I have a friend who's now moving in with his girlfriend who tags along when he goes for a afterwork beer, even though she obviously hates being in the bar, just to keep an eye on him. She will literally tell him to put out his half smoked cigarette when she thinks it is time to leave. On the rare occasion that he does anything without her, she will message him every few minutes, leading to him feeling guilty and going home prematurely. I'm afraid the poor bastard is completely lost...
Oof, I had a friend like that. The dude was constantly anxious and miserable, and had to lie to his girlfriend every time he went anywhere with other women present without her because she'd have a meltdown if she found out he was in the same room with another female.
He refused to break up with her or stand up for himself to her, because every time he tried to assert himself even slightly, she'd accuse him of not loving her and threaten to off herself.
If not, that is the problem. He should try to get her some independence and have things to do alone when he's got plans she doesn't want to join in on.
If so, have him return the favor and then ask her how it felt. That can at least get the conversation going.
One of my exes had literally no friends, to the point that I had to insist he either make a new friend or reconnect with an old one. He would then accuse me of cheating because I would hang out with my best friend almost as often as I'd hang out with him. Like dude chill, it's normal for people to have friends and spend time with them.
More like paranoia-inducing experiences growing up, instagram envy and a pretty hard fixation on Bridgeton-like stuff.
I would wager my life on the fact that if all the shows that have relationships nets so deeply intertwined that they'd put an Pharaoh's genealogic tree to shame were to disappear, at least 50% of the cases like OP described would chease to exist.
We're talking about people who have nothing to do (because they're always spying on their partner) and thus when alone are likely watching something, then they conciously or subconciously want to embody what they like, and here we get teen-like relationships in seasoned adulthood.
So in the end the problem is boredom, OP shouls get his wife an iPad to kill off any thoughts.
I've been in that relationship before, maybe it made me a worse person, because nowadays if I try to leave a relationship and they threaten that, I'm straight up telling them to do it then and not looking back, you're not fucking trapping me with you
Honestly no, you're not a worse person, you're just not as easy to manipulate. Anyone that threatens anything like that as an emotional weapon doesnt deserve to be told otherwise. They're never going to actually do it, its entirely about your reaction to the threat.
If anything it speaks volumes about you - you're held in high enough regard that they assume you'll do whatever for them at the mere mention of self-harm.
Iâve dated several people like this. And while itâs easy enough on the outside looking in, when youâre the one in that situation it really does feel hopeless. I hope for both their sakes theyâre able to work out their problems and end up happy together.
Sounds easy but some people donât easily "like people" and confuse the idea of having a person attached to them with them actually lining them: the basic idea is "if they choose me over others, thatâs the true validation for them liking me"
Unless he breaks up with her sooner rather than later, yes he's lost. I've had a couple of friends over the years who dropped out of my life because of an overbearing girlfriend.
One of them just stopped communicating one day. I'd send messages and just get nothing back. I only found out why through the grapevine. The new girlfriend didn't like that we'd go to the pub together. I haven't actually seen or heard from him for about 20 years.
The other one just found it more and more difficult to hang out. His girlfriend started kicking up a bigger and bigger stink whenever he'd try to catch up with friends. We drifted apart because he got sick of arguing with her just to spend a few hours with us. I have since moved away, but I did see or bump into him around our hometown a few times. He looked dead eyed and miserable. I don't know why some women are OK with having a brow-beaten zombie for a partner.
Yeah thatâs also a big thing: when girlfriends willingly take the motherly role, wich is not hers to presume, and act like she needs to decide for herself partner who he can hang out with and where. If she doesnât like what he does when he can do what he wants, she to an extent doesnât like who he is, so she should just leave.
Did she have BPD perhaps? My ex was like this. I went out one night to hang out with friends because she didn't bother telling me her plans and left me home. When I came home she was pissed. Said I can't go anywhere where there were also females. I told her I couldn't control who other people bring with them to a party - I was there with male friends. When I refused to show my Instagram because she saw I had new followers, she threatened to leave, and this time I let her.
What was scary was her rationale. When I got home that night she said "fine, I'll go to parties with other males too, and see how you like it". In her mind I had done something wrong and she deserved to retaliate.
Opposite for me. Parents always screamed at each other fighting, dogs barking, cats wigging out, parrot going crazy, every tv in the house on and blaring. Constantly being asked to do mundane tasks. Like legit my mom would scream across the house to get me to hand her the remote 2 feet away from her. My ex was needy, extremely insecure and covering my eye if there was a mildly nude scene in a movie, and never let me have alone time. Then I met my current girl. I had never known peace before her I swear. Moved in together after about a week of seeing each other, and Iâve come to realize growing up like that isnât normal. Everything is quiet and peaceful, she doesnât constantly hound me for attention, and we have 2 dogs that probably donât freak out and bark because her and I give off chill vibes. Been 4 years now.
That thing about the remote resonates with me in so many levels.. but it's only my father specifically. I've grown to hate my name because he always shouts it demanding the most trivial mundane tasks. I can't wait to get out and start my life with Peace of mind.
Kinda sorta. I still had all my stuff at the OG house, but we ended spending so much time together I was at her place everyday. In reality I slowly brought shit in over like a months time which tbh is still really fast. We were also good friends for about a year before that.
Me and my wife moved in five days after we met each other, and we've been blissfully together for 10 years. I don't think that staying in the dating phase for longer alleviates any of the possible issues that will be encountered when moving in together - just wastes more time until the couple observes their cohabitation incompatibility.
God the âbeing summoned to get the remote 2ft awayâ is such a mood⌠glad you could escape. Its soul draining to be constantly on high alert, like some servant waiting on the masterâŚ
I know it's probably just the bubble of Reddit, but why do so many ppl stick with partners they don't like, or can't do fun things you enjoy with?
My partner doesn't share all my hobbies but she would never belittle them. Those ones I can still go pretty much whenever I don't need to be doing something else, and the ones we do share become dates. I wasn't expecting to find someone who gets excited about spending all morning looking for birds, but I wouldn't trade that for the world.
I will speak for myself: I ended up in a few bad relationships where my partner was either dismissive or outright hostile to my interests. I generally went with it because:
- The mantra I was fed growing up and as a young adult was "never show who you really are" and "people don't like weird. Stop being weird!" Oh... and "keep her happy because dick is cheap."
- Finding someone, anyone who was interested in me took months/years of effort. It was exhausting.
- The alternative was being single and "that guy" in a friend group where everyone has settled down.
I'm sure you know this now, but to anyone else reading, being single and that guy/girl is about 10000000000x better than being with someone you shouldn't be with.
Fear of loneliness. Some guys don't have much of a choice, who knows when someone else will show up and want to get serious with them? So they end up with people that hate them but enjoy the control they get.
To them, a bad partner is way better than no partner at all. Usually because they have no self esteem and hate being alone.
I mean, people who grew up in an abusive household are statistically much more likely to end back in an abusive relationship (as an adult) for a number of reasons.
