Lol, I've been going through a pretty consequential time at work - some tough decisions weighing on me. When I try to talk about it with people in my personal life, I get like 3 sentences in, and the eyes just glaze over. It happens with my wife, my friends, and my parents. Interestingly, not with my sister - I think it's cause she's going through a similar set of problems - so thats nice.
But yeah, often we do share, and just nobody cares.
Yeah, I find that the best thing to do is take that bottle and give it good shake every month or so as well. You know, so something impulsive that reeeeally adds an edge to all the other shit you've got going on.
It’s almost like men should meet at a bar after work to air their grievances at least once a week, then go home unburdened by their problems. Almost seems cathartic, healthy, and copacetic to a happy marriage.
You can tell me your situation in DMs if you want brother. Im on arvo shift today but I will listen and respond when I can.
I do 7 days away from home and a single dad. I’ve got a great best mate who rings me every couple of weeks to check in and always has time to listen so I’m reaching out to be a mate.
The only person to whom I can really talk about these things and will listen is the person whom I am paying to do so: my therapist. Everyone else doesn't have the patience for it and expects me just to pull myself together and deal with my own shit, so I do.
My wife will literally interrupt with something completely unrelated. Like I can tell she had to have zoned out then thought about something else then talk in the middle of my sentence.
I'm not sure if that's a man thing though, generally people don't always want to hear stories about people's work unless they have the full context of where you are coming from. My wife will vent about work and I genuinely don't know what to say sometimes because I don't know any of the people she's talking about and don't understand the nuance of what she's describing because I'm not there and wasn't a part of any of it. It really depends on the type of work conversation though
That's fair, but it's nice to try. It's hard to get good context, but I feel like work can stress folks out a bunch so it helps a lot to have someone to talk it over with.
I certainly agree with you. I'm going through a similar problem at work right now. I could talk through the decisions with some coworkers but that's feels kind of inappropriate and risky given that the decision will effect most of them to some degree. I could certainly talk to my wife and friends about it but I would need like an hour to fully explain why I'm annoyed with it lol.
Children and women should expect unconditional love. Men should make peace with being instrumental to the people they love unconditionally.
Or spend a life being resentful and bitter , whatever
I literally spent a straight week complaining about customers being extremely rude and cursing at me and people were like "what're you gonna do?" It got to the point where I'm showing obvious signs of depression and people are like "are you alright, why aren't you sharing?" I did share and you did nothing.
Your wife or significant other says to share, but when you d, you end up worrying them that you’re going to lose your job, or your house or sanity. That opens a whole other can of worms. One that can and will be avoided.
So we self medicate some how. We cope. Some poor guys end up not able to handle it, and those are the ones I feel the worst for. You can’t ask them about it, they won’t talk or if they do, they play it off.
I just hope for a few good moments a day.
I wake up. Good. My kids are ok, Good. My wife is ok. Good. Everything else is gravy.
Crying in front of anyone is a gambling game where the gamble has the same win chance as the lottery.
I can't even remember all the stories I've been told by friends, or read online, where a guy cried in front of their girlfriend and was broken up with for it, or mocked for it, or treated as lesser for it. Wives are apparently not much better.
It's just not worth the drama and risk, I'll cry in private or not at all.
My ex would constantly ask me to show more emotion to her. She wanted me to cry and vent the way women do. Fortunately I knew better, women will use that shit against you.
Same. I literally couldn’t cry before I met her - that part of me had died when I was less than 7. I was super depressed and self injuring, but I couldn’t cry, even from pain. She managed to get me to feel again.
That’s awesome. It’s great that you found the woman you needed most. My wife’s a hard woman and it suits me. At the lowest, most stressful point in my life, I got some crushing new. I felt like I was forced to the ground and hit my knees hard. “Get up. We’re not weak. Where there’s life, there’s hope.” And she walked off. It probably sounds weird/bad, but this woman suits me. ILOVE her. Our kids are grown, and I don’t think they get us at all.
That’s great and all but as a sensitive woman I would be crushed to hear my husband describe me that way. Not in the unrealistic greatest human to ever grace earth type way but I wouldn’t want him to just think of me as meh but easy to chill with.
It's a canon event in a man's life; mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, coworker, or whatever else; I think most men go through it and learn their lesson.
Oof, had this happen. I start to share a emotional issue, get hit with, "how do you think that makes ME feel?" And people wonder why men don't share.
And the worst part? Right now, as you read this, there is somebody screenshotting these comments and sharing with their friends, "look at these babies, too week to handle emotions."
Ask any man who’s cried in front of their wife how that worked out for them. Especially those married to so called liberal or feminist women. Even better if we can get a scientific sample size.
42 yr old male married with 2 kids. I cannot watch the Incredibles scene where Bob tells Hellen he's not strong enough to lose them again without tearing up. My wife & kids laugh at me every time.
that video was tough to watch man i hope it was staged as well but i really don’t think it was. that man was having a really emotional moment probably thinking about how fast time has passed, memories of using that wire in some project with his dad or someone else who’s no longer here etc and she ruined it by saying that stupid shit about the NY jets being bad
Right? Like this isn’t normal. Women encourage other women to leave shitty partners. If your wife laughs when you cry why would you accept that behavior??
I guess other people would consider me a liberal feminist. My husband cried because his father has dementia and the cat we loved died, then asked if I thought he was a pussy. Made me cry that men can't just work through their stress with tears when it helps release stress hormones. Y'all have so much on your shoulders just being men. Sorry you feel you can't be yourself with someone.
It's within the man , all men like to play the tough guy role . The way I see it I'll cry when & if I have to . Once you let that paranoia of others worrying life becomes great . Idgaf what anyone thinks , cool think I'm a pussy but they won't do a thing about it kind of feeling you know. Anyone who thinks a man is a pussy for crying has some past issues getting bullied , is closeted , or is way too into right wing or hype beast incel tate stuff. Not saying your man is any of these things just saying I know so many ppl growing up would would clown on anyone who cried , but had the worst lives at home etc. it's always some sort of projection IMO or guilt .
I'm married to a feminist and have cried in front of her. I think it was like seven years ago the first time. Nothing changed between us because of it. There are a lot of "feminists" out there who don't actually understand what it means to be one.
When my husband cries I stay right there with him and help him work through it however he needs me, even if he just needs a hug or someone to talk it out with. I agree that many women can’t handle it because I used to be like that when I was young and shitty. But a wise woman knows that a man who can share his feelings and be open with his thoughts is a keeper. I am sorry that you have only experienced immature women.
It's just... so much shit has gone through me that I seem to not be able to anymore? And, like, I want to cry. I wish I could. I need to.
But I just kinda forgot how? And I was "the crybaby" in my male friend groups back when I was younger, so I'm kind of a proficient, ranked competitive crybaby, yet I just can't anymore.
As you said, I just play it off, unconsciously.
So yeah, that's that. I'm glad it came off my chest.
