Learning to flirt from bird documentaries
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  • 476 points ComprehensiveSell649

    Could be worse

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    183 points Coulrophiliac444

    Id prefer him to dance like a Corvid than a Criminal.

    Who needs a ballroom when nature is your stage.

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    75 points PM_THE_REAPER

    Yep. Could be Andrew Tate and idiots like him. I have to wash my hands after typing the name of that repulsive thing.

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    24 points KeroseneZanchu

    Well, Andrew Taint wouldn't be teaching him about how to do his hair nice

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    3 points Gay_Void_Daddy

    That’s the entire point of the post?

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    5 points ComprehensiveSell649

    Yes.

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    1 points Aynshtaynn

    He could've been exposed to some alpha male shit.

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  • 173 points MimusCabaret

    To be fair that’s a solid strategy. 

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    63 points mycoctopus

    It's the dance that really does the trick.

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    34 points BoultonPaulDefiant

    Don't forget the shiny rocks

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    8 points Blue_Bird950

    You say this as a joke, but I remember a nonzero number of people who got the social clout to date from homecoming dance.

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  • 214 points Technical_Name_8385

    Technically still some alpha male shit, just natural and nontoxic🤣

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    61 points Lumpy-Notice8945

    Nontoxic? I have bad news for you about how birds reproduce. Some rape, some kill other competing birds and so on.

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    55 points Zen-Swordfish

    Carful not to anthropomorphize.

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    5 points Dream--Brother

    I mean, that's not anthropomorphosis, it's just attributing words that are generally used in reference to humans (rape) to the same behavior in animals. Sex inflicted by one party onto another, non-consenting party is "rape" by definition.

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    -1 points Zen-Swordfish

    Applying concepts like consent to animals is anthropomorphism.

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    5 points Dream--Brother

    Negative. Consent, and use of force against the will of the recipient, are seen throughout the animal kingdom. Easy example: a dog wants to be pet and so allows you to pet it (consent), vs. a dog does not want to be touched and you pet it anyway, and it snaps at you. Of course, animals wouldn't define these things as consent because they lack the language to do so, but that doesn't mean the concept itself isn't still the same.

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    0 points Zen-Swordfish

    Animals understand boundaries, not the far more complex concept of consent which deals with things like morals and bodily autonomy.

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    4 points Dream--Brother

    Nah, now you're ascribing our societal views of consent to the concept as a whole. Consent is a simple concept, we complicate it by applying morals etc. Bodily autonomy is also an instinct for nealy all relatively intelligent creatures — try to hold a bird's wing down against its will, and it will flap and peck to get you to let go. And there's another example of consent; if the bird doesn't consent to being handled in that way, it will fight against it. Sex works very much the same way across the animal kingdom.

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    0 points Zen-Swordfish

    Look, clearly we are using different definitions of consent. You are using the broad simplistic term, I am using the ethics term. Neither definition is wrong, but we are clearly talking about different things. If you are saying animals can agree to things, then yes. I agree. If you are saying that animals have advanced sense of self beyond preservation instincts, then in most cases I disagree. We don't let children sign contracts because they aren't developed enough to give consent even though they are capable of agreeing to things. Children are still more mentally advanced than any other species.

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    2 points Dream--Brother

    If you're implying rape isn't rape in the animal kingdom because animals can't sign contracts, then sure, you have a point.

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    16 points Few_Fact4747

    Antropomorphize? Nature IS ugly...

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    9 points Gay_Void_Daddy

    None of which is actual anything to act like is “evil” of the birds. They are animals without the ability to comprehend good and evil. They just follow instincts.

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    2 points Dream--Brother

    We just follow instincts, too. I'm not saying birds have a concept of "good" and "evil" but we tend to minimize and underestimate the cognitive abilities of other animals.

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    1 points ELMUNECODETACOMA

    Dolphins, for example. I have a sneaking suspicion that they're _just_ complex enough to have inner realization and those fuckers are just _evil_.

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    6 points under-pantz

    It’s nature…survival of the fittest

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    -1 points LuigiBamba

    If me being toxic results in being able to reproduce with more women, then it's justified, right? Survival of the fittest

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    12 points under-pantz

    Non human Animals do not have the concept of rape, and killing a rival in order to mate is instinct, nature isn’t kind nor is it fair. Humans however have the ‘capability’ of knowing the difference.

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    1 points 6ftonalt

    Ducks and penguins

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    1 points Significant_Stick_31

    This comment gave me a flashback to an article about duck reproductive habits.

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    1 points Little_SmallBlackDog

    This is very true. Hopefully the kid ends up wanting to emulate bowerbirds and finds a love for building visually appealing structures: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satin_bowerbird

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    3 points wordsznerd

    So… become an artist to get chicks?