Primarily in my mind is cause when youâre a kid watching your parents, how they love or âloveâ each other becomes your expectation for what love is like and how to go about every aspect of it.
Combined with the fact that itâs 25ish% of all relationships self report intimate partner violence in a study. With plenty other possibilities for abuse that the 25% for IPM doesnât cover. Hell it might not even cover most of them.
Imagine you've been raised by parents that are still together. You see that as the standard. Especially when you have a child with your spouse. You will try to go through couple's therapy, talking, having uncomfortable conversations. You think you are going to be the exception and you're going to make it work.
From the outside, itâs obvious, but when youâre in a abusive relationship, it feels impossible to escape.
Iâm a dude, and know ALOT of men are abusers. I never really conceptualized how women can be, and mayhaps never saw enough tangible ways it presents.
But like yeah basically me. It took 4 years and moving halfway across the country to have the balls to leave, and even then I feel like I was doing something wrong?
That, and some folks get married very young. It's not a knock, but a lot of people don't know who they really are until they have more experiences in life; travel, food, interaction with others outside their familiar home circle, education, jobs, finances, housing, etc.
Most people who experience changes like the above are very changed people by the time they reach their late 20's/early 30's. Variety in life always breaks-down personal preconceptions, and it's why high school sweethearts rarely work out.
According to social psychology research, people tend towards spending time around people that express the opinions of a person's self-schema of themselves.
Let's say Steve feels like he's a pathetic loser at his core. Steve has two friends. Emily constantly tells Steve how amazing and inspiring he is to her. Anny constantly calls Steve a worthless idiot.
Emily's story runs contrary to Steve's self-schema. It makes him uncomfortable to spend time around her, since those ideas feel false to him. Instead, Steve spends time with Anny. Anny affirms what he believes to be true, and thus it is more comfortable to spend time around her.
Sometimes you don't realize you don't like your partner. You realize you're not happy, but that's not because you're dealing with a controlling person, that's because you're going through a rough patch. They're just going through a hard time. They've been through so much. They love you underneath it all. They can be so sweet sometimes. They're a good person deep down!
You know rose colored glasses? Well, you view your partner though victim colored glasses. You end up minimizing all the needlessly unpleasant things they do to focus on all the ways they are tragic and sympathetic. So instead of realizing you should leave, you feel duty bound to help them. If you just find out how to do that in the exact right way, everything will be fine! Â
Better than fine, actually because you will have proven your love defied the odds. Your partner will have proven they were worth the hard times. You will have proven how noble and selfless you are! Any day now. You're almost there!
This was my thought as well. My husband is really into warhammer 40k. Do I have any interest in it? Hell nah. Do I dislike the hundreds of little pointy plastic guys in our home that often cover our table for a couple days at a time? You betcha.
But I donât say a damn word, except to say Iâm happy for him when he finishes painting a mini/wins a game/finds a new friend to play games against. Because he sure as hell doesnât understand why I will spend hours a week playing neopets, nor does he say a word when I have a sewing or other craft project taking up space for weeks.
I would rather my husband have the dorkiest hobbies ever, than be one of those people whose âhobbyâ is to scroll TikTok all day.
Toxic relationships. Some people are so unstable that you get scared thinking what they might do when you break up with them. To pour oil into fire, many toxic people straight up threaten their partner that they will lay hands on themselves, the partner, or partner's family if they dare to leave
My dad hated video games. He smashed my Game Boy Advance and a GameCube. I had to hide my laptop at my aunt's place so he wouldn't break that too. He was obsessed with the idea that gaming was an addiction, always telling the story of how he smashed his little brother's console in the '90s.
When I got married, the control just shifted. My ex-wife criticized me for using my phone or laptop, expecting me to be available instantly. She even bragged about selling her ex's PlayStation because he played too much. It was definitely "under new management."
Now I'm divorced, and I'm finally free! I play games whenever I want. My dad still judgesâhe gave me the side eye when I gave my daughter a console, and said my Steam Deck was a waste of money. I ignore him. I own my time and decisions, and now my daughter plays with me. The freedom is great.
Posture is less important than we were led to believe. The real issue is sitting in the same position for hours without moving. The loss of flexibility is the real issue. Try to shift your position every hour or so and do some stretches. You don't need to do push-ups or crunches or whatever, just move around for 30 seconds, twist and bend your back a bit to stretch it out.
Legit question, if you got married to her, how did you not see this behavior from her while dating? Did a switch just flip in her when you tied the knot and suddenly she was anti-gaming?
Some people show a completely different face once they have reached their goal. In this case, marrying. There is no performance anymore, just their true selves.
What a nightmare. This is why I highly encourage cohabitation before marriage. I am not saying they can't hide their true selves through that, but it is harder.
From personal experience, this does not always work.
It's like getting married flips a switch in their brain and suddenly you're "not applying yourself" and "spending too much time on the computer". Well then why didn't you say something before the wedding? If you didn't have an issue in the years before before the marriage, why is it suddenly an issue now?
That's the point. You're supposed to find out the things that you won't like about living with them so you don't go into a marriage without knowing that they aren't right for you
Yeah my buddy and his girlfriend moved in together after dating long distance for a year (they also dated a bit in middle school but broke up cus she moved away) and after a year he found her unbearable to live with and broke up.
This is why I highly encourage cohabitation before marriage.
I always thought that was the norm. Why'd you marry someone you've never lived under the same roof with? I mean, the whole dating thing is romantic and exciting, I guess, but everyday life isn't. It's grey and monotonic.
Religious reasons mostly. I come from an extremely christian family (basically a cult honestly) and yeah living with a partner without being married was genuinely seen as one of the most scandalous things imaginable. You donât get to âdateâ, you get to âcourtâ each other and then you are expected to marry them. Im glad I got out of there
Yep. Living with someone will quickly show you who they really are. Keeping up a facade takes energy, and everyone needs time to recharge. And thatâs usually at home.
My girlfriend sure did, her thing was getting a baby and a house, then went cold on me, until she wanted a second one, had a second one, went cold again
Very common observation in analytical psychology. Basically, your unconscious tends to try to relive traumas to try to figure out what is missing inside you. It's like trying to retake a test after failing but there is no reward, your mind is trying to look for something that isn't there anymore, at least not with those people.
Despite their flaws, my parents have been the only ones that are always there at my lowest points. Since they can't really control any of their children anymore, they've become quite nice to be around.
Thatâs cool. I got divorced too and my parents werenât the nicest but are always there for me too. And Iâm lucky because they always used video games and TV to parent me so my mom got me a PS5 as a get well present when the divorce was finalized last year lol
It's funny how that works. My father is like that.
The moment he realized i wasn't fucking around with cutting him out of my life, and he could no longer retaliate against me when I'd leave during an argument or hang up the phone he suddenly got a lot nicer.
its always the parents that sit on the couch and watch weird news channels or sports all day who criticize video games...they have absolutely no self-awareness
Hell yeah brother, I grew up around a lot of strict parent households. My close bud had that kind of upbringing and now me and him play online at least twice a week and D&D on Sundays :). He's happier and free.
