I’m POMO for 10 years now but have never felt the desire to celebrate Xmas. Most EXJW I know go all out for Christmas (understandably) but the holiday season overwhelms and exhausts me. I’ll go to something “low effort” like a Christmas street fair or something like that. But full on Xmas parties don’t appeal to me at all. plus I’m an introvert and broke in this economy. I was invited to a party where I am supposed to wear an ugly Xmas sweater and buy a secret Santa AND buy a white elephant. I know I’m being the grinch but isn’t that overkill? Plus after a lifetime of being JW and not buying personal gifts for people (aside from wedding / baby gifts but those are usually registry) I’m so bad at it and it stresses me out. In the past I thought I bought someone a meaningful gift and they didn’t like it. Plus I don’t have the money to do all that so I declined. I thought about going but not participating in the gifts or sweater but I didn’t want to stick out or make things awkward.
Anyone else still not care for/not celebrate the holidays? please tell me im not the only one…..
If you don’t have any positive memories of an annual event during your formative years it’s highly unlikely you’ll do a 180 and enjoy them if your circumstances change.
I have very little positive memories from my childhood because of being raised a JW and the isolation that comes with it. The only thing I could rely on were video games and even now they’re the one thing I can turn to if I need a reprieve from reality.
I appreciate the time off of work and the opportunity to hang out with friends but that’s about it.
My last ex wanted me to do holiday stuff with her and it was just exhausting to me. We have to go to this persons house and meet these other people for drinks and then we have to get up early and exchange gifts with your family? I’m just used to sleeping in and maybe making a more elaborate dinner for myself/frying some chicken wings.
Hahaha totally! I cannot be bothered either
You’re not alone. I like the season, the lights, some of the music (please, no more “All I Want for Christmas Is You”!) but can do without the forced commercialism.
Yes it gets so expensive! It would prolly cost like $75 to go the party between the sweater and the 2 gifts. (They set a price point for the gifts)
Grinch here 😂
I totally appreciate the "reason for the season" I do a very small tree and send small gifts to the grandkids.
That's what I'm comfortable with. I'm not sure that's entirely because of the EXJW thing or just that I don't like crowds or parties.
Whatever your comfort level is what is "right" for you.
I don’t give one single shit about the holidays.
At least now you have a choice. I was like you at first but then I went to my work Christmas party, I felt happy. I was enjoying myself in a way I never felt being in the borg. Maybe because I could just be myself not sure.
I do low key. We have a tree, a wreath and some lights, but man-COVID Christmas was where it was at. Low key, no expectations to go to all the things and be with all the people. lol. However, as my son is nine-he LOVES it, so we try and find the best balance possible. BUT ITS ALL SO PRETTY! Lol
You can go and not participate in those activities, and it shouldn’t be awkward at all. I have always done it.
I’m with you. Agree with nearly everything you said here.
I can't reply to the thread starter, so this has a reply tab, I don't do christmas, I did as kid into my mid 20s and through study found it was mostly based on paganism, it is a false doctrine, only having 2 nativity narratives and 1 wise men. There is no scripture for anything else.
Jer 10:1-5 tells us not to learn the ways of the heathen, cutting a tree out of the forest, decking it with silver and gold, hmm where have I heard that.. oh Burl Ives sang a song, silver and gold on every christmas tree just like the one in Jer 10:1-5 so the basic definition of a christmas tree is that it is decked with silver and gold, oh and at this season plenty of lots selling live trees fastened with nails to some boards to hold it up,
Moses was told to make the tabernacle after the pattern shown him in the mount, amazingly, the first thing is the table of shew bread, the first I am of Christ is I am the bread of life,
Moses made it as instructed, we have doctrines for which we have scripture, but not every doctrine is scriptural the doctrine of christmas is one of them yet much of the world celebrates it both christian and unbelievers alike. False doctrines are.lies and there won't be any liars there.
We are not here for this nonsense.
The thread starter asked if anyone does not care for the holidays, jws do not do any holidays including birthdays, what you call nonsense, others put much stock in.
