:in short, he keeps posting weird pictures centered around my old piggy bank, hyper focusing on the word “zhu”.
So my abusive narc ex father fled the state earlier this month after saying and doing a bunch of incriminating stuff. He was told nobody would forgive him for saying to my mom and I that he’d be better off if we both died. Honestly not even the worst thing, he’d talked about killing us before, and how’d he’d chop my mom up and put her in the deep freezer.
While he was packing to leave, I gave him back a stupid piggy bank he got me as a kid, so now he keeps posting it on his fb in various places while drunk at night. I only have those pictures because I stopped going and looking for them. It’s too triggering to constantly search his social media in case he’s threatening us.
At least the pig isn’t hurting anyone, lol. My issue is that this is so creepy, and mildly infuriating. I should have just broke it or something. He’s severely mentally ill, so to me it looks like delusional behavior where he’s hyper focusing in on that pig, posting it in attempts to upset me, or my mom. The amount of times he’s posted it is insane.
(If anyone was wondering yes my mom, brother and I were trying to leave, we were just saving up. We hadn’t been able to find a house that would take us and our animals yet). Also I’m pretty sure he only fled because he was told the cops might come for him
Schizophrenia?
Edit: I didn't mean for this comment to get so many upvotes. I don't necessarily think this weird behaviour is a result of schizophrenia. I was just wondering if the dad had it after reading the body text and thinking about my own schizophrenic dad. Might explain it, could also be lots of other things.
Maybe? We think there’s a mix of stuff wrong with him, including something to do with uncontrollable rage, and not being able to control his actions.
Clarifying, mental illness isn’t “wrong”, but ignoring it and letting your symptoms effect everyone around you is
The phrase that sticks with me is: “it’s not your fault but it is your responsibility”
Absolutely! We begged him to get help. Over and over again. We forgave a lot of stuff because we attributed it to his untreated issues. Hell, I’m bipolar and I’ve busted my ass to get better, because I desperately wanted to feel better. I wanted to treat my family and those around me better. But he refused again and again. Did horrible shit, and then would come back with fake ass apologies, excusing his behavior. When someone refuses to take responsibility and hurts those around them, I lose all sense of empathy.
I think to a certain extent he’s just a horrible person, even if you take mental illness out of the equation.
You can lead a horse to the water… but he has to do the work. This doesn’t seem like a random bad day, he needs to look inner HARD once trust is broken it’s 10x harder to get back and it takes working on yourself.
These types are the worst and you are doing right by separating yourself. On another point, I worked with a young kid(19) who's father was dealing with MH issues and recently shot his 3 youngest children. The 2nd oldest brother died and his younger sister is paralyzed. If it had not been for the 19 yr old and mom he probably would have killed all 4 of his children. Do not take your father's threats lightly. You should probably also stay aware that he may try to return within the next few months as narcissists tend to do that when the heat dies down.
THIS!!! I have ADHD, have my autism assessment next week, depression and a lot of trauma. Once I realised how my behaviour impacted people around me (and myself) I got into therapy (I had DBT because they thought I had BPD when I was undiagnosed with ADHD and hadn't even considered autism) and made it my priority to learn better coping mechanisms and how to relate better to those around me. I have known others with severe mental health problems who refuse to get into therapy and change and it makes me so mad. It's absolutely not your fault if you genuinely have severe mental health problems but it is absolutely your responsibility to get help.
Edit: lol at the person who replied (but either deleted their comment or the mods did) saying I was comparing my ADHD and depression with schizophrenia. You're an idiot. A) that's not at all what I was doing and B) I have severe mental health problems and have had two mental breakdowns. Whilst I will never know how difficult and awful schizophrenia can be I do still know what it's like to live with very disabling and complex mental health problems and how taxing it is to get help and make a positive change to your life.
Thats the worst part of the more serious illnesses, they dont believe they are ill.
Exactly. My dad was bipolar and abusive, I’m simply bipolar and miserable. Big difference.
Society takes a NIMBY approach to mental illness. It's just terrible how people in other towns and poor neighborhoods treat the mentally ill.
Intermittent explosive disorder
That describes what I’m doing in the bathroom right now ☹️
Name does not check out
Just wait till after they wipe
They blowing they butt smooth off
YOOOO
Is your dad an alcoholic? Alcohol induced psychosis is a thing.
Alcohol
What about this says schizophrenia to you? Genuinely asking. This just seems like a way of getting back at the family for “kicking him out”.