Maple Administrator
Dear Battle Mage IronSan ...
Game addiction is one of the Four Evils. It's serious. Think of your health, and limit
yourself to no more than 18 hours a day
From Designer PoopyKetchup
My dad has done the math to show me how many hundreds of thousands of dollars I could have made in stocks if I had invested all my video game money. He brings it up often. That I could be rich if only I had given up hobbies in high school, and perfect insight in the dotcom bubble.
but this line of thinking is bs. Had he never spent a dime and put it all in xyz... You need to live life though. Misery because you think it will pay off later might work, but what if Wall Street rug pulled you? Lots of men suicide happens because of this very mindset
Welcome to the divorced gamers club. My ex wife would not let me play longer than 30 minutes at a time, when she knew that games were my stress release going into the relationship. I willingly stopped when my kids were born until they were a little older and could go longer than 10 minutes without both parents being available. After our first was born I never got my game time back, not because of the kid, but because she wanted to watch TV together or try for another baby. I just wanted to game.
From the limited information you shared here - it looks like you are a better dad than yours ever was. He was judging and curbing your interests, you nurture and support your daughter's. Wishing you and your daughter only the best! :3
If I ever become a dad I want to be the cool and supportive dad like this ^^
care to explain why your Dad smashed his little Brothers console in the 90ies? And where does his hate for Video Games come from? Imo there are far worse things like (Gambling, Alcohol, Drugs). And he really smashed you GBA and Gamecube? My Dad (no longer having contact since he abused when I was young) hated VGs, said they make people ill, cause mass shooting and other stuff.
It looks like you had a toxic father, and a toxic wife, both with boundaries issues, and perhaps narcissists.
I was a teenager when I first realized that people who don't play videogames are often narcissists and psychopaths. Later psychologist explained that as a game follows rules, a psycho can not manipulate it as he/she does with living people, and therefore they don't play.
TLDR: Ask people what videogames they play; avoid those who don't play.
My girlfriend was like this but if anything I felt bad for her. Not gonna lie probably some of the most frustrating years of my life but progress was always being made on her end. Now sheâs a completely different person and my friends can tell.
Happily married and wouldnât change anything, she helped me too.
I'm so lucky that I married a fellow gamer. My husband and I both have our own consoles and tvs and we both understand when the other says they need to wind down in front of a game at the end of the day.
My wife and I were the same. Always gaming together. Eventually I fell out of love with games and got into motorcycles.
But I'm still obsessed with computer hardware so every 5-6 years I build us matching overpowered gaming computers. Even tho gaming literally makes me nauseous now.
It's just nice to see her turn on ultra settings, start playing, and yell "WAY BETTER!" đ¤đĽ°
Just finished a 5800x3D + RX 9070 XT build on black Friday.
Tbh gaming as a couple's activity is underrated. My fiancee isn't a gamer per se (not video games anyway, she loves board games) but we love a good co-op experience. Playing through It Takes Two a while back was a blast and I realized it was the kind of experience I could only have had with a partner.
Not really, my wife doesn't really have hobbies, but she lets me have mine plus she sometimes joins/helps me with them, which means the world to me and makes me love her that much more.
So it really depends on the person themselves.
I donât really have any hobbies. For the last 6 years I worked three jobs. My part time job bartending at a small craft brewery became my hobby. Now I moved to a different country to be with my partner and I donât really know what to do in my free time. I work just a part time job, 4,5 hours a day and dunno what to do with all the free time.
Maybe instead of feeling lost with all the extra time, you might see it as a boon if you try random and suggested hobbies. You never know? You might find one that you get into!
24/7. Iâll never date anyone who doesnât have hobbies again. Some people cannot exist alone and I donât get it. They just vampire off everyone around them
OMG that just gave me PTSD LOL
My current partner says that. If they are not at work they are scrolling social media on the couch and then when they get tired of the phone they look at me and say that and I just want to scream.
In her case, she has always been surrounded by people. When she was growing up it was her family, then college and room mates, then she lived with her previous boyfriends, then when that didnt work out she moved back in with her parents. The only time she ever lived on her own was for 8 months before she moved in with me. People like her have never really had to entertain themselves or look inward and do any emotional work on their own. They have always had someone to distract them.
I am planning on sitting her down and having a serious conversation because I am the type of person that loves independence, reflection, spending time alone and have a million different hobbies I can do. She is not. We are basically speaking 2 different emotional languages.
Is shopping a hobby? I've recently brought up this talk with my girlfriend, and she said herself that she doesn't have any hobbies besides shopping and having the ability to do what she wants when she has the time, e.g. getting her nails done, eyelashes done, etc.
But when she has spare time, and she isn't online shopping or any of the other stuff, she's able to spend hours scrolling on her phone and do nothing else. She does work hard and past her rostered hours as well, but to a fault in my opinion.
I have time for my own hobbies, but I find myself unable to do them as often because of the time I need to spend with her.
Nah, shopping isnât a hobby. Thrifting? Collecting a specific collectable/rare items that require hunting, research and dedication. Flipping furniture on marketplace. Those are all arguably hobbies that are attached to shopping, but updating your wardrobe and replacing your mascara isnât a hobby. Purchasing a new candle for your coffee table isnât a hobby. Sitting down to get your hair done also isnât a hobby.
Listening to music, reading, podcasts, the gym could be things she does sometimes that are hobbies, so itâs possible sheâs got some hobbies that she isnât really considering to be hobbies, maybe.
Shopping is not a hobby. I am in the same boat as you and I plan on sitting my gf down and having a talk with her. Learn your partners emotional attachment style and learn yours as well. It will give you insight why they are the way they are and will make you dig deeper into her upbringing and her family dynamics. That will explain a lot. Work together to figure it out and enforce your boundries otherwise toxic patterns will continue to repeat and they will escalate. You are not a baby sitter and your gf and you will have to do a lot of emotional intelligence work if you want the relationship to work
Thatâs my point. Wife gets overruled by the new tyrant all the time, cause I might love her but that little guys on a different level entirely. Love doesnât even begin to describe it.
The cutest tyrants. They don't let you sleep. They shit and puke your clothes and won't stop screaming their lungs out over the slightest inconvenience. And you have no choice but to help them. But it's worth it.
Learn to entertain yourself by yourself. Learn independence in terms of fun. It doesn't need to be something productive, just don't make your entertainment be your partner's responsibility.
You may either engage in the hobbies of your partner or go do yours when they are doing theirs or invite them to engage in yours. Also plan things together, balance is the key, because if you two are always by themselves, then there's no point in being together. You need to have something in common.
Or find a partner who also has no hobbies and you both can rely on each other for entertainment, it also helps. You'll eventually find something you like to do together, but don't expect to have your alone time when needed, for my experience says that hobbyless people are either the best people to have around or the worst micromanagers in the world.