I was not aware that posting about a holiday in a thread asking about the holidays was a crime, you may be a grumpy exjw but others have moved on choosing to resist being angry about being deceived all those years.
I enjoy the few family gatherings that happen around Christmas because it is an opportunity to see people I haven't seen all year and it's nice to eat and drink too much with them.
But as far as the parties just for the sake of partying... maybe I am too old for that, but no thanks.
The beauty is that now that you have freedom of mind, you can take what works for you and forget the rest. For me, I'm like you, the pressure to get everyone you know that perfect most thoughtful gift makes me break out in hives with stress. So I don't really do gifts. I like the lights, the decorations, the food, so I focus on that, and forget the gift giving part. There are a few people who still insist on giving me gifts and for them I keep it really simple - chocolates, a tin of tea, hot cocoa, that kind of thing. It might feel awkward at first, but after a while, they will get it. I have someone who really looks forward to the hot cocoa I give them every year. I get a good brand, so it's good, but it's always the same so I don't have to think about it or fret over it.
If you're in an environment that has certain traditions like the one you mentioned, make it as little stress as possible for you. Maybe invest in an ugly sweater and wear that one every year. Usually secret Santas and white elephant gifts aren't that involved? I know someone who got their secret Santa a bookmark, that's it. Maybe you can keep it low key.
In short, take what works for you and leave the rest.
It's designed to break family connections and it worked.
I honestly will never celebrate the holidays. Even thanksgiving is tainted by the actual story of what happened (& it’s my favorite, and I LOVE and always always make the food of it …when Turkey goes on sale!)
I never got comfortable about holidays. The indoctrination runs too deep
I feel the same way. I like the season, the lights, and I have no problem being invited to a party. But I don't feel anything for my birthday or Christmas, nothing at all. But I do enjoy company.
It’s probably because as JWs we have no reference point for the holidays, nor have we built up the stamina (yep, stamina) that comes with the season. It can definitely feel overwhelming.
I have friends that throw nice parties, and that’s helps. But I do it every other year, at my own pace. Guess who felt the urge to organize a Secret Santa exchange this year?!?! 🙋🏽♀️😆
Even as a Catholic child in a not wealthy family I resented kids bragging about their great gifts and even putting down others who didn’t get much. It’s ridiculous materialism. Give money to a worthy charity, remember more happiness in giving than receiving. It’s okay to have some fun but not go in debt or compete.
I'm with you. Only been out a few years, but I have no emotional response to the holidays. Currently, I'm single and I keep an open mind. If I meet someone who's into the holidays, I'm willing to try.
Yeah, you're not the only one. I find it all annoying and superficial. But at least that's by my choice now haha.
Try having kids and feeling forced 😂 can’t win sadly. I enjoy the tv, the lights and the cute decorations and warm fuzzy feeling this time of year, but otherwise… nope.
I love partying, doesn’t matter what for. But I get very stressed about having to buy gifts for all my nephews and niece, and my partner and maybe my sister if I’m not broke. Same for birthdays. I love getting a gift but I don’t expect it and would rather just go to the beach or a nice picnic at the park instead to celebrate me. Having to remember these holiday dates is still not second nature to me at all. And knowing that some holidays are important to my partner, I’ll try and make an effort but I’m not like jumping for joy just waiting for the dates to come around.
That said I would LOVE to have lights up , a wreath on the door, pumpkins on the porch. Seasonal stuff. Not holiday.
Holidays are about sharing time and traditions with others. If the holiday is not significant to developmental years or your bonding with others, there isn’t anything inherent about enjoying the holidays. Its normal.
Im a pimo and i think that when i leave i won’t be celebrating Christmas or birthdays i just dont care enough to do these things i really just dont see value in me myself do these things, but i do wanna celebrate halloween lol
I thought I’d enjoy it but it’s work I like looking at all the decorations of others thought. It’s expensive too. I don’t have the energy. But I do like sending Christmas cards.