Bruhhh I feel you. I only cry when I'm blackout faded or if I'm signing the right song in the car, something in my subconscious shuts it down so fast when it does happen
Same, I've got to be blackout drunk and singing the right song that takes me back to when mom was alive, pr something like that, which doesn't happen often because... well, I don't want my friends to see me blackout drunk.
Like i feel like i have physically forgotten how to cry. Like i literally can't and the last time i ever cried was like, when i was in elementary school or something
I've been fortunate to have girlfriends where I can be open and vulnerable with them for the most part.
One woman I dated recently said she was repulsed when I put my ass on her or something like that because it seemed feminine to her. I don't even remember what I did, I just like joking around. Heaven forbid a tall bodybuilding, mechanic, handyman, stripper do something remotely feminine as a joke. She did me a favor and blocked me when I pointed out that it was disrespectful that her father ignored the fact that his wife flirted with every guy around her constantly just because she always went home with him.
Do you want to see your wife cry? No? So is she not allowed to cry in front of you? Emotions are healthy and allowed. I am sorry that you are in a situation where you can’t share your worries and feelings with your wife at your own expense. This mindset is why so many men are struggling.
When my husband cries I am right there with him. If there are problems, if something is wrong with his job, our finances, the house, I am right there with him to help him figure it out. He does not stand alone. He does not have to suffer nor worry about anything without my support. You never know, maybe your wife is stronger than you think.
Yeah no one cares how we’re doing. And that’s just the reality of being a man. Feminists like to shit on us but they don’t know how good they’ve got it. Stay strong boys, cuz remember…. Nobody cares
Welp. Here's my monthly post about how depressing some men's lives are.
Fact : Most men will only get flowers once in their life. Their funeral.
Showing affection and gratitude towards men is looked down on for some reason, all while pretending ALL women are queens?
If you treat me like a king, I'll treat u like a queen. Simple as that. That needs to be normalized.
You know, cool thing, my wife knew this and gives me flowers a few times a year. Also, behave like a king in front of a queen, and she won't need to ask.
Yeah. I've bought my girlfriend multiple gifts over the years that wasn't for her birthday, X-Mas, or Valentines. Just little things here and there that I've seen on Amazon as I shopped for myself. Which is easy to do because of the algorithm it has to show similar products that you've bought or looked at.
I've never been given a random gift. We've been together for 10 years. For women, I guess this is normal to NOT find the time of day to show affection like that.
It's says nothing about that imo, I've genuinely never heard a man express interest in receiving flowers. I certainly don't want flowers and have no interest in them.
It's not about the flowers, it's about the gesture and what it represents. You aren't supposed to ask for an apology either, doesn't mean you don't appreciate it when you get one.
Newsflash: you are not all men. I don’t like receiving flowers either, and I’m not going to shame those who do. And I think it’s about time to do the same as well.
When you're dead, you're not getting flowers. They're not for you. Everything about funerals is for the living. And men don't typically want flowers. If you desire something that isn't typically thought of as being for men, you need to communicate it so the people in your life have a chance to get it for you.
And if you have no one in your life that shows you affection or gratitude, you need to widen your circle and surround yourself with good people.
And just who exactly pretends all women are queens? And please don't say society, because that's used as a cop-out when people can't give a specific answer.
Lots of men have been in relationships where they break down and cry in front of their partner, and then she leaves. That’s a very common experience among men. We don’t do this because we want to, that’s how our society is. Women don’t want to see that shit, no matter how much they keep claiming to
You think it takes crying? Say you have an emotion after she digs and prys for 20 minutes, the room fills with her feeling of ick, and the relationship is over.
I mean many men don't have friendship's that revolve around trauma dumping and being dramatic. At least the men in my area don't. That's something we should be proud of and maintain.
Draw the distinction between tactfully navigating a situation like an adult vs. having small meltdowns?
Edit: You've absolutely met people like that. There's even a name for it, "trauma bonding." It's the cornerstone of a litany of unhealthy relationships. If you're going to be myopic and argue for the sake of arguing, good luck.
can you give an example conversation please otherwise you're not really saying anything that's actionable it's like you're hallucinating like a chatbot or something where you are confidently stating something without evidence so I'm asking for the evidence thanks
These downvotes are hilarious but not surprising on reddit.
Who the hell would want to hang out out with someone that's going to emotionally dump and be dramatic? No one wants to add someone else's burdens to their own unless they truly need help, especially someone you're hanging out with to try and relieve stress.
What have you done to arm this bomb? Every response has been level-headed and not reactionary, but multiple people are reducing themselves to reddit stereotypes to get under your skin.
I was certainly just like that at one point. So many people just avoid actually talking honsetly and either completely misrepresent what you said or they immediately boucne from the topic to try and guess something personal about you which is always entertaining. I try to use my feelings as a tool, not the motivating force behind my beliefs and the way I interact with other people. I certainly slip up still though lol.
I just can't relate to this group of men who paint themselves as a victim of society. It just seems so ridiculous to me. I've had plenty of bad experiences but I don't blame being a man for those experiences. There's a whole plethora or reasons why people experience certain behaviors from other people and the person's sex is just one of those factors. Just my opinion of course
Wow, bro. Just say you hate women and get help. Gross and problematic. Narcissism at its worst on full display. Full stop.
But really: I personally do think a lot of men's issues are getting swept under the rug and misunderstood. "Victim of society" might be a little dramatic, but we get more of a raw deal than most of us were led to believe as kids. But your differing opinion is clearly coming from a place of honesty and good faith, not trolling.
Hahah I would agree with that, I think we have unique challenges that are hard to understand for women that do not experience them. Women obviously have their own unique challenges that many men disregard...and probably many people would disagree about what those challenges even are for both.
I just used "victim of society" more as a reference to what I'm seeing very regularly posted online, mostly on reddit. There's an insane of amount of posts from men that all sit around and misery circlejerk about how terrible it is to be a man. That's really what I'm annoyed with specifically. It's obviously not like this is some unique male perspective, some women have a the same mentality. r/nicegirls is a good example of some women's view of men, it honestly gets pretty crazy in there lmao
Sorry you've had such bad experiences with therapy, brother, but that won't necessarily be everyone's experience. I'd probably be dead without it for instance. A good therapist can make a world of difference but a bad one can definitely make shit worse.
Ive tried to talk about it. It's easier for them to ignore it tell it effects them. I gave up because this what I got.
"Kids your age..."
Im 21, I can own guns! and drink! im not a fucking kid.
"Go outside, take the dog out"
I work outside! And i spend as much time with my dog as I can!
"Pray to God, those bad thoughts are just the devil!!"
Fuck you!, yall tell me im broken all my life and guilt trip me into believing in what you want, and then sell the cure when im at a low point.
This. 100%. I just learned to not give others my energy if I think it won't do any good. Why bother? It would ruin my peace. Idgaf about validation anymore from people. I learn and brush up on necessary skills we'll all probably need in the future.
It sucks I have no family, and all my friends turned out to not be real friends, but that also means I don't need to worry about losing anyone either. There's a silver lining to every cloud 😊
When I have a problem or stress, I deal with it myself. Nobody else is going to solve my problems for me. I don’t necessarily want to talk about it because I don’t want someone interjecting their opinion into the problem that I need to solve.