To be honest, I was just curious. I'm about to edit my comment. Hold on
Schizhuphrenia you mean?
Yup happened to my uncle
This post gave me all the “nopes”.
I know he’s physically far away, but the history here matters. The threats, the fixation, and the continued posting are not normal or harmless.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, and I do think this is something a domestic violence advocate or legal aid group should help you assess. Are you in the US?
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org (chat)
If not in the U.S., local equivalents still exist and are usually searchable as “domestic violence advocacy + country/city.”
Stay safe
Thank you for the advice, and information, it’s something I need to look into more. Having to live with someone like that made it difficult to get any real help, but now that he’s gone my mind is clear enough to start to make arrangements <3.
If you're still in school, i know some colleges have emergency housing systems in place for situations like this. Mine has one called "One Stop" i think? Might be something to look into
Its like Elf on a Shelf, but a messed up darker version of it.
Haha, this made me laugh. Everything about him was messed up and dark
Love ur username btw, I sense a King Gizz fan?
I haven’t listened to them for a while, but hell yeah! I accidentally named my Reddit account after them without knowing, and then started listening when people on here mentioned it to me! Love their work
In his mind, this is probably his cute way of saying, I'm thinking of you, you're still with me in spirit.
More like the garden gnomes that are stolen and the owners are sent pictures from all over the world
He's trying to guilt you into feeling sorry for him by taking something he gave you as a kid, assuming it holds sentimental value for you, and bombarding you with 'cute' images intended to spark nostalgia.
Just block him.
ETA: also, giving the allusion to 'incriminating', he's probably also trying to stir your affections for him so you don't go to the police or make a statement or testify or something.
Yeah, it’s highly possible that’s his intent. To me seeing the pig made me incredibly uncomfortable and angry. Like the dude beat my dog with a metal baseball bat as a kid, and hurt my mom , I’d never feel guilty or sorry for him. Seeing that pig just reminds me of everything he did
Block him.
Don’t worry, we don’t look anymore. I haven’t been friends with him on Facebook for years, I only know about these photos because my mom saw them on her Facebook (she forgot to unfriend him, and left it like that to see what he’d do). We’d check in the mornings, but stopped recently because we don’t wanna think about him anymore. As long as it’s just mildly annoying pig stuff and not threats. We just wanted to keep him unblocked long enough to make sure.
Did he enjoy hurting people. Like would he act high act, smile, or laugh? If so, he is doing this to make you mad and rub it in. It's best to block him.
It could be black magic.
That's usually done with nail trimmings, hair and/or blood.
This looks like someone who is trying to reach out by doing a cute thing. However, given the context it’s wildly inappropriate and sure makes it seem like he doesn’t think he did anything wrong.
Yeah, broken people can be nostalgic to. Sounds like its all he has of his kid. Doesn't mean he's not a bastard as well. But he can still crave that connection even if he doesn't deserve it. Makes me sad.
It’s possible, but I honestly don’t care. Something I left out is he put his hands on my mom multiple times, so he can feel sad all he wants.
You owe him nothing, least of all your sympathy.
He beat her dog with a metal baseball bat abmnd also beat her mom so I wouldn't feel too sad for him.
Hard disagree with all of the people telling you to block him. This could be a “harmless” attempt at a guilt trip or just a public pity-party, but something about it feels unhinged in a red flag sort of way. I wouldn’t respond or interact in any way, but I would leave him unblocked or maybe even just a “soft-block” of not being friends & keeping your posts private. Often times these people will tell on themselves by posting increasingly erratic stuff just before they do something dangerous or drastic, and that little bit of warning could keep you safe.
100% this. It's good to be prepared about what headspace they're in
Thank you! That’s my mindset as well. As I’ve explained, my mom is the only one who hasn’t blocked him yet. She did the soft block thing the moment he left, so he can’t see her stuff. It’s not because we’re being nosey, it’s because it’s a safety concern. At the end of the day it’s my mom’s choice, not mine at all.
It’s not forever either, it’s temporary until we can get a restraining order. We want as much evidence of him being obsessive and shitty as possible.
Also sometimes blocking/deleting them is actually what can set their rage off. I've found that the best course of action is slowly fading away before anything drastic
This would be such a cute thing if it was a different story. Abusive people do public stuff (sometimes) to manipulate people around them into thinking they're actually good and they deserve a chance. This shit is dangerous af. I've had a couple of people do stuff like that to me and it kinda works, suddenly you're a bad person for "treating them poorly" or some shit.
