Currently enjoying my morning coffee. Yep. It's all made up by a convicted conman.

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/New_York_v._Joseph_Smith_(1826))

Please do not feel shame for drinking coffee in secret.

The shame for me is one of the most debilitating issues I see. Along with all the other shit like prophets and peodophilia and covering up SA.

Why do you stay? Family?

It's a hard moment to realize that this institution that you've devoted so much of yourself to is not true. Not only is it not true, it's deceptive, dishonest, unethical, and wildly manipulative.

I don't know why you can't leave right now, but our journeys out of the church all go at a unique pace. You know the truth. Take the good you can from the church and your community, but stop living by the church's rules. You have your own integrity and moral compass. Let those guide your decisions moving forward, not the church.

And when you feel it's time to leave, do so with your head held high.

They can't really give a logical explanation about the coffee ban, so they end up defaulting to "It's about obedience."

So, if The Church™ said you can't have Twizzlers, but you can have Jolly Ranchers, there would be guilt about Twizzlers. It's all made up and the points don't matter...

I feel this post. Welcome to the PIMO club.

You either go all at once—ripping it off like a bandaid—or you incrementally reveal your Jack Mormon side until it finally becomes the next small step to cut the cord. If you go all at once (which I recommend), all you have to do is craft a simple message. It can be as simple or as complex as you want; personally, I recommend keeping it simple.

Create a draft for anyone and everyone you want to send the message to. The more people, the better: family members, bishopric, home ministers, friends—everyone. Say it however you want. First, it’s important to say the words out loud to yourself: “I’m not Mormon.”

If you prefer, you could say, “I am not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” Try out different ways to say it. You could even have fun with it: “I hate the so-called Church of Mormondumb!” Be creative. This is your experience. This is your life. You are free—effective immediately—just as soon as you say so!

And that is a great cause for celebration. I’m very happy for you. You will feel so much better once you make that decision, say these words out loud to yourself, then to one more person, then another, and so on. You can, and you will, finally live in peace and harmony with yourself and the world. The sun is shining, and it’s a great day to just be—having nothing to do with Mormonism.

It’s definitely a process. Remember to be patient and gentle with yourself, giving yourself room and time to process all the emotional stages of your journey—for as long as you need. There’s no need to rush anything faster than what resonates with you.

Remember: courage is not the absence of fear; it’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Just send your letter and leave. You don’t have to stay there, just leave

That's a difficult spot to be in! I was there for a year and a half before I finally bit the bullet and got honest with my family and friends. It's rough but, I felt horrible doing things in "secret" and couldn't take the shame any longer. 

Good luck with your journey!

The reality is that you can do whatever you want. Nobody is going to hell for drinking coffee or tea. If there is a God, he's got much bigger concerns.

Be a good human. Trust your conscience and live life.

It’s a struggle! I would advise slowly letting your family know you no longer believe. Drop hints here and there. It’ll be painful for them, but I think it’s better than just announcing you’re done.

That's right... as you say, when you first get to know the church, you obey out of faith and strive to be a true follower of Jesus. But as time goes by, you realize that everything in Mormonism is false and manipulated. There are good people, and that doesn't mean it isn't real... it's sad.

So, drink coffee in non-secret and don’t go there any more. Probably the only thing those chains are made of is peer pressure from ready-made mormon friends who aren’t really your friends.

I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem like this is about drinking coffee. It’s probably about pretending you don’t/lying about it..lying about being a church member when you don’t believe it seems to be the bigger problem. However, if you’re simply trying to mitigate guilt for drinking coffee..the word of wisdom doesn’t mention coffee specifically. Some bishops don’t care if you drink it. If it’s all subjective, then why should you feel guilty? Think about this..how would you feel, if tomorrow, they announced drinking coffee was now allowed?

Welcome to the ex Mormon community

I also love my Starbucks runs... white chocolate peppermint mocha... the best! But also do it secretly lol

I think there is something seriously wrong when one has to “sneak things” in any relationship, including religious relationships. Drinking coffee is innocuous. It’s not a crime. It’s not sexually deviant. In fact, there are serious health benefits (helps to ward off and manage diabetes, lowers the risk of cancer, helps heart disease etc.) to coffee intake. I was also a convert to the church and was a “card-carrying” active mormon for 45+ years. Then I started seriously investigating the church and the self-serving so-called “leaders” of it. It’s very eye-opening to realize how much of a cheap huckster Smith and his lazy, free-loading father were and how they made their money fleecing others. I can appreciate the dilemma you are having with being involved in a mormon family while having doubts. Let me just say, do you know how many “good mormon leadership families” there are that regularly drink coffee and tea and rush to hide the coffee-maker and spray room fragrance when a “good mormon” stops by? Thousands and thousands.

If you find it helpful, try and write your story and how finding these things out changed your perspective. It seems like your family is involved. But having your own perspective on the matter might help you process and connect with your inner world. I have not had the same experiences as you, and not sure if it is the case, but i can imagine how betrayed you must feel, and having to pretend in front of everyone. It certainly is a lot to handle yourself. So... for that reason i suggest having your own thing, start small like journaling, you will find the way to make your own world. Even find friends you can trust outise of church enviroment, maybe exmo who have went through something similar

Shame is one of the most stifling and counterproductive feelings to continually express and receive. You are a human being and like other human beings you feel a wide range of emotions. The church’s way of teaching you to deal with these human emotions is to hide from them, suppress them and do not put the emotions to any positive use.

If I may ask, I know you stay because of family because of your other comments, but if you could leave, do you have any plans for what life outside of Mormonism looks like?

Do you enjoy church? If you like it and are fulfilled by it, then by all mean continue. Sure, sneak the cuppa whenever you have the urge. It's your life and your journey.

Welcome to the world of being PIMO

Unfortunately, you will continue to feel this way until you leave, then you will see that these feelings will go away.

I say this because after I refused my baptism, ALL the missionaries and Sisters disappeared! Nobody sent anything anymore and they don't talk to me anymore! And I'll say more, the Sisters spread the word to the missionaries about my relationship and how I don't want to live in chastity (for now), when the missionaries told me I was furious and almost sent a message cursing them! But I didn't send anything, but if I see them on the street they will learn the good old Brazilian way of solving these things!

Besides that, there were missionaries asking me for photos! That's really bad. They're all a farce!