I have a habit of showing sympathy and care by sharing stories and situations that made me feel the same as the person I'm talking to. Makes me come across as self centered. One could argue its me trying to open up and be vulnerable, which is selfish depending on the context.
Being honest about why I do that has helped a lot with people knowing I mean well.
Yeah, I do the same thing to try to relate to people, to validate that I can empathize, but in the end, I’ve realized it’s off-putting because it makes their story about me. Best to wait until asked and just say “wow, that must’ve been scary.” and leave it at that.
If you are emotionally invested wife gets dry, bros can’t help (usually because they suffer themselves), mother makes you a child again… If you emotionally closed everybody brags that you don’t share your soul and don’t let them in your heart .
Well most of the time peoplr cannot handle complex or hard feelings, women or men who see you as lesser fpr having completly normal range of feelings are not equioped to deal woth lives hard side. May ot be their own or not, that is why they vent etc
Simply but they never confronted thise feelings in themselves and are numbibg/running/outsourcing the managememt of those feelings
When they see you break dowm they are reminded of what they running from
Most women who get upset about you having emotions or not being the manly men, are not seing the real you only what you can provide. It is the most basoc form of "dad please handle my life and provide your princess"
Exactly why I hate these gender norms and expectations, people expect women to cry and men to just be robots.
Like no, let's just have human norms atp, humans feel, humans do cry, and it's normal if anybody cries, it's not shameful or weird, it's normal.
I never understand why people get stressed or allow themselves to worry about things they don't control? I just always try my best to engineer the most optimal outcome for myself and I don't worry otherwise. It is what it is and that's all it is. I just deal with it and move on.
"complains this sucks and seems a little one sided and unfair"
Someone else: "that's life dude, you just got a suck it up stay strong and do your best"
Ik that I just wanted to vent about the suck for a second instead you get told basically "that's life, grow up" and we wonder why so many people are miserable doing stuff they do t want to do, and just chalked up to " you got a do what you gotta do" with no real conversation behind it
I wouldn’t say it’s always that nobody cares but I do filter my concerns if I think they’re going to stress out people close to me.
I’m sure every man has been through the experience of keeping a concern to yourself until after it’s already resolved and then telling your partner because you didn’t want to burden them with stress but you also don’t want them to feel like you’re hiding things.
Yeah, no one cares. They say or think they do but it's not true. Cry or show weakness in front of your wife, they lose their attraction to you. Better to bottle it up and hope that you can be strong enough to not let it kill you.
Never let anyone see you showing weakness of any kind. They lose respect for you, they lose interest in you, they mock you. Nothing good comes from this with men, only magnified problems.
You almost had that right.... it's that no females care about our stress! Why do you think most of us have men as our best friends, unless it's our dog, because there's more empathy from the casual stranger we meet at a bar then there is from the woman we have vowed to spend our life with
Exactly this. It sucks because they genuinely believe that this is their “cross to bear” as a woman. The simple act of emotionally connecting with and helping another human being is appearantly oppressive and gross. I hope to never have to deal with this is my dating life. Ever.
Because it's my problems, I don't need to tell people my problems if I don't need help with them. If I need company I'll ask my friends to hangout, I'll disconnect and come back to my problems well rested, doesn't mean people need to know about them.
I don't cry because I'm "hiding it" I don't cry because I simply don't need to. Smoking a shit lot of weed has taught me that problems have a solution or they don't. If they have a solution and you're working to solve them then why worry, if it doesn't have a solution then why worry.
Why bother? First off no one cares, not even my family and second why would I do something that's going to be used against me at some point or just dismissed completely if I even try to share.
Must better to just bottle it up inside and then find safe outlets like the gym or gaming. Never met anyone who wants or cares to hear what I go through. Just how things are.
I'm guessing it has to do with how men will tell everyone that weak men don't deserve happiness and crying is an admission of weakness.
I think you're indeed wrong. Literally, no man has ever said this to me, nor have I heard a man say that to another man. Women, on the other hand, I have heard say this.
Very much wrong, thanks though.
What's the point of saying your problems to people. You tell friends, youre telling them private info. You tell your parents, youre a mommas boy. You tell your SO, and you can actually see the dislike and ick growing on their face. So theres no point. We keep our mouths shut and suffer until we finally snap and hope its just a S, not an M-S
But you shouldn't, bottling up emotions never helps.
And you don't need to be vulnerable in front of a woman, maybe establish friendships where you can talk to your friends about it? Then, when you do open up to your spouse, and they don't take it well, you can just dip since you'll have a good support group from your friends and possibly family. Fuck gender standards about men not crying, we're still human at the end of the day and we all feel.
Lol, having no friends and people around to bother you helps, you just have you and the music you listen to, and sometimes some added liquid support, no stress at all..!!
It a waste of time expressing those emotions for guys… because nobody cares. It would be theatre for nobody.
You maybe might get one buddy to be like “yeah, hang in there dude” with a shoulder pat. But then he stops texting or hanging out around you for 4-5 months because that was weird.
I'll get downvoted for this. I agree, but not in the way he's presenting his case. He's right that they don't hide it - they shoot kids in schools, go on rape and murder sprees, visit disturbing websites, stab people and light them on fire on trains, abuse their families to destress and blow steam, etc. And he's right that no one cares. If they did, things would change. But they don't because the victims are almost always women or poor or middle class family children - no one cares about them.
You say that you’re gonna get downvoted because deep down you know your premise is terrible. You’ve turned a post about how it’s socially difficult to emotionally open up as a man into a misadrist take that paints emotionally unstable men as murderers, rapists, and arsonists. I really hope you don’t see half the population of the world that way. I’d recommend meeting some men in real life; most men are kind, genuine people who want to help, not monsters waiting for their chance to rape someone.
I said that because people hate the truth, and was right lol. I didn’t say men are monsters, and I didn’t say most men are violent. I’m talking about patterns, not individual character.
The idea that men “hide stress” isn’t accurate. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They externalise. Anger, risk-taking, aggression, self-destructive behaviour, and harm to others are well-documented outlets when emotional regulation isn’t taught or even valued when people have the ability and chance to pursue / develop it.
Men aren’t told to bottle emotions by women or by victims, they’re socialised to do it by male cultural norms, and those norms reward stoicism while punishing vulnerability. Saying “it’s hard for men to open up” without interrogating who enforces that skips accountability.
And when those pressures spill over into harm, society suddenly notices, but only after someone else pays the price. That’s the point. We don’t invest seriously in prevention, emotional education, or early intervention.
Acknowledging these failures isn’t misandry. It’s how problems actually get solved.
And for the record, I have met men. That's why I have the opinions I do.
Congratulations on being right about purposefully offending people using fiery, partisan languange. You’re incredibly deep and insightful. The one downvote I gave you (plus another one) is an amazing indicator of the validity of what you’re saying and you’re so very clever for predicting the outcome.