Zhu means pig in mandarin.
Given your description of him, maybe "mildly concerning" would be more apt lol. I assume it's targeted but intended to be a guilt trip of sorts, but I'd keep an eye on his page..
You just made the name of my childhood toy “Zhu Zhu Pets” make sense. Thank you.
Yeah, that sounds about right. While it is a bit concerning, at the end of the day he’s a thousand miles away, so I don’t know what he could do other than be annoying
Do you have a no contact/restraining order? Please consider one if not.
thats ah……..creepy.
Does he have any addiction issues or mental health problems? I’m so sorry that this happened to you and your family! I’m so glad you guys are safe now!
Yes with both unfortunately, he’s an alcoholic. And thank you!! We’re so happy to finally have peace and feel safe.
Does he happen to be an alcoholic? My dad is an alcoholic and he has done things like this
He’s a raging alcoholic, and an angry drunk at that. Sorry your dad’s done stuff like this too :(
Mine too!! What could be the correlation?
Got sentimental while drunk, maybe
Zhu means pig in Chinese, maybe that’s why he keeps saying it? 猪 = zhū = pig
Yeah, we surmised when this started that he was calling us pigs. I don’t think he’s being sad or sentimental at all. Judging by the “have a very pig Christmas!”, I think that’s him stewing in his hatred and trying to provoke us
hi, my father was an alcoholic, he is gone now. there is an illness that a lot of alcoholics develop (a type of brain damage+early dementia), look up this and all the symptoms: wernicke-korsakoff syndrome. They do not get better, only go downhill. my father ended up in a nursing home in his 50s.
That's... some serial killer / batman villain type shit.
It's a way for him to continue the abuse remotely. He's just getting under your skin. Making you think about him. Reminding you he's out there.
猪 (zhu) is “pig” in mandarin for what it’s worth…
Total coo coo bird from hell. He is likely trying to intimidate you. At least you know his best friend is an old piggy bank. He’s a dysregulated lunatic and you both live rent free in his head. Misery loves company. Just be glad the loser is gone, I’d say block for sure
I have the same piggy bank lol
No way
It's a common piggy bank for Chinese families to have; pretty sure I have one somewhere in my house too
ooo that's nice to know. I'm adopted from China and it's one of the things my parents brought back along with me lol.
I'd report that to the police. It's a form of stalking. Stalking is documented to be a very concerning behavior that statistically leads to more aggression. Be safe! If he's already shown aggression you should probably safety plan.
dont give him attention. he's not worth of your attention.
Trust, nobody has contacted him since he left. I did text his mother before blocking her what happened, and how he’s not allowed back.
Bruh I bought one of these for my girlfriend a week ago
https://preview.redd.it/9yw9yjh8w77g1.jpeg?width=2252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=06975274aefab49a1c1c10ee14cd4c93a2f66a4c
It’s so funny how that one looks more innocent than mine lmfao
"Teehee, I'm funny! See how wacky I am!" "Oh, you don't think it's funny? Well, that's because you're wrong".
Yes, this is couch diagnosis, but I've seen this kind of crap before, and yes it's a drinking thing. But it's a thing all about him, and how much of a cool dude he is, and nobody else gets it.
In a disturbing way it likely became a symbol of the ‘family’ / ‘son’ he left behind. Best to stay far away from him, he def has mental issues.
I'm so sorry. Honestly it kind of surprises me how abusers are so similar, like they have read the same book on how to be pieces of ....I left my abusive parents 4 months ago and first thing my alcoholic father did was change his profile picture to one of my old childhood room with the word "empathy" written on the walls.
Even without the context these are unsettling, hard to describe why but they just seem… odd. It’s the kind of uncanny feeling I used to get from the backrooms when they first became popular.
Sounds like he’s playing mind games, and attention seeking. It’s power play, trying to get/stay under your skin. He still needs to feel powerful and important. He sounds like a pathetic guy, I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this.
Well, it looks like he and his pig are very happy together. That's nice for him.
Block, report (try to get an order of protection if you feel specifically threatened), and move on my friend.
You are letting this person have way too much power over you. Do NOT let him continue to live rent free in your head.
That is what abusers thrive on.
Very good advice! We’ve already planned on getting a restraining order, and shutting him out completely.
Flat Stanley, but a pig.
This is really creepy. I wish you the best that he leaves you all alone.
