I got a friend request from a woman named Annie . Her profile only has one photo, so I initially thought it was spam. She messaged me saying she’s my aunt from my dad’s side.
The thing is I’ve never met my dad, don’t know his name, and we’ve never crossed paths. I have zero contact with that side of the family.
What made it weirder is that when I showed the message to my mom, she went quiet for a few seconds in a way that felt… off. She didn’t explain much. Then this woman told me that my dad passed away and that he left few things for me hearing that from a stranger really messed with my head. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel —shocked, numb, suspicious, curious, all at once. I haven’t agreed to anything. Right now I’m just frozen and he is asian and from text they do 49 days burial and next friday he getting buried and asked me to attend it
EDIT: so i got this msg about 2 weeks ago and about few days ago i asked my moms bestie and i got name Paul and from my grandma she remember Paul to i didn't ask anything else like is he my dad or something idk and from msg she is Paul's sister
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Before you contact this stranger, you need the truth from your mom. Is this person really a relative? Who exactly is your dad? Once you have that information you should be able to search death records/obituary for your dad if what this woman says is true. Good luck.
thing is i never asked about my dad and i'm now 21 so i don't really how to bring him up like last 21 years i never shown interest in him now kind a feel like it's bit late
You are not really asking about your father, you are trying to make sure you are not getting scammed. If you really are an heir, it’s a small step towards making up for no father and no child support for your entire life
At the very least you need to know any health issues he may have had, talk to your mom get his name and get your inheritance.
Inheritance might just be a letter or one object for all we know.
It’s never too late. On the contrary, the more time passes, the easier it is to talk about painful or happy memories of the past.
Although, your mother likely feels the same way as you about it being “a bit late” and maybe even thinks it might do more harm than good to rake up old memories. So you end up in a little stand off.
Speaking from personal experience, people usually find it hard to bring up personal stories unprompted. My grandparents went through a lot during the wars. When asked once, they dismissed the topic mostly. But in the coming visits over the years they spontaneously started bringing up experiences and even ex-boyfriends.
Good luck! It does not hurt to ask. Wounds will have healed. If not, talking will help.
All you need to do is get the basic info on who he is and then if he has indeed passed, you can file paperwork with the courts as an interested party for his estate in probate. Don’t do anything through this ‘aunt’.
If he has passed and left anything in his will to you, you're entitled to whatever that is; big or small or nothing or everything.
It's never too late to learn about your family/ancestors.
Like, just last night I was sitting with my dad and going through our family trees on his Ancestry account. He's also got access to literal libraries of information, birth records, where we do census searches etc to find out who was in each household, and we'll research together. Found some really neat records just yesterday, from like, the 1780s. Pretty crazy history in family trees.
Like, damn, so that's when our direct ancestors arrived in America? Got it.
Anywho, that's kinda' off-topic, but my point is that you'll be surprised what you can find online about people (dead or living). When it comes to wills, you may be able to contact the probate court for the county he lived/passed in, and if you ask there, you might be able to find some stuff out.
I'd start searching online for death records and other related legal paperwork to see if you can find a will. It's not too late. Is there anyone else in the family who might know more, who you feel comfortable asking?
If you never showed interest in him, it's totally possible he passed not truly knowing you, and left everything (whatever he had) to someone he knew. Which is always pretty tragic for the family who didn't understand why, but is a reality for a whole lot of folks.
What if the mother is unwilling to ever tell the truth though? I'd rather ask for information only the real father would know.
If it’s true it’s too late for that.
You need to find out your dad's name. Your mother knows.