That being said though, I agree with this take. I just think that you worded it excruciatingly poorly. The only thing that I don’t fully agree with is your take on accountability. Since you have chosen to give me anecdotal evidence, so shall I. In my personal experience, half the girls are equally as shitty as you describe men. At the end of the day, I don’t think men are mostly to blame for what we do and don’t express. Historically, women collectively shape cultures by expressing what they want from the men in their lives. Men would most certainly be more emotionally open if the female role models in their lives rewarded that kind of behavior. It’s very easy for a man to not worry about what another man thinks of him, but if he chooses not to care about what a woman thinks of him, that’s an opportunity for love (and reproduction) down the drain. Not to mention what she’ll say to her friends and the social impact it would have.
Other than that though, I think you’re right. Stress does manifest in harmful behavior and if we as a culture worked on improving these personal/societal issues, I’m very sure we’d see less violence and degeneracy
Okay, so we agree more than disagree, and I’ll leave the meta commentary about your tone aside because it doesn’t change the substance, you "kind and genuine" man, you XD Also, last time I saw my comment, it had 6 downvotes, I only assumed it would go further down. Sue me.
Where I fundamentally disagree is the idea that women are primarily responsible for shaping men’s emotional expression. That assumes women have historically had equal social, economic, and psychological power to set norms- which simply isn’t true.
For most of modern history, women were expected to adapt to men’s emotional limits, not the other way around. Even now, many women are actively unlearning survival-based behaviours developed under control, dependence, or punishment for noncompliance. You can’t reasonably expect people who were socialised to manage others’ emotions for safety to also be responsible for teaching emotional regulation to those with more power. I was born into an extremely conservative and I'm gonna say brutal environment, I realised when I was 4 years old that I couldn't rely on my mother because she was afraid and quite brainwashed, I mean there were a couple moments where she would listen or find my rebellion amusing, but I was on my own and I persevered. So it's really difficult for me to accept these "reasons".
Anyways, on a practical level, boys learn emotional rules earliest and most forcefully from other men: fathers, peers, authority figures, and institutions. That’s where stoicism is rewarded and vulnerability is penalised. Romantic selection happens much later and doesn’t override years of conditioning. And we can also talk about how boys and men have always cared more about what other boys and men will think. So the idea that they would feel satisfied by a girl or woman's validation is not believable, at least for now, where they don't see and respect females as equals or worthy of listening to. Even online, you see parents, moms usually, talking about how the internet (e.g., toxic redpill or manosphere content) or the crowd they hang with changed their sons. So even the women who apparently do it right do so in vain.
Women are not a monolith, and yes, some individuals reinforce harmful norms, but that’s not the same as women collectively shaping male emotional culture. Accountability still sits primarily with the systems and norms that reward emotional suppression in men long before dating dynamics come into play.
We agree that suppressed stress externalises into harm. My point is that solving that requires honest responsibility about where those norms originate, not redistributing the burden onto people who historically had little room to refuse them.
Lol, I've been going through a pretty consequential time at work - some tough decisions weighing on me. When I try to talk about it with people in my personal life, I get like 3 sentences in, and the eyes just glaze over. It happens with my wife, my friends, and my parents. Interestingly, not with my sister - I think it's cause she's going through a similar set of problems - so thats nice.
But yeah, often we do share, and just nobody cares.
I'm at the point where I just keep things bottled up because I know if I express my opinion and issues shits all gonna fall apart
It's very healthy
Yeah, I find that the best thing to do is take that bottle and give it good shake every month or so as well. You know, so something impulsive that reeeeally adds an edge to all the other shit you've got going on.
At this point I'm just festering quietly
I'm sure the inevitable explosion will be epic so that's fun
That’s why you leave a crack in the lid so it starts overflowing out and festering every once and a while
It’s almost like men should meet at a bar after work to air their grievances at least once a week, then go home unburdened by their problems. Almost seems cathartic, healthy, and copacetic to a happy marriage.
But didn't you know? You're the problem, bro. Life is better for everyone when you shut the fuck up and let them talk about themselves. /s
Tbh Im absolutely partly to blame for my issues. I'm pretty unconfrontational so I let things slide when I should speak up.
Just to keep the peace. Anyway enough of me bitching on reddit lolol
That's right; be the man you were born to be!
You can tell me your situation in DMs if you want brother. Im on arvo shift today but I will listen and respond when I can.
I do 7 days away from home and a single dad. I’ve got a great best mate who rings me every couple of weeks to check in and always has time to listen so I’m reaching out to be a mate.
The only person to whom I can really talk about these things and will listen is the person whom I am paying to do so: my therapist. Everyone else doesn't have the patience for it and expects me just to pull myself together and deal with my own shit, so I do.
My wife will literally interrupt with something completely unrelated. Like I can tell she had to have zoned out then thought about something else then talk in the middle of my sentence.
I'm not sure if that's a man thing though, generally people don't always want to hear stories about people's work unless they have the full context of where you are coming from. My wife will vent about work and I genuinely don't know what to say sometimes because I don't know any of the people she's talking about and don't understand the nuance of what she's describing because I'm not there and wasn't a part of any of it. It really depends on the type of work conversation though
That's fair, but it's nice to try. It's hard to get good context, but I feel like work can stress folks out a bunch so it helps a lot to have someone to talk it over with.
I certainly agree with you. I'm going through a similar problem at work right now. I could talk through the decisions with some coworkers but that's feels kind of inappropriate and risky given that the decision will effect most of them to some degree. I could certainly talk to my wife and friends about it but I would need like an hour to fully explain why I'm annoyed with it lol.
Children and women should expect unconditional love. Men should make peace with being instrumental to the people they love unconditionally. Or spend a life being resentful and bitter , whatever
I literally spent a straight week complaining about customers being extremely rude and cursing at me and people were like "what're you gonna do?" It got to the point where I'm showing obvious signs of depression and people are like "are you alright, why aren't you sharing?" I did share and you did nothing.
Who wants to see a man cry? Really?
No one not even the man who needs it.
Your wife or significant other says to share, but when you d, you end up worrying them that you’re going to lose your job, or your house or sanity. That opens a whole other can of worms. One that can and will be avoided.
So we self medicate some how. We cope. Some poor guys end up not able to handle it, and those are the ones I feel the worst for. You can’t ask them about it, they won’t talk or if they do, they play it off.
I just hope for a few good moments a day.
I wake up. Good. My kids are ok, Good. My wife is ok. Good. Everything else is gravy.
Crying in front of anyone is a gambling game where the gamble has the same win chance as the lottery.
I can't even remember all the stories I've been told by friends, or read online, where a guy cried in front of their girlfriend and was broken up with for it, or mocked for it, or treated as lesser for it. Wives are apparently not much better.
It's just not worth the drama and risk, I'll cry in private or not at all.
My ex would constantly ask me to show more emotion to her. She wanted me to cry and vent the way women do. Fortunately I knew better, women will use that shit against you.
Reason why I married my wife. She's not the most motivated, best looking, most socially apt, or anything really.
But she's drama free and when I have cried in front of her she's been supportive.
