She's very aloof, over 60 and each time she sees me she makes comments. I'll list a few
She suggests I cut my plants back in my garden.
She comments about my dripping overflow on my house.
She tells me to get a better job as I'm wasting my life.
She tels me I have moss on my roof and to get someone to clean it off.
She assumes I lie in bed all day asleep. She calls to me from outside expecting me to answer to her whim. Then tells me sorry if I woke you up.
She tells me to take my collection of handbags to charity shops.
You get the drift.
I am a pushover, I just take it. I need to stand up to this excuse of a woman. She's widowed a long time ago and hasn't had a man since. I feel she may be jealous as I'm younger and married but I don't do anything to make her feel bad. She just keeps firing passive aggressive comments at me.
I would ignore her unless it really gets under your skin. She sounds like a very unhappy person.
Thanks, I will try. If I show no reaction maybe she'll give up.
I just think it is sad. It sounds like she has no friends or family. She must be very lonely but by her age she should have figured out that you attract more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!!
Exactly. Thanks, your comments made me smile.
Tell her you blew your ear drum out and can't hear her. Ask her to repeat herself. For the next several weeks slowly begin to stop responding and if she happens to catch your eye, shout that you lost your hearing and haven't learned sign language yet. Then ignore her forever.
I do need to start ignoring her, thank you lol
Yes ! Just shrug and say “OK.” Then change the subject. Avoid her. Don’t talk to her. Ignore her entirely.
I've got plenty of choices now, thank you, I will work though them until she learns not to talk to me.
Do an update soon!
"Aaaaah fuck off."
This would work and is nicer than what I came up with ha
How about: I don’t appreciate your comments. Please don’t talk to me any more.
This would put a stop to everything. Thanks you 🙏
maybe a bit more gentle.. tell her that her comments feel hurtful. then ask if she means to be hurtful.
Brilliant reply thank you
tell her “eat my fuck.” she will spend years trying to decipher what that means and will never bother you again.
Oh I love this, thank you so much.
But you won't because you're scared of your own shadow, that's the problem. Your neighbor knows it! Do something off the wall crazy so she believes that you are, and she will leave you alone.
Go outside nake and scream at the top of your lungs, I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY. Then run back in the house, put on some clothes, go back out and say.. OMG, who was that? Okay. I know you won't do that but I would and imagine her shock! 😂
Walk out in the yard with a hammer, swing it around a few times and say, NEXT ONE is getting clobbered in the brain. Go back inside. Keep doing fucked up crazy things. She'll not want to be anywhere near you!
Lol I'm getting some amazing answers. I am too timid I know but one day she will push me too far
Please do yourself a huge favor and deal with your shit and get some therapy. “One day she’ll push me too far” makes you sound like an aspiring active shooter tbh.
Lol
This is all about control and probably some loneliness thrown in.
My favorite way to deal with this kind of Control Dopamine addict is to say any version of:
"What an odd thing to say..." said with a smile and expression of either amusement or confusion.
Repeat as necessary; "Oh, that's silly." "You are such an enigma!" "Such a strange thing to tell me." "What an interesting thing to think about." "Sometimes you are so puzzling. Hmmm."
Make sure to follow up the comment with uncomfortable silence--not uncomfortable for YOU, because you're merely amused or puzzled by her comments. But SHE will be uncomfortable and your refusal to engage will drive her mad.
If she starts getting REALLY weird about it, start asking her if she's "all right":
"Are you okay? It's kind of hot today--do you need to sit down? You seem a little pale."
The silence is key. You know what you’re doing, she doesn’t.
Absolutely.
Loving this, thank you so much
Yes ignore her and walk maybe I nice smile and a wave the end...
Whenever she makes these insensitive comments, the best you can do is to just smile back at her and say something like "Have a nice day" and leave.
Just don't respond at all and walk away from her. You don't owe her time or attention.
I'm loving these replies, thanks guys.
This is only a problem because you allow it
Always have your AirPods in & pretend like she doesn’t exist.
Ooohhh yesssss
“Thanks for sharing” with a jaunty wave.
Lol this would be funny
I know this sounds harsh, but a simple ‘ I don’t care’ will put a stop to it all.