Im single and live by myself. It hurts for a bit but u get used to it. On the bright side, I don’t have to spend money on presents for ungrateful people lol
Holidays mean nothing to me. I don’t have wonderful childhood memories of holidays or birthdays. Watchtower took that away from us. If it wasn’t for my never JW wife, I wouldn’t even remember my own birthday. She makes sure to celebrate my birthday and all the holidays. She is an immigrant from Europe and asks me if she is doing it right. Like I would know.
POMO for +25 years and no real desire for it. I only "celebrate" (give/get gifts) for my never JW husband because it's important to him, he has fond memories celebrating. Same for birthdays.
I absolutely love Halloween and my birthday. I think Christmas is overrated but kinda looking forward to this one. My gf and I are taking whatever money we would’ve spent on gifts and using it for better toys. Definitely excited for that
When I first left, I got into Christmas cooking (still love it). I’ve done orphans Christmas, family Christmas with in-laws, flown back, solitary Christmas and working on Christmas Day (all that extra pay).
I firmly believe in the old pagan idea of rest and restore over that period and whatever that looks like to you, do it!
What I do not like (and observed does not work) is the overconsumption and throwaway culture that surrounds it and all the plastic, so I don’t participate in that and I’m quite grinchy about it.
Pet sit for someone in a new place, eat new food, challenge yourself to do something new.
I don't care for the holidays, and neither do my adult kids, despite us getting out while they were still in grade school. When we see something cool that we think another person will like, we'll make a gift of it, but shopping/traveling/cooking/whatevering for a specific day is just not our thing.
We don't shit on anyone else who enjoys it, of course. If Christmas is your favorite time of year, more power to you. We hope you have the best time possible.
Just...leave us out, please.
Same my partner is also EXJW and didn’t care for a decade and now this year hes super excited and wants to be very festive. I’m trying to be supportive but also don’t want to be involved 😅
I hope he understands your feelings, since until this year he shared them. He's certainly entitled to his jolly, merry Christmas if he wants one.
My lazy ass is going to merrily spend Christmas in PJs watching cartoons, eating cookies, petting cats, and generally not giving a fuck about much of anything.
Honestly the complete lack of guilt surrounding choosing not to do/participate in something is one of my favorite feelings in the world.
My never-JW husband's family is really into the holidays. He brought us along a few times, but it was so awkward. The kids and I didn't get a lot of the context, and even though the family was so kind and accepting, we could tell we were taking them out of their moment.
So I started making food for him to bring along, and me and the kids stayed home. It was a way of sending our love and wishing the family joy, still participating, but not actually being there. Maybe you can be supportive in a kind of adjacent way, too, without having to go to a party or holiday show or whatever he's planning on doing to celebrate.
that sounds like a high stress party. i'd take a pass too.
i enjoy holidays but that didn't start until we started doing them our own way. if it makes us happy, we do it, if it adds stress, we don't, low key. some years that looks different from others but it's always about less drama, more chill.
Me. Especially Xmas. I can get more on board with Halloween though. Hail Satan! Lol
Same, hail Satan!
It is just the 5 of us mostly. My side were and one still is JW, but I want nothing to do with them. And Hubby side are all Catholic!
We are invited to the parties and all but we still don't feel connected to any of it all. We show up and it means nothing cause they don't do anything else with outside the holiday stuff.
We are outsiders! So we just stick to each other!
Ive done Xmas and birthdays but can't fully get into it, doesn't ever feel normal to me, but I get a sense of satisfaction being able to stick the middle finger to watchtower.
Last year was the first year we did a tree and gifts. My family enjoyed it. I have AuDHD and work full time and this year I'm completely burnt out and overwhelmed. I don't hate holidays but would like it if things were more simple.
That’s that JW spirit still embedded deep within you…
Perhaps . Especially since I don’t feel good at giving gifts it’s easier to opt out
I legit hate christmas, and wish I could enjoy it but I just am not into it and also find it stressful. I love halloween though!
Personally, I don't care for holidays. That doesn't mean we don't take advantage of them. My wife who has never been a Witness loves Christmas, so she decorates, tree with all the trimmings.