Honestly you really make it easier for myself as my core problem came from the fact that we do stuff together all the time, also I made sure to show them this and told them to communicate if I ever overstep their boundaries so I think Iâm golden actually. Thanks btw
This makes me very grateful for my girlfriend. She likes that I have my own hobbies and that we can find the balance between doing things together and having our own time. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to display my Warhammer models when I moved in, yet she was the one who suggested buying more display cases and extra shelves for future models.
yep....she had a minor in art history so i bought her a whole paint set..never painted....wanted to learn to play guitar, bought her a guitar...never played it, never learned.
meanwhile: I loved Archery, shooting, swimming, aquariums, golf, Roller blading, hiking, video games, video game collecting, weight training, trivia, movie buff, music buff, I'm a musician/drummer.
Never date or marry someone without hobbies or interests. Also, try to find someone who's hobbies/interests match and/or can be done in parallel to yours.
I had to stop playing video games because she would get angry I was ignoring her and then she sat there looking at Facebook anyway. Wild how some people just seem annoyed youâre enjoying yourself.
Never had a partner that didnât make my gaming a problem for them. Would love to be able to share a life with someone that didnât make my joy an impediment to theirs.
People without hobbies always come into two flairs:
The good one is the one who just doesn't mind you, let you live and will only be a problem if it's reasonable. They might engage into the hobby you like for a while, but most of the time they are fine by themselves or simply are happy you are happy, they are also great to ask things about the hobbies you have because they don't have the vision of a fan, so they think a lot out of the box. They are also easy to please.
The bad one is the one who can't seem to be able to breathe without criticizing the fact you make breakfast at a reasonable time, for starters.
Grey Rock Method is being as uninteresting and factual as possible to starve a narcissist or abuser of the drama they crave (as uninteresting as a grey rock). If they don't have drama to feed on, they have significantly less fuel to start an emotional fire, and they lose interest. It creates a bubble of "nothing" to distance you from them if you can't physically leave.
Too relatable. Currently dealing with this. Sheâs getting better about it over time as I explain to her that I still wanna do shit and hang with my friends.
But man, sometimes she will be completely fine, but as soon as my friends hit me up to hang out, itâs all âwe never hang out, you always hang out with your friendsâ. Bro we literally hang out all the time, she only gets like that when I have plans or something. I used to hang out with the bros all the time, and I have been conceding to like maybe once a week, but for some reason, thatâs still too often lol.
Straight up told her thatâs text book manipulation to isolate your partner from their friends, and she kinda realized she was doing that subconsciously and is getting better about it lol
So, I might be the odd one out here, but I am completely fine with doing things on my own and having my partner doing his things on his own as well.
Sometimes we want to have a walk alone or even going to a cafĂŠ we both love but alone, we are married, not stuck, if one of us wants to do something without the other, then that's fine.
I don't understand. Why is your partner's lack of hobbies stopping you from having your own personal fulfillment? Plenty of people either do not have the time or don't have the interest in developing a bunch of hobbies.
I dumped a guy that literally worshipped the ground I walked on and wouldve made me a stay at home wife that never had to work again just because he was too boring in my opinion and I couldn't imagine being the only interesting one in a relationship for the rest of my life. Y'all really be staying with partners that straight up hate you and I can never understand it.
I'm moving in with my boyfriend next month and I'm hyped because it means we will have MORE time for our hobbies (including gaming) because we no longer need to spend all our free time going over to each other's place to hang out since I'll see him literally every day so we will be able to hang during the week instead and have our weekends back to do our own shit (which will likely still be us hanging out most of the time, but still)
As long as my bf is pulling his weight with house work, IDC how long he spends gaming.
I have a friend who's now moving in with his girlfriend who tags along when he goes for a afterwork beer, even though she obviously hates being in the bar, just to keep an eye on him. She will literally tell him to put out his half smoked cigarette when she thinks it is time to leave. On the rare occasion that he does anything without her, she will message him every few minutes, leading to him feeling guilty and going home prematurely. I'm afraid the poor bastard is completely lost...
Oof, I had a friend like that. The dude was constantly anxious and miserable, and had to lie to his girlfriend every time he went anywhere with other women present without her because she'd have a meltdown if she found out he was in the same room with another female.
He refused to break up with her or stand up for himself to her, because every time he tried to assert himself even slightly, she'd accuse him of not loving her and threaten to off herself.
Anyways, they're married now.
Our guess is she will skip out on the pill if he doesn't propose soon enough
Does she have friends and hobbies of her own?
If not, that is the problem. He should try to get her some independence and have things to do alone when he's got plans she doesn't want to join in on.
If so, have him return the favor and then ask her how it felt. That can at least get the conversation going.
In my experience, in this kind of situation it's almost never about the partner not having other things to do.
It's about the partner having control.
You are their hobby.
One of my exes had literally no friends, to the point that I had to insist he either make a new friend or reconnect with an old one. He would then accuse me of cheating because I would hang out with my best friend almost as often as I'd hang out with him. Like dude chill, it's normal for people to have friends and spend time with them.
Mental illness / Personality Disorder.
More like paranoia-inducing experiences growing up, instagram envy and a pretty hard fixation on Bridgeton-like stuff.
I would wager my life on the fact that if all the shows that have relationships nets so deeply intertwined that they'd put an Pharaoh's genealogic tree to shame were to disappear, at least 50% of the cases like OP described would chease to exist.
We're talking about people who have nothing to do (because they're always spying on their partner) and thus when alone are likely watching something, then they conciously or subconciously want to embody what they like, and here we get teen-like relationships in seasoned adulthood.
So in the end the problem is boredom, OP shouls get his wife an iPad to kill off any thoughts.
Yeah I think its just called anxious attachment
I've been in that relationship before, maybe it made me a worse person, because nowadays if I try to leave a relationship and they threaten that, I'm straight up telling them to do it then and not looking back, you're not fucking trapping me with you
Honestly no, you're not a worse person, you're just not as easy to manipulate. Anyone that threatens anything like that as an emotional weapon doesnt deserve to be told otherwise. They're never going to actually do it, its entirely about your reaction to the threat.
If anything it speaks volumes about you - you're held in high enough regard that they assume you'll do whatever for them at the mere mention of self-harm.
Sounds like a healthy relationship. Mazel Tov! đĽł
yeah this is borderline personality disorder
No way he's married to my ex
Iâve dated several people like this. And while itâs easy enough on the outside looking in, when youâre the one in that situation it really does feel hopeless. I hope for both their sakes theyâre able to work out their problems and end up happy together.
I've been in exactly one like that and we broke up quickly. It never happened again because I knew what to look out for.
Sadly some folks are attracted to the things that make for a toxic relationship.
Damn that is grim
This type of thing happens a lot less if you actually like the person you're dating and not just how they look.