Thanks, I need to do this, it's been going on too long
I don't care what I say to her.
I think you do…
I had a passive aggressive neighbour who recently moved. Personally, I didn’t care. I would never have wanted to live with her, but I can ignore the passive aggression and only take the usefulness (she did have some good ideas).
Keep looking at one certain spot on her head. Every time you see her and speak, stare at that spot. Eventually, she will ask why.
It is probably nothing
My uncle had something similar. He had a stroke.
Do you get headaches?
How is your health?
Are there any problems with your legs?
You seem to be walking slower.
Are you limping? What happened?
Did you lose weight?
Do you have a sore throat? Your voice sounds rough.
Never mind. I read too many medical journals.
When my wife was stationed in California for 3 years, we had an extremely rude and nosy neighbor. I drove him crazy with those questions. By the time we moved back here, he thought that he was dying.
Haha the did you lose weight one got me, this is what she needs to do 🤣🤣
🤣
She does it because you take it--someone who speaks up to her would probably shut her up. I had a neighbor like her--I stopped speaking to her because I tired of her endlesss snarky remarks for no reason.
Your neighbor sounds unhappy. with too much time on her hands. You sound like a nice person, but you need to either ignore her or come up with a standard response to her remarks. Like--"what a strange comment" , "you certainly are comfortable making personal remarks".-- that is what I do, and it works.
You've pretty much got us weighed up there. Another one I'm going to try .
I used to work with someone who loved making snarky digs at me. I am pretty thick skinned, so it’s hard to hurt my feelings. One time she said something that for some reason struck me as amusing so I laughed, even though it was a dig directed at me. She was not expecting this and was quite out of her element. I noticed that and decided to be amused every time she said something like that. She did not wish to be amusing and when she realized that was always going to be my reaction she stopped. So like about the moss on the roof, you could smile, point up to your roof and say “this roof?” and then laugh like the very idea is just outlandish. She will think that there’s some underlying meaning or some reason why this is stupid that she cannot grasp and it will drive her crazy.
Haha love this. I have so many options now. I will work through them.
I would say "what an interesting suggestion" and walk away.
I am just like you and I have the same problem at work. It is hard to seem angry, disinterested or be confrontational when none of that comes naturally. Also, I believe if you try kindness, she will try and absorb you into her own needs. I think the best option is to be super busy. Kettle is on, dinner is burning, late for work, meeting a friend. It is exhausting, and she will still be a pushy, nosy, needy busy-body. I am sorry. Unfortunately this week I just yelled out 'deal with it' and I am no happy with my choice lol.
Oh dear me lol, but I fully understand why and what made you get to this point. Good advice here thank you.
Ignore her. You don't see or hear her.
Brilliant 😊
Out of nowhere, tell her your grandfather lived to be 102..when she asks how..you say, by minding his business 😬👻
Or you could just tell them when you get to it you’ll do it. You have a busy life and priorities, and moved out of your parents house for a reason lol
Just say, “Bless your heart.” On repeat.
Brilliant 👍
Offer her some hemorrhoid cream.
Ooo yes I'm loving these comments 🤣🤣
Your opinion isn’t welcome, if I want it I’ll ask
I honestly wouldn’t bother telling her what she’s saying is hurtful. That may give her more ammo. Just respond in a positive way, 1. “No, they’re fine” 2.”ok” 3. Laugh and say “thanks for your input” 4. “Are you offering?” With a little laugh 5. Why are you responding? She’s calling to you from outside? Don’t answer. 6. “Why? Were you hoping to buy one? Was there one you especially liked?” My guess is she’s lonely and bored. Maybe you can suggest she make friends at a local senior facility or something.
“I’ll take that under advisement.”
Or
“Thank you for your concern, but I am not accepting opinions at this time.”
Telling you that you’re wasting your life is more aggressive aggressive than passive aggressive.
You could ask her to repeat what she said. More than once.
PA Neighbor: your face is looking so much less puffy than usual.
You: I’m sorry, could you say that again?
PAN: Your face is less fat!
You: one more time? I didn’t understand.
PAN: are you deaf as well?
You: are you coping ok?
Hit her with some good old-fashioned Southern..
