The closet is VERY deep and dark for some. Hes given you lots of indications hes into guys, and, just from the bit you shared, I assume he is also.
FWIW, when it comes to the closets, the direct approach is unfortunately not the best approach. Asking him if he was a âhomosexualâ (did you actually use that word? Lol) was not the best move. With these types you have to tread very lightly or else you risk scaring them off. Thats the sad reality. The question is if its even worth pursuing someone whos in denial.
OP should have started flirting back in earnest and let everything develop naturally. The direct approach after he had already told him you wasn't into guys sounds like an accusation. I would have definitely told him no.
He asked if you were gay. You said no. You asked if he was gay, and since he "knows" you're straight, of course he says no, even if he was gay. So unless one of you fesses up, you're both "straight".
It sounds like, wherever you two are, you both feel it's extremely dangerous to admit to being gay.
When he asked you, you said no.
When you asked him, he said no.
He could be just as gay as you are but you'll never know since you both seem fully committed to staying in the closet. đ¤
EDIT: if you're NOT in a hostile environment/country where being gay is a crime, what you could do, whenever you get over your own fears, is tell him "Hey, when you asked me before was I gay, I lied. I am gay. I didn't tell you because x, y, z, but yes, I am gay."
You are sitting here telling us how frustrated you are that he never told whether he was gay, when you yourself refused to disclose that same information. In fact, when he asked outright, you lied.
How do you know he isnât lying to you now about being straight? Thatâs what you did.
If you want to know someone elseâs sexual orientation, the first step has to be disclosing your own. When you are vulnerable that creates a safe space for the other person to be honest as well.
My god⌠are social cues really this hard for people? If a dude is touching on you, looking at you and asking if youâre gay theyâre straight and questioning. Of course he probably is getting over you now because you told him you arenât gayâŚ??? Internalized homophobia is deadly
Just tell him that you're gay. He already asked. Tell him that you're gay and that you were afraid of losing your new friend, so you lied. Just tell him that and move on. If he wants to tell you that he's gay or bi, too, then he will tell you later.
You didn't exactly set a clear stage for him to be honest if he does have feelings for you. I mean, he initiated that question to you first and you just joked around it, which gives him the impression of either "No" or "Haha let's not go there." He's not going to feel comfortable being honest when asked the same thing if you couldn't be honest.
Besides, "No I like girls" is actually a bit of a flexible response if you literally just asked "Are you homosexual/gay?" because he could be bi or pan or curious (and thus also like guys).
If you really want to stop the BS and have clarity, you probably need to be direct: "Hey man, you're a good friend. I wanted you to know that I am actually gay, I trust you and want to be open about that with you. And I've had some confusing feelings because we joke about this stuff a lot and sometimes I feel confused on whether it's all just a joke or whether you meant something more by it. So I also just wanted to ask whether you have ever felt anything like that toward me? If not, no worries - I still want to be friends and it'll be easier knowing that those things were just friendly jokes."
If you're finding it challenging to come out, this guy is not the guy for you. He can't do all the things you say he's done and then simply announce that he's into girls. Find someone who is a bit more along the out road than you are, not someone who seems determined not to show his hand.
Dude, trust your instincts on this. He is into you. All he said was "I like girls"?? He is either gay or more likely bisexual. His behaviors scream "bi" and he is quite clearly into you. Either that or a complete sociopath.
I guarantee most so called straight guys have experimented at some point in their life. Remember it's only gay if you forget to say "no homo" so have fun playing around with your straight friend. đ
If you liked the guy, you should have continued with the game. After all, based on what you say, the dude was game. By the way, this dude is not heterosexual. He clearly is heteroflexible. They just prefer to be labeled as heterosexual.
The dude is into you, it seems. Perhaps he is not thinking of taking you to the altar, but he wants something from you. At leas he wants "5 minutes of your time." They will go to the extent you allow them, as long as you do not call them Gay. I know... It is the world we live in.
He's bi. You think a straight guy asks you if you're into guys in the form of a note, doing those things?? Figure it out, or you're going to pass like ships in the night.
Do you want him if he is gay? Unless it is dangerous to do so just tell him you are gay and wait for him to slide his hand onto your crotch within the week đ
When he pressed send on âno I like girlsâ was there an extended pause first? I bet he just chickened out at the last moment (as I would have back when). His heart probably sank as he told himself âI really have no choiceâ and âIâm not ready yetâam I?â
You played off the âare your into guysâ question he asked and if he were straight, that would have made him feel safe to be flirty and talk sexually, where it wouldnât mean anything.
It could also be a bromance, where he enjoys your company and it doesnât make him question his feelings and allows him to enjoy a close male bond.
That dude is clearly closeted. This has happened to me lots of times and I know how frustrating it can be. Keep ur chin up and look for more open guys.
U have to leave those types of boys alone... They just like the chase or they seek being turned out.
Too much mental gymnastics for me personally,
Also, if I enjoy the unsure vibe, I leave it there...
No use in ruining a good thing and its just flirty fun with no words attached so nothing gets confused...
Dont overthink it though, they know exactly what they are doing...
Next time they try that, just ignore it and watch them ramp it up. Now the balls in your court.
