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  • You call it 'archaic' and 'violent', I call it 'percussive maintenance'.

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    Back in the late 90s, our family computer's hard drive froze up. To fix it, we stuck it in the freezer for an hour or so then beat it with a screwdriver. When that didn't with, we dropped it on the floor from shoulder height. It started working after that haha.

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    It was obviously scared of further escalation of violence.

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    I used to beat the family printer until it worked. I was the only person who could guarantee it would actually print, but my mom was worried the first time she observed my methods 😅

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    Printers need to constantly be reminded who's in charge, otherwise they refuse to work

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    Exactly! I smacked the printer at my house once, and it’s never had issues since then

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    Can someone just make printers that are subservient and inkable

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    I.. can't even... Bah! Take my upvote.

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    I used to work for a little ma-and-pa type store and we had the jankiest setup for the TVs playing movies in there. Our manager figured out if you wiggled a wire just so you could get a clean picture. The store owner came in one day to see him fiddling with the wire and said "watch this" and just smacked the TV with the heel of his hand. Picture cleaned up.

    After a while we all figured out just the right spot to hit the TV to clean up the picture. Customers found it more entertaining than whatever was playing.

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    Reminds me of the story about the submarine mechanic; it's not $10k to turn a screw, that's only five bucks. The other $9,995 is for knowing which screw to turn.

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    I used to work in a printing center. The printers and other machines almost all worked for me best because I would hit them. Printers need the abuse

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    I exude such an aura of terror that most electronics fix themselves the moment I enter the room.

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    I call that tech priest aura, because they know what will happen if they misbehave lol.

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    The sacred incesne gets turned into a flaming piece of rebar?

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    Early 2000's I ran a server business covering rural areas of my state. One time a customer called said they heard we could fix servers others couldn't. Drove 2.5 hours to the medical center, unplugged the server, and walked out to the car park... telling the server is was very naughty and clearly needed to rethink it's priorities. Left it 'facing' a tree in the shade, walked away counting, I had been listening to a CD of Douglas Adams on the drive up, thought it might help reminding it who made who. After rather crappy coffee, walked back out counting... plugged it back in and it worked... for another 6 months while we negotiated a series of upgrades for our 'new' clients. The business manager was confused but back then then "percussive maintenance" and "Giving it time to think"... it worked and we charged them lots for it! the earlier posts reminded me of "the good old days". Thank you

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    Hard drive be like "NO NOT AGAIN I DEMAND A LAWYER"

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    Exactly. I've been trying to open a painted shut window off and on for 6 years. Finally got aggravated last week and took a hammer and pry bar to it for some percussive maintenance. Opened right up!

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  • Humanity’s real superpower is the ability to ignore things.

    We can ignore alarms. We can ignore obvious threats. We can ignore the laws of physics.

    In a universe this big, forcing us to pay attention to things is often just more trouble than it’s worth. What’s the occasional “violate the laws of physics” if it means that humans will also ignore other things as well

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    Yet at the same time, the absence of things or repetition of a thing can sometimes drive a human to insanity.

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    and other human go mad with no repetition whatsoever. Ya just can't win

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    We can ignore the laws of time too

    Looks at clock, 10:30. Looks at clock 2 minutes later 3:30

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    Looks at clock 10 hours later 3:31

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  • Mine came on last night

    Fuck you

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  • Nah, just duct tape it. Trust me.

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    Bubblegum; Gasket-maker.

    Penny; Fuse.

    Rifle shell; Larger fuse with failure alert.

    WD40; Penetrating oil, lubricant, parts cleaner, rust inhibiter.

    Duct tape; Weather stripping, surface sealer, bonding tool, gloves/hand protection, hazard-spray shield, clothing, rope, ... * trails off along an infinite list *

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    It's always great to find a megas:xlr gif in wild

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    Electrical tape. It blends in with dash better

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  • Does it move and should not? Duct tape.

    Does it not move and should? WD40

    Do neither of these work? Not enough of 1 & 2

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    Third option: big hammer.

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    Last option…

    Can’t be stuck if it’s a liquid

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    Ahhh a true engineer I see

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    Do both work, and neither should? Plasma torch

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  • I CAST

    LOST 10 MILLIMETER SOCKET

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    So it was YOU!

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    IT WAS ME! AND NOW I CAST

    BROKEN STUD IN ENGINE BLOCK

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    YOU!!!!

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    I CAST

    ELECTRICAL ISSUE IN UNKNOWN CREVICE OF VEHICLE

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  • We have ways of making machinery work:

    • Ignore obvious signs of potential faults and just keep using it
    • Threaten it with violence or actually use violence ("percussive maintenance")
      • These may or may not work better if the device has artificial sapience and a BDSM kink
    • Sweet-talking it
      • See above comment but double xD
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  • FCS Gliese (CV-7)

    Sometime in 2310, Maindros FNS

    "VESTAL! That is a VERY delicate subspace array! Are you seriously going to bang it around like its an oversized printer?!"

    I have a love-hate relationship with repair ships. Especially human ones.

    "Shut up, Gliese, I am trying to work right now! Trust me, I've fixed more delicate things with this!"

    Some are nice, they'll stay besides you and fix you up with delicate care.

    "THAT'S MY RADAR YOU-"

    This one isn't.

    Right now, her soul - the psychic embodiment of ther ship and their crew, just like mine, is currently trying to fix my subspace array - what constitutes radar in space.

    "Gliese. TRUST ME."

    However, instead of following proper procedure, she's smacking it with a wrench.

    Turns out, smacking what literally constitutes my eyes and ears doesn't bode well for the main command and control systems.

    "AAGH! VESTAL! STOP IT, YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE- AH FUCK!"

    This manifests in the form of a terrible headache - because what happens to the ship happens to the soul. Fortunately, it doesn't last long.

    "Annnd... DONE! See? The subspace array just needed a little percussive maintenance, that's all!"

    And yet, somehow, smacking a delicate subspace array with a wrench somehow makes it work!

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  • Omigods, he’s cast the dreaded Chuck Enjean’s Light! We’re doooooomed!

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  • Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we could figure out how to turn a human brain off and back on again.

    And if we could figure that out, what happens if we do it to a dementia patient?

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    It does work on the heart, after all.

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    I’ve heard that going on a carefully monitored mushroom trip can actually do resets for stuff like ptsd, trauma, etc. 

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    Percussive maintenance works for this as well. It is deeply disconcerting. The drive will not compile. 

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  • It is a bad day when you see that guy casting the mass version of check engine light on a parking lot.

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  • 8 months, 3 trips to the shop and still working…

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  • One does not simply unhook the battery, drive exactly 37 miles and try again on their smog check.

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