Next time she says something to you, say "aww it's so sweet of you to always be offering me advice, bless your heart!" Then just smile and walk away.
Haha she would hate this.
You need to grow a spine and call her out.
You had the perfect chance when she told you you were wasting your life. Like pot calling kettle?
I know, I really do don't I. I will wait for the next opportunity.
Just smile, nod, and say “Bless your little heart.”
I was very sensitive as a child, but I needed to toughen up. Over time I learned how to be assertive to protect my peace. Trail and Error, but I now have a strong "IGNORE" button and use it for people like this.
I think you should consider reading or therapy, to help you build self confidence.
For this situation, I would suggest that this woman is very lonely and sad, and doesn't have the proper social skills to communicate with you respectfully. If she says something rude to you again, I would recommend you say "your comments are offensive and hurtful" or simply "please stop talking to me" and then walk away. You don't owe her anything. 🫂
You're right, I do lack self confidence. If I told her to stop talking to me she hopefully would. Thank you
You've got this!
😊
I would probably act a little looney. Get a better job? “Omg Steve Jobs is an inspiration! I can’t wait for the next iPod!”
Dripping overflow? “Oh jeeze I don’t know, I haven’t had dippin dots for years. I hope you like them tho! “
Moss on your roof? “Kate moss is a celebrity I’m not sure any of us could ever get the chance to go swimming with her. “
Etc. sometimes being super nice but a bit nutty breaks people and she might just give up.
Omg this is amazing. I've had lots of replies but leaving it open as they're all amazing
Tell her to shut up. My personal favourite is when somebody's done talking to me. I turn to them and go, "Oh, I'm sorry. Were you talking? Because I wasn't listening."
Lol jdl love to see her face
Sounds like my MIL. My grandmother was the same way - I used to tell her “if you pay for it, you can do it for me” and she always backed down.
As for MIL we told her we don’t have the funds or time or just plain weren’t going to do it and moved on with our lives.
The less control they have over you, the more they’ll find other victims to prey upon
What's wrong with these people? Another good idea I will add to my list.
Next time, give her an “I feel sorry for you” smile, complete with head tilt, and say, “Bless your heart…”
Already practicing this lol, hope I get the chance
When people talk crazy to me I just have a go-to "no thank you" and carry on with my biz. Even if it does not make sense to what they're saying it is my way of saying "I ain't playing your games".
This is another good way yes, I have so many to use on her now
But I also believe in saying the same thing to people for specific circumstances like you are in right now. The repetitiveness will hit them faster than various responses or trying to reply to them honestly or talk to them with reason. It’s kind of like a dog trainer how they use the clicker. That one sound over and over hits the dogs brain and they get it. And the other key is for both of you is for YOU to be completely bored with the situation. If anybody’s looking for responses or reactions you being bored will wear them out and it also keeps you in a place where you don’t have to care. Just be bored with it. “No thank you“.
Kinda roll my eyes as I've heard her a million times lol
Say this to her (with a very sweet smile) after EVERY rude comment she makes: You don't pay my bills, so your opinion does not matter!
Haha love this
I personally would respond accordingly as listed below. 1. You’re welcome for the extra O2 emissions my plants are producing. 2. No extra charge for the water irrigating your yard to make it look better. 3. Thank you for being concerned about my career choices but it’s better than than being a telemarketer….sorry if you’re a telemarketer. If so fill in with Muleskinner. 4. Moss is natural insulation saving me 5-9% or more on my utility bills. 5. Explain to her you were having the weirdest dream about you, her, Roy Orbison, and Jack Torrence saving the world from a terroist organization bent on outlawing handbags. 6. Ask her which Handbag is her favorite and offer it to her.
Lol love your answer, the dark nights are keeping her quiet thank god. Will save these for spring 😂
"Oh that's so sweet, you have an opinion on everything."
"I know you must be very lonely and bored, but I don't have the time for this today, thank youu."
"Well, you know this: if you don't have anything pleasant to say... -oh! Is that the time?? I'm so sorry, I simply can't cater to your whims all day, goodbye now."
"Opinions are like assholes/arseholes...everybody has one, but it's quite rude of you to keep trying to push yours into my face. I have not the remotest interest in it. Please desist."