Block him
These photos are incredibly unsettling and creepy
This is far beyond mildly infuriating. I'm sorry your father seems to be a real creep. I hope things get better for you.
lol look at what you're never getting back! That's his message.
Low key hilarious tho
You know what, you’re right lmfao
Probably fixating on it because it's something he gave to his kid, who then gave it to him when he moved out, it's functionally a momento representing you.
From his perspective it's something genuinely sweet that part of him is going to feel compelled to dote on as a father.
However, this does not mean you give him any sympathy for being human, he's demonstrating cognitive dissonance, he clearly isn't reconciling between his status as your father and how he actually ended up treating you, he might just be full on dissociating from those facts depending on what blend of crazy he has.
If he's posting these pictures out of some need to feel a sense of family, then he has no one to blame but himself for destroying his chance at having the real thing.
If it's eating him up inside: Good.
He’s just trying to fuck with you man. Make you feel guilty, make you think of him, make you miss him. Part of him may miss you, but the humanity in this man is long gone. Let him drink himself to death. It’s what he has chosen. Report this to any domestic abuse social services available in your area or online, formally file for a restraining order. Do not post anything online linking you to your job, your home, your whereabouts in any way. Mom too. Some may say I’m overreacting but I think you should get security cameras that cover the perimeter of your new place as well. Routinely lock windows/doors. There are some cameras that you can get a subscription service for that have 24/7 monitoring. I recommend Simplisafe, they use AI AND a live agent to monitor your home.
Let me reiterate that I do truly think this is just a pathetic low-life way to fuck with you. But it’s giving veiled threat for me. Take the steps to ensure you sleep sound and safely every night, wipe your hands clean of all this and just block/move on. I’m sorry this all has happened to you. ❤️
Uh...that's very creepy and worrisome.
It looks like your Dad is probably one mentalbreak away from doing something.... dangerous.😰
He’s got some real problems do you all need to like change your numbers or something?
Yeah, we definitely are. We did make sure to change all the locks the moment he left
Creepy. Just stop thinking about it. He is like a witch feeding off the energy you gave him.
😶 it's kinda ugly
I’ve always hated it, because he used to call me fat as a kid, and then he gets me a pig? Like come on dude lmfao
throw it into gpt and start making variations of the piggy bank sitting in jail, getting arrested, sitting in a cop car, etc and start sending those back.
Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain?
Its creepy, but i like the bank for what it is.
That's so creepy, he sounds unhinged. You & your mom should get a protection order against him ASAP. Take screenshots of his piggy bank photos to show the judge.
Jesus fuck..
Without context, it remind me of people who take a stuffed animal overseas with them. Taking photos of them at tourist attractions
Block him and never respond. Get a retainment against him.
Lol, least ots not a clown
Nope!!
I think he realizes that he's made a mistake, but it seems like he's just going to have to live with it. This is his low-key psychotic way of coming to terms with that.
Mentally ill or not, he sounds like he can snap one day and do something unforgivable. He needs to be institutionalized for his (and more importantly, your sake) before it ever comes to that.
that's kinda creepy icl
The abuser continues to abuse. Block his stupid ass
Your old piggy bank overtook his body.
Congratulation, your are now in a horror movie.
This is like bipolar disorder, definitely the kind of thing someone would do in a mania phase. Or, the kind of thing someone would do to pretend they're in a mania phase if they're clever enough
I had this exact piggy bank. Take care 💜💜
Thanks for inspiring my new horror film
Jesus Christ how horrifying
Be safe.
Baby Je-zhu in a manger….
He's trying to manipulate your emotions. Don't give him the satisfaction.
he's haunting you... 🐽
Get a gun and learn how to use it.
That sounds super uncomfortable. Honestly, it’s fine to cut him off online if seeing that messes with your head.
Why are you following him on Facebook and haven't blocked him.
Exactly this
I technically haven’t been friends with him for a long time, my mom and I were checking together in her Facebook in the mornings to make sure he actually left the state, and to make sure he wasn’t threatening us online. Don’t worry, he will be blocked soon enough
TBF dont let those pictures, or him live in your head.
Seems to me this is targeted and deliberate, not the act of someone who is drunk, a tactic just to garner attention of some kind and keep you thinking about him.
Once or twice could be considered a coincidence. The amount shown in your pictures, and from the looks of it a video too, thats deliberate and premeditated.
If he has left and you all are safe then block him, get some therapy and try to move on.