Sounds easy but some people donât easily "like people" and confuse the idea of having a person attached to them with them actually lining them: the basic idea is "if they choose me over others, thatâs the true validation for them liking me"
I wouldn't wish such a girlfriend to my worst enemy. May your friend rest in peace đď¸
Unless he breaks up with her sooner rather than later, yes he's lost. I've had a couple of friends over the years who dropped out of my life because of an overbearing girlfriend.
One of them just stopped communicating one day. I'd send messages and just get nothing back. I only found out why through the grapevine. The new girlfriend didn't like that we'd go to the pub together. I haven't actually seen or heard from him for about 20 years.
The other one just found it more and more difficult to hang out. His girlfriend started kicking up a bigger and bigger stink whenever he'd try to catch up with friends. We drifted apart because he got sick of arguing with her just to spend a few hours with us. I have since moved away, but I did see or bump into him around our hometown a few times. He looked dead eyed and miserable. I don't know why some women are OK with having a brow-beaten zombie for a partner.
Yeah thatâs also a big thing: when girlfriends willingly take the motherly role, wich is not hers to presume, and act like she needs to decide for herself partner who he can hang out with and where. If she doesnât like what he does when he can do what he wants, she to an extent doesnât like who he is, so she should just leave.
Itâs a form of abuse, plain and simple. These men need help getting away from their abusers
Did she have BPD perhaps? My ex was like this. I went out one night to hang out with friends because she didn't bother telling me her plans and left me home. When I came home she was pissed. Said I can't go anywhere where there were also females. I told her I couldn't control who other people bring with them to a party - I was there with male friends. When I refused to show my Instagram because she saw I had new followers, she threatened to leave, and this time I let her.
What was scary was her rationale. When I got home that night she said "fine, I'll go to parties with other males too, and see how you like it". In her mind I had done something wrong and she deserved to retaliate.
Bpd sex is fun til you realize that moment when she's flipped the switch and now she's having that sex with someone you know
Been there, done that. I hope that friend gets out soon.
Bro. I hope you're telling your friend he is in an abusive relationship and he deserves better.
Sounds like my ex.
From jailbreak to supervised mode in one move.
I've been there too
Opposite for me. Parents always screamed at each other fighting, dogs barking, cats wigging out, parrot going crazy, every tv in the house on and blaring. Constantly being asked to do mundane tasks. Like legit my mom would scream across the house to get me to hand her the remote 2 feet away from her. My ex was needy, extremely insecure and covering my eye if there was a mildly nude scene in a movie, and never let me have alone time. Then I met my current girl. I had never known peace before her I swear. Moved in together after about a week of seeing each other, and Iâve come to realize growing up like that isnât normal. Everything is quiet and peaceful, she doesnât constantly hound me for attention, and we have 2 dogs that probably donât freak out and bark because her and I give off chill vibes. Been 4 years now.
That thing about the remote resonates with me in so many levels.. but it's only my father specifically. I've grown to hate my name because he always shouts it demanding the most trivial mundane tasks. I can't wait to get out and start my life with Peace of mind.
Youâll make it man. Just keep pushing.
Moved in after ONE week??
Kinda sorta. I still had all my stuff at the OG house, but we ended spending so much time together I was at her place everyday. In reality I slowly brought shit in over like a months time which tbh is still really fast. We were also good friends for about a year before that.
I relate to your story, friend. Being friends first is golden, i think.
I got engaged to my missus after 2 weeks. Sometimes when you meet the one you just KNOW.
Me and my wife moved in five days after we met each other, and we've been blissfully together for 10 years. I don't think that staying in the dating phase for longer alleviates any of the possible issues that will be encountered when moving in together - just wastes more time until the couple observes their cohabitation incompatibility.
Is my mom your mom? I remember when our remote stopped working my mom would call us into the room to change the channel or volume
God the âbeing summoned to get the remote 2ft awayâ is such a mood⌠glad you could escape. Its soul draining to be constantly on high alert, like some servant waiting on the masterâŚ
I know it's probably just the bubble of Reddit, but why do so many ppl stick with partners they don't like, or can't do fun things you enjoy with?
My partner doesn't share all my hobbies but she would never belittle them. Those ones I can still go pretty much whenever I don't need to be doing something else, and the ones we do share become dates. I wasn't expecting to find someone who gets excited about spending all morning looking for birds, but I wouldn't trade that for the world.
I will speak for myself: I ended up in a few bad relationships where my partner was either dismissive or outright hostile to my interests. I generally went with it because: - The mantra I was fed growing up and as a young adult was "never show who you really are" and "people don't like weird. Stop being weird!" Oh... and "keep her happy because dick is cheap." - Finding someone, anyone who was interested in me took months/years of effort. It was exhausting. - The alternative was being single and "that guy" in a friend group where everyone has settled down.
I'm sure you know this now, but to anyone else reading, being single and that guy/girl is about 10000000000x better than being with someone you shouldn't be with.
One life.
As a happily divorced man, I agree. Granted, mine was an amicable divorce. But I'm still happier now that I'm divorced.
Indeed.
I eventually reached that point and accepted it. It was a hard lesson and it did end up smoothing out some rough edges in my personality.
Ironically, it also lead to me meeting someone who genuinely appreciates me for me... even if she can't fully understand or join in on it.
Life is weird.
Fear of loneliness. Some guys don't have much of a choice, who knows when someone else will show up and want to get serious with them? So they end up with people that hate them but enjoy the control they get.
To them, a bad partner is way better than no partner at all. Usually because they have no self esteem and hate being alone.
ah i see you've met my brother
I mean, people who grew up in an abusive household are statistically much more likely to end back in an abusive relationship (as an adult) for a number of reasons.
Primarily in my mind is cause when youâre a kid watching your parents, how they love or âloveâ each other becomes your expectation for what love is like and how to go about every aspect of it.
Combined with the fact that itâs 25ish% of all relationships self report intimate partner violence in a study. With plenty other possibilities for abuse that the 25% for IPM doesnât cover. Hell it might not even cover most of them.
So itâs probably exceedingly common.
Imagine you've been raised by parents that are still together. You see that as the standard. Especially when you have a child with your spouse. You will try to go through couple's therapy, talking, having uncomfortable conversations. You think you are going to be the exception and you're going to make it work.
Yeah but this meme is just talking about the moving in stage, I would hope the reckoning would come a while before you have a kid together
What if she became pregnant before moving in together? Lol
Ok yeah I'll concede it becomes more complicated then. But now we're just adding on scenarios that aren't described in the meme
Well its just a meme. It canât explain every detail on how it gets to that point.
I hate when I donât have the full lore of my memes.
From the outside, itâs obvious, but when youâre in a abusive relationship, it feels impossible to escape.
Iâm a dude, and know ALOT of men are abusers. I never really conceptualized how women can be, and mayhaps never saw enough tangible ways it presents.
But like yeah basically me. It took 4 years and moving halfway across the country to have the balls to leave, and even then I feel like I was doing something wrong?
Crazy times!