"You know...I really think you'd benefit from developing an actual hobby. Cultivating such an intrusive form of noseiness isn't recreational activity - it's more of a character flaw, possibly even a sign of mental illness. Shall I call an elder health line to check up on you?
"You seem very needy with the amount of unsolicited interactions with me you insist on having."
"Please! I don't have time for this today...can you get a pet or do some volunteering or something?? There are other people in the community who would perhaps better welcome or benefit from your...efforts to engage socially."
"Oh, thank you, but I truly wish you had as little interest in my personal affairs as I have in yours. I'm simply your neighbor. I am not your child or student or friend. I'm sure there are ways you could connect with some other lonely, bored seniors with nothing to do."
"Reading group. Lady, join a reading group. Boss around someone else for a change."
"Isn't there some sort of Ladies Auxiliary Society you could join??"
"Aren't you needed on the neighborhood watch, right now?"
Have you ever considered bungie jumping or sky diving as a past time? I'm sure it'll give you much more of a thrill than lying in wait for me to come out of my house so you can pigeon hole me with your old lady nonsense. I know you're retired, but you need to find something else to do. Nothing about me is here for your concern or entertainment, you need to find something else to focus on, because the interest you harbour in my personal business is CREEPY and WEIRD."
"Would you give me the number for your nearest family member? I'm really concerned with your failure to thrive in the community so I'd like to advise them to call in a safety check on you. I don't know, with how much time and energy you put into being an interfering and intrusive neighbor, how you could be properly addressing your OWN needs? No...I'm actually seriously concerned about you...it doesn't just go in one direction now does it?? See how it feels?? Not nice, right? Learn from this, please. You appear to have the intellectual capacity required."
"No thank youuu...not today. Nope! I have no use at all for what you're selling; try someone else".
"I insist you stop concerning yourself with things of this nature...it really is not your business at all!"
"Why would you think you're entitled to discuss this with me??"
"You DO know the difference between your business and not your business, right? Right???...you need to learn.
"You're far FAR too old to have got this far and yet have no appreciable respect for people's privacy, I'm sure. Just think how much good it would do you to learn better public behavior. You might even make some friends! Wouldn't that be wonderful? Meet people who actively desire your company? Please think on it, bye now."
"I cordially invite you to mind all the business that's yours. My business is not your entitlement. I hear gardening is a wonderful past time to occupy lazy seniors with obviously too much time on their hands."
"Oh no...when I want your opinion I'll just shoot myself right in the head. You'll know it happened by all the ambulances in the road, but then I'll never have to suffer through another one of these excruciating interactions with you. And how wonderful that will be!! Good day!"
Omfg I fucking love this, thank you so much
I'd probably go with a slightly concerned smile and say, That was an interesting thing to say!
Oh I'm loving theses replies, I will work through them.
It gives me so much joy to use my bitchiest, most condescending retorts for the forces of good!
I'm ever so pleased to assist.
Compassion?
“How very kind of you to comment”
hang laundry out your windows on her side
Tell her that since it seems she has all this free time to criticize you, maybe she should find a charity to volunteer for so she can be productive to society.
I will do when she next says something
Tell her she should mind her own business. Stop responding to her.
Cat headphones —- smile and wave
Experiment: Try complimenting her or her things everytime you see her. Make cookies and take her some.
She is probably lonely and angry and doesn’t know how to deal with it.
Kill her with kindness. See if things change.
Good idea, she does have her daughter and son living very close but she has been widowed for a very very long time with no male company.
To me sounds like she’s chiding you on everything she regrets doing/not doing in her own life.
You could take some of the things she says as a warning.
For example, moss on your roof can definitely lead to water damage and costly headaches later on.
When you frame it as her projecting her own regrets/faults, it might not seem as annoying/judgmental and simply a mirror of her own insecurities.
Trust me, she doesn't want male company! :)
No man would put up with her controlling lol
OMG then she'll think they're besties and come over every day!
"get a fuckin hobby, ya old bag"
Hahah classic
I am the best with these people. Especially older ladies. I tell them that it’s obvious that she needs a good ass fucking.