No play, until he plays...fully.
He sounds like he's in the closet from everything you describe. I'm not sure him typing "no i like girls" is definitive after all that. Could also be read to mean he is bi - he didn't deny being into guys did he?
Are you out to him? He asked you if you're into guys, you are, yet you played it off? Why isn't he doing the same to you now?
It sounds like both of you need to be more direct and also more honest. It may come to nothing, but you gotta shoot your shot at some point with someone. Why not start with the guy who has been openly ogling you for months?
as someone who was in this exact situation. play the long game man. if you like him atleast.
Just like your situation we also danced around eachother but I slowly let him think he won me over. never saying i liked men but i did drop hints as well. im part spanish so i told him aboht spanish culture were close friends could kiss etc. He invited me to his place every other day for a sleep over. we made out a lot.
I also changed my answer gradually over time from "dude im straight" to "yeah i know you want me to be gay" to "im not gay but i do love you" to eventually saying "If it were with you I wouldnt mind falling in love with a dude"
Ofcourse it ended up in both of us being hurt but he did help me out that i didnt need to be in the cliset and that i could find love with a man.
if you have more questions feel free to ask or send me a dm
Not to get your hopes up, but still sounds very possible that âwhat could have beenâ could still happen. He says heâs straight but actions scream louder than words.
That said, I wouldnât pin your hopes on this guy or expect anything, but if you keep it casual who knows whatâll happen.
You have to understand that people can be gay and have not accepted in themselves yet. Not saying that means keep pursuing or getting hopes up bc the variable of whether or not he ends up accepting his potential same sex attraction or not is huge. So regardless stay safe
Yikes, dude.
He asked you flat out if you're into men and you laughed it off and pretended to be straight.
Later you asked him the same thing, and he gave you the same answer, so you say "Oh, too bad, he's straight."
Life is an intelligence test, and you guys are both flunking it.
That last line lmaoo
that last line goes hard for real haha
Apply ample ice water to burnt area
That was the kind of line you don't want to read while drinking a beverage.đ¤Ł
Ahhh buddy boy the last line is cold!
The closet is VERY deep and dark for some. Hes given you lots of indications hes into guys, and, just from the bit you shared, I assume he is also.
FWIW, when it comes to the closets, the direct approach is unfortunately not the best approach. Asking him if he was a âhomosexualâ (did you actually use that word? Lol) was not the best move. With these types you have to tread very lightly or else you risk scaring them off. Thats the sad reality. The question is if its even worth pursuing someone whos in denial.
And the answer to that question is almost certainly no!
OP should have started flirting back in earnest and let everything develop naturally. The direct approach after he had already told him you wasn't into guys sounds like an accusation. I would have definitely told him no.
It's like Shane and Ilya but without the sexy time!
He asked if you were gay. You said no. You asked if he was gay, and since he "knows" you're straight, of course he says no, even if he was gay. So unless one of you fesses up, you're both "straight".
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I wouldnât take that as a confirmation tbh, Iâd just assume youâre straight but joking.Â
It sounds like you both are in the closet but he's still not the one. He's just gonna end up hurting you.
Not necessarily, OP might have hurt him first
They're both immature and will end up hurting eachother.
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You not getting my point sounds like you still have hope this could be something. Shake it off and get your needs met elsewhere.
"Are you a homosexual?"
Is this from the 1950s? đ¤Ł
It sounds like, wherever you two are, you both feel it's extremely dangerous to admit to being gay.
When he asked you, you said no.
When you asked him, he said no.
He could be just as gay as you are but you'll never know since you both seem fully committed to staying in the closet. đ¤
EDIT: if you're NOT in a hostile environment/country where being gay is a crime, what you could do, whenever you get over your own fears, is tell him "Hey, when you asked me before was I gay, I lied. I am gay. I didn't tell you because x, y, z, but yes, I am gay."
And then leave the chips where they fall.
3 options he'll say:
If this were a tv show I definitely would of change the channel or scrolled on hereâŚ
https://i.redd.it/m0g1zxq85f7g1.gif
You are sitting here telling us how frustrated you are that he never told whether he was gay, when you yourself refused to disclose that same information. In fact, when he asked outright, you lied.
How do you know he isnât lying to you now about being straight? Thatâs what you did.
If you want to know someone elseâs sexual orientation, the first step has to be disclosing your own. When you are vulnerable that creates a safe space for the other person to be honest as well.
This. Why not be honest at the first question? The flirtation was already there. All you had to do was nane it and claim it. Be brave.
My god⌠are social cues really this hard for people? If a dude is touching on you, looking at you and asking if youâre gay theyâre straight and questioning. Of course he probably is getting over you now because you told him you arenât gayâŚ??? Internalized homophobia is deadly
Just tell him that you're gay. He already asked. Tell him that you're gay and that you were afraid of losing your new friend, so you lied. Just tell him that and move on. If he wants to tell you that he's gay or bi, too, then he will tell you later.
You didn't exactly set a clear stage for him to be honest if he does have feelings for you. I mean, he initiated that question to you first and you just joked around it, which gives him the impression of either "No" or "Haha let's not go there." He's not going to feel comfortable being honest when asked the same thing if you couldn't be honest.