Part of being an AuDHD weirdo comes with being empathetic and genuine and not feeling the social pressure to ostracize people when they show emotion.
Same. I literally couldn’t cry before I met her - that part of me had died when I was less than 7. I was super depressed and self injuring, but I couldn’t cry, even from pain. She managed to get me to feel again.
Women read shit like that and see it as an insult see it as you settling.
Stereotype is men are animistic and are only interested in appearances.
But in the truth you won and you know it.
That’s awesome. It’s great that you found the woman you needed most. My wife’s a hard woman and it suits me. At the lowest, most stressful point in my life, I got some crushing new. I felt like I was forced to the ground and hit my knees hard. “Get up. We’re not weak. Where there’s life, there’s hope.” And she walked off. It probably sounds weird/bad, but this woman suits me. ILOVE her. Our kids are grown, and I don’t think they get us at all.
That’s great and all but as a sensitive woman I would be crushed to hear my husband describe me that way. Not in the unrealistic greatest human to ever grace earth type way but I wouldn’t want him to just think of me as meh but easy to chill with.
Okay? You're not my wife.
Of course. I’ve just never known a man or woman who was really excited about their partner thinking they are mid but reliable like Toyota Camry 😂😂
Excuse me miss. My wife is reliable like a Toyota Prius.
Definitely a hood slapper
Substance over packaging
But I mean you have to have at least a bit of marketing going on to even get some interest so clearly doesn’t mean they are “nothing”
But someone could see a flashy packaging and just nice packaging but actually decent stuff and choose the decent stuff
I've done this and learned the hard way I cried in front of my ex once and for years she used it against me
It's a canon event in a man's life; mother, sister, girlfriend, wife, coworker, or whatever else; I think most men go through it and learn their lesson.
Plenty won't
I feel bad for you guys. People don't even see you as human. My wife has always supported me, whether I was crashing out or not.
Oof, had this happen. I start to share a emotional issue, get hit with, "how do you think that makes ME feel?" And people wonder why men don't share.
And the worst part? Right now, as you read this, there is somebody screenshotting these comments and sharing with their friends, "look at these babies, too week to handle emotions."
Wouldn’t surprise me me in the least.
This hits so close to home. I’m in my mid 20’s and I’ve been struggling with this so hard for years.
This sounds healthy to me. Having purpose needs to be enough.
Ask any man who’s cried in front of their wife how that worked out for them. Especially those married to so called liberal or feminist women. Even better if we can get a scientific sample size.
42 yr old male married with 2 kids. I cannot watch the Incredibles scene where Bob tells Hellen he's not strong enough to lose them again without tearing up. My wife & kids laugh at me every time.
That’s really shitty of them
Low stakes crying is unlike high stakes crying.
They might laugh a bit at low stakes stuff.
But they won't fundamentally change their view of you. They probably won't rethink whether you're reliable.
Cry about something important ...
Edit: see clarifications below.
How dare something be emotionally resonant and make him tear up, you are so right.
It’s like the guy who used up his wire.
Ok dude now I'm going to cry about the fucking dude who used up his wire, I hope that was staged.
that video was tough to watch man i hope it was staged as well but i really don’t think it was. that man was having a really emotional moment probably thinking about how fast time has passed, memories of using that wire in some project with his dad or someone else who’s no longer here etc and she ruined it by saying that stupid shit about the NY jets being bad
That video pissed me off so much. Still want to give that dude a hug.I would have divorced her right then and there.
I'm articulating biases not supporting them.
My purpose is to underscore a distinction in our (problematic) conception of masculinity.
Men crying during a movie is to invite ridicule. Men crying over major events invites anxiety, hostility, and worse.
None of it is healthy.
The Aztecs are regarded as a warrior society. It was thought manly for men to cry for the right events.
It could be different. It would probably be better if it were.
Sorry you have a terrible wife bro
Right? Like this isn’t normal. Women encourage other women to leave shitty partners. If your wife laughs when you cry why would you accept that behavior??
I guess other people would consider me a liberal feminist. My husband cried because his father has dementia and the cat we loved died, then asked if I thought he was a pussy. Made me cry that men can't just work through their stress with tears when it helps release stress hormones. Y'all have so much on your shoulders just being men. Sorry you feel you can't be yourself with someone.
It's within the man , all men like to play the tough guy role . The way I see it I'll cry when & if I have to . Once you let that paranoia of others worrying life becomes great . Idgaf what anyone thinks , cool think I'm a pussy but they won't do a thing about it kind of feeling you know. Anyone who thinks a man is a pussy for crying has some past issues getting bullied , is closeted , or is way too into right wing or hype beast incel tate stuff. Not saying your man is any of these things just saying I know so many ppl growing up would would clown on anyone who cried , but had the worst lives at home etc. it's always some sort of projection IMO or guilt .
My partner holds me when I cry. She's the best person in my life.
I hope you can find someone who does the same.
I'm married to a feminist and have cried in front of her. I think it was like seven years ago the first time. Nothing changed between us because of it. There are a lot of "feminists" out there who don't actually understand what it means to be one.
When my husband cries I stay right there with him and help him work through it however he needs me, even if he just needs a hug or someone to talk it out with. I agree that many women can’t handle it because I used to be like that when I was young and shitty. But a wise woman knows that a man who can share his feelings and be open with his thoughts is a keeper. I am sorry that you have only experienced immature women.
You’re a great partner!
It worked out great. She supported me, and comforted me.
Why not in front of eachother?
I would like to see myself cry.
It's just... so much shit has gone through me that I seem to not be able to anymore? And, like, I want to cry. I wish I could. I need to.
But I just kinda forgot how? And I was "the crybaby" in my male friend groups back when I was younger, so I'm kind of a proficient, ranked competitive crybaby, yet I just can't anymore.
As you said, I just play it off, unconsciously.
So yeah, that's that. I'm glad it came off my chest.
Bruhhh I feel you. I only cry when I'm blackout faded or if I'm signing the right song in the car, something in my subconscious shuts it down so fast when it does happen
Same, I've got to be blackout drunk and singing the right song that takes me back to when mom was alive, pr something like that, which doesn't happen often because... well, I don't want my friends to see me blackout drunk.
Too relatable
Like i feel like i have physically forgotten how to cry. Like i literally can't and the last time i ever cried was like, when i was in elementary school or something
Same here, just that I cried last year, idk what triggered it but it was one big baby cry, bawling and all. And sober!
I've been fortunate to have girlfriends where I can be open and vulnerable with them for the most part.
One woman I dated recently said she was repulsed when I put my ass on her or something like that because it seemed feminine to her. I don't even remember what I did, I just like joking around. Heaven forbid a tall bodybuilding, mechanic, handyman, stripper do something remotely feminine as a joke. She did me a favor and blocked me when I pointed out that it was disrespectful that her father ignored the fact that his wife flirted with every guy around her constantly just because she always went home with him.
I comfort my hubs when he cries. Men cry too.
This is so true especially about significant others.
