I wholeheartedly believe that women who are emotionally available, kind, don’t play games, emotionally and mentally regulated, put in effort and consistency are often overlooked in the dating pool. I’m not talking about girls who put in more effort than the guy, chase, force, etc.—no! The girls who are open and kind, but match energy, don’t force relationships and closeness, and move at a healthy pace and all they expect is consistency, kindness, and reciprocation.
I’m that woman. I’m conventionally attractive and get a lot of attention, but I’m proud to say that in general, I choose healthier partners compared to what the dating pool is filled with these days, and still, I feel like I get overlooked because I come with a certain amount of self-assurance and clarity about what I want. I don’t chase, create drama, withhold effort, and I’ve started to feel like maybe that’s boring or comes across as “easy”? Even though I’m not a boring person, I feel like many people, deep down, still crave a certain amount of emotional and mental challenges when it comes to dating, especially in the early stages.
Anyways, that was all. Thanks!
For sure. Everything that men complain that women do there are men that do the same. This dating scene is just hurt people hurting people and perpetuating a cycle.
Seems like it!!
It's a sampling problem.
Men who are interested in stability find stability which lasts longer which creates a sampling bias in the dating pool to over sample those who pursue instability.
The longer you stay in the dating pool, the fewer emotionally available people there will be.
Not sure what that means. Can you elaborate?
The emotionally mature and sensible people find someone and leave the dating pool, while immature people tend to end up back in there.
Kind of how if you're fishing and keep all the fish over 12" long and throw the rest back, pretty soon all the fish will be under 12".
You’ve been running into insecure people, that’s why it seems like they don’t appreciate you. You’re not the problem.
Or used and abused because we like to see the good in everyone and give them the benefit of the doubt. I made that mistake more than once before so understand now what those relationships actually were.
I used to be that way as well to an extent, but I’ve learned better now :)
Often times people don't even want a long lasting healthy relationship. They want validation, they want dopamine, they want to feel the spark - all over again - and choose emotionally unavailable people, whether it is consciously or subconsciously. I am a woman who puts effort in and was looking for long term and men outright ignored me after matching with me. They didn't want to build a real thing. They wanted a match to feel that they're still attractive and then they wanted a toxic woman to put all the blame of relationship failing onto her. It's rare for single people out there to be actually emotionally mature and willing to put work in.
I’m right there with you! It’s like the guys want to chase the high of the up-and-down, emotionally charged relationships, and find stability boring.
I WISH I could find someone like this.
Honestly, most guys just like the crazy. Even when they say they don’t, in the end… they think it’s hotter, more passionate and the proof of true love. If you’re not emoting all over the place, they think that you don’t care about them.
Well i wish i meet a real girl like you. Because from my side , as a guy who appreciate the feeling and the beauty of having a real partner that you feel it’s like your right hand and your soulmate, i never met a girl who really cares about that. Most of them cares just about material things and what can i bring to her besides the love and caring
I think having similar values when it comes to finances, work, and lifestyle is also very important, but it shouldn’t be all the focus. I hope you find your match☺️
I am a woman and much like you. I am straight forward. Old fashion. Kind. Though yes, I will match energy. I do feel like I am boring tl men once they get me because Im not dating multiple men. Im not ignoring their text or calls. I am not full of drama. I absolutely get looked over.
If a man wrote this y'all would correctly point out how cringe this is.
Lots of women think they are emotionally available but they are actually not. They are just needy and codependent. I think in reality, the ratio of emotionally unavailable men and women are the same. They just behave differently.
THIS 10000%
Bingo but I’d say “people”