Besides, "No I like girls" is actually a bit of a flexible response if you literally just asked "Are you homosexual/gay?" because he could be bi or pan or curious (and thus also like guys).
If you really want to stop the BS and have clarity, you probably need to be direct: "Hey man, you're a good friend. I wanted you to know that I am actually gay, I trust you and want to be open about that with you. And I've had some confusing feelings because we joke about this stuff a lot and sometimes I feel confused on whether it's all just a joke or whether you meant something more by it. So I also just wanted to ask whether you have ever felt anything like that toward me? If not, no worries - I still want to be friends and it'll be easier knowing that those things were just friendly jokes."
If you're finding it challenging to come out, this guy is not the guy for you. He can't do all the things you say he's done and then simply announce that he's into girls. Find someone who is a bit more along the out road than you are, not someone who seems determined not to show his hand.
Dude, trust your instincts on this. He is into you. All he said was "I like girls"?? He is either gay or more likely bisexual. His behaviors scream "bi" and he is quite clearly into you. Either that or a complete sociopath.
I guarantee most so called straight guys have experimented at some point in their life. Remember it's only gay if you forget to say "no homo" so have fun playing around with your straight friend. đ
If you liked the guy, you should have continued with the game. After all, based on what you say, the dude was game. By the way, this dude is not heterosexual. He clearly is heteroflexible. They just prefer to be labeled as heterosexual.
The dude is into you, it seems. Perhaps he is not thinking of taking you to the altar, but he wants something from you. At leas he wants "5 minutes of your time." They will go to the extent you allow them, as long as you do not call them Gay. I know... It is the world we live in.
He's bi. You think a straight guy asks you if you're into guys in the form of a note, doing those things?? Figure it out, or you're going to pass like ships in the night.
Do you want him if he is gay? Unless it is dangerous to do so just tell him you are gay and wait for him to slide his hand onto your crotch within the week đ
When he pressed send on âno I like girlsâ was there an extended pause first? I bet he just chickened out at the last moment (as I would have back when). His heart probably sank as he told himself âI really have no choiceâ and âIâm not ready yetâam I?â
You have missed eachothers advances
Newsflash: Heâs not straight, and neither are you.
lol dude
lmao
You played off the âare your into guysâ question he asked and if he were straight, that would have made him feel safe to be flirty and talk sexually, where it wouldnât mean anything.
It could also be a bromance, where he enjoys your company and it doesnât make him question his feelings and allows him to enjoy a close male bond.
Talk about mixed messages, this guy is a whole mixed message board.
That dude is clearly closeted. This has happened to me lots of times and I know how frustrating it can be. Keep ur chin up and look for more open guys.
Because Itâs a bitter sweet symphony thatâs lifeâŚâŚ yeah đyou gotta work on accepting your own sexuality bro.
U have to leave those types of boys alone... They just like the chase or they seek being turned out.
Too much mental gymnastics for me personally,
Also, if I enjoy the unsure vibe, I leave it there...
No use in ruining a good thing and its just flirty fun with no words attached so nothing gets confused...
Dont overthink it though, they know exactly what they are doing...
Next time they try that, just ignore it and watch them ramp it up. Now the balls in your court.
No play, until he plays...fully.
He sounds like he's in the closet from everything you describe. I'm not sure him typing "no i like girls" is definitive after all that. Could also be read to mean he is bi - he didn't deny being into guys did he?
Are you out to him? He asked you if you're into guys, you are, yet you played it off? Why isn't he doing the same to you now?
It sounds like both of you need to be more direct and also more honest. It may come to nothing, but you gotta shoot your shot at some point with someone. Why not start with the guy who has been openly ogling you for months?
as someone who was in this exact situation. play the long game man. if you like him atleast.
Just like your situation we also danced around eachother but I slowly let him think he won me over. never saying i liked men but i did drop hints as well. im part spanish so i told him aboht spanish culture were close friends could kiss etc. He invited me to his place every other day for a sleep over. we made out a lot. I also changed my answer gradually over time from "dude im straight" to "yeah i know you want me to be gay" to "im not gay but i do love you" to eventually saying "If it were with you I wouldnt mind falling in love with a dude"
Ofcourse it ended up in both of us being hurt but he did help me out that i didnt need to be in the cliset and that i could find love with a man.
if you have more questions feel free to ask or send me a dm
Story of my life lol
[deleted]
[deleted]
[deleted]
Hence OP's top line:
Not to get your hopes up, but still sounds very possible that âwhat could have beenâ could still happen. He says heâs straight but actions scream louder than words.
That said, I wouldnât pin your hopes on this guy or expect anything, but if you keep it casual who knows whatâll happen.
You have to understand that people can be gay and have not accepted in themselves yet. Not saying that means keep pursuing or getting hopes up bc the variable of whether or not he ends up accepting his potential same sex attraction or not is huge. So regardless stay safe
Just say you're bi and probing
I been there ugh it suckâs
He still wants it. Thos is how it works. I guarantee you the flirting will ramp up now.
I need to see when this updates lmao
/r/thathappened