At some point some mildly attractive boomer chick told him it was cute and now he’s chasing that high fishing for more compliments.
Check out the movie Amelie. Is it possible he's trying for that vibe? Based on your explanation I don't really think so, but the pics made me think of it
Hey guys I absolutely did not expect this many people to see or interact with this post. I don’t know if he’ll see this as well, so I have to be careful about what I say. But, If anyone has any questions about the situation, please ask away. I’ll try to answer anything that isn’t too personal.
I feel better after posting though. Nobody talks about how lonely being a victim of abuse is, or how it affects your mental health. Just opening up has made me think clearly about the whole situation. Thanks for the support guys <3.
I plead the Holy Blood of Yahushua the Christ Jesus all over to and you life !!!! He has a big plan for you bc you’re a big deal!
Cut all contact. Block him everywhere. Disable all of your SM. Get a new phone number.
"Its to triggering to go and search his social media"
So why are you searching his social media?
Im not trying to blame you. Im sorry you had to deal with this. That sucks and you shouldnt have to deal with it, no one should have to deal with that. But why are you snooping through his social media? I know people will answer saying "well to keep tabs and be safe" But I feel like its to be nosey....
Yeah I completely get it, though I initially wasn’t looking at his social media at all. my mom showed me the first photo, and then we saw the others pop up within a span of a couple of days. Because we were concerned, we made sure to keep tabs on his Facebook.
I honestly don’t care if I was being nosey, because he’s known to do and say stuff that pertains to hurting family members, I think I’m justified.
Just to be clear, I'm not saying you're wrong. If you're worried then yeah keep tabs for not just your sake but your families as well. Stay safe.
I was just more so getting at a lot of people do this shit more to try and humiliate the person they are upset with and aren't really worried. Im not saying this is the case here, just something I see often.
No worries! I completely understand your point. To be clear as well, I’m not sure if my mom has him blocked now or not. We were just initially shocked by those photos, and documented them for the legal end of things.
My reason for posting here is I keep seeing them in my photos, and was honestly confused by what it all meant. It’s also nice to talk about it somewhere, you know?
I had sex with my cousin when I was 16 and he stalked my facebook
If you're past it, be past it. Misery is optional.
I agree, I’m learning to move past all of this. I’m gonna put it out of mind
Toxic Asian male ... A sad but true stereotype
What’s funny is that he’s white and doesn’t know mandarin
wtf ... where'd he learn "zhu?"
Man's not right in the head.
But what did he actually do? You said he fled the state after doing a bunch of “incriminating stuff”. Not to pry but like you said, it’s just pictures. He isn’t bother you guys any other ways?
The main thing recently was that he said a ton of verbal threats, including death threats. Talked about us dying way too much for someone who’s gotten physically violent within the past year or so.
One thing that stood out to me was when he went into detail about how he was gonna be like “dahmer” and chop my mom up into little pieces. A lot of the stuff is private because it didn’t happen to me, and the person involved hasn’t given their permission to share online.
Edit: we have audio recordings of him admitting to what he did. But his excuses are that it was the heat of the moment, or anyone would snap if they had to deal with my mom and I. He said it was excusable. To me it’s fucking not, and he was told so. That he wasn’t gonna be forgiven. That’s why he fled. He emptied the bank account, shut it down, and drove over a thousand miles to get away from the consequences of his actions.
You speak mandarin at home? Zhu means out in Chinese. No idea why he would be fixated on this though.
by "narc" did you mean that he's a former cop? There are some statistical correlations between cops and domestic violence.
Oh no, sorry for the confusion, I mean a narcissist. We had to endure a specific type of narcissistic abuse associated with that disorder, so I felt it was worth mentioning.
Incidentally he was briefly a correctional officer for a prison down south, but other than that he generally hates cops
[deleted]
???
What did they say?
A lengthy spiritual ritual about "healing light", I think.
Oh you are going to be all kinds of messed up. Hey. Make sure you don't turn transgender or something in your 20s, I'm not saying you'll have relationship or sexual problems and certainly not saying you'll develop an identity disorder, but: Make sure.
Wtf, dude? The amount of people that do this to their families and you think it turns people transgender?
There would be way more trans people than cis people at this point if that were true.
But, I guess you were just looking for a reason to be a douche person, so I'm glad you found that.
I hate when trans people get random strays for no fucking reason. I’m nonbinary, doesn’t mean that’s because of my trauma. That’s not how gender identity works