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    3 points Little_SmallBlackDog

    Or an architect?

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    -10 points Noctisvah

    Eh, that is how most humans reproduce. Ever heard of “soft rape”?

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    7 points NickrasBickras

    Wtf do you mean by this

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    -4 points Gay_Void_Daddy

    No it isn’t. Cause there is not, and never will be any type of alpha crap in humans. Ever.

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    3 points bobkaare28

    Nah, the non-social and non-hierarchical species known as homo sapiens have simply evolved past all that.

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    1 points Gay_Void_Daddy

    What? Evolved past what? I literally only was saying there is no alpha male anything, cause there isn’t. It don’t exist. Alpha males aren’t a thing in humans.

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  • 35 points Open-Cryptographer83

    Tell him to learn to dance from the riflebird.

    https://youtu.be/dDsKHhx2dyo?si=hs7suGl1dMIZfgAM

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    10 points fubo

    Wave your wings in the air
    Like you just don't care
    Beak up, getcha freak up
    All the lady birds just gonna sneak up

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    2 points chaos_nebula

    In human form, it looks like this

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    1 points Open-Cryptographer83

    That was painful to watch. 

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  • 29 points dickdollars69

    Show him the documentary about birds of paradise with David Attenborough

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    18 points darth_voidptr

    It'll get him to clean his nest and learn to do the Zaouli dance.

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    6 points dickdollars69

    Or collect the blue-est blueberries.

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  • 19 points chavez_ding2001

    It’s called peacocking.

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  • 14 points chux4w

    Tell him to keep his nest clean, that's important too.

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  • 9 points i_got_banned_2_times

    Careful, there's a chance he might become a furry in the future

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    7 points chux4w

    A feathery.

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    5 points i_got_banned_2_times

    We call them Avians

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  • 7 points A-non-e-mail

    Every time I see people dance, all I think of is bird mating documentaries. The soothing British narrator almost whispers in my head

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    9 points kamikiku

    "And here we see the human vicenarians in their natural habitat; the night club. As the females dance erratically among themselves, the males look on from a distance. After a male imbibes enough fermented juice, he will strut confidently towards the females. Like the gazelle, the females flee, but will leave the more sickly members of the herd behind. The intoxicated pair stumble around each other inexpertly - a sure sign that they will later mate"

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  • 3 points Heroic-Forger

    does the Carnotaurus mating dance from Prehistoric Planet

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  • 4 points JuliaX1984

    All male Homo sapiens should court like the bower bird.

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  • 4 points astralseat

    Dress all pretty, do your hair, do a little dance. That's the building blocks

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    1 points haikusbot

    Dress all pretty, do

    Your hair, do a little dance.

    That's the building blocks

    - astralseat


    I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

    Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

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    3 points astralseat

    Ok, bot, you cookin'

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  • 3 points ComicsEtAl

    Get him some bee documentaries for balance or he’ll grow up weird.

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  • 3 points MaybeMaybeNot94

    There are many worse masculinities to emulate.

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  • 3 points Martydeus

    You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals.

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    3 points SuddenSpeaker1141

    He’s doing it like they do on the Discovery channel!

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  • 2 points Iron_Baron

    Just wait until he finds out about the Discovery channel.

    :: The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang starts playing ::

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  • 2 points jxj24

    Sir David Attenborough is going to narrate his prom night.

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  • 2 points pyschosoul

    You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, let's do it like they do on the discovery channel.

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  • 2 points ImNotANumber-No2

    Show the young man a documentary about the Manakins, and you will never have to ask him to clean his room again!

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  • 2 points Desperate_Owl_594

    You mean I'm not supposed to dance aggressively at women?

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  • 2 points puppymom55

    🤣🤣🤣Everything I know I learned from Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom & National Geographic specials!😛 RIP Jane💕

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  • 2 points Prudent-Poetry-2718

    Hahaha it’s nature’s way!

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  • 1 points usumoio

    They don't know it, but the Man-o-sphere got its whole deal basically the same way.

    Not that they should have! But they definitely did.

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  • 1 points meekonesfade

    Like Bevis and Butthead from the Ben Franklin documentary!

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  • 1 points LogicallLunacy

    Good! This kid is going places.

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  • 1 points NahdyaBits

    learned a lot about human behavior through watching animal documentaries as a child.

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  • 1 points FredGarvin80

    Nothing "alpha" about caring about your appearance

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  • 1 points backtotheland76

    Shouldn't be a problem. Lots of girls are into that these days. The grandkids might have some issues growing up though

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  • 0 points Aynshtaynn

    r/KidsAreFuckingStupid

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