People are terrified of being alone. They are also terrible at being themselvesÂ
Sometimes itâs hard to realize you are incompatible with someone until after a relationship ends
That, and some folks get married very young. It's not a knock, but a lot of people don't know who they really are until they have more experiences in life; travel, food, interaction with others outside their familiar home circle, education, jobs, finances, housing, etc.
Most people who experience changes like the above are very changed people by the time they reach their late 20's/early 30's. Variety in life always breaks-down personal preconceptions, and it's why high school sweethearts rarely work out.
According to social psychology research, people tend towards spending time around people that express the opinions of a person's self-schema of themselves.
Let's say Steve feels like he's a pathetic loser at his core. Steve has two friends. Emily constantly tells Steve how amazing and inspiring he is to her. Anny constantly calls Steve a worthless idiot.
Emily's story runs contrary to Steve's self-schema. It makes him uncomfortable to spend time around her, since those ideas feel false to him. Instead, Steve spends time with Anny. Anny affirms what he believes to be true, and thus it is more comfortable to spend time around her.
Sometimes you don't realize you don't like your partner. You realize you're not happy, but that's not because you're dealing with a controlling person, that's because you're going through a rough patch. They're just going through a hard time. They've been through so much. They love you underneath it all. They can be so sweet sometimes. They're a good person deep down!
You know rose colored glasses? Well, you view your partner though victim colored glasses. You end up minimizing all the needlessly unpleasant things they do to focus on all the ways they are tragic and sympathetic. So instead of realizing you should leave, you feel duty bound to help them. If you just find out how to do that in the exact right way, everything will be fine! Â
Better than fine, actually because you will have proven your love defied the odds. Your partner will have proven they were worth the hard times. You will have proven how noble and selfless you are! Any day now. You're almost there!
Not sure if you're being honest or sarcastic. But you are describing my situation rnđ¤
This was my thought as well. My husband is really into warhammer 40k. Do I have any interest in it? Hell nah. Do I dislike the hundreds of little pointy plastic guys in our home that often cover our table for a couple days at a time? You betcha.
But I donât say a damn word, except to say Iâm happy for him when he finishes painting a mini/wins a game/finds a new friend to play games against. Because he sure as hell doesnât understand why I will spend hours a week playing neopets, nor does he say a word when I have a sewing or other craft project taking up space for weeks.
I would rather my husband have the dorkiest hobbies ever, than be one of those people whose âhobbyâ is to scroll TikTok all day.
Lack of self respect, plain and simple, if you know your worth you would never put up with that.
Most people married for the company and the ideal not the love or real companionship.
The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care. Right? Yeah...
I wrote her off for the tenth time today...
Look up trauma bond.
Toxic relationships. Some people are so unstable that you get scared thinking what they might do when you break up with them. To pour oil into fire, many toxic people straight up threaten their partner that they will lay hands on themselves, the partner, or partner's family if they dare to leave
My dad hated video games. He smashed my Game Boy Advance and a GameCube. I had to hide my laptop at my aunt's place so he wouldn't break that too. He was obsessed with the idea that gaming was an addiction, always telling the story of how he smashed his little brother's console in the '90s.
When I got married, the control just shifted. My ex-wife criticized me for using my phone or laptop, expecting me to be available instantly. She even bragged about selling her ex's PlayStation because he played too much. It was definitely "under new management."
Now I'm divorced, and I'm finally free! I play games whenever I want. My dad still judgesâhe gave me the side eye when I gave my daughter a console, and said my Steam Deck was a waste of money. I ignore him. I own my time and decisions, and now my daughter plays with me. The freedom is great.
My retirement goal is just to sleep eat and game. đ
Arthritis-friendly controllers are going to be so hot in a couple of years.
I need one now. itâs scaring me.
Rotate those wrists! Flex those indexes!
POSTURE CHECK
Ugh, what a pain
Posture is less important than we were led to believe. The real issue is sitting in the same position for hours without moving. The loss of flexibility is the real issue. Try to shift your position every hour or so and do some stretches. You don't need to do push-ups or crunches or whatever, just move around for 30 seconds, twist and bend your back a bit to stretch it out.
POSTURE CHANGE CHECK
There's gonna be old people watching Naruto and DragonBall the way our grandparents watch Andy Griffith and Gunsmoke.
And I'll be one of them.
And playing Pokemon and Halo in nursing homes.
Hotter than Hansel
Wait thatâs actually a banger idea.
Millennial retirement homes are gonna be lit. Just a big LAN party.
Aww they think weâre going to afford retirement homesÂ
Legit question, if you got married to her, how did you not see this behavior from her while dating? Did a switch just flip in her when you tied the knot and suddenly she was anti-gaming?
Some people show a completely different face once they have reached their goal. In this case, marrying. There is no performance anymore, just their true selves.
What a nightmare. This is why I highly encourage cohabitation before marriage. I am not saying they can't hide their true selves through that, but it is harder.
Absolutely, not living with someone before you marry them is just insane to me. So many things that can be dealbreakers.
From personal experience, this does not always work.
It's like getting married flips a switch in their brain and suddenly you're "not applying yourself" and "spending too much time on the computer". Well then why didn't you say something before the wedding? If you didn't have an issue in the years before before the marriage, why is it suddenly an issue now?
That's the point. You're supposed to find out the things that you won't like about living with them so you don't go into a marriage without knowing that they aren't right for you
Yeah my buddy and his girlfriend moved in together after dating long distance for a year (they also dated a bit in middle school but broke up cus she moved away) and after a year he found her unbearable to live with and broke up.
I always thought that was the norm. Why'd you marry someone you've never lived under the same roof with? I mean, the whole dating thing is romantic and exciting, I guess, but everyday life isn't. It's grey and monotonic.
Historically the opposite was the norm, and is still quite common
Religious reasons mostly. I come from an extremely christian family (basically a cult honestly) and yeah living with a partner without being married was genuinely seen as one of the most scandalous things imaginable. You donât get to âdateâ, you get to âcourtâ each other and then you are expected to marry them. Im glad I got out of there
Yep. Living with someone will quickly show you who they really are. Keeping up a facade takes energy, and everyone needs time to recharge. And thatâs usually at home.
3 months, that is the max before cracks show. It'll start with arguments about stuff that wont matter tomorrow.
My girlfriend sure did, her thing was getting a baby and a house, then went cold on me, until she wanted a second one, had a second one, went cold again
THIS ^
Time and comfort show peopleâs true colors.
You often end up dating your parents, itâs subconscious, Iv seen it time and time again.
Very common observation in analytical psychology. Basically, your unconscious tends to try to relive traumas to try to figure out what is missing inside you. It's like trying to retake a test after failing but there is no reward, your mind is trying to look for something that isn't there anymore, at least not with those people.
I constantly comment on how I ended up with a woman basically like my Mom
The speed at which I would go no contact is faster than lightđ¤Ł. Sorry you went through that shit bro
Despite their flaws, my parents have been the only ones that are always there at my lowest points. Since they can't really control any of their children anymore, they've become quite nice to be around.
