baby in between the ceremony and reception to feed her and get some cuddles in.
All this to say, you do whatever feels right for you and your little one. Whether you attend and your LO stays home with a trusted adult, or you don’t attend at all, it’s up to you!
I was a bridesmaid when my son was 1.5 months old. My parents (who were also invited to the wedding) took him in the morning so I was able to go get my hair/makeup done and they kept him during the ceremony and they didn’t attend the ceremony. They came for the reception where we were basically taking turns watching him. I let my husband enjoy (it was his brother’s wedding) so my parents and I just split responsibilities for the night. It worked out really well and luckily no one tried touching or holding him. He mostly stayed in his stroller.
Why is it all so dramatic? Why are you discussing whether the baby will be there if you're not planning on going?
Lots of people bring babies to events. Lots of people don't. None of them are inherently insane.
Having a baby often means missing family events in late pregnancy/postpartum. No one should be getting upset over it.
You’re not insane. But neither are people who bring their newborns to wedding?? Plenty of people do. Totally in your right not too and to not be a bridesmaid. But would obviously have the conversation sooner than later with the bride.
Most of time people DONT want babies at their wedding so surprised it caused such a fuss. Haha.
I don’t think it’s insane to bring a month old baby to a wedding if you feel comfortable. If it was me I’d probably come for a short time, wear the baby in a carrier, and not have anyone else hold them. But everyone should do what they’re comfortable with.
Unpopular opinion, i do think it’s insane to bring a newborn that can’t be vaccinated yet to any big event. It’s a bit selfish to risk going to a social event that early on in babies life when the baby has NO immunity whatsoever.
Been to plenty of weddings where newborns have remained in a carrier or stroller unbothered for a couple hours while mom and dad attend wedding. I didn’t say pass the baby around. I didn’t say I would do it. But plenty of people do.
Not unpopular. A newborn getting a fever is a medical emergency resulting in an ER visit. I strongly disagree with this commenter.
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Yep, I brought my 4 week old to a close friend of mine's wedding. I wasn't a bridesmaid and my mum kept her in the hotel room most of the time and I just went up and down throughout the day to check in and breastfeed.
Having a now 7 month old. There would be zero chance I’d go to a wedding 4 weeks pp let alone bring my newborn. I had a close friend come to my wedding 6 weeks pp without her baby and I still don’t know how she did that. I felt fine physically but I sure didn’t want to be away from my newborn at that point. I would have understood if she didn’t come but she did.
It’s honestly the easiest time to take a baby to a wedding.
In the pram bassinet with a muslin over or in yours and husband’s arms. Leave early and bobs your uncle.
Definitely don’t bring the baby but I would try to go to the wedding. That’s a close relationship to miss it
I hope you and baby have a lovely time snuggling up and watching movies and healing yourself in your little bubble🥰🩷 you’re not insane and you are allowed to do whatever you think is right for you and YOUR baby!
I wouldn’t bring the newborn to the wedding but I still might consider being a bridesmaid! I felt pretty good 4 weeks PP and definitely could’ve done it, personally. It might feel good for your mental health as well, if postpartum blues are a concern. Outside of the bleeding and pumping, I felt almost back to normal and cannot understate how GOOD I felt no longer being so heavily pregnant haha. My husband kept telling me to slow down but I truly felt amazing after feeling so huge and swollen for so long, despite healing from birth.
You can’t know how you’re going to feel until you experience birth unfortunately, and as someone else pointed out, baby could be early or late. It’s hard to make that call now!
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My nephew was born 6 weeks before my wedding. My SIL (brother’s wife) stayed home with the kids (my niece was around 2) and my brother came solo. We missed her, of course, and she was sad to not be able to come. But her health/comfort and my nephew’s safety came first. And she was originally going to be a bridesmaid.
Your SIL and MIL are being ridiculous. No way in hell I would be taking my newborn to a wedding. In fact, we are invited to a reception around when baby will be a month old. Plan is for my husband to attend (it’s his very good) and for my mom to come help me with baby. That way if I feel up to it, I could make an appearance at the reception for like an hour and my mom can watch the baby. But there is zero chance baby will be attending!
When did she drop being a bridesmaid? Was it a last minute decision or did she tell you a long time before the wedding?
Long before. We decided she should drop being a bridesmaid and then decided later on attending as a guest.
My BIL wedding is in August. Do you think it'd be okay to wait after my second prenatal appt (last half of January) to talk to my doctor about it. I feel like I'd have more leverage in dropping if I could use what my doctor says to support my decision. Then I'd have a talk with my SIL about dropping.