Do you want to see your wife cry? No? So is she not allowed to cry in front of you? Emotions are healthy and allowed. I am sorry that you are in a situation where you can’t share your worries and feelings with your wife at your own expense. This mindset is why so many men are struggling.
When my husband cries I am right there with him. If there are problems, if something is wrong with his job, our finances, the house, I am right there with him to help him figure it out. He does not stand alone. He does not have to suffer nor worry about anything without my support. You never know, maybe your wife is stronger than you think.
I didnt even cry at my dad's funeral.
Wanted to.
Couldn't.
to be honestly I don't even want to see women and children crying. Not because of empathy but because it shows a lack of self control in public.
When vulnerability gets punished, men learn to stop showing it.
Yeah no one cares how we’re doing. And that’s just the reality of being a man. Feminists like to shit on us but they don’t know how good they’ve got it. Stay strong boys, cuz remember…. Nobody cares
That's what weed helped me more fully realize.
I only have so many fucks to give--even one singular fuck is VERY PRECIOUS.
Fucks-to-give are limited in stock, and I lost most of my fucks a while back (like elementary in elementary school detention or something like that)
Fucks are finite.
If a mfer say I'd complain but no one would listen, he's a bad moment away from slitting his wrists.
Welp. Here's my monthly post about how depressing some men's lives are.
Fact : Most men will only get flowers once in their life. Their funeral.
Showing affection and gratitude towards men is looked down on for some reason, all while pretending ALL women are queens?
If you treat me like a king, I'll treat u like a queen. Simple as that. That needs to be normalized.
You know, cool thing, my wife knew this and gives me flowers a few times a year. Also, behave like a king in front of a queen, and she won't need to ask.
I can count on one finger all the times someone not family related made me a small gift out of genuine goodwill that wasn't for my birthday or xmas.
I was so confused and happy I didn't know what to do, it was 6 years ago and I still remember it well
Yeah. I've bought my girlfriend multiple gifts over the years that wasn't for her birthday, X-Mas, or Valentines. Just little things here and there that I've seen on Amazon as I shopped for myself. Which is easy to do because of the algorithm it has to show similar products that you've bought or looked at.
I've never been given a random gift. We've been together for 10 years. For women, I guess this is normal to NOT find the time of day to show affection like that.
King?🙄 Queen?😮💨
Are you trolling? You seriously want to be given flowers?
The fact that you think this is a troll already should tell you something about how men are treated
It's says nothing about that imo, I've genuinely never heard a man express interest in receiving flowers. I certainly don't want flowers and have no interest in them.
I’ve heard it plenty of times even would like em for myself. It’s a nice gesture
It's not about the flowers, it's about the gesture and what it represents. You aren't supposed to ask for an apology either, doesn't mean you don't appreciate it when you get one.
Newsflash: you are not all men. I don’t like receiving flowers either, and I’m not going to shame those who do. And I think it’s about time to do the same as well.
I love receiving flowers from my girlfriend or family. It’s nice to be thought of and have something beautiful in your home.
It represents so much more than just flowers.
Especially if they have roots or can grow them.
yeah thats pretty gay
Did you know “gay” means “happy”?
Be careful homie you'll get banned for joking around unfortunately
When you're dead, you're not getting flowers. They're not for you. Everything about funerals is for the living. And men don't typically want flowers. If you desire something that isn't typically thought of as being for men, you need to communicate it so the people in your life have a chance to get it for you.
And if you have no one in your life that shows you affection or gratitude, you need to widen your circle and surround yourself with good people.
And just who exactly pretends all women are queens? And please don't say society, because that's used as a cop-out when people can't give a specific answer.
I do like being a genuine venting ground for my friends.
And they do vent to me.
I’ve even been told that they really needed that. And I know what those words mean.
Lots of men have been in relationships where they break down and cry in front of their partner, and then she leaves. That’s a very common experience among men. We don’t do this because we want to, that’s how our society is. Women don’t want to see that shit, no matter how much they keep claiming to
You think it takes crying? Say you have an emotion after she digs and prys for 20 minutes, the room fills with her feeling of ick, and the relationship is over.
I mean many men don't have friendship's that revolve around trauma dumping and being dramatic. At least the men in my area don't. That's something we should be proud of and maintain.
We should be proud of not sharing our thoughts and feelings with people we're close to? That's fucked up.
Nope, I said "trauma dumping and being dramatic" not sharing thoughts and feelings.
Draw the distinction for me then, because I've never met anyone who's friendships revolve around "trauma dumping" and "being dramatic."
Draw the distinction between tactfully navigating a situation like an adult vs. having small meltdowns?
Edit: You've absolutely met people like that. There's even a name for it, "trauma bonding." It's the cornerstone of a litany of unhealthy relationships. If you're going to be myopic and argue for the sake of arguing, good luck.
can you give an example conversation please otherwise you're not really saying anything that's actionable it's like you're hallucinating like a chatbot or something where you are confidently stating something without evidence so I'm asking for the evidence thanks
These downvotes are hilarious but not surprising on reddit.
Who the hell would want to hang out out with someone that's going to emotionally dump and be dramatic? No one wants to add someone else's burdens to their own unless they truly need help, especially someone you're hanging out with to try and relieve stress.
Why did you put an apostrophe in "friendship's"? What made you take that decision?
Illiteracy, I suspect.
Just thought I would try something new. Do you like it?
No.
I think you'll come around eventually
Caring about one another isn’t, “trauma dumping and being dramatic.”
That’s a whole other level of passive aggressive and indirect misogyny. Just say you don’t like women.
Well if I said that caring about people was trauma dumping and being dramatic I would agree with you. Ironically you're being pretty dramatic.
Yeah fuck supporting our friends and brothers! Just keep it all bottled inside! That definitely won’t backfire!
Not what he said. You know that, but you can't miss a perfectly good chance to sniff your own fart.
Go to therapy
I'm really happy and fulfilled, that seems like it would be a huge waste of money for me.
What have you done to arm this bomb? Every response has been level-headed and not reactionary, but multiple people are reducing themselves to reddit stereotypes to get under your skin.
I was certainly just like that at one point. So many people just avoid actually talking honsetly and either completely misrepresent what you said or they immediately boucne from the topic to try and guess something personal about you which is always entertaining. I try to use my feelings as a tool, not the motivating force behind my beliefs and the way I interact with other people. I certainly slip up still though lol.
I just can't relate to this group of men who paint themselves as a victim of society. It just seems so ridiculous to me. I've had plenty of bad experiences but I don't blame being a man for those experiences. There's a whole plethora or reasons why people experience certain behaviors from other people and the person's sex is just one of those factors. Just my opinion of course
Wow, bro. Just say you hate women and get help. Gross and problematic. Narcissism at its worst on full display. Full stop.
But really: I personally do think a lot of men's issues are getting swept under the rug and misunderstood. "Victim of society" might be a little dramatic, but we get more of a raw deal than most of us were led to believe as kids. But your differing opinion is clearly coming from a place of honesty and good faith, not trolling.
Hahah I would agree with that, I think we have unique challenges that are hard to understand for women that do not experience them. Women obviously have their own unique challenges that many men disregard...and probably many people would disagree about what those challenges even are for both.