Then we have Thanksgiving, but it's just a family meal, no turkey. That's about it. We don't do New Years (usually sleep right through it) or any other holiday like 4th of July, etc.
It's fine to not like it, it's also fine to celebrate it.
The beauty of it is you get to decide how you feel and if you want to change your mind on that later that's cool too. If you never do that's also fine.
Personally my never JW sister in law has decided to stop celebrating Christmas because she finds it a financial drain, hates that it's in summer where we live and she doesn't like shops this time of year or the rampant consumerism.
So even some "worldly" people decide not to participate. All holidays are optional!
Nope I can't be bothered with any of it either. Xmas to me seems like an over commercialized waste of money. But at least I have the free choice to reject it on my own terms. No one tells me I have to anymore, plus I don't actively oppose it either. People can do what they want, it's just not for me.
I discussed this with my husband just tonight!!! I left at 18 and then went ball’s deep in EVERYTHING that was a no no. Especially Christmas, i went over the top and always tried for the “perfect” Martha Stewart Christmas, it’s not possible. 23 years later and i am arguing with my husband about putting up a tree and decorating…. We haven’t done shit, and i don’t want to!!! I burned myself out quick with it, now it’s a chore, i dig the music though
My husband was always anxious about Christmas after we left, so I finally gave up on it. My younger son's inlaws are real big on it and finally taught him to appreciate and enjoy it. My husband and I just have our Christmas ziti and exchange mail-order gifts with my sister; that's about it. I complete my tiny celebrations by watching a few old Christmas movies and listening to odd Christmas music.*
* Two versions of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen":
plenty of people who are never jws that dont care about holidays or their bdays. id do it more for my kids if i had kids.
Different personalities I guess. We only left earlier this year and I am loving this season. Decorated the house and my tree honestly brings me SO MUCH JOY 😂
I feel like experiencing all this Xmas spirit is really healing my inner child that wanted to do Christmas soooo badly.
But my husband is a grinch and thinks this all just a waste of money. And he loathes Christmas music 🤣
I have just started to leave the organization, and I grew up in a 'Witness' family, but even so, I can't imagine celebrating any holidays. I'm not familiar with holidays and I'm surprised by them every time.
I like it. I didn’t expect to get so into it but I am. And this year I’m not closing my curtains so if anyone drives by they will see my tree (seems small but it’s a big thing to me).
We do a yankee swap at my cousins. One year I brought the most sought after gift, another year I brought the one no one wanted (I thought it was great lol). Don’t take it too serious, the bad gift caused a lot of laughs even though it was not intended. Our Yankee swap is $20 so I just looked on amazon for $20 gift ideas and picked one that seems cool, this year it’s a Bonsai tree kit, let’s see how it’s received. I think it’s super cool, so it might be the worst gift again. Idk. It is hard when you are broke that is for sure. The good news is that now it’s your choice. Live how you want and do what makes you happy.
Same, I think the lights and decorations are pretty but also see the commercialism of it and am not that interested. It is kind of nice not having people expect you to buy them gifts as well 😅. I do allow my kids to do whatever they feel like at school and if they want to decorate their room, they can.
Yeah I couldn’t give a shit about Xmas, Easter or birthdays. They all seem silly to me. But I’ll still have a good time if I go to one of them with other people. If they like it I’m on board with that.
Secular Christmas is a blast and the lights are beautiful and Christmas music channels on Siiris XM are great.
I like it.
As a kid, I hated being the only kids outside on Xmas day, while everyone else was inside playing with their new toys. Then we got to explain to everyone why we didn't celebrate it. And let's not forget the fun of sitting in the hallway when the rest of the class was doing Christmas stuff.
But. . . now it's great fun. I reverse disfellowshiped my entire JW family a few weeks after my twins were born, and went on to have a very fun, worldly life, with Xmas and Birthdays and Halloween. Now that the kids are adults we don't do a lot with it - just put up a small tree and get together with them for a meal and board games - but when they were little we went all out - giant tree, lights inside and outside, gifts - it was great fun and made great memories.
BTW, there is not, and never was, any Christ in my Christmas. It was all just a fun party.