I'll try to summarize for you, but basically I have two friends from work who are very close to me. I've known one of them for almost 8 years because she studied with me back in school.
Well, one of them invited me and my other long-time friend for an afternoon of games on Sunday at her house; her whole family would be there that afternoon. I tried to talk to my family, and as expected, they freaked out and talked about:
- you're associating with worldly people;
- you're going to expose yourself to the danger of having sex with them;
- how can you even consider accepting this;
Well, the discussion yesterday was quite heated, although I didn't disrespect them. There was even a moment when my mom asked if I could see Jesus accepting the invitation, and I said yes, that he even ate with tax collectors, and then they said I was distorting things. Well, yesterday I almost exploded and threw the truth about "The Truth" in their faces, and I'm still feeling anger, frustration, and a lot of discouragement. Yesterday I even considered ending my life, but for now at least I know I still want to live...
Anyway, I don't know what I want with this post, advice or just a place to be heard, but I needed to get it out somehow.
You don’t have to tell your family everything you’re doing. When I left the religion, I met someone else the first thing she said after hearing how witnesses live was “it’s quite incestuous isn’t it?” And I stopped and thought yes it is. You’re brought up conditioned that you have to tell everybody everything you’re doing. Every witness knows everybody’s business. It’s absolutely bloody ridiculous just so they can then judge each other.
I agree with you, the only problem is that today I still live at my parents' house. Although I have a good income, it's still far from me being able to buy my own house, plus I'm the main breadwinner in my house, so I end up helping my parents and sisters in that regard.
The question is, living with them, how can I go out and do things without them knowing? Because they'll see that I'm not home.
So you're providing material support for them, and they would suffer if you moved out? Sounds like you have more leverage than you realize.
what you're describing sounds like a narcissistic and probably abusive relationship, your incredibly stressed out, worried about 'disrepsecting' them as if making your own choices as a adult is somehow 'disrespectful' as opposed to normal, healhty behavior, you say you're unable to live on your own but it sounds like it's because you're supporting your family and that's the reason why, and you're literally thinking it might be better to be dead than continue as is.
you see where there are a number of problems here?
get some therapy. if you don't have the extra money and you're in the us, look at what work might offer or community mental health centers, they have income-based.
with a little support, you can learn to set boundaries. like when you might go out and not feel obligated to tell your parents all the details or may not think you have to convince them if they don't agree. you mgith not require their approval or permission. doesn't that sound better? you might decide at some point to JUST be responsible for yourself so that you can live on your own.
look up info on narcissistic parents. and good luck.
If you're the main breadwinner, I highly doubt that they will kick you out. It may cause some arguments but..go do what you want and tell them to kick rocks.
You can put your parents on an information diet. Pick and choose carefully what to tell them, and how much to tell them. They are not entitled to know everything, no matter how much they think they are. Try not to outright lie, not because you owe them the truth, but because it's usually easier to keep track of the truth. They will be putting a bunch of obstacles to becoming independent in your way, so you are going to have a harder time than those whose parents help them become independent. I'm sorry your family sucks. It's worth taking your time to learn as many useful skills as you can while you are still stuck at home. Keep your grades up and challenge yourself with your schooling to prep for college. Start your college planning ASAP at school, with the assistance of a counselor or staff. They are there to explain how it all works and walk you through some of it. If you have a nearby college, consider visiting campus and looking around. There are usually programs for helping students figure out their financial aid and other problems.
Edit: I misunderstood and thought you were younger. Ignore the schoo/college bit.
Make sure you are the only one that controls your money, your parents should not be on your bank accounts. Do not share what you do on your personnel time, do not ask for permission, and try to in a very polite way if they ask where have you been "It's none of your fucking business!"
DUDE I feel you! When I was going as a young teenager still with my mom there was this dude the was older than me maybe 25. And was giving me book study. He said he would he like my big brother and everything teaching me stuff as I got older and blah blah. He was kool but he was legit brainwashed and got all awkward when I asked to invite a friend along to where we were going that day. He asked if he was a JW and he got all mad because he wasn't saying " you know youre not supposed to be friends with outsiders right?" Few weeks later he told me he won't give me book study anymore because his parents talked wofh him and that im not progressing... than he stopped bieng my friend and hanging out with me or inviting me anywhere.
Had i not had "worldly" friends i would've been alone. I am better off than with those fake ass ppl. As much as I hate that word fake. Its for real in this case! Fake ppl!
Now all those weirdos my age from the hall all live in faaar away states out of shame lolol they're all disfellowshiped amd their parents aren't elders anymore!!!
Im still friends with all the worldly ppl to this day.
Just dont associate with anyone that believes in that crap its easier. Just live youre life and be happy thats what they hate to see.
I'm still waiting for all of the sex and drugs I was promised if I left.
Tbh I experienced the same situation and i told my parents that my friends respects who i am and my values ( i tell them their names because they are human beings just like them) . Your friends are not going to force you to stop attending meetings or wtv. You have to be firm and direct but with respect.
PIMI’s have a hard time understanding this because they cannot fathom other people having respect for different faiths. They’re so programmed to convert others that they probably don’t realize that normal people don’t do that lol
I just want to say that jesus would most definitely have accepted the invitation, do you want to know why?? Because jesus spent his entire life surrounded by sinners. He never made himself exclusive and always made himself accessible to all regardless of their beliefs. In fact he hated exclusivity. He often yelled at the pharises for their sense of entitlement and exclusivity.
Still, this is an argument that you're never going to win. So decide. To go or not to go, and don't let your decision cause you shame, because if you decide to go there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Just go and say you felt sick and went to a walk in clinic or something. Lie about where you going. When I was in your situation I did