Either fate takes away them from me or i just can't handle the connections

It's like have been a guy who is always in his own lane

The thing is i used to hope for a friend and but couldn't find a piece of cake... As i thought the way and i don't want romantic bonds either currently

it's like i accept the fact that if something meant for me it will appear on its own

I can relate to this, in a way. For my entire conscious life, there's been a wall between me and most people I meet. I feel absolutely no connection with roughly 70% of them. With about 20-25%, something could potentially spark, but usually only in theory. These people typically remain in the "acquaintance" category and eventually fade from my life. Only with 1-5% of people do I feel a true resonance, where friendship and a strong bond can form. Yet, even with them, the connection feels like it's coming through that same wall - I don't know how to explain it in human terms, but you probably understand what I mean. In my 31 years, I've met only one person where that wall didn't exist from the very first second. It felt like a genuine miracle, I didn't even know that was possible.

You ask if you're weird. Were all "weird" here in our own ways, but that doesnt make us objectively worse or better than others. We were born this way, this is how we function. You have a husband - youre not walking through life alone, which is a huge plus. I hope your husband accepts you as you are. Ideally, he could actually help you quite a bit with socialization and friendships, to me, that seems perfectly natural in a partnership.

Finally, I'll probably say that regarding socialization and building connections, I've chosen the "Lighthouse" strategy for myself. I only interact with people who are drawn to me, at least minimally. And, of course, I have to discern whether a ship is coming into the harbor for repairs or trade, and not for piracy or plunder. People capable of the level of connection I need do exist - there are just relatively few of them.

i’m in the same boat. i really struggle to connect with ppl, even ppl i’ve already established a decent relationship with. i do try to work on it but like you said it’s cumbersome and it gets exhausting. it’s like your head is always spinning and you’re just never truly comfortable in any social settings.

one of my old clients hit me up to hang out recently (mind you, we have never hung out outside of a work setting) and i couldn’t bring myself to go out with her, every fiber of my being was screaming at me to say no and i did say no despite us having a good time together in the past. also, my partners cousin has really been trying to start a friendship with me lately and again it’s making me want to tear my eyes out every time she asks if “we’re good?” or tries to deepen our relationship.

up until now, id just force myself to get over it to appear like im a functioning, normal, and healthy human being but as i reach my 30’s that ship is sailing. i’m learning to embrace how i am and if i can make atleast 1 friend that i can totally trust and enjoy being around then great! if not, oh well. it’s just not a desire of mine to have friends and any one that has a problem with it can learn to deal with it just like i have lol

I think this is something most, if not all, of us go through.

I still seek friends, but I no longer hold out the hope of anyone becoming a true friend.

I also find that, for me, it's easier to get along with people who aren't "normies." It doesn't mean we'll become friends, but at least it gives us better odds. I can't get along with normal people anymore... the problem is that the overwhelming majority of people are normal, so the pool of potential friendship is quite small.

Oh, but my seeking out friends is a recent thing. I went quite a few years without any friends other than my partner... who is now my ex... hence, me seeking out new friends lol.

i always desired meaningful friendships and almost all of them were not that, despite many years of tenure put in.

i won't put the time and energy into something for it to be a mere acquaintance or association any more. i have better things to do.

some of those friends turned out to be real messed up, and those friendships are gone (through no fault of mine). some of them just see friends as a convenience, some of them don't seek deep meaningful interactions, some of them have gone actually crazy and paranoid after returning from wherever they've been

i really don't care about 'having friends' these days. i'm married to my best friend, there are a small few people alive in the world still that i trust and that's fine. i don't 'need' to have people or need to have friends.

fomo was a thing and now it isn't.

I'm also the same way and an INTJ. I honestly don't even feel close to my family. I have a few acquaintances but no best friend, and feel alone every day. I only am connecting with strangers on reddit that help you feel like you're a part of a community, but no real life, healthy relationships yet.

Misleading title. You didn't "give up"--you don't want it. There's a difference.

There are those of us who can't make friends and can't get a partner, but it'd be nice. It's hard to want to do things or put in effort, but still.

Joining a club is a good option- even though it causes anxiety.

I joined a martial arts club and the 10 minutes before and after classes is enough. At work I have a weekly lunch learn where I offer my knowledge out to the junior crew.

Stuff like that energizes me.

Trying to get people from there first impression of me, to something I resonate with is exhausting.

I used to be exactly what you said. I was comfortable in my space and live grounded life, until my ex broke up with me. That moment broke me and my whole personality, i starting to wonder why and what i did wrong or what i could have done better, cuz i thought i did my best. And i start talking to myself at the mirror for a month to cope with loneliness.

then on New Year around 2am i was restless and couldn't sleep (I did not celebrate New Year, i feel depressed)

so i go outside for a walk to breathe some fresh air and wondering about stuff then there's a moment i realised

"I did all the best i could, i cut parts of me to fit in with yours and you did nothing for me, i did not deserve this, Fuck you, Watch this" So i started talking with animals, Dogs, Cats, Squirrel anything that moves i talked to them.

