Recap of my previous post (update below):

It was my dad's birthday recently. In my speech, I decided to include an anecdote about the day my dad had "the talk" with my younger brother. I was eavesdropping, so I heard most of it, but the part that stood out to me was my dad telling my brother that his existence was proof that sex can be expensive, so he must keep in mind that condoms are cheap. It was funny. People laughed. And then I added the obligatory wholesome stuff to remind everyone what an awesome person my dad was. My dad approached me afterwards and thanked me for the speech, but then he also promised to get me back for bringing up the sex talk story. I laughed and said something along the lines of "empty threats, old man."

A few days later, I was driving with my dad, running errands with him and shit, when we stopped at a gas station. The tank was full, but my dad wanted to buy snacks to satisfy his sweet tooth. I said I was gonna wait in the car, but then he looked at me like that was the weirdest thing to do in the world, so I put my phone away and entered the gas station with my dad. As soon as we approached the cashier with our stuff, my dad unexpectedly cashed in his threat by asking the cashier to add a box of condoms. Without anyone saying anything, he proudly informed the cashier that he was buying the condoms for his son and then he pointed at me.

I was like dad what the f. The cashier pointed to the variety of condom brands on the shelf behind her and asked my dad to choose. I told the cashier my dad was joking, but my dad interrupted me and said he would never joke about safe sex. For no reason other than to apply more trauma, my dad showed the cashier a photo on his phone of me with my gf before explaining to the cashier that I was still young and inexperienced, so he's doing whatever he can as a parent to make sure that his son didn't allow a fleeting moment of fun to become a lifelong moment of... I actually don't know what he said here because I spoke over him and said I was gonna wait in the car, which I did.

Moments later, my dad exited the gas station with boxes of condoms in his hands. The one or two snacks he bought were packed in a bag, but not the boxes of condoms. Oh no. Can't have that. People were staring as he approached the car, which I had to open because his hands were full. My dad awkwardly got in the car and said he didn't know what condom brand I preferred, so he got all of them. All I could do was laugh at how far my father was willing to go to get back at me for something that was apparently worth that level of public humiliation lol.

End of recap.

Update:

Last night I had dinner with my family at their house. My brother and I invited our girlfriends, so basically everyone was sitting next to their partner at the dinner table. Before we could feast, someone had to give thanks. I volunteered and encouraged everyone to close their eyes. I specifically gave thanks to my dad for the absurd amount of condoms he bought me. I made it clear how much I appreciated the fact that he was not only protective of me as a person, but also of my penis. I said I was still in the process of testing all the condom brands he was kind enough to purchase at a random gas station, but I was at least able to provide feedback regarding the 3 different brands I've already put to use with the assistance of my girlfriend.

I informed my dad that the numbing gel of the Climax Delay condoms was not really my thing because I kind of lost the sensation most of us want to feel during sex, but overall, the condom itself fit my erect penis perfectly, so I would score it a solid B for not breaking unlike the Trojan condoms I used the following night. I scored that brand an F and blamed my dad for the possibility of pregnancy. Last but not least were the Durex condoms I used literally before coming to dinner. Not bad, but also not great. I said the size was an issue, but the problem was with the person who purchased the condoms in that size, which was my father. I said I didn't understand how the man who literally made my penis somehow miscalculated the size of my penis.

And then I quickly gave thanks to the food and stuff before saying amen. The look on everyone's faces were priceless. My brother looked like he was laughing on the inside while both our girlfriends looked like they were anxiously waiting for everyone else to react before they do. My mom sarcastically thanked my dad for teaching me never to act my age because dad himself still had some growing up to do. My dad eventually looked at me like "are you happy now?" The answer was yes lol. I think my dad still out revenged me with the condoms, but at least I didn't go out quietly.