Thatâs cool. I got divorced too and my parents werenât the nicest but are always there for me too. And Iâm lucky because they always used video games and TV to parent me so my mom got me a PS5 as a get well present when the divorce was finalized last year lol
It's funny how that works. My father is like that.
The moment he realized i wasn't fucking around with cutting him out of my life, and he could no longer retaliate against me when I'd leave during an argument or hang up the phone he suddenly got a lot nicer.
It's pretty liberating in its own way.
its always the parents that sit on the couch and watch weird news channels or sports all day who criticize video games...they have absolutely no self-awareness
Bet he sat around and watched TV all day, too.
Not really. I've never seen him watch the news. It was just prejudice.
Hell yeah brother, I grew up around a lot of strict parent households. My close bud had that kind of upbringing and now me and him play online at least twice a week and D&D on Sundays :). He's happier and free.
I'm happy for you is all
Gaming is NOT an addiction!
Maplestory popup:
Gaming can be an addiction though
legit anything can be addicting....
My spouse and I just bought our 2nd PS5 so we can play games together
My dad has done the math to show me how many hundreds of thousands of dollars I could have made in stocks if I had invested all my video game money. He brings it up often. That I could be rich if only I had given up hobbies in high school, and perfect insight in the dotcom bubble.
but this line of thinking is bs. Had he never spent a dime and put it all in xyz... You need to live life though. Misery because you think it will pay off later might work, but what if Wall Street rug pulled you? Lots of men suicide happens because of this very mindset
Imagine judging someone that makes enough money to afford a console for their kid and a steam deck for themselves
Welcome to the Brotherhood OP. I'll be your guide.
Your Dad sounds like a very silly sausage.
He sounds like a POS.
He's not. He's just flawed. Nobody ever helped me more in my life. Especially after becoming an adult.
Welcome to the divorced gamers club. My ex wife would not let me play longer than 30 minutes at a time, when she knew that games were my stress release going into the relationship. I willingly stopped when my kids were born until they were a little older and could go longer than 10 minutes without both parents being available. After our first was born I never got my game time back, not because of the kid, but because she wanted to watch TV together or try for another baby. I just wanted to game.
As a fellow divorceĂŠ, people think it donât be like that, but it do.
lol why did you get married to a woman who doesnât like video games if your primary interest is video games?
Does your dad do anything particularly more productive compared to gaming?
I always found it odd you can watch sports for several hours and no one cares, but you play games for a few hours and you're addicted.
From the limited information you shared here - it looks like you are a better dad than yours ever was. He was judging and curbing your interests, you nurture and support your daughter's. Wishing you and your daughter only the best! :3
If I ever become a dad I want to be the cool and supportive dad like this ^^
this is a great comeback story
Bro they are all wrong and you were impoverished by them. Now you can be yourself and it is glorious to see!
Your dad is addicted to something
Way to break the cycle OP! Those memories of playing games with you will be some of the best for your daughter
Not sure why youâd even talk to someone like that anymore.
Hey Op,
care to explain why your Dad smashed his little Brothers console in the 90ies? And where does his hate for Video Games come from? Imo there are far worse things like (Gambling, Alcohol, Drugs). And he really smashed you GBA and Gamecube? My Dad (no longer having contact since he abused when I was young) hated VGs, said they make people ill, cause mass shooting and other stuff.
It looks like you had a toxic father, and a toxic wife, both with boundaries issues, and perhaps narcissists.
I was a teenager when I first realized that people who don't play videogames are often narcissists and psychopaths. Later psychologist explained that as a game follows rules, a psycho can not manipulate it as he/she does with living people, and therefore they don't play.
TLDR: Ask people what videogames they play; avoid those who don't play.
My girlfriend was like this but if anything I felt bad for her. Not gonna lie probably some of the most frustrating years of my life but progress was always being made on her end. Now sheâs a completely different person and my friends can tell.
Happily married and wouldnât change anything, she helped me too.
I'm so lucky that I married a fellow gamer. My husband and I both have our own consoles and tvs and we both understand when the other says they need to wind down in front of a game at the end of the day.
You're both lucky
My wife and I were the same. Always gaming together. Eventually I fell out of love with games and got into motorcycles.
But I'm still obsessed with computer hardware so every 5-6 years I build us matching overpowered gaming computers. Even tho gaming literally makes me nauseous now.
It's just nice to see her turn on ultra settings, start playing, and yell "WAY BETTER!" đ¤đĽ°
Just finished a 5800x3D + RX 9070 XT build on black Friday.
Tbh gaming as a couple's activity is underrated. My fiancee isn't a gamer per se (not video games anyway, she loves board games) but we love a good co-op experience. Playing through It Takes Two a while back was a blast and I realized it was the kind of experience I could only have had with a partner.
Having a Partner with No Hobbies Sounds miserable .
Not really, my wife doesn't really have hobbies, but she lets me have mine plus she sometimes joins/helps me with them, which means the world to me and makes me love her that much more. So it really depends on the person themselves.
I donât really have any hobbies. For the last 6 years I worked three jobs. My part time job bartending at a small craft brewery became my hobby. Now I moved to a different country to be with my partner and I donât really know what to do in my free time. I work just a part time job, 4,5 hours a day and dunno what to do with all the free time.
Maybe try baking some potatoes?
Maybe instead of feeling lost with all the extra time, you might see it as a boon if you try random and suggested hobbies. You never know? You might find one that you get into!
Maybe start browsing programs around you that are proposing different activities? And go try out some things you're visualizing yourself doing !
spoiler alert : YOU are their hobby
In my experience it is. Anytime I did anything(which was rare) itâd be considered be neglecting her. I started resenting her after awhile
What are you imagining that makes this so horrible?
âIâm bored, entertain me!â
24/7. Iâll never date anyone who doesnât have hobbies again. Some people cannot exist alone and I donât get it. They just vampire off everyone around them
OMG that just gave me PTSD LOL My current partner says that. If they are not at work they are scrolling social media on the couch and then when they get tired of the phone they look at me and say that and I just want to scream. In her case, she has always been surrounded by people. When she was growing up it was her family, then college and room mates, then she lived with her previous boyfriends, then when that didnt work out she moved back in with her parents. The only time she ever lived on her own was for 8 months before she moved in with me. People like her have never really had to entertain themselves or look inward and do any emotional work on their own. They have always had someone to distract them. I am planning on sitting her down and having a serious conversation because I am the type of person that loves independence, reflection, spending time alone and have a million different hobbies I can do. She is not. We are basically speaking 2 different emotional languages.
Is shopping a hobby? I've recently brought up this talk with my girlfriend, and she said herself that she doesn't have any hobbies besides shopping and having the ability to do what she wants when she has the time, e.g. getting her nails done, eyelashes done, etc.