I just used "victim of society" more as a reference to what I'm seeing very regularly posted online, mostly on reddit. There's an insane of amount of posts from men that all sit around and misery circlejerk about how terrible it is to be a man. That's really what I'm annoyed with specifically. It's obviously not like this is some unique male perspective, some women have a the same mentality. r/nicegirls is a good example of some women's view of men, it honestly gets pretty crazy in there lmao
Mhm
You have the money for that?
Not everywhere is Merica
Yeah
Oh yea just dont be American and go to therapy well now my problems are gone lol
Yep Merica makes sure everyone needs therapy it’s the Mercian way.
Congrats I’m glad ur problems are gone
We kinda got bigger shit to worry about
yes good idea
I love this rote, garbage response. Been there, done that, and it’s only ever caused more damage.
And how does that make you feel? LOL
I've never seen or heard the word rote before, thanks for the addition to my vocabulary
Sorry you've had such bad experiences with therapy, brother, but that won't necessarily be everyone's experience. I'd probably be dead without it for instance. A good therapist can make a world of difference but a bad one can definitely make shit worse.
Brothers don’t listen to this guy
Why make life worse?
Just remember, if a man complains about being sick, its labeled 'man flu' and turned into a joke. That's not how you encourage men to share openly.
it's called emotional repression and it is kinda forced by society and most parents
Ive tried to talk about it. It's easier for them to ignore it tell it effects them. I gave up because this what I got. "Kids your age..." Im 21, I can own guns! and drink! im not a fucking kid. "Go outside, take the dog out" I work outside! And i spend as much time with my dog as I can! "Pray to God, those bad thoughts are just the devil!!" Fuck you!, yall tell me im broken all my life and guilt trip me into believing in what you want, and then sell the cure when im at a low point.
One of the most depressing threads I’ve ever read on the internet, and it yes, it made me tear up. None of this is ok.
This. 100%. I just learned to not give others my energy if I think it won't do any good. Why bother? It would ruin my peace. Idgaf about validation anymore from people. I learn and brush up on necessary skills we'll all probably need in the future.
It sucks I have no family, and all my friends turned out to not be real friends, but that also means I don't need to worry about losing anyone either. There's a silver lining to every cloud 😊
When I have a problem or stress, I deal with it myself. Nobody else is going to solve my problems for me. I don’t necessarily want to talk about it because I don’t want someone interjecting their opinion into the problem that I need to solve.
Handle it like a man.
There’s a thing called therapy. I’ve heard it’s very helpful
Dax What it's like to be a man mega mix covers it good.
hahah yeah
I have a habit of showing sympathy and care by sharing stories and situations that made me feel the same as the person I'm talking to. Makes me come across as self centered. One could argue its me trying to open up and be vulnerable, which is selfish depending on the context.
Being honest about why I do that has helped a lot with people knowing I mean well.
Yeah, I do the same thing to try to relate to people, to validate that I can empathize, but in the end, I’ve realized it’s off-putting because it makes their story about me. Best to wait until asked and just say “wow, that must’ve been scary.” and leave it at that.
The real trick is not giving a fuck yourself
Fuck 'em
If you are emotionally invested wife gets dry, bros can’t help (usually because they suffer themselves), mother makes you a child again… If you emotionally closed everybody brags that you don’t share your soul and don’t let them in your heart .
I just jerk off 4 times a day 👌
Idk, dog, they purchased mics and now I hear about their made up problems from every hole
Well most of the time peoplr cannot handle complex or hard feelings, women or men who see you as lesser fpr having completly normal range of feelings are not equioped to deal woth lives hard side. May ot be their own or not, that is why they vent etc
Simply but they never confronted thise feelings in themselves and are numbibg/running/outsourcing the managememt of those feelings
When they see you break dowm they are reminded of what they running from
Most women who get upset about you having emotions or not being the manly men, are not seing the real you only what you can provide. It is the most basoc form of "dad please handle my life and provide your princess"
Exactly why I hate these gender norms and expectations, people expect women to cry and men to just be robots. Like no, let's just have human norms atp, humans feel, humans do cry, and it's normal if anybody cries, it's not shameful or weird, it's normal.
That's what self harm is for, bucko. Best slice your skin to vent the pain, healthier than drinking or inhaling toxins into my body, too.
the ones not giving a shit are other men. go cry about it
I never understand why people get stressed or allow themselves to worry about things they don't control? I just always try my best to engineer the most optimal outcome for myself and I don't worry otherwise. It is what it is and that's all it is. I just deal with it and move on.
Wow this is so funny after it's been reposted after the 2000th time!
"complains this sucks and seems a little one sided and unfair" Someone else: "that's life dude, you just got a suck it up stay strong and do your best" Ik that I just wanted to vent about the suck for a second instead you get told basically "that's life, grow up" and we wonder why so many people are miserable doing stuff they do t want to do, and just chalked up to " you got a do what you gotta do" with no real conversation behind it
I wouldn’t say it’s always that nobody cares but I do filter my concerns if I think they’re going to stress out people close to me.
I’m sure every man has been through the experience of keeping a concern to yourself until after it’s already resolved and then telling your partner because you didn’t want to burden them with stress but you also don’t want them to feel like you’re hiding things.
50% of men who commit suicide seemed some kind of professional help before hand.
Easy. Computer games.
Yeah, no one cares. They say or think they do but it's not true. Cry or show weakness in front of your wife, they lose their attraction to you. Better to bottle it up and hope that you can be strong enough to not let it kill you.
Never let anyone see you showing weakness of any kind. They lose respect for you, they lose interest in you, they mock you. Nothing good comes from this with men, only magnified problems.
Alcohol.
Where they hiding it at? In the bullets?
How to not talk about shit in 1 easy step.
Amen
Thats why I always look soulless and empty like yoriichi tsugikuni
But at the end I always try to stay kind with other individuals.
You almost had that right.... it's that no females care about our stress! Why do you think most of us have men as our best friends, unless it's our dog, because there's more empathy from the casual stranger we meet at a bar then there is from the woman we have vowed to spend our life with
Cuz I have a lil girl and don't want to dump my shit on her. If she's happy, I'm happy.
You don't get it man you're supposed to complain all the time and exhaust all of the people around you
Damn I feel sorry for the people in your life if that’s your attitude when someone reaches out for help
Not only do women generally not care, but they have the nerve to label it "unpaid emotional labor," making themselves out to be the ones hurting.
Exactly this. It sucks because they genuinely believe that this is their “cross to bear” as a woman. The simple act of emotionally connecting with and helping another human being is appearantly oppressive and gross. I hope to never have to deal with this is my dating life. Ever.
Yet they will use you as their therapist and call it "the bare minimum."
Because it's my problems, I don't need to tell people my problems if I don't need help with them. If I need company I'll ask my friends to hangout, I'll disconnect and come back to my problems well rested, doesn't mean people need to know about them.
