Granted. It does nothing. You did nothing. You wasted a wish for nothing. A wish that could have been used for something wonderous used to try and break the paw.
Granted... the mysterious monkey paw slowly curls at a menacingly slow pace. You wait for things to go terribly bad. The finger moves, the middle finger. The monkey paw flips you off
You never finish watching the finger curl, as your eyes became nothing. The entire rest of you became nothing, too. Existence has ceased - you're not there to tell whether it's happened to all of it or just you.
You check your bank account, fine, not great, but same as it always was.
You wonder what the twist is...
You see something off about your friends, family, your next door neighbour.... You see something, but still.... nothing.
You wait.
You wait.
You wait.
You keep looking, hoping it did something, ANYTHING... but then it hits you, you wished for NOTHING. You wasted unlimited potential to not even curl a FINGER.
And since it can't actually CURL the finger, it can't allow you any more wishes, it's stuck for what seems like forever.... right?
(It curls for someone else. It actually just didn't grant it, but twitched to make it look kinda like it did)
granted, it does nothing, but that is also doing something, congrats you just created a space time paradox and are stuck in a void so empty it can’t even be called nothingness
Granted. You get nothing from the wish yet still receive a negative effect from the wish; that being once per day you’ll randomly hear the word “piss” in your head and can’t do anything about it
All 24 Pink Floyd demos called "Nothing Part 1" to "Nothing Part 24" now emanate from your body, in constant rotation, 24 hours a day. It's difficult to have a conversation, or listen to music; you can't be alone in a quiet room any more; listening to music or going to a concert is now impossible.
Granted. Because of the paradox, the universe implodes into itself and ceases to exist. You broke the universe. Good job. Existing is still doing something. I hope you learned your lesson.
Granted. The wish formerly caused redditors to respond with comments, so the wish has to prevent you from hitting send on your post. However, that's doing something, not nothing, so the monkey paw explodes on a time singularity consuming the cosmos
By wishing for nothing, that is to speak of something that exists, but nothing doesn’t exist, but as you’re wishing for nothing but that is something, nothing.
The hand curls, a gimp walks in the room, hands you a judicial order legally renaming you "Nothing." He slowly removes his gimp suit, and meticulously cleans it before helping you to don it. You feel powerless to stop him. As he inserts a ball gag in your mouth and pulls a mask over your head he whispers, "thank you for releasing me from my curse, just so you know, you're never going to walk right again," and walks out of the room with a bow-legged gait.
Granted. You wait for the finger to curl, but it never does. The paw intends to curl the finger, but it can't, thus meaning you can never get another wish due to the endless cycle of waiting for the finger to curl
Granted. The wish does nothing. But the side effect must be something. So something would happen, but that directly contradicts with the wish itself. Struggling to figure out what to do, the paw slaps you and moves on to another person
Granted. It does nothing. You did nothing. You wasted a wish for nothing. A wish that could have been used for something wonderous used to try and break the paw.
Granted... the mysterious monkey paw slowly curls at a menacingly slow pace. You wait for things to go terribly bad. The finger moves, the middle finger. The monkey paw flips you off
I’m glad my legacy continues
You watch the finger begin to curl.
You never finish watching the finger curl, as your eyes became nothing. The entire rest of you became nothing, too. Existence has ceased - you're not there to tell whether it's happened to all of it or just you.
"I think, therefore I am", you think to yourself - "surely since I can still ponder the fate of existence, I still exist in some way!"
Reality peers over - "you know, you're completely right."
"What does that even m"
The spirit of Douglas adams lives through thee
Ah yes, cosmic humor within my comprehension
Granted. It does something. You don’t know what it does, but it does something.
For the rest of your life, whenever anything goes terribly wrong, you can't help but think: was this me?
The paw begins to curl halfway, and stops, dead.
You wait... it's got to twist this somehow...
You check the time, still moving.
You check your bank account, fine, not great, but same as it always was.
You wonder what the twist is...
You see something off about your friends, family, your next door neighbour.... You see something, but still.... nothing.
You wait.
You wait.
You wait.
You keep looking, hoping it did something, ANYTHING... but then it hits you, you wished for NOTHING. You wasted unlimited potential to not even curl a FINGER.
And since it can't actually CURL the finger, it can't allow you any more wishes, it's stuck for what seems like forever.... right?
(It curls for someone else. It actually just didn't grant it, but twitched to make it look kinda like it did)
Granted. You find yourself leaving, not remembering if the wish was granted and wondering for the rest of your days whether you actually did anything
granted, it does nothing, but that is also doing something, congrats you just created a space time paradox and are stuck in a void so empty it can’t even be called nothingness
Granted. You get nothing from the wish yet still receive a negative effect from the wish; that being once per day you’ll randomly hear the word “piss” in your head and can’t do anything about it
Granted.
All 24 Pink Floyd demos called "Nothing Part 1" to "Nothing Part 24" now emanate from your body, in constant rotation, 24 hours a day. It's difficult to have a conversation, or listen to music; you can't be alone in a quiet room any more; listening to music or going to a concert is now impossible.
The finger curls.
There is is no sound, no light, nothing... absolutely nothing, you are in a pitch black void with no light, sound, or sensation, welcome to purgatory.
Granted. You have been reported for breaking rule 1.
The wish has failed, as the wish has sparked conversation about the wish.
The paw flips you the bird and smacks you across the back of the head. The paw is not happy
Granted. Because of the paradox, the universe implodes into itself and ceases to exist. You broke the universe. Good job. Existing is still doing something. I hope you learned your lesson.
Granted. The paw brings the Nothing from the Neverending Story into our world, and I slowly starts turning everything into nothingness.
Granted. The wish formerly caused redditors to respond with comments, so the wish has to prevent you from hitting send on your post. However, that's doing something, not nothing, so the monkey paw explodes on a time singularity consuming the cosmos
Granted, the universe stops existing. Nothing happened because the concept something stopped existing
Granted, you still feel disappointed though.
The person called Nothing: ;)
The Monkey's Paw doesn't hear you, but a passing mugger does. He approaches.
Aaaaaaaaaaaannnd, you're dead.
By wishing for nothing, that is to speak of something that exists, but nothing doesn’t exist, but as you’re wishing for nothing but that is something, nothing.
Granted. The monkey's paw does not curl, as that would be something.
Granted. It does nothing.
You get hit by a bus in a completely unrelated circumstance a week later. The wish could’ve been used to avoid the bus
The hand curls, a gimp walks in the room, hands you a judicial order legally renaming you "Nothing." He slowly removes his gimp suit, and meticulously cleans it before helping you to don it. You feel powerless to stop him. As he inserts a ball gag in your mouth and pulls a mask over your head he whispers, "thank you for releasing me from my curse, just so you know, you're never going to walk right again," and walks out of the room with a bow-legged gait.
Granted. There's a big ol' nothing where your lungs used to be.
The monkey’s paw had decided just before your wish to grant its next wish with no downsides, you made its job very easy.
The wish does nothing.
It has absolutely no mystical impact on the driver reading the wish on their phone, as they speed past a school that’s just finished for the day.
The monkey’s paw does nothing to the ball that slips away from the little girl, and rolls on to the road.
The monkey’s paw grants your wish, and tragedy still happens.
Granted. You wait for the finger to curl, but it never does. The paw intends to curl the finger, but it can't, thus meaning you can never get another wish due to the endless cycle of waiting for the finger to curl
Granted. The wish does nothing. But the side effect must be something. So something would happen, but that directly contradicts with the wish itself. Struggling to figure out what to do, the paw slaps you and moves on to another person
Ball cancer
Cancer :3