But when she has spare time, and she isn't online shopping or any of the other stuff, she's able to spend hours scrolling on her phone and do nothing else. She does work hard and past her rostered hours as well, but to a fault in my opinion.
I have time for my own hobbies, but I find myself unable to do them as often because of the time I need to spend with her.
Nah, shopping isnât a hobby. Thrifting? Collecting a specific collectable/rare items that require hunting, research and dedication. Flipping furniture on marketplace. Those are all arguably hobbies that are attached to shopping, but updating your wardrobe and replacing your mascara isnât a hobby. Purchasing a new candle for your coffee table isnât a hobby. Sitting down to get your hair done also isnât a hobby.
Listening to music, reading, podcasts, the gym could be things she does sometimes that are hobbies, so itâs possible sheâs got some hobbies that she isnât really considering to be hobbies, maybe.
Shopping is not a hobby. I am in the same boat as you and I plan on sitting my gf down and having a talk with her. Learn your partners emotional attachment style and learn yours as well. It will give you insight why they are the way they are and will make you dig deeper into her upbringing and her family dynamics. That will explain a lot. Work together to figure it out and enforce your boundries otherwise toxic patterns will continue to repeat and they will escalate. You are not a baby sitter and your gf and you will have to do a lot of emotional intelligence work if you want the relationship to work
Shopping is not a hobby . Shopping just chases the short dopamine rush you'd get when buying new items.
Then you have a child and itâs third new manager.
Nah I would give my life for my child in a split second
The most effective manager yet. I would too mate.
Thatâs my point. Wife gets overruled by the new tyrant all the time, cause I might love her but that little guys on a different level entirely. Love doesnât even begin to describe it.
The cutest tyrants. They don't let you sleep. They shit and puke your clothes and won't stop screaming their lungs out over the slightest inconvenience. And you have no choice but to help them. But it's worth it.
Word of advice: leave that shit đ
How do I avoid being like this towards my partner in the future, this has been a grave fear for me what do I need to be careful about? /gen
Learn to entertain yourself by yourself. Learn independence in terms of fun. It doesn't need to be something productive, just don't make your entertainment be your partner's responsibility.
You may either engage in the hobbies of your partner or go do yours when they are doing theirs or invite them to engage in yours. Also plan things together, balance is the key, because if you two are always by themselves, then there's no point in being together. You need to have something in common.
Or find a partner who also has no hobbies and you both can rely on each other for entertainment, it also helps. You'll eventually find something you like to do together, but don't expect to have your alone time when needed, for my experience says that hobbyless people are either the best people to have around or the worst micromanagers in the world.
Honestly you really make it easier for myself as my core problem came from the fact that we do stuff together all the time, also I made sure to show them this and told them to communicate if I ever overstep their boundaries so I think Iâm golden actually. Thanks btw
Guess you really struck gold! Have a nice day!
This makes me very grateful for my girlfriend. She likes that I have my own hobbies and that we can find the balance between doing things together and having our own time. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to display my Warhammer models when I moved in, yet she was the one who suggested buying more display cases and extra shelves for future models.
This was my ex-wife.
she had zero hobbies. She said her hobbies were shopping and home decor.
Oh god no! Even the shopping partâŚ
yep....she had a minor in art history so i bought her a whole paint set..never painted....wanted to learn to play guitar, bought her a guitar...never played it, never learned.
meanwhile: I loved Archery, shooting, swimming, aquariums, golf, Roller blading, hiking, video games, video game collecting, weight training, trivia, movie buff, music buff, I'm a musician/drummer.
Never date or marry someone without hobbies or interests. Also, try to find someone who's hobbies/interests match and/or can be done in parallel to yours.
Oh god. My life in a nutshell.
I had to stop playing video games because she would get angry I was ignoring her and then she sat there looking at Facebook anyway. Wild how some people just seem annoyed youâre enjoying yourself.
This is weird post
Damn and I thought it sucks being single
It always just depends on the partner at the end of the day.
Never had a partner that didnât make my gaming a problem for them. Would love to be able to share a life with someone that didnât make my joy an impediment to theirs.
People without hobbies always come into two flairs:
The good one is the one who just doesn't mind you, let you live and will only be a problem if it's reasonable. They might engage into the hobby you like for a while, but most of the time they are fine by themselves or simply are happy you are happy, they are also great to ask things about the hobbies you have because they don't have the vision of a fan, so they think a lot out of the box. They are also easy to please.
The bad one is the one who can't seem to be able to breathe without criticizing the fact you make breakfast at a reasonable time, for starters.
Time for the grey rock method.
What's that?
Grey Rock Method is being as uninteresting and factual as possible to starve a narcissist or abuser of the drama they crave (as uninteresting as a grey rock). If they don't have drama to feed on, they have significantly less fuel to start an emotional fire, and they lose interest. It creates a bubble of "nothing" to distance you from them if you can't physically leave.
Unfortunately really effective.
Too relatable. Currently dealing with this. Sheâs getting better about it over time as I explain to her that I still wanna do shit and hang with my friends.
But man, sometimes she will be completely fine, but as soon as my friends hit me up to hang out, itâs all âwe never hang out, you always hang out with your friendsâ. Bro we literally hang out all the time, she only gets like that when I have plans or something. I used to hang out with the bros all the time, and I have been conceding to like maybe once a week, but for some reason, thatâs still too often lol.
Straight up told her thatâs text book manipulation to isolate your partner from their friends, and she kinda realized she was doing that subconsciously and is getting better about it lol
it's happened. I hate my wife comedy has come back, we've come full circle
You know what, remove the caption and this also fits whatâs going on with the chives guy
[removed]
u/pixel_counter_bot
I can't express how much I worry that this is me...
So, I might be the odd one out here, but I am completely fine with doing things on my own and having my partner doing his things on his own as well.
Sometimes we want to have a walk alone or even going to a cafĂŠ we both love but alone, we are married, not stuck, if one of us wants to do something without the other, then that's fine.
I don't understand. Why is your partner's lack of hobbies stopping you from having your own personal fulfillment? Plenty of people either do not have the time or don't have the interest in developing a bunch of hobbies.
No hobbies is a red flag
No way, steam deck worths every penny! I owned it for over two years and still absolutely love it
Had a similar experience without the move in part. It was very eye opening
I dumped a guy that literally worshipped the ground I walked on and wouldve made me a stay at home wife that never had to work again just because he was too boring in my opinion and I couldn't imagine being the only interesting one in a relationship for the rest of my life. Y'all really be staying with partners that straight up hate you and I can never understand it.
I'm moving in with my boyfriend next month and I'm hyped because it means we will have MORE time for our hobbies (including gaming) because we no longer need to spend all our free time going over to each other's place to hang out since I'll see him literally every day so we will be able to hang during the week instead and have our weekends back to do our own shit (which will likely still be us hanging out most of the time, but still)
As long as my bf is pulling his weight with house work, IDC how long he spends gaming.
graça eus
yea... right
holy crap!