Tl; dr : My 19-year-old brother has ignored my 9-year-old sister for years after a conflict. Our family has a history of using silent treatment as punishment. It breaks my heart, so I try to show her extra love and support.
I want to preface this by saying that my family is deeply messed up. We’ve gone through so many violent arguments between my parents and among us siblings. This led to my dad completely ignoring family members whenever he was upset with them. The most noticeable case was me—he gave me six years of on-and-off silent treatment. He also does this to my brother.
We learned to handle conflict the same way: by completely shutting down and giving the other person the silent treatment.
About three years ago, my sister did something that upset my brother, and since then, he has ignored her completely. On top of that, my brother and I haven’t really spoken since we were 13 or 14 (we’re now 19 and 20).
Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me that he stopped talking to me—not that I haven’t tried to reconnect—but it really breaks my heart when it comes to my little sister. No child should have to go through that. Every little sister should be able to talk freely and feel safe being themselves around their older brother. Older brothers should be caring, protective, and supportive.
There’s not much we can do about it (even my mom has given up), but I try my best to counterbalance his lack of love by being extra kind to my sister. I constantly remind her that I love her, that I’ll always be there for her, and that none of this is her fault—she’s just a child after all 🥹.
Your only hope is that your brother grows the fuck up and realizes that a 19 year old holding a grudge against a 9 year old is ridiculous.
if the father doesnt get that....
but yeah, he is a 16 year old thats mad at a 6 year old. for 3 years now. thats so messed up.
i mean depends on what the conflict is. my sister used to chase my cat around and pull on her tail etc. every time my parents would laugh it off and wouldnt even tell her to stop. she has improved and changed a lot and we are friends now but i dont think i was wrong for being pissed at the time.
Your sister is better off not interacting with an adult who thinks that behavior is justified.
Your brother has been using a 3 year silent treatment over a literal kindergartner upsetting him?
Your brother is deeply disturbed.
Your adult brother chose to ignore your child-sister years ago? So, what, was your sister like 4? Your brother needs to grow up.
You all need therapy.
Well, I, for one, would like to know what I happened🙋♀️
We need an update. Can’t tell us a 6 year old pissed him off so bad to be ignored for years and not tell us what she did lol
That’s my thought too. If she say falsely accused him of something that could land him in jail then I wouldn’t blame him. But if she tattled in him for something minor, then that’s a problem.
That kind of thing really traumatizes a kid. Speaking from experience here myself. I’m not sure the whole scope of your situation exactly, but I’d definitely look into maybe getting your sister out of that environment via legal guardianship or something. You sound like you’re the only family member that has enough self-awareness to see the damage that’s being done. Best of wishes to you and your sister. 🫂
My brother is 9 years older than me and says "happy birthday" once a year (because my mom reminds him to). He's not even mad about anything, as far as I know. He's very outgoing to people but acts like the immediate family are spies trying to analyse his every word and use it against him. I never understood it and stopped trying after 35 years, so I don't even try to engage anymore. Good luck to you, but sometimes it's no ones fault except the one not engaging...
Yeah that's messed up. Kudos to you for your efforts. It will not be in vain. I can only imagine what slight a child has done to deserve that.
The silent treatment is emotional abuse. Adult men doing that to a nine your old is somehow evil and ridiculous at the same time. They both lack emotional maturity and compassion for a child. I hope you and your mom have promised your little sister you will never do that to her.