I’ve spent a lot of time on this Reddit forum and one thing I’ve noticed from young and grown femboys and fem presenting individuals is that a lot of people get into this cause it give them dopamine and endorphins that make them feel happy and safe especially in their own home and solitude, but feel scared or sad when they face rejection or being exposed. and i just wanted to clearly state as someone whose been a femboy for a good 12 years now, people are going to judge you, they’re going to laugh at you, some will even go as far as to hate you purely because you’re expressing you femininity.
This lifestyle is a great thing to keep to yourself if you wanna use it to cope in that case do it home in the peace and safety you need to heal and enjoy it, but if you’re being fem to come out and let people see that side of you you must mentally brace yourself for the reactions you may receive, and even the ones you may not get. I’ve done everything in fem clothes at this point (clubbing, racing, gun range,restaurant,etc.) and the hardest thing for me to learn was I have to not think about the fact that I’m dressed all cute or I’ll start focusing on on what others around me are doing or how they’re reacting, and it’ll only take away from my peace.
To my younger fem enthusiast the best piece of advice I can offer is keep being a femboy in secrecy and don’t be loud about it, you’re less likely to get compliments about being cute and fem when people already know that’s how you present, it’s a weird psychology thing I’ve learned even same thing with coming out as trans to early you’ll miss out on the moments where friends make these offhand comment the validate you with out their knowing.
And to my older fem presenters, it is our job to protect and educate the youngest who have an interest in this , not to use the powers for evil but for good. media has spent a lot of time demonizing us and making it same like this is all grooming and brainwashing, don’t let bad media and evil win. we’re here with the sole goal of making sure that the younger generation isn’t lost/scared/ confused like we were growing up, I remember the days of being beaten up for being a “f*g” we have to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself. We have to educate about the good and the bad, the high and the lows when explaining this to others outside our community and in our community who show interest.
love this. and always remember, there ARE people like us out there that don’t give a shit and love to see guys expressing their femininity and find it extremely brave, which a lot of us find very attractive. :3 that’s always been the part I’ve been the most attracted to, the balls it takes to walk out the door not caring who may judge you and just being comfortable with who you are. You are loved and supported, no matter what some people say. Don’t let the comments of homophobes and assholes dictate who you are and how you dress/present. <33333333
This is a good point thank you
As someone who was a younger fem I honestly agree with this post
I love this. I honestly feel for those who get harassed because of their looks in general, let alone for their feminine looks. I've worked in a shop for 5 years (night shift) and had the same femboy customers frequenting every day or so. Every time the guy shows up and leaves everyone present MUST throw some abusive remark. Like bro let the guy be he did none any harm. Yup, your advice is wholesome and the safest. Possibly the healthiest. I mean, If you guys live in such an environment then it's probably best to express and connect in private. It's probably gonna feel annoying to suppress yourself but oh well, better safe than sorry
Yeah it was the same for me, I started feminizing my look 3 weeks ago, and it was only a few days ago I really started dressing feminine around my parents and my brother, and sure I got some pretty intense reactions the first time, but then I showed them it didn't bother me. First it was lavender sweatpants with pink fluffy socks, then just an oversized pink sweatshirt with my usual jeans, and I was so anxious but now I'm getting used to it, and soon I'll have family parties for christmas where I plan to show up with feminine clothes too, because I'm used to the reactions and I survived so psychologically I know I'll be fine.
For me, the fear came from the bullying I suffered as a kid for being more feminine than other boys, even when I dressed masculine, they could identify feminine mannerisms and would constantly mock me and even beat me up for that and even though I wasn't even gay, they were convinced that I was, even the girls weren't very nice at one school I was at and they too thought I was gay, when in reality, I was just very feminine and I didn't know it.
Something I wish I had been told when I was a kid is that the only way to stop those bullies isn't to conform to what they consider "normal" but simply do onto others what they do onto you, but with the strategic planning of making sure there are no witnesses who can tell on you. Basically, if you beat up the bully, he will never annoy you ever again. And if you choose to be a pacifist, even if you try to look as masculine as possible, he will never stop bullying you. To make sure history doesn't repeat itself, you just have to fight back and be a huge hypocrite when you get accused of doing something, and especially be subtle.
Do not recommend this last part this is how I ended up in a 3 year long lawsuit case as a minor that drove a wedge between me and my family and cost them a lot of money in lawyers just to keep me out of jail
Also a pretty important thing: people that care about you, won't leave you. I am a fem since very recently (less than a year) and before that I was decently homophobic mostly because of the fact that the community around me was so I saw it as the way of life. When I found out I'm fem + bi, I closeted it for a very long time until I came out to my mum (longer story, let's just say it was an accident) and she told me that it ain't nothing wrong and that if someone won't respect me cuz of that, I shouldn't be friends with them anyways. I took that deep and pretty much didn't hide it. I didn't really go out in femboy stuff but if someone was making a joke like "nah you're gay af", i was like "kinda yeah" and I learnt the most important lesson: even the most homophobic ppl will stay if they care about you. As they said "i respect you, but I don't respect your decisions". I am still friends with a few of them, I have no issues with showing up with skirts around them (they do have this kind of "ick" but Imma keep on doing that until they just tell me to stop)
TL;DR:
Don't hide it. The worst that can happen is that they'll leave and you'll be more free. Just make sure your parents won't disown Pou and you'll be fine