I mean, I had no issue with my SIL dropping out and understood that she might not be able to attend (especially since it involved some travel). So she didn’t need backup from a doctor to convince me of anything. But yes, I think 6 months ahead of time is plenty. The doctor will probably not give you a concrete medical reason not to go, fyi.
Honestly, I would tell her that you don’t need want to add to any stress or take away from her day by needing to drop as a bridesmaid last minute, so you think it might be best to drop now and hope to attend as a guest. My SIL and I both stressed about it like crazy before finally just talking about it. She was worried about letting me down or hurting my feelings and I was worried about seeming like a bridezilla or that I was kicking her out.
Unfortunately my entire in law side has this grand idea to have all the babies at the wedding (4/6 of her bridesmaids are pregnant. Due in May, June, and now July for me). I think I'll have to have some doctors advice if I want to sit this one out. I'm glad you guys worked it out and that you both were worried about each other like that
Maybe you could consult with a pediatrician about large gathering before baby is vaxxed? It’s definitely tough if other people are bringing their babies. People can get so judgy about that sort of thing. Good luck!
I was suppose to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding and my husband a groomsman. I found out shortly after that I was pregnant. We decided not to be in the wedding anymore as the dates were too close together. I ended up needing an emergency c section a month early. We went to their wedding reception for 2 hours and I had my mom come stay with my baby. This was at 3 1/2 weeks PP. I can’t imagine being a bridesmaid that day. It was hard enough going to the reception but we wanted to be there for our friends.
You could literally be 2 months or two weeks postpartum at this point. Such a difference in how you’d feel, depending on your birth and timeline!
I've had 3 babies now and 3 very different experiences pp. Even with this latest one where I felt great, the last thing I felt like doing at 4w pp was getting dressed up to go socialize with people and have my picture taken. Ymmv, but my family is not genetically advantaged and that situation would have given my mental health a sharp decline.
If it were me, I'd tell them not to count on me to be there but you'd like to stop in for a bit depending on how you're doing then. Underpromising and overdelivering tends to make people happier than the other way around.
I am in a similar situation with a close friend, but not in the wedding. Baby is due one month before exactly. The wedding is close so I plan on attending the ceremony for a few hours then going home back to baby. My mom will be watching them.
With the low rate of vaccination and nasty things that can kill a kid going around again, you are making a VERY wise choice.
my in laws didn’t even meet my baby until she was 9 weeks old. we waited until her immune system started developing before introducing her to new people. not only that—but you’re going to be EXHAUSTED. up every 2 hours for feedings, healing, if you end up with a c section, that’s a hell of a lot harder, i wouldn’t go either. and it’s not like you’re supposed to put your life on hold just because your brother in law is getting married. you do you, sounds like your mother in law just wants to show your baby off tbh.
congratulations on your little one 🫶🏻
You’ll have a 4 week old, but no one seems to care that you’ll also be 4 weeks postpartum!? You didn’t plan the exact timing of when you’d get pregnant or when the baby will be born. They’ll get over it. Hopefully your SO is going to stand up for you in this case. I’d be sitting at home while my husband went to represent us.
I think bringing a one month old to a wedding is irresponsible. First and foremost that baby is very vulnerable and any illness at all will lead to a host of very invasive testing, and a whole lot of fear for you. Second of all, a one month old might wail the ear splitting cry of a banshee at a moments notice, and there’s not telling when or for how long. It makes no sense. If you felt comfortable leaving your baby with a trusted family member for a few hours to go, maybe, if you feel up to it—but you also choosing not to go is perfectly reasonable too. I think your MIL is being crazy to suggest you should, and fighting you on it is bonkers. Maybe suggest hub have a word with her. Regardless, do what you want and need and try not to let her opinion affect you. Most people I know would do the same in your position.
I am due at the end of January, beginning of February. One of my husband's good friends will be getting married in April, he is in the wedding. My husband and I have already decided we will be asking my uncle to babysit as my in-laws will be at the wedding as well. I'm sure my MIL might be upset as she is very excited to show off her first and only grandson.
It is going to be a big wedding, all indoors, with lots of people flying in the days before from all around the country. Not only am I worried about germs and people's cooties, but also I want to be able to enjoy myself. I don't want to be worried about my baby all night.
You are being completely reasonable.
side note- I was 10 weeks pregnant during my BIL wedding and everyone was pissed I didn’t wanna stay all night long and party and drive everyone who’s drunk home (bc I felt like shit)! people are going to be mad no matter what you do so do whatever YOU are comfortable with!
I left my 18 month old home with my mom for a recent cousin's wedding (hubby's family). She would have had fun for 1 hour and miserable the rest since it would have been her bed time. Everyone else was chasing their kids around, but not us lol! Zero regrets...