Your mom and you need to have a discussion. If this woman is correct with her information then that shows that your father and his family knew about you and chose or were court ordered to let you be. You do NOT have to be joyful, accepting or become a member of their family but you owe it to yourself to get answers, especially for medical information from that side. Your mom may have a hard time right now so reassure her that she is still your mom and that you need her to get through this. You should go to the funeral but have an escape plan. There may be other siblings etc. The important part is that you don’t owe these people anything . This actually happened to my oldest friend when her biological father passed and surprisingly she met his wife and the wife was the person who helped her when her biological mother passed the following year. Her biological father had never paid child support and she was never in his life but he left her a nice inheritance probably due to guilt but she took it because he owed it to her. YOU come first. Remember that.
I’d expect it to be a scam honestly, they’ll say they can send you money if you just pay them $10 up front, then they either ghost you or give a reason they need more money.
I agree. Strangers calling you and claiming to be relatives are a social engineering scam. Greed for money drives people to deceive, and this is no different, preying on your age and vulnerabilities.
Sometimes, but not always a scam. I have a brother I haven’t seen or heard of since 1978. Another brother hired a PI to find him, so apparently he’s alive. As far as I know, no personal contact has or will be made. Our parents have long since died and inheritance has been distributed, specifically excluding this brother. But he could pop up one day looking for an inheritance and it would be legit.
It could be legit, I have an older sister I know about because my dads ex opened up to me (not my mom) and I’ve been since trying to find this person but she has no idea about me or my two younger siblings. It’s gonna be real weird when I find her and contact her
Do 23and Me and request her to do the same.
If she really is genetically related to you, it will show up. If she makes excuses to not do a genetic test, she might be trying to scam you.
That's a lot to ask, some people don't want to give their DNA to a commercial company
Do you have a copy of your birth certificate? Is your dad listed there? That would be the first place I’d start. Also, this type of thing is the very reason I don’t put myself out on social media. You’re 21 now, so you’re an adult (legally), but I can understand the desire to know that part of your life. If you don’t feel comfortable asking your mom about your biological dad, make up an excuse to see your birth certificate (if you don’t have it already). Did this “aunt” say what was left behind, or just that something was left behind? You’re doing the right thing by being suspicious and asking for advice.
Talk to the stranger. You're 21. If mom wanted to tell you the truth, she had 20 years to do it.
Take a DNA test.
It sounds legit if you’re getting confirmation from your mother’s friends.
I’m sure you’re feeling a lot of things. Maybe that you’ve missed out I’m meeting your dad, maybe surprise that your mother never told you anything about him. Possibly even Suspicion about why your mother was holding this information so tightly.
I think you need to sit down with your mom. Now is the time for truth. Even if it’s messy or upsetting.
Maybe make an appointment with a therapist. You may need a neutral place to unpack.
Since it sounds like your real question is whether or not this is a scam, try posting in r/scams. Also sit with your mom and grandma again and tell them you really need to know the story. Don’t give anyone any money for any reason, even if you just need to pay some “inheritance taxes” or a “lawyer fee” or if they ask you to pay for your “aunt’s hotel bill” or anything else. If they ask for any money at any time it is probably a scam. Also don’t give any personal information, don’t give your social or driver license or even birthday. Just say you don’t have any money to give, or that you’re “not comfortable with that.” Ask them to email you any documents, create a throwaway email address for this.
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I'd ask your mom again. You're an adult and you deserve the respect of getting the truth. I'd also ask this stranger if they can show some proof that this was your dad. Don't provide your information until they've proven it.
It won't be money. It will be things that meant something to him, most likely.
Your mom ought to help you enough to not get scammed or hurt. Tell her that.
The only answer is your mother has to tell you?
It's only a scam if they start asking for money from you.
You could ask why, if she's your aunt, she never kept in contact all these years.
You can do 2 things.. You have never asked your mom about your dad, it's time to ask what happened,she never mentioned him, health issues on his side of the family,etc..
State that if you 2 can't discuss it. Then you have no option but to find out the truth from other sources..you don't want to hurt her, but you need the truth.
Another option is to do one of these DNA tests to find out. What other family you have. Then contact them to find out more.. Your mom has a choice, it's not a comfortable conversation to have, but you need it out..