Husband came up with separation 2 months ago, after 8 years marriage, I am 35 yrs old and still in maternity leave now, here to see if anyone could share your op or similar situation. I am still so lost although first mediation took places before Christmas.
We both are non-Irish and got married 8 years ago outside of ireland. Relocated to Dublin due to work and have our 11 months little one lives with us now after years of infertility. We both love this little one truly no doubt and we still live under same roof and could communicate peacefully.
š°Financial situation:
One 2b apt equity 180k where we live in now.
One 3b house equity 350K where rent out now.
Both property under joint mortgage, 5km away from each in terms of property location.
I earn 65K but still on my no pay maternity leave now and tend to back office this spring.
He has double of my gross counted 130K, also with decent amount of RSU and pension.
One family car priced 45k.
We total have saving around 30K.
š¶ Custody aspect:
Little one is 11 months now, I stopped breastfeeding couple months ago, we have zero support in Dublin since both families are outside of Ireland. I am primary caregiver since little one born, also took most of the housework include cooking, grocery, laundry etc. My husband he also involved in day to day of baby care but letās count it as 15%.
š„Reason for separation: no affair no violence, trigger is he felt tired and lost trust on me.
I suffered lot before and after delivery, due to his infertility, ivf treatment, pregnancy complications, problems between mother and mother in law after baby arrived etc. Now I am fully recovered and he came up with separation and prefer to push this process ASAP. We had argument from time to time in this decade relationship and in last 2 years I often came up with idea of separation during our argument, I understand words could be weapon and cause no reverse but it seems out of control every time when we fight, because of this, we went for couple counselling before baby delivery, and he refused to back for counselling after his āofficial separation proposalāand confirmed he as no willing of reverse this time.
šQuestions:
1: Since little one is still so young, what is the chance or percentage that I could have my childās custody? Yes I will back to work soon but I am still capable to look after him and also could seek for help from my families abroad, they are ready to come for support.
2: Financially I am okay with asset allocation since my gut said this gonna be really transparency and end up with 50/50 as suggested by my solicitor? Or will it be any chance I could fight for more?
3: in terms of child maintenance fee, will it be 50/50 as well for each party? I assume with crĆØche, little one will costs at least 1600 monthly or even more in short term. But because he earns twice more, so will the maintenance leaning heavier to him?
Appreciate if you are still reading this, I would be grateful if anyone share your op and experience? Thanks!
As someone who wanted to do the right thing and trusted my ex partner - he totally screwed me over and I left the property and 20 years later still renting with no hope of buying a property Do not leave that property and get yourself a solicitor/ no matter what - there were times I thought no I donāt want to be mean but he was moving in silence in the background. Fucked my life forever couldnāt even get a car loan. Doesnāt matter if you think heās a good man there is no such thing in a separation. Leave it to your solicitor
I been suggested to move to the house with higher equity since he insisted he wants to stay in the apt ( because of the apt location is better). I will not sell any, I am expecting after 50/50, at least I would be able to own one property and re-mortgage with my solo salary. I really appreciate your sharing, I hope you at least have a warm place that make you feel safe!
No donāt do it- omg I canāt tell you how bad this is ā¦ refuse to leave - he can get another place He will change the locks and you canāt get back in- I feel like shaking you. Unless there are 2 solicitors involved in putting another property into your name then NO Until the stamp duty is paid and transfer goes through confirmed by your solicitor DO NOT MOVE OUT - it has legal implications. You are entitled to live there until your child has finished college
Not true, a pal of mine is being forced to sell her modest family home because the court appointment psychologist recommended 50/50 custody despite the lad being an every other weekend dad even when they were together.
The fella is being fairly vindictive about the whole thing and will not even accept her offer of 50% of the equity in cash because he knows she loves the house. I am sure the lad is not going to want or have the kids nearly 50% of the time.
I have never heard of this. Needs a better solicitor
No one gives up higher equity
I can either take the higher equity property or choose cash from his stocks. But letās clarify I contribute in both propertyās deposit and mortgage repayment. I viewing lot properties and picked those 2 properties and deal with all the paper work, he shown up and sign the executive contract, in both properties buying process. To be honest I bet he still didnāt know how to buy/sell in Ireland ha
I'm suspicious that there's a third party involved, especially since he's in a hurry for the separation. I learned this the hard way. Maintenance will be determined by the court and they will take his earnings and outgoings into account
Thanks for your contribute! I can confine no third party, since I trust what he said, till today, I trust him as a good man. He just has his mental breakdown issue that may need longer to healing, and this healing process would ask me to out of his life to calm his inner peace
I absolutely hate to have to say this to you but men cheating on their wife/partner postpartum is a much common than you may realise. Please go into this looking after yourself as the mother of a child, not as someoneās wife.
I hope you're right. I also trusted my husband implicitly. He was leading a double life for five years.
I have been in your position..I trusted him..he was lying. This all came to light after our āagreeableā divorce. Hope Iām wrong, but none the less look after yourself OP
As a father to be, tell him to buck the fuck up for the next couple of years, its not about him or you but the child until it can do at least some things for itself like.
Ye don't have to like each other or even sleep in the same room but play happy family for the next at least 2 years if not 3.
Pick a milestone of the child's development, as this is reddit and I'm a bit crude I will say it can wipe its own arse, and he can split then.
I came up with this proposal, at least wait bit, but been pushed back and went for seperation process immediately
Yeahhh, stop trusting him. The hurry screams cheater.
What is RSU?
Stock or equity granted by your employer, as part of compensation
I went through divorce and it took 6 years to sort out and over 100k in legal fees. But you should get primary carer and he pays you child maintenance. You donāt pay him child maintenance. You can look for spousal support seperately depending on income but may only be for a period of time. There really is no 50/50. Itās about āproper provisionā- so you are both housed etc. So you should look for the house say, and let him have the apartment. No point selling everything. One property each. In terms of child care, the primary carer pays this. So you should factor this into the child maintenance that you seek. Or maybe you can agree to pay half each.