I don’t blame you for not bringing the baby to the wedding, our daughter was 1.5 when my SIL got married. It was an outdoor wedding in the middle of summer, real feel was over 110 degrees, there was also no shade, and it started at 11 am an hour from where we live. We opted for my parents to watch her for the first half of the day and let her nap and they dropped her by later for part of the reception. I stand by my decision to put my child first 100% and commend you for doing the same, especially with a 1 month old when weddings are notorious for people expecting to “pass the baby” around.
The best advice I received: it’s better to be an asshole than to be resentful. So do what makes you feel comfortable. You have to live with yourself at the end of the day. They don’t. Haha hope this helps
You are not insane! I wouldn’t bring a newborn to a wedding if they can’t understand WHY, tell me to go f*** themselves.
You’re not insane. They’re just being incredibly insensitive and ignorant. My baby is almost 4 weeks old and I can’t even imagine leaving home for more than an hour. You’re not going to see me go anywhere except for the doctor’s office.
Newborn babies need to eat, sleep and get their diapers changed fairly often. There’s no privacy and space to do that. Too many people around a vulnerable baby and they’re just assuming that you’ll bounce back.
You probably won’t be well rested enough to want to attend. I would just tell them that your attendance is dependent on your recovery. I had a fairly easy recovery after a vaginal birth and a great support system. If in the case you get a C-section, don’t even bother going and rest up.
Omg no way! I didnt attend our friends wedding 11 weeks postpartum as I was breastfeeding and wasnt willing to be away from her more than 2 hours at a time. I actually didnt leave her with anyone until she was 6 months old. You do what feels right for you and baby and ignore the people who tell you otherwise
Disregard the baby for a moment, YOU won’t be ready at 4 weeks. And then we can talk about how stupid it is to bring a 4 week old baby to a 100+ person family gathering lol. I feel like something like the grocery store is different. The baby is with you the whole time, probably in a wrap. At a family gathering such as a wedding? “Oh let me take the baby! oh I wanna see the baby! No I don’t have a cough!” Like hell no lol.
No you’re not insane. You’re free to do what’s best for baby and you. Of course it’s maybe not great to bail on the wedding, but sometimes circumstances make it necessary. Your MIL is probably excited about the baby and is envisioning this great family moment that you are now “ruining”. But don’t give in for that reason. As someone with a 2 month old, I can say that people—especially in-laws—get this way, even putting their need to be with baby over the well being of baby. Like times when I’ve made it clear we can only stay a short time because I need to get home to feed baby as was our plan (she’s formula fed) but MIL just needs to get her baby time in. Like sorry, no, my baby needs to eat. She’s just not too fussy around people who aren’t mom or dad so it might not look like it, and she’s not even old enough to understand who you are.
I had my baby 6 weeks before my brother in laws wedding. I didn’t want to bring her at all. It was a very small outdoor wedding so I took her for the ceremony and pictures so my in laws would back off. I had my mom watch her for the reception. Absolutely no way would I have been a bridesmaid. I wasn’t even fun to be around running off of no sleep and exhaustion.
You do what you want to do and the rest of them can get over it. Your husband should be backing you up as well. Having a baby is a huge deal and they need to understand your needs and be supportive during this time.
I did because I was supposed to be in the wedding and my husband was in the wedding (his brother). My son was 2 weeks old and I would never do it again being 14 weeks with #2 now. I would have stayed home but everyone that could have helped me as a FTM was at the wedding and my parents live in NC while we live in NY. I think going really messed with my mental state and BF was hard already as my son was losing weight. Tell your MIL to eff off with a smile on your face.
Hoping your husband is on board. Your MIL reaction is inappropriate and boubdaries need to be set it sounds like.
I'd let the future SIL and your BIL know asap though abput not being in the wedding so they can plan.
The audacity of her to even consider that you or the baby would be attending the wedding is WILD
Stand your ground. They’ll be alright! I would do the same as you. I usually bring in the new year at church. This year? Hell no ! I don’t care how much people want to see my child. She isn’t vaccinated yet either.
Dude - who the **** even asks about bringing a newborn? Yah let’s have the kid man the bar while he’s at it? WTF?
Your monster in law should’ve swallowed that load of negativity instead of spitting it from her mouth. You do what you gotta do mama bear, your baby is the most important person in your life now.
Not I! I would never want to bring a child, newborn or not to a wedding imo. I also was going to have a child free wedding (getting eloped now instead) but my party I have with friends and family after will also be child free.
Even more so in your case, a newborn should not be going to a wedding, due to germs, etc. and their delicate immune systems.
So you don’t have kids?
I’m currently pregnant, but she’s my first. But she won’t be at my elopement party, only my elopement. I think it’s okay to have your kids part of the ceremony if you’re the one getting married but beyond that, imo I’d have no kids.