I don't cry because I'm "hiding it" I don't cry because I simply don't need to. Smoking a shit lot of weed has taught me that problems have a solution or they don't. If they have a solution and you're working to solve them then why worry, if it doesn't have a solution then why worry.
Why bother? First off no one cares, not even my family and second why would I do something that's going to be used against me at some point or just dismissed completely if I even try to share.
Must better to just bottle it up inside and then find safe outlets like the gym or gaming. Never met anyone who wants or cares to hear what I go through. Just how things are.
I'm guessing it has to do with how men will tell everyone that weak men don't deserve happiness and crying is an admission of weakness.
Could be wrong tho.
I think you're indeed wrong. Literally, no man has ever said this to me, nor have I heard a man say that to another man. Women, on the other hand, I have heard say this.
Very much wrong, thanks though. What's the point of saying your problems to people. You tell friends, youre telling them private info. You tell your parents, youre a mommas boy. You tell your SO, and you can actually see the dislike and ick growing on their face. So theres no point. We keep our mouths shut and suffer until we finally snap and hope its just a S, not an M-S
This.. nobody gives a fuck, especially not your wife and kids. I don't blame the kids, well depending on the age.
The funniest part, or saddest, is that the people who complain that you don’t talk to them, don’t like it when you talk to them.
We gotta stay strong for our woman? No matter what happened, we blame ourselves for the shit and never our woman
But you shouldn't, bottling up emotions never helps. And you don't need to be vulnerable in front of a woman, maybe establish friendships where you can talk to your friends about it? Then, when you do open up to your spouse, and they don't take it well, you can just dip since you'll have a good support group from your friends and possibly family. Fuck gender standards about men not crying, we're still human at the end of the day and we all feel.
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Lol, having no friends and people around to bother you helps, you just have you and the music you listen to, and sometimes some added liquid support, no stress at all..!!
It a waste of time expressing those emotions for guys… because nobody cares. It would be theatre for nobody.
You maybe might get one buddy to be like “yeah, hang in there dude” with a shoulder pat. But then he stops texting or hanging out around you for 4-5 months because that was weird.
A man saves all his emotional pain for the heart attack
When was the last time you asked a guy how his day was?
It’s true.
Exactly, Men walk alone.
We get to be sick for one day max, after that we are just a burden
I'll get downvoted for this. I agree, but not in the way he's presenting his case. He's right that they don't hide it - they shoot kids in schools, go on rape and murder sprees, visit disturbing websites, stab people and light them on fire on trains, abuse their families to destress and blow steam, etc. And he's right that no one cares. If they did, things would change. But they don't because the victims are almost always women or poor or middle class family children - no one cares about them.
You say that you’re gonna get downvoted because deep down you know your premise is terrible. You’ve turned a post about how it’s socially difficult to emotionally open up as a man into a misadrist take that paints emotionally unstable men as murderers, rapists, and arsonists. I really hope you don’t see half the population of the world that way. I’d recommend meeting some men in real life; most men are kind, genuine people who want to help, not monsters waiting for their chance to rape someone.
I said that because people hate the truth, and was right lol. I didn’t say men are monsters, and I didn’t say most men are violent. I’m talking about patterns, not individual character.
The idea that men “hide stress” isn’t accurate. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear. They externalise. Anger, risk-taking, aggression, self-destructive behaviour, and harm to others are well-documented outlets when emotional regulation isn’t taught or even valued when people have the ability and chance to pursue / develop it.
Men aren’t told to bottle emotions by women or by victims, they’re socialised to do it by male cultural norms, and those norms reward stoicism while punishing vulnerability. Saying “it’s hard for men to open up” without interrogating who enforces that skips accountability.
And when those pressures spill over into harm, society suddenly notices, but only after someone else pays the price. That’s the point. We don’t invest seriously in prevention, emotional education, or early intervention.
Acknowledging these failures isn’t misandry. It’s how problems actually get solved.
And for the record, I have met men. That's why I have the opinions I do.
Congratulations on being right about purposefully offending people using fiery, partisan languange. You’re incredibly deep and insightful. The one downvote I gave you (plus another one) is an amazing indicator of the validity of what you’re saying and you’re so very clever for predicting the outcome. That being said though, I agree with this take. I just think that you worded it excruciatingly poorly. The only thing that I don’t fully agree with is your take on accountability. Since you have chosen to give me anecdotal evidence, so shall I. In my personal experience, half the girls are equally as shitty as you describe men. At the end of the day, I don’t think men are mostly to blame for what we do and don’t express. Historically, women collectively shape cultures by expressing what they want from the men in their lives. Men would most certainly be more emotionally open if the female role models in their lives rewarded that kind of behavior. It’s very easy for a man to not worry about what another man thinks of him, but if he chooses not to care about what a woman thinks of him, that’s an opportunity for love (and reproduction) down the drain. Not to mention what she’ll say to her friends and the social impact it would have. Other than that though, I think you’re right. Stress does manifest in harmful behavior and if we as a culture worked on improving these personal/societal issues, I’m very sure we’d see less violence and degeneracy
Okay, so we agree more than disagree, and I’ll leave the meta commentary about your tone aside because it doesn’t change the substance, you "kind and genuine" man, you XD Also, last time I saw my comment, it had 6 downvotes, I only assumed it would go further down. Sue me.
Where I fundamentally disagree is the idea that women are primarily responsible for shaping men’s emotional expression. That assumes women have historically had equal social, economic, and psychological power to set norms- which simply isn’t true.
For most of modern history, women were expected to adapt to men’s emotional limits, not the other way around. Even now, many women are actively unlearning survival-based behaviours developed under control, dependence, or punishment for noncompliance. You can’t reasonably expect people who were socialised to manage others’ emotions for safety to also be responsible for teaching emotional regulation to those with more power. I was born into an extremely conservative and I'm gonna say brutal environment, I realised when I was 4 years old that I couldn't rely on my mother because she was afraid and quite brainwashed, I mean there were a couple moments where she would listen or find my rebellion amusing, but I was on my own and I persevered. So it's really difficult for me to accept these "reasons".
Anyways, on a practical level, boys learn emotional rules earliest and most forcefully from other men: fathers, peers, authority figures, and institutions. That’s where stoicism is rewarded and vulnerability is penalised. Romantic selection happens much later and doesn’t override years of conditioning. And we can also talk about how boys and men have always cared more about what other boys and men will think. So the idea that they would feel satisfied by a girl or woman's validation is not believable, at least for now, where they don't see and respect females as equals or worthy of listening to. Even online, you see parents, moms usually, talking about how the internet (e.g., toxic redpill or manosphere content) or the crowd they hang with changed their sons. So even the women who apparently do it right do so in vain.
Women are not a monolith, and yes, some individuals reinforce harmful norms, but that’s not the same as women collectively shaping male emotional culture. Accountability still sits primarily with the systems and norms that reward emotional suppression in men long before dating dynamics come into play.
We agree that suppressed stress externalises into harm. My point is that solving that requires honest responsibility about where those norms originate, not redistributing the burden onto people who historically had little room to refuse them.
In reality, it's the suicides.