After that day i picked up Cigs(quit in a month cuz its smelly and made me unhealthy), Vape (so i switched to this), Weed and gym. and started talking to everyone. Used my hidden savings that she don't know (We were LDR but i planned to moved in with her, she didn't know i have this money, she thinks im broke) to buy a car so i could go anywhere and go live extrovert life. Suddenly everything around me feels better, i got promoted and a raise, start a small business. Put all my energy into it. I was so glad she did give up on me. cuz i love hard and she doesn't appreciate it so i love myself.

TLDR: Sometimes you gotta live a second life in order to get out of your same environment

I agree with your husband. You should try to have at least one good friend. I understand the difficulty in finding one though. Do you have any hobbies? Something that you may have in common with someone else to make some friends? 

I have been struggling my whole life with that. I have perhaps 2 friends but nobody really like me. I have one friend with whom I only chat and we never meet. But it seems I am not alone in that struggle. Since we are all in the same situation why don't we set up an anonymous INTJ chat somewhere? In writing, no pictures.perhaps we find some friends like that? DM me if you are interested

Must be a whole lotta intjs that think like this because they post the same sad story here several times a week. But then, I suspect whatever sub you’d look at has these, especially given a certain age group.

For myself, I greatly limit connections to others. ‘Others’ are a hell of a lot of work for precious little reward. I thoroughly enjoy not having to deal with other people’s issues.

my thing for awhile been that i just act like my normal self if i connect with people i connect with people but im not gonna force anything, i mean its not relevant so much anymore but thats been my go to, alot less stressful

I am feeling the same way currently, wherein I feel that I cant connect deeply with others. But I've been emotionally burnt recently which is greatly contributing to my mentality that "i wont ever connect with others again." Truthfully, i do connect with others on shared topics/hobbies, even if briefly. Even if just to throw in a dumb joke that makes some people laugh, like at work. But i dont connect deeply with them. And thats okay with me honestly. I get easily drained being around others for too long. Small interactions here and there are fine with me, as long as theyre not surface level that drag on and on. Deep conversations can feel freeing, but I understand now that people move on. I suppose its better to appreciate the connections we have had, and just be open to whatever comes our way, and aligns with us.

I think it can become unhealthy if you actively avoid interacting with others, if there is no legitimate reason to avoid them.

https://preview.redd.it/nqb9cbun12dg1.jpeg?width=1100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c94dee1f81478ef1a0f980896e6d54591ea0ed8a

Sometimes the effort and expectations mismatches with the schedule and allowances of each party

Though, at certain times I hold onto the little memorable moments where joy is shared, it's already a harsh environment, might as well make it a little more tolerable

True friendship happens not because there is a need to make friends or connections, it happens when two souls are truly in good sync and the interaction is natural and fun. I did not meet someone I call true friends until I am 34. I really appreciate my friend in the sense she made me realize I was not the problem, it is simply a matter of fact that I do not resonate easily with the general public. I am perfectly capable of deep and meaningful human interactions, I just need to meet the right people. Since you are still quite young I think there's a good chance you can meet someone who you truly enjoy being friends with in the future. We tend to prefer emotionally mature people who can think deeply, you will meet more people like that as you naturally grow older yourself.

Seek out other INTJ’s and INFJ’s. Few will ever meet you at your depth so it IS lonely. Because both types are rare, your best bet is to also browse autistic communities. These are specific neurotypes. An INFJ will understand you…or at least try to.

I find it difficult to connect or make new friends in most cases because 90% of what people connect over in my area are sports, drinking, ATVs, or politics [edit: and hunting. Don't forget hunting!]- things I could personally not care less about, and I refuse to "fake it." When people ask if I "saw the game," I go ahead and give them the 'ol deer in the headlights look and tell them I don't really follow sports much, and usually that just about stifles any further conversation. Overall, and to mirror what others have said, even those with whom I make it to "friendship status" rarely connect with me on a deeper level. I've learned to be okay with that, and cherish it if it ever does happen. I think we're just a different breed—divers in a world of toe-dippers. Not better, just different.

You are not at all "weird." You shared that you have autism, and the social difficulty you've described is likely "typical" for you, in my opinion. As long as you feel safe and connected, have healthy outlets for your stress and emotional expression, etc, then you personally may have nothing to worry about. For your husband, however, being your sole companion may feel like an important responsibility to him. Not to be confused with a burden, but simply, the stakes may feel much higher to him, believing that he is essentially your only "person" and you are heavily relying on him. If that is indeed how he feels, then his perception may need to be delicately adjusted. I am not a mind reader; maybe talk to him about it?

If you are truly beginning to feel that you don't require friendship, your interpersonal/spiritual needs may simply be changing, and different from "typical." Perhaps, explore that idea, or try explaining that aspect to him—you're not shying away from friendship only because socialization is difficult for you; you've also gotten to a point in your life where you truly do not feel the dire need for it. Perhaps you don't experience the existential void that others sometimes try to fill with relationships. Perhaps you see typical friendships as two people wearing a mask, and don't want to participate. You might still desire connection (especially with your husband! and the vague hope for "finding your people"), but maybe you don't need it for your sense of safety or worth in this